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23,000 pins and needles burning down my spine...
Ichben
Member UncommonPosts: 296
This is a letter I wrote to Oprah Winfrey, queen of Harpo and goddess of the skies...
Oprah, I writing to you in a raging storm, not the one we see in the skies, but the kind that lives in your mind and breeds chaos in your heart. I am a man in turmoil. I have 23,000 pins and needles burning down my spine. I have 23,000 pins and needles saying “Son, your blood is MINE!!!” I ask myself everyday how I could have let such a thing like this happen. How could I have let 23,000 pins and 23,000 needles drag me down from behind?
All I ever wanted to do in life is to bring joy to others. I want to make others happy. I want to make the world smile. But how can I make the world show its shiny teeth if I am unable to show joy and smile myself? How in the world am I going to take all these pins and all these needles out of my rear so I can have a second chance at life? So I can make the world smile.
I want my family to do well but I do not know how to help them. I do not know how I can save them from their suffering and this breaks my heart. For years, growing up I would always hurt my brother and sister, not with my hand, but with my intense desire to be the best. I broke their spirits with my lust for victory and my greed for success. I was tearing them apart from the inside and I didn’t even know, until this very day.
But when it is all said and done the damage has already taken place. Their souls and spirits have been fractured at the hands of all people, their older brother. Oh how cruel and how horrible I was. I should have known better I should have looked through the shadows and seen the windows to their hearts slowly cracking and falling apart. I should have paid attention I should have looked closer. I should have seen their pain I should have seen their misery. I’m the oldest for crying out loud!! I should have been a better role model.
But back than, all those years ago I was blind and deeply confused. My siblings were not the only ones who’s souls were cracking and crumbling. Back than, back when birthday parties were special, back when they were “innocent.” Back when Santa Clause was a mysterious wonder and the tooth fairy was a cool chick, my own soul was slowly cracking and crumbling, slowly fading away into a shadow of darkness, a shadow of fear. My own precious spirit was breaking down bit by bit, piece by piece until they were scattered away into a million little pieces, scattered to a place far, far away, a place where I cannot seem to go and cannot seem to see.
This shattering, this breaking of the spirit happened at the hands of my red father, who in my writings I refer to as the Crimson King or my red daddy. He was Crimson because his soul was red and he was the king because…well…he was who he was… the king. He was the king in the eyes of all who served him and all who knew him. He was wealthy beyond belief. He was a charismatic character with a sharp wit and a quick tongue. “Don’t mess with the king, cause the king will sting” they would say in a jokingly manner. People worshipped him. My father was almost god like to the everyday public.
But deep down in his deepest of hearts the man I call my father, my red daddy, had a deep and nasty little secret a nasty little problem. He was a man who’s soul was filled with crimson fire, the hottest, brightest red you can ever imagine. The red king was an angry man, a troubled man, a MAD man. His madness ran so deep and spread so far, so far that it hurt my mother. Yes, the one all good men call their sweetheart, the one you vowed to cherish and to hold for the rest of your life, but yet this was not the case, there was not a lot of holding between the two people I call my mommy and daddy. The truth was he terrified her, through his crimson eyes and his crimson heart he controlled her from afar and near. And in turn, out of pure fear and desperation, she terrified us through his madness.
“Please him!” she would say. “If you don’t your daddy will scar me with his crimson eyes and crimson tongue and I will suffer AND I WILL SCREAM!!.” “Do you hear what I am saying GOD DAMNT IT!!! PLEASE HIM OR I WILL PLEASE YOU WITH MY GOT DAMN BELT!!!!” She told us this with anger in her face, but little did I know, little did I even realize, tears of pain and misery were running down her heart crying for forgiveness.
So to keep the king happy, to keep the red monster from throwing his anger in the face of mother, I did what I had to do to please him. I played golf when he told me to play, even when it caused me pain and made me stutter. I said the things I was suppose to say not to upset him. I was afraid of the red bastard all the time. But at the same time I was being punished at the hands of my mother, the one I called my mommy. The woman I loved with all my heart.
One day when my mommy was mad I asked her “Why do you beat me mommy. “Why do you hurt me so, why do you hurt me if daddy is making you so sad, making you mad making you wish you were happy and glad?” “SHUT UP!! She would say as she would scrunch her face in a mass of anger. “SHUT UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!” “Okay mommy” I would say and slowly walk to my room. Little did she know a piece of me died that day, many pieces would die as time went on. And as time went even further a million little pieces would say their prayers and a million little pieces of my long lost spirit said their goodbyes and vanished to a world unknown to my eyes. And you know what? I miss them.
I miss them so much, I want to be whole again. I want to be the person I use to be before my father went mad and drove my mother crazy. I want all those millions upon millions of pieces to come back to me, to give me a million little hugs and a million little kisses, and tell me everything will be okay and everything will work itself out. I want them to tell me those 23,000 pins and needles will go away in no time and the monster, that monster called debt, with his vast array of pins and needles will no longer haunt your dreams and scar your mind.
