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I like a girl at work, what should I do?
Cryomatrix
Member EpicPosts: 3,223
Here's the deal,
There's a girl at work who I fancy. She's attractive, has a decent to nice body but the most important thing is she has an amazing personality and we have a lot of things in common. I was physically attracted to her before but it's her personality that is really attracting me. However, even a bona fide dumbass like myself, knows that relationships at work are stupid at best.
Her boss is my boss but we work on different projects and I may see her a few times a week, so it's not like we work together, but she's at the workplace. I needed to tell somebody that I liked her, so I told her immediate boss, she promised she wouldn't tell, I wonder how long that is going to last. As i said, I'm a bona fide dumbass.
Anyway, I know if I make a run at her and she rejects me, then our whole friendship is shot to hell and then we'll be uncomfortable around each other. I know i can handle it, but she's too shy and would probably not be easy for her to handle. So i'm not sure how to approach the situation. Her boss said try to go out but on a friends basis in a group and not try for any 1 on 1 stuff and try to let nature for straight people work. But she goes to her family's house every weekend to help take care of her parents and family. See she's a very nice person and has an amazing heart. Yeah i know i'm lame, but those things are important to me.
Also, a point that is concerning me is that we are of different nationalities and different religions, I would be fine with it for now, but I'm not so sure she would be. Her boss didn't think it would be a problem, but you never know. She said if Catholic Priests could marry her dad would be one, her dad also attends bible study groups. I have friends and I have met people that wouldn't even waste their time with someone of a different nationality or religion, so i'm not sure what her deal is. I don't even know what her political views are, for all I know, she could be an outofctrl clone . . . just kidding.
We actually talk, she may visit my office when she needs a break and I may do the same, we get along quite well, i have seen signs of affection i guess, but you never know. A girl about a year ago gave me some signs and when I went for it, we were of similiar nationality and same religion, I was immaculately rejected. Then again she was 5 years older than me and probably wasn't attracted to me (Her bloody loss
). We may have been of the same nationality and religion, but this girl at work has better long term prospects.
Any advice? Her boss also thought interwork relationships aren't good ideas.
Cryomatrix
There's a girl at work who I fancy. She's attractive, has a decent to nice body but the most important thing is she has an amazing personality and we have a lot of things in common. I was physically attracted to her before but it's her personality that is really attracting me. However, even a bona fide dumbass like myself, knows that relationships at work are stupid at best.
Her boss is my boss but we work on different projects and I may see her a few times a week, so it's not like we work together, but she's at the workplace. I needed to tell somebody that I liked her, so I told her immediate boss, she promised she wouldn't tell, I wonder how long that is going to last. As i said, I'm a bona fide dumbass.
Anyway, I know if I make a run at her and she rejects me, then our whole friendship is shot to hell and then we'll be uncomfortable around each other. I know i can handle it, but she's too shy and would probably not be easy for her to handle. So i'm not sure how to approach the situation. Her boss said try to go out but on a friends basis in a group and not try for any 1 on 1 stuff and try to let nature for straight people work. But she goes to her family's house every weekend to help take care of her parents and family. See she's a very nice person and has an amazing heart. Yeah i know i'm lame, but those things are important to me.
Also, a point that is concerning me is that we are of different nationalities and different religions, I would be fine with it for now, but I'm not so sure she would be. Her boss didn't think it would be a problem, but you never know. She said if Catholic Priests could marry her dad would be one, her dad also attends bible study groups. I have friends and I have met people that wouldn't even waste their time with someone of a different nationality or religion, so i'm not sure what her deal is. I don't even know what her political views are, for all I know, she could be an outofctrl clone . . . just kidding.
We actually talk, she may visit my office when she needs a break and I may do the same, we get along quite well, i have seen signs of affection i guess, but you never know. A girl about a year ago gave me some signs and when I went for it, we were of similiar nationality and same religion, I was immaculately rejected. Then again she was 5 years older than me and probably wasn't attracted to me (Her bloody loss
). We may have been of the same nationality and religion, but this girl at work has better long term prospects. Any advice? Her boss also thought interwork relationships aren't good ideas.
