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My Song.
yugyug04
Member Posts: 104
To the end of the world with the wind on my shoulders. With each passing day the suns getting colder. And i'll raise the stakes and i'll call your bluff. With the mistakes that you've made such as believing in love. You'll always be the fool to fall for second chances. But words are only words and they'll want you, like these romances. Words are only words. And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all. Won't be potencies, forget it. Hey, i don't want your attention. And i won't leave you all. 'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this. I'm already that gone.... so i'm inasint, a hypocrite, and considerate. There's a light with in but it doesn't shine bright enough, to break through my skin. Call me what you will, but i'm hopeless, romantic. And i'm compacted with myself, that i would stay away from everything that i will be pathetic. And its too late...to late to save me. its to late...to have your way with me. And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all. Won't be potencies, forget it. Hey, i don't want your attention. And i won't leave you all. 'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this. I'm already that gone. And as for my photograph, upon your wall...just burn it...with the rest of it all. And its too late...to late to save me. its to late...to have your way with me. And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all. Won't be potencies, forget it. Hey, i don't want your attention. And i won't leave you all. 'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this. I'm already that gone
-Thomas
Comments
Intersting this link should help you to improve it tho.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/paragraphs
Another great example of Moore's Law. Give people access to that much space (developers and users alike) and they'll find uses for it that you can never imagine. "640K ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill Gates 1981
lolz did you write that song yugyug? who's Thomas?
yes i did and thomas is me.
should the song be spit into paragraphs?
should the song be spit into paragraphs?
Or couplets.
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should the song be spit into paragraphs?
Or couplets.
or that
should the song be spit into paragraphs?
In the very least it will make your song easier to read.
Another great example of Moore's Law. Give people access to that much space (developers and users alike) and they'll find uses for it that you can never imagine. "640K ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill Gates 1981
Interesting, the title threw me off though. When I first saw it, an essay was what I looked upon. Very good though, yugyug04.
Also I am proud that you have yet to flame/outburst in this thread.
should the song be spit into paragraphs?
In the very least it will make your song easier to read.
Gah... dammit all. Mmorpg's interface always fucks up spacing. Changed 'inasint' to 'innocent'. What in the world are 'potencies'?
To the end of the world with the wind on my shoulders.
With each passing day the suns getting colder.
And I'll raise the stakes and I'll call your bluff.
With the mistakes that you've made such as believing in love.
You'll always be the fool to fall for second chances.
But words are only words and they'll want you, like these romances.
Words are only words.
And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all.
Won't be potencies, forget it.
Hey, i don't want your attention.
And i won't leave you all.
'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this.
I'm already that gone.... so I'm innocent, a hypocrite, and considerate.
There's a light with in but it doesn't shine bright enough, to break through my skin.
Call me what you will, but I'm hopeless, romantic.
And I'm compacted with myself, that i would stay away from everything that i will be pathetic.
And its too late...to late to save me. its to late...to have your way with me.
And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all.
Won't be potencies, forget it.
Hey, i don't want your attention.
And i won't leave you all.
'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this.
I'm already that gone.
And as for my photograph, upon your wall...just burn it...with the rest of it all.
And its too late...to late to save me. its to late...to have your way with me.
And i won't be the one, to catch you when you fall, we'll make promises, and write you all.
Won't be potencies, forget it.
Hey, i don't want your attention.
And i won't leave you all.
'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this. I'm already that gone
thanks.
O really? You wrote that?
Take a look at my song then
Now of course I want peace on the streets
But realistically
Painting perfect pictures ain't never work
My misery was so deep
Couldn't sleep through all my pressures
In my quest for cash
I learned fast
Using violent measures
Memories of adolescent years
Their was unity
But after puberty we brought war
To our community
So many bodies dropping
Its gotta stop
I want to help
But still I'm stepping
Keeping my weapon
Must protect myself
The promise of a better tomorrow
ain't never reach me
Plus my teachers were to petrified in class to teach me
Sipping thunderbird
And grape kool-aid
Calling Earl since my stomach was empty
It seduced me to fuck the world
Watch my 'lil homies
Lose there childhood to guns
Nobody cries no more
Cause we all die for fun
So why you ask me if I want peace
If you cant grant it
Niggas fighting across the whole planet
So we can never be peace
Will there ever be peace?
Or all we all just headed for doom,
Still consumed by the beefs,
And I know there never be peace,
That's why I keep my pistol when I walk the streets
Cause there can never be peace
i swear i wrote it. i usually take what ever pops in my head and right it down in a metaphor. but yours was pretty good. strange but good.
its not that hard to write a good song.
Very nice, actually. You might want to give it a chorus though, because as it stands it's more of a poem than a song. But then again, all songs are just poems anyways.
Good job though, I expected to open this and read something that burned my eyes, but I was pleasantly surprised. See how much better it is when you actually contribute to a forum?
yeah its like in my song. "Hey, i don't want your attention.And i won't leave you all.'Cause i won't make a mess of this, no i won't make a mess of this."
I find it very difficult to believe anything intelligible comes from your mind. Reviewing your previous posts shows your lack of creativity, your lack of imagination and your lack of maturity.
I find it very difficult to believe anything intelligible comes from your mind. Reviewing your previous posts shows your lack of creativity, your lack of imagination and your lack of maturity.
but... there is without a doubt, no question in my mind that this kid is not the author.
____________________________
TheCore
I find it very difficult to believe anything intelligible comes from your mind. Reviewing your previous posts shows your lack of creativity, your lack of imagination and your lack of maturity.
but... there is without a doubt, no question in my mind that this kid is not the author.
okay well you can go and look at every song in the wolrd and try to find that. i met five months ago a person that change my life in a good way. when she was young she was called trailer trash and had the worste childhood and i thought i had it bad. but know that i realized what she was going through i wished the best for her and help her out as much as i could. she told me how to deal with stuff like that. and really help me out. and i'll never forget her. She taught her self the guitar and and i loved her music. made me want to wright stuff like that in that five months she taught me how. and know i will never see her ever again. i lost her.
and she's 20 if your thinking something else. i lost one of my very close friend. so i write music to...well "i can't explain it, only you can understand it" but that should be enough.
why don't you believe me anyways....no one beleives.
However, you really need to learn to chill out, lay back, and roll with the punches. You don't call in the cavalry every time somebody calls you an idiot or an asshole. Especially not on the internet, because in the long run, you've only wasted your time. Know when to post, know when not to. Know when to pull your punches, and when to rain down like a demon with PMS.
Mellow out man. It'll be one of the best things you did. Just go around this forum for a while, look a stuff, and observe and learn from different people's posting tactics. You'll come to find there are a lot of varieties, and they all get different responses. You just need to find out what kind of responses you want.
No, despite your general lack of maturity (I'm sorry, but you are immature. But you're 14, it's ok), I believe you wrote that song, honestly and truly.However, you really need to learn to chill out, lay back, and roll with the punches. You don't call in the cavalry every time somebody calls you an idiot or an asshole. Especially not on the internet, because in the long run, you've only wasted your time. Know when to post, know when not to. Know when to pull your punches, and when to rain down like a demon with PMS.
Mellow out man. It'll be one of the best things you did. Just go around this forum for a while, look a stuff, and observe and learn from different people's posting tactics. You'll come to find there are a lot of varieties, and they all get different responses. You just need to find out what kind of responses you want.
ooohh. that makes sense. thanks for that i will really take your advice and chill, lay back, get out of my funk.
and if you've realized i'm new and i was like wack at the beginning but now i know. now i know what to do.
i'm not bursting out or being meen, but why am i inmature, i don't think you really know me at all. just wondering.