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My review after 5 mins play time
Oriphus
Member UncommonPosts: 467
First off i would like to give you my background. There is a vase a plant and a cat on a window cill.
After Pressing AoC button on my computer
Wow, couldn't believe there was a loading screen with advertisments for nvidea on it, this was obviously not a next gen MMO as promised by funcom.
Login
For some reason this supposed next gen MMO was unable to read my mind and i actually had to type in a password.....how disapointing, i guess this is what you get when you believe all the hype.
Character creation
I had to face 'another' loading screen to actualy create a character, by this point i am very bored with the constant loading screens and can not understand how they were not able to create a seamless world from this RL world into AoC where the computer would be able to create the perfect character that is in my imagination where i would actualy then transfer my conciousness into the created character. Big let down here.
I also can see at this point that the game is not a sandbox game, it seems to force me to be either a man or a woman. I have been down this theme park ride type of game before, you can only choose being a man or a woman so many times before it gets very boring, companies have to start realising that if players where alowed to create their own unique gender from the off with no limits as to there role or point of existence they could then create a place where i could finaly live the rest of my life pretending I am actualy the polygons inside the computer and not a RL person
It seems the economy at this point is also a huge let down, Why i cant actualy craft my own eyelashes I just cant fathom, and if i could craft eyelids then i might also be able to sell them to other gamers for their characters, but it is obviously not a sandbox game as already seen and not being able to do what ever you can think of seems very limited.
The Beach
O.K now By this point my brain is at melting point, I had to endure ANOTHER loading screen, seems way to instanced and completely destroys any immersion (you know...pretending i don't exist). I look around and graphicly it seems O.K but i notice straight away that DX10 isn't working, as soon as i realied this fact the graphics and lush world suddenly became unbearable to look at, the graphics now remind me of one of the DIZZY games...with the 2D egg man playing on the brain i muster up the courage to plunder on.
This is where the whole game falls apart, i find that there is a quest to do, i have to grind a pirate down and get a key from him to free some whore who is suggesting she might do something rude with me...which is obviously childish, adults just don't think in this way. I couldn't bare to continue on another grind fest as i have played every MMO out there and what i really need is to be the lawnmower man, or similar.
Summary
You don't know me, I might be a viral marketer, a 14 year old child who has never played the game but has read enough snippets on the forums to write my own peice of venom because mum won't buy me a new computer, a jaded gamer who really needs a love interest and a life in general outside of of the 4 walls i try to exist in or your arch enemy of who we would never be able to see eye to eye with if we met in RL....but take my word for it, this game is terrible. I have canceled my monthly subscription which costs less than two days worth of petrol and I am going to burn this game and tell everyone how important my findings are because i know you all are not able to come to your own conclusions.
Hopefully soon they will just be able to plug me in and i can seize to exist in the phisical world.
Thank you for reading.
P.S further to this i would like to state that i had read what this game was going to be like before i bought it, i had already decided i wouldn't like it and it turns out i was right. AMAZING!
"Trump is a blunt force, all-American, laser-guided middle finger to everything and everyone in Washington, D.C." - Wayne Allyn Root
Comments
poor u
You bring up a good point. Just because someone doesn't like the game, doesn't mean you will not like it either. You have to make up your own decision about this game, and not let someone else make that decision for you.
/yawn
too bad it isnt even funny
That was a pure piece of humour. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Kudos.
I agree, I saw a screenshot once and it sucked, it just didnt pull me in and make me want to play.. infact with all the advertising on the loading screens you would think it would be free to play, I mean I paid for my Nvidia card so game should be free???
anyways I am going to wait on a new mmo, I heard that dizzy online was gonna be the next big thing, may see if it is available for pre order.
Thanks for the heads up!!
Haha, I thought this was pretty clever!
Common people. This is sarcasm at it's best! Nice parody of all the posts over the last two days! Kudos.
I got a good laugh.
The sad thing is that, with all the people out there actually writing posts to this effect, people actually take this serious.
Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7
Actually this is pretty funny and I appreciate the post. All the trolls need to read this and maybe they will see how stupid they are and how much time they are wasting. I am glad they arent in AoC because then they would qq about someone cutting their head off during a siege, and that skill is required over gear.
Wow, I've never seen so many balloons go over so many heads.. Dont think half the people who read this understood the satire... oh well... I enjoyed it
Haha, that was funny!
/pity on all those guys, who didn't get the joke
I agree, excellent, infact this was the first thread I have seen in a long time that made me actually login to post!
I can see where you are coming from although I don't have a cat, but a lazy obese dog sleeping in my armchair. The vase is empty as well, as the water went stale a long time ago. Somehow, the DVD with a demo of the latest Sam and Max adventure who also decorate the cover of said DVD which descend from a recent purchase of a gamer's magazine stares at me. My dog, lifing its head as if something had caught its attention just to yawn and go back to sleep from the sheer tention in the room.
I was laughing so hard my wife told me to shut up before I woke up the baby.
.... and get this, I had to wait for my computer to boot up before I could log in
Very good review, but I am unsure of how your backround qualifies you. Just one cat on the window sill? If there were two I could take you seriously, but just one means your a newb.
Haha! Frickin perfect for the "reviews" we've been seeing. Great post OP!
........and Conan said "Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain."
This was spot on about all the hate posts people keep coming up with and how rediculous they really do seem. Kudos! I Laughed quite a bit at this post
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'Cry Havoc, and Let Loose the Dogs of WARRRRR!!!'