“Don’t you worry sugar everything’s gonna be fine” one of my pieces would say. “Your sacrifice and hard work will be worth it. Those needles running down your spine and burning up yo mind are a testimony to the lengths you will go to bring your life back together. Humpty Dumpty might of fell off that wall, but baby, you ain’t Humpty and you ain’t gonna fall, you Ichben Einberliner, and you a prince, you a suga daddy. You’re gonna put the pieces back to yo puzzle again and you gonna get back the “you,” and I’m talkin bout the real you, the “you” that was lost all those years ago, the “you” that died at the hands of anger and fear, at the hands of yo rotten daddy and yo crazy momma. And you all are gonna dance, and I ain’t talking bout that slow dancing stuff…no honey child the two of you are gonna get down. Can’t I get a Amen” I chuckled and said “Amen sista piece”
“Baby” my piece would continue “you ain’t gonna feel trapped and alone no more I promise you that, yes child when we get back together again you gonna feel so good, and so free oooh child I’m gettin goose bumps jus thinking bout PRAISE JESUS HALLEIGHUE” This makes me smile and my piece continues on and says “you ain’t gonna feel like a loser no more baby, you gonna be a suga daddy and all the ladies are gonna love you” I laugh. “That child buried deep within yo soul is gonna come out and break free of its prison, he’s gonna save you boy, he’s gonna be your hero. Now he ain’t gonna be no superman or that skinny little spider hero, but he gonna be YO hero, he gonna be your salvation. You get what I’m saying honeychild? I mean are you digging what I’m saying precious?” “Yes Mam I do” I would respond.
“Good, cause when all the pieces come together yo nightmares are gonna go away and your dreams are gonna come true. They gonna meet you at yo door step and fill you up with hope, happiness and love. You just watch now you hear, you just watch”
Boy oh boy, thank you sista. If my pieces, my missing pieces of my soul were to come together and bring these things to reality, I’d be one blessed young man. In the meantime I must continue to live my life, it may be hard with the pins and needles burning down my spine and around my mind, but I will have to get through it, I must, for myself and for those I love.
Oprah, I pray you get this message and I pray you understand the meaning behind my words. I want you to pretend my words have eyes, pretty brown eyes to be specific, and look deep into them. Look into my eyes and look into my words and see from my eyes and words that would I say comes from deep within. I am not asking you to rid me of my pins and needles that was my doing and my job to fix. I am asking if you could point me in the right direction, tell me who I could talk too to show me a way out of my misery and out of the prison of my mind(and at least get some of these needles out of my behind).
Oprah, I want to be like you. Not a talk show host, but a defender of the little people, the little people who will never see their stars shine to its fullest because their wings are broken and their spirits are shattered. And with this, I come to the end of my letter an end to a chapter of my story. I hope it did not bore you nor waste your time. I hope we get a chance to speak, not in person, but in spirit, I know it sounds kind of strange but I think if you sit down and think about it, the meaning will come to ya.
I pray to God my 23,000 needles and 23,000 pins don’t drive me to the place above the clouds. Before I go to that place of mystery and secrecy I want to spread my wings. I want to fly to better places and see better faces. Can I get a halleighlua, can I get a Amen, can I get a halleighua, baby can you be my friend? That’s right girl I’m talking to you. J Thank you for listening Oprah. Bye.
facebook.com/Ichben.Einberliner
Comments
$OE lies list
http://www.rlmmo.com/viewtopic.php?t=424&start=0
"
And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because *I* don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what *I* saw is ******* vampires! "
Ichben approximately 32 hours after Oprah Winfrey's producers reads the letter...
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
facebook.com/Ichben.Einberliner
Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
Sorry about your bad weekend Dranor. I hope you feel better. At times when I'm feeling like crap...which is almost everyday....I use writing to try to get that crap out of my arse....and you know what....it feels good....but than the next day my ass is filled with crap again and I have to write some more. It's a crazy cycle but it has to be done in order for me to survive in this big bad world. You dig what I'm saying brother...do you dig it well?
facebook.com/Ichben.Einberliner
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
Sorry about your bad weekend Dranor. I hope you feel better. At times when I'm feeling like crap...which is almost everyday....I use writing to try to get that crap out of my arse....and you know what....it feels good....but than the next day my ass is filled with crap again and I have to write some more. It's a crazy cycle but it has to be done in order for me to survive in this big bad world. You dig what I'm saying brother...do you dig it well?
I normally write..but this is something that will only make me more angry if I write about it...Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
i think you forgot to ask him to change his avatar.
Change my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind change me so much I can't even trust myself
They came from the sea and they came from the sky, Captain America is going to die!