Cryomatrix
Catch me streaming at twitch.tv/cryomatrix
You can see my sci-fi/WW2 book recommendations.
You can see my sci-fi/WW2 book recommendations.
Comments
I'd say meet up with her after work and have time to do whatever then, not breaks at work. Maybe ask her out to dinner after work. But really, this depends on your job. If your in a job that you really can't give up, don't risk getting fired for having a relationship. Or if you work maybe in the field of like, programming where there's millions of jobs to find, try to risk it if you want. What I would do is get on the boss's good side so even if you do ask your co-worker out, he/she won't care. But hey, what do I know, I've never had a job with a boss.
I drum
I have been in your position before (actually a few weeks ago), yet another guy at my job thought that it would be best to lie to her about me thus, ended things when she bolted out the door, becuase of problems at work. So now it's game over for me. Well back to my point, all you need is some more conversation. Out of the workplace you can talk about more personal stuff with her. Such as about her family, things like that. Sounds to me your doing good and now you need to try to talk to the girl outside the workplace.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
______________________________
Go with your heart. Do you what you think is best. No other "advice" you've gotten or are going to get on this will make you happy.
You can't lose.
Even if she rejects you, you still had the exhileration of going for it.
Invite everyone out for drinks after work. If she comes, she's intrested. Invite them out the next day too, if she comes, she's still intrested.
Invite them all out the next day too, if she comes, she's still intrested.
Every day is a new day. It couldn't be simpler.
Always offer to take her home. Always try and get her drunk. After drinks ask if anyone wants to get some food with you. If there is a new film you want to see ask everyone who wnats to see it also in front of her. Etc etc. The Initiative.
I met Mrs Baff at work, if you both value your job you can't dump eachother so that helps too.
Anyway it's rude not to hit on girls you fancy. It undermines their confidence. Even if she says no, you are still obliged as a male to hit on her ever time you talk to her. It is your duty.
Girls aren't allowed to feel undesired.
You're asking advice from a video game website? lol
The real balancing act as others have pointed out is organising it so you "preferably" dont ask her out on work time. Its a lot less risky and a LOT more appropriate for both of you if you bide your time until you can talk to her outside of work.
My wife and I work at the same place and many people have worked around us for like a year then find out we are married and go "NO #$%^ing WAY!", because we manage to keep it under wraps at work, which is how it should be. Lets just say we havnt been caught anyways
If you can seinsibly balance it, there is no problem.
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"MMOs, for people that like think chatting is like a skill or something, rotflol"
http://purepwnage.com
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"Far away across the field, the tolling of the iron bell, calls the faithful to their knees. To hear the softly spoken magic spell" Pink Floyd-Dark Side of the Moon
Steps
1.compliment her
2.Ask how her day was
3.Ask her out to a romatic dinner
4.usaully saturday is the best time
5.buy her gifts to show your love
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT GO PATRIOTS WOOOOOT. Too bad the Chargers crapped the bed with all those turnovers. I can' t believe the pats still won while getting runover by LT. I thought the Patriots would lose once it was 13-14 and we didn't go for a 4th down at their 39 yard line. They did some pass that almost got intercepted on 3rd and 2. I would have gone on 3rd down, with an I-back formation, misdirection with FB and RB running each to one tackle and handing off to the FB. Then if that didn't get the first down then go quickly up to the line and QB sneak.
Nakedone,
Yeah but this off-topic forum contains many intelligent people, so that's why i'm asking.
What i plan on doing is just trying to talk to her as much as possible and then at some point try to get some social night going with the other students in the lab. I wouldn't let it affect me at work, i'm not worried about that. I just don't want to ruin another friendship. I kind of wish I didn't like her, but if i could control who i liked, I wouldn't be gay . .. . just kidding . . .
It's weird I like this girl more for her mental aspects than her ventral aspects
Thanks guys,
Cryomatrix
You can see my sci-fi/WW2 book recommendations.
i suggest you take her to the beach for a swim and then pretend to drown
so she can kiss you
If it were me, I would go for it.
