Does my ideal game exist?

Rogue, kings quest, scorched earth and too many other games to remember have passed in my 20 years of gaming. Anyone who was around to remember these games should understand what I mean when I say that the new generation of games has been severely dumbed down in an effort to make them more user friendly. The reason I mention this is because my idea of difficulty or challenging seems to vary greatly from a lot of others.

Heres a list of the things I am looking for in a game, If something is a rough match I would appreciate someone pointing me in the right direction.

Character creation: I have yet to find a MMO like what I want

Character and avatar creation are two different things. I am so sick of games boasting about their incredibly in-depth character creation only to find out it's nothing more then avatar creation with cookie-cutter classes. I want to choose my charters strengths and weaknesses.

Maybe I want a high melee DPS class who uses giant 2 handed swords but I don't want to be forced into a tank role in the process. Maybe I am willing to sacrifice some of my overall in your face uberness to train in the dark arts so I can empower my blade with some unseen wickedness.

Or maybe I want to be a holy priest who begins to study the dark arts to better understand how to counter them. Maybe in my quest to better understand the evil forces I am meant to destroy I am slowly drawn over to the corruption of those dark arts, slowly corrupting my powers as a holy priest giving my holy abilities a darker edge.

I am looking for the ability to customize my character to fit my playstyle, not some set in stone prebuild that ten thousand other people are playing. The Elder Scrolls meets D&D type character creation is perfect.

Solo/Group play: Similar to EQ2

I enjoy grouping but don't always have the time. If I log in I want to start playing, not spending two hours sitting around looking for a group. If I am forced to get into a group, give me the ability to solo effectively enough to get by while I am looking for a group.

Leveling difficulty: XP penalty + armor damage + AI difficulty

This is a big one to me. I honestly don't feel people should be able to reach the level cap based on sheer determination. Some level of skill should be involved in the leveling process which gradually gets more difficult as you progress. I don't mean mobs should hit harder or have more HP, I mean the AI should become more challenging. Maybe give the mobs a few more abilities at their disposal as they raise in level.

Crafting: EQ/V:SoH difficulty + raid quality items

I love crafting but am tired of getting crap items and gear for my efforts. Crafting at the higher levels should take a lot of time and effort to gather the right components and combine them properly to make high quality gear. Also, make that gear on par with upper level raid gear. Back when I played EQ, I spent more time and effort leveling my tradeskills then a lot of raiders spent raiding, why shouldn't the gear I can make be on par with theirs?

PvP:

I like PvP but it really doesn't matter if the game has it or not as long as i am not forced to do it 24/7

Graphics: Better then UO

As long as I can tell the difference between a troll and an orc I'm happy.

Size: EQ2

As long as I can level more then one character without having to go through the exact same areas I'm happy.

Genre: FantasyRPG

Fantasy would be preferred but medieval is alright also.

To those who took the time to read this, thank you. I am pretty sure a game like this isn't on the market yet but with all the games currently in development or even in the design stages I can't possibly keep up with them all so if anyone knows of a game along these lines I would greatly appreciate a point in the right direction. MMO or player run servers like NWN are welcome.