Maybe you should just end it...for the good of all!
I don't see you as a jump-from-a-building kinda guy or a Screw-it-i'm-gonna-have-a-.357-for-breakfast kinda guy...i think sleeping pills are more your style.
Goodbye Ichiben.
PS...after you're dead and in heaven could you do us a favor and tell the "big jackass upstairs" than we've got some major shit going down and that, when he's done playing with himself, we sure could use some help?
Thanks buddy!
They came from the sea and they came from the sky, Captain America is going to die!
Yes I agree Poopy, pills would probably work best for me. I"m too much of a coward to jump off a building and I've never fired a gun in my life...heck I may accidently shoot my balls off, and that my friends, would be worse than death. So that leaves pills as an only option. The thing is I do not know what kind of sleeping pills to take. I don't know which brand of pills are good for the type of thing I'm trying to do. It's not like there are pills in the store that say "want to sleep forever? Take (insert brand name) and off you go" Any advice?
But I do not understand, if I am a bad person why would I go to heaven? Anyway I appreciate the kind assumption, that was very sweet of you Poopty. If I am allowed to meet the "being upstairs" I will definitley pass on the message.
facebook.com/Ichben.Einberliner
Yes I agree Poopy, pills would probably work best for me. I"m too much of a coward to jump off a building and I've never fired a gun in my life...heck I may accidently shoot my balls off, and that my friends, would be worse than death. So that leaves pills as an only option. The thing is I do not know what kind of sleeping pills to take. I don't know which brand of pills are good for the type of thing I'm trying to do. It's not like there are pills in the store that say "want to sleep forever? Take (insert brand name) and off you go" Any advice?
But I do not understand, if I am a bad person why would I go to heaven? Anyway I appreciate the kind assumption, that was very sweet of you Poopty. If I am allowed to meet the "being upstairs" I will definitley pass on the message.
Any prescription sleeping pills would do I suppose...just wash an entire bottle of 'em down with your alcohol of choice.I thought Christians automatically go to heaven, 'cause they know Jesus H. Christ, and everyone else goes to hell...even the Dali Lama!
If I ever see "the being upstairs" I'm gonna mule-kick him in the nuts 'fer killin' my favorite dog!
Yes I agree Poopy, pills would probably work best for me. I"m too much of a coward to jump off a building and I've never fired a gun in my life...heck I may accidently shoot my balls off, and that my friends, would be worse than death. So that leaves pills as an only option. The thing is I do not know what kind of sleeping pills to take. I don't know which brand of pills are good for the type of thing I'm trying to do. It's not like there are pills in the store that say "want to sleep forever? Take (insert brand name) and off you go" Any advice?
But I do not understand, if I am a bad person why would I go to heaven? Anyway I appreciate the kind assumption, that was very sweet of you Poopty. If I am allowed to meet the "being upstairs" I will definitley pass on the message.
Any prescription sleeping pills would do I suppose...just wash an entire bottle of 'em down with your alcohol of choice.I thought Christians automatically go to heaven, 'cause they know Jesus H. Christ, and everyone else goes to hell...even the Dali Lama!
If I ever see "the being upstairs" I'm gonna mule-kick him in the nuts 'fer killin' my favorite dog!
There's nothing automatic about Heaven...anybody can claim to know Jesus...it's about what's in your heart.
Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
Yes I agree Poopy, pills would probably work best for me. I"m too much of a coward to jump off a building and I've never fired a gun in my life...heck I may accidently shoot my balls off, and that my friends, would be worse than death. So that leaves pills as an only option. The thing is I do not know what kind of sleeping pills to take. I don't know which brand of pills are good for the type of thing I'm trying to do. It's not like there are pills in the store that say "want to sleep forever? Take (insert brand name) and off you go" Any advice?
But I do not understand, if I am a bad person why would I go to heaven? Anyway I appreciate the kind assumption, that was very sweet of you Poopty. If I am allowed to meet the "being upstairs" I will definitley pass on the message.
Any prescription sleeping pills would do I suppose...just wash an entire bottle of 'em down with your alcohol of choice.I thought Christians automatically go to heaven, 'cause they know Jesus H. Christ, and everyone else goes to hell...even the Dali Lama!
If I ever see "the being upstairs" I'm gonna mule-kick him in the nuts 'fer killin' my favorite dog!
There's nothing automatic about Heaven...anybody can claim to know Jesus...it's about what's in your heart.
Draenor, once again you have come to my aid. Thank you.And to be honest I don't know what the heck is going to happen when I gone from this level of earth's tower...I have no clue what's on the other side...see my previous post for my views on that matter http://www.mmorpg.com/discussion2.cfm/thread/119336/page/1
I am glad we are starting to become one big happy family. It really brings a shine to my heart to know that we are opening up more and being more helpful to one another.
facebook.com/Ichben.Einberliner