She seems fun enough. Work shouldn't stop you all that much, as long as her immediate boss holds up the deal, and you guys aren't going to do something stupid if you break up. I'd suggest going out for a drink after work with her one day and asking her. While it might ruin a friendship, it also might not, and you have a lot to gain from it.
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment;
We are choosing to be here right now -Tool, Parabola
post a picture of you and her and we can tell you wether to go for it, or no way dont ruin the friendship.
Work makes it very easy to find out of she likes you. First off some of the advice so far is just way way to forward if you are looking to keep her as a friend if she doesnt like you. Most likely if you think there is a connection, then there probably is. However here are a few things you can do to take the relationship to the next level and getting an idea if she is feeling the same way.
Move to the topic of food, then say "have you ever had ...... food at ..... place", then you can just say, "hey maybe we could go there for lunch this week". Go dutch (both pay) that way all you are is coworkers(for now). If she likes you she will jump at lunch opportunity believe me. Couple of lunches should move things along real well.
If you want to go a little faster, a movie always works or some other common interest. Once you get her to a movie or a dinner then you are basically already dating. No need to be shy anymore at that point. Just do stuff together ......
Forget the advice about the drinks unless you know she is very social. Alot of girls who are not "party girls" wont even do the bar scene at all. Even worse if you ask other guys along one of them could easily hit on her before you do. So you could be just asking for a no even if she sorta likes you. Same with sporting events, best to just stay away from them at first. However if it comes up, and she offers to go to some sporting event, then you have got her at that point, because most women just wont do that unless they like a guy.
As far as work relationships, I read a study somewhere that showed like 75% of relationships start at either work or school. So even thou it could be bad if there is a breakup, most poeple are doing that so I wouldnt feel to worried about it.
Depending on if she is closer to her boss then you are. Likely her boss has already either hinted or outright told her you are interested. But as decribed above an innocent lunch should decipher that out pretty quick. Also her body languange will tell you if she likes you. If she is all gigly and laughing at your dumb jokes then she probably likes you. I wouldnt wait to long, you never know when someone else is gonna ask her out.
Lastly, if she has told you she is single and not already involved, and she is talking to you occasionally in your office. Then you are already 90% of the way there. Women dont necessarilly have to be physically attracted to you at first. As long as you are not completly repulsive, most girls will likely go out with you given the right situation.
Good luck.
They love it up 'em.
There is an old saying that I think you should adhere to.
"Never dip your pen in company ink"
nuff said
I did mention something about Lunch, I asked her if she had eaten yet, and she said, she goes home to eat. Considering she lives across the street from the lab, while I live like 2-3 miles away. We'll see what happens, she's an extremely shy person though, so it's tough to tell with her.
Baff,
I have no idea what your post means. I also work with hairless mice they are so bloody cute, you should take a field mouse from your fields and shave it and then play with it. They're so nice and cute. Then again lab mice are like dumbed down and retarded, you can basically jerk it off and it won't do anything. Not that I have any experience with that.
Outofctrl,
I'll dip my pen into whatever I want (and of course what will accept).
Cryomatrix
You can see my sci-fi/WW2 book recommendations.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
|
RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
Good luck, let us know how it goes!
Difficult situation, I've been there many times and never acted upon it. At works it's simply too dangerous, if you *are* rejected, then you'll probably be the laughing stock of the company for a while and will never be able to talk to the girl in the same way again. Also, even if you are successful, you've gotta remember you may break up one day, and if your both working at the same place still... major, MAJOR nightmare.
But, if you really do like her, then I'd say give it a shot. I'd wait until I was absolutely 150% certain she wanted to go out with me before making a move. I don't believe i've ever asked a girl out (apart from in school etc) before, all of my serious relationships have just sort of.. happened. I don't like the idea of making such a proposition, it leaves you so open for rejection.. I'd advise getting close to the girl, seeing how she really feels about you, and when you're sure, then making the next move (or let her do it).
Don't forget, women are 'so' different to us men... when we feel certain there's a spark, the woman could just be thinking 'wow, he's a great friend'.