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Thats not WoW - Its got Tenticalz! (WoWTard table)
killerwig
Member UncommonPosts: 236
New forum rules. Anyone who says that Warhammer Online looks like World of Warcraft must now roll a D100 on the following WoWTard table and suffer the following consequences:
WoWTard Table:
01-05 Mouse bender – The mouse or pointing device that the WoWTard is currently using rapidly morphs and changes into a large rubber dildo.
06-10 Oooh, I’m nekkid – All the WoWTards possessions are thrown d10x2 yards in random directions.
11-15 Me teef! – All the WoWTard's teeth fall out. There is no effect other than to make him very morose, and cause other WoWTards to mock him.
16-20 Bzzzz – Everyone who agrees with the WoWTard's forum posts has their hair stand on end for d10 days.
21-25 Parp – The WoWTard noisily releases wind. The WoWTard suffers a –25% decrease to his gaming skill for the next hour due to the distraction.
26-30 Mushrooms – A profusion of oddly-shaped, brightly coloured Mad Cap Mushrooms sprout upon the WoWTards forehead.
31-35 Owww – The WoWTard is suddenly slapped by the hand of Gork, leaving a large hand-shaped imprint on his face.
36-40 Duhh – The WoWTard's IQ is reduced to 1 for d10 hours.
41-45 Ooops – WoWTard suffers an uncontrollable bowel movement.
46-50 I'm dizzy – WoWTard falls off his chair.
51-55 What's ThAT!? – A somewhat dazed odd-looking squig materialises in front of the WoWTard and begins to make amorous advances towards them.
56-60 Oooohh... me nutz! – The WoWTard is rendered sterile.
61-65 Who are u? Im uber an gonna pwn hordiez, who are u? – For unexplainable reasons, two identical dazed WoWTards now sit where there used to be one. They take an instant dislike to each other.
66-70 Eureka! – WoWTard deletes his WoW Main in a fit of insanity.
71-75 Not myproblm lol – Roll again, another random WoWTard suffers the effect instead.
76-85 Nerfed!!!!!!1!one – The WoWTards favourite class is suddenly nerfed by Blizzard.
86-00 That's not WoW, itz got tentaclez! – Roll on Cataclysmic Chaos Manifestation Table
Cataclysmic Chaos Manifestation Table
01-05 The Living Chaos: 2d10 trees nearby uproot themselves, animated with a warped evil that hungers for the WoWTard's flesh.
06-10 The Eyes: One of the WoWTard's hands erupts into several small boils that eventually open up into eyes. These are the sensory organs of a chaos entity who looks in on the material world for the first time. Unfortunately, it finds humanity so hideously ugly that it cannot bear the sight and it will call down lightning to 'cleanse' anyone that it sees. Destroying the eyes only means they'll grow back on another body location.
11-15 Chaotic Focus: Above the WoWTard, a small whirlwind of Chaos forms for one hour that follows them wherever they go. While a nuisance, at least it provides them with a +1 increase to their IQ.
16-20 Medusa: The WoWTard's hair turns into poisonous snakes! As if that wasn't enough, anyone looking at them will turn into stone.
21-25 The Ritual: Unbeknownst to the WoWTard, a daemon of chaos materializes near a local village or town. This is not a physically powerful daemon, but it will draw anyone nearby into worshipping it, and then attempt to coax them into sacrificing all the WoWTards of the village, town and beyond.
26-30 Iron Tomb: The earth splits asunder, a great iron coffin emerging from the depths. The WoWTard is thrown inside, and with a sombre toll of an unseen bell, the lid is shut tight, its rivets fused forever. The WoWTard's new grave will attract beastmen and other servants of chaos, who will then dance around it for d10 days.
31-35 Horrible Conversion: The flesh falls off 1d100 WoWTards in the nearest settlement(s). The victims continue with their lives unaware they have become undead, but may be troubled by the local authorities.
36-40 Tentacle!: The very next person the WoWTard shakes hands with will see his or her arm wither and fall off during the next week. In its place a green-gray tentacle quickly grows. While very dexterous, it is not to everyone's liking.
41-50 Engulfed: A wide crack opens up under the WoWTard's building. Good luck to anyone inside!
51-60 Disspirited!: Too much magical energy is uncontrollably canalised through the WoWTard's body, ripping free their soul. They become a Wraith (Old World Bestiary, p120), but retain their free will. At sunrise the following morning they may try to reverse the effect by posting a public apology for their ignorance on the forums. If they fail, then the change is permanent. If they succeed, their soul will re-enter their body, but they will suffer a random, uncontrollable, nervous twitch.
61-65 Cursed Earthquake: One square mile of inhabitated lands in the WoWTard's vincinity experiences a major earthquake with geysers of blood erupting forth, while a deep and gutteral voice calls out the WoWTard's name. Survivors become insane and the WoWTard will cause Fear to them permanently.
66-70 At the Mouths of Madness: 99 boils form across the WoWTard's body and no form of healing will cure them. After 1d10 days the boils rupture, each forming a gibbering mouth that all simultaneously begin to scream various names of Daemons from the Chaos Wastes. Each mouth must be fed a pint of human blood to be silenced (and disappear) but remains otherwise. Until all mouths are silenced, the WoWTard will have a hard time making himself heard above the screaming.
71-75 Head Falls Off: The WoWTard's head falls off. He or she may be surprised to still be alive and well in all respects. From now on the WoWTard's head is not attached to his body. The head will have to be kept in place to avoid embarrassment in public, but any smack talk on the forums will result in the WoWTard's head flying 1d10 yards in a random direction.
76-80 Chaotic Loophole: The WoWTard is transported through time and space to the Northern Chaos Wastes. He will remain there until a letter is written in his own blood upon the skin of a beastman, slain by his own hands. The letter itself should be an apology to Mythic Entertainment and Games Workshop, for the WoWTard's lack of understanding concerning WAR. A snotling postman will appear to deliver the letter after it has been written.
81-84 Chaos Portal: The WoWTard opens a permanent gate within his house or apartment that leads to the Chaos Wastes. For the first few days only a dozen Lesser Chaos Daemons and perhaps a stray Chaos Warrior will emerge, but if not closed whole armies will follow, calling out for the WoWTard's blood.
85-87 Kin Accursed: Roll again on this table. The WoWTard's closest living relative suffers the resulting effect, regardless of how far away he or she is.
88-90 A new light in the Sky: A bright pinprick of light appears in the sky above the WoWTard whenever he goes outside. As he looks towards it, it appears to grow visibly brighter and bigger and closer... This is a comet headed directly towards the WoWTard, which will strike him with cataclysmic force unless he gets on his knees in time to pray to all four Chaos gods for forgiveness in a loud, clear voice - no matter where he is at that time. Once he appeases the gods of Chaos, the comet will vanish - until the next time he ventures outdoors.
91-92 Pool of Chaos: Roll twice more on this table. The first roll is what happens now. The second roll defines what will happen automatically the next time the WoWTard smacktalks Warhammer.
93-97 Accidental Invitation: The WoWTard summons a random Greater Daemon of Chaos. As punishment it will eat, not the WoWTard, but one of his blood relatives before disappearing again. This could be embarassing.
98-00 The End of Days: The World of Warcraft ruptures. This ends the WoWTard's gaming abruptly. He must solemnly declare he will not play WoW for a year and a day, or risk being turned inside-out slowly by a Greater Daemon of Slaanesh over a period of not shorter than d100 years.
Comments
$OE lies list
http://www.rlmmo.com/viewtopic.php?t=424&start=0
"
And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because *I* don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what *I* saw is ******* vampires! "
For the rest, GENIUS!
I'll drink one for you tonight
The Illuminati Gaming Society
66-70 Eureka-WoWTard deletes his/her WoW main in a fit of INSANITY!!!
hahaha I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. My face hurts!
Cheers to ya m8!
Just dropped by to see what was going on. I noticed the spelling mistakes - thanks for pointing them out.
The WoWTard table is actually an amalgamation of a few of the random event tables from Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay and elswhere, twisted with a bit of artistic licence and flavour for our dire need here on the MMORPG forums.
If things get really bad here on the WAR forum, I'll add the Apocolyptic Chaos Manifestation Table, as well as the Catastrophic WoWTard Major Edbang Table. Hopefully, that will deter further smack talk...
Must keep this thread bumped pure classic!
Die Noctique, By Day and Night
I love it! WAR has 11 years on WoW.
Total time played: 9125 Days, 21 Hours, 29 Minutes, 27 Seconds
Time played this level: 39 Days, 1 Hour, 24 Minutes, 5 Seconds
Well... yep, there will be those unfortunate few who make such comparisons I guess. But they have lost their way and may be cursed forever in their ignorance. Ahh well... such is life.
To the other posters.. glad you like my little twisted rules...
/clap
you deserve a cookie!
I turn to you now, father death. I beg of you, please consider you may have been wrong...
-Blind Guardian
But yes i laughed at this one defantly have t keep this thread going haha
"The new age is upon us, yet the past refuses to rest in its shallow grave."
had a real good laugh
reminded me of some good times with Mordheim
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Oh dear sweet Khorne, thats the funniest thing EVER! What makes it so much more funny for me is that i play Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay with my friends (My GM has the very old rules and the new ones) and i've had to role on the mutations chart, which isn't fun, especially when you grow hard fleshy spikes all over your body cause you used a teleport medallion made out of warpstone
While not quite laugh out loud funny, that is definitely one of the best things I've read since the days of door games. Also brings up a number of amusing PnP memories.
Ah well, back to waiting for my beta invite.
Currently: Playing EVE Online
Previous: FFXI, Dragonrealms, sad little stint in WOWland.
Awaiting: Fallen Earth, Hero''s Journey, Tabula Rasa, Age of Conan.
$OE lies list
http://www.rlmmo.com/viewtopic.php?t=424&start=0
"
And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because *I* don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what *I* saw is ******* vampires! "
For you?
Currently: Playing EVE Online
Previous: FFXI, Dragonrealms, sad little stint in WOWland.
Awaiting: Fallen Earth, Hero''s Journey, Tabula Rasa, Age of Conan.