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Trying to mend a broken heart here....
Ryder22
Member Posts: 132
Ok, so just recently (two days ago) the girl of my dreams, the one who i was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, the girl who was going to mother my kids, sign my house deed, everything, she broke up with me. Now before this happened i noticed she started changing considerably. Before she changed she was a VERY smart girl with extreme possibilites in her life. She has now changed into a "Now" moment girl. And by that i mean she focuses more on right now, and having a good time, then pursueing life. And before you guys (or gals) start slandering me about how it was my fault, i gotta stop you there. EVERYONE, including her friends dont realise why shes left me, i have given her EVERYTHING. Not to mention i was her first for any possible category you could think of (maturally). Now before she broke up with me she told me that she thinks that leaving me, will remind her of how much i really effect her life. Now i got to ask, im depressed as **** right now, im waiting for this summer to end, can you guys (and gals, sorry again) give me some encouragin words? insights? mmo's? (haha, basically something to keep me occupied)...Well thanks to anyone who replys, and have a good day, 
"The definition of over doesn't have to be, "The End"
Comments
i think millions, no billions, of people have gone through this in their own way. it fucking hurts. but it gets better. if you're a good guy, get some of that sympathy love from her girlfriends.
-I will subtlety invade your psyche-
As someone who recently went through something like this, I completely sympathize. My advice to you, and I seriously mean this; get away from her, in every single possible way you can. Delete her from your phone contacts. Remove her from AIM. Get her off of your Facebook/MySpace friends. Everything. No contacts at all.
Then, vent. Find a good buddy, or someone with a willing ear, and vent your ass off. Do that for a good 3 days or so. Then, get rid of her from the last place where she remains; your mind. Go do something. Something that needs a lot of concentration, or something extremely fun where the hours just fly by. Go hang out with friends as much as possible. Have a few drinks (WITH FRIENDS, it'd be absolutely disastrous alone), whatever it is that'll get her away. If she really wants you back, she'll come back to you. If not, and you keep pining for her, it'll only bring you more heartache, and grief.
You, my friend, have discovered why young romance is a bitch. People change when they're young. A lot. The person you knew last year is not the person you know now. When it's your friends, you can accommodate the change. But when it's your lover, it's more severe, because the person you fell in love with, isn't there. And you need to realize that. Whatever love you had for her, keep it as a momento, a reflection of a good feeling and an excellent period of time in your life. Don't hate her, don't hate yourself, and don't blame anybody. Draw from the experience, and move on. "Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you." A very wise saying.
Give it time, and you'll be fine. I had my heart broken a month ago, and as much as I'm advising you now, I still reflect. I still reminisce. I get very angry, or very sad from time to time. But I'm dealing with it so much better now, and if you're a nice and sensible guy, you'll be able to do the same. I know it. Heartbreak sucks, but everyone, absolutely everyone over (and including) the age of 18, has their story. This is yours. Make of it what you will.
Cheer up, bud. Just remember that thing are never as bad as they seem. I guarantee within a month, you'll start thinking of love again. Just don't let it make you jaded. These things happen for a reason, and as much as it hurts now, it'll make you a better person in the long run.
Thanks so much man, its people like you that show how human we are..you have just given me hope, and the drive to get through this, of course a part of me will always hope that she comes back to me at the end, but if she doesn't atleast i know that i had fallen in love, and that i will ALWAYS keep a piece of her with me.
"The definition of over doesn't have to be, "The End"
Exactly. That's the spirit. Glad to hear I could help you out.
You're welcome.
(And thanks for the compliments, lol.)
Be happy that you found out what she is before you REALLY got into her: If you had married something like that, the only sound advice I could have given you would have involved corrupted judges, desolate swamps, and a shovel.
This is a sequence of characters intended to produce some profound mental effect, but it has failed.
Yeah, you've got the right idea. Love is not forever, except in our hearts. So the physical arrangement might be gone, but I don't think she'll ever really forget you, and you probably won't ever really forget her.
And you know the value of having fallen in love. Yeah, it can hurt. But having had at least some happy time with her is better than going your whole life never knowing what it's like.
Been there, done that. Here is what you do.
listen to the nastiest break up songs, read break up stories and watch heart breaking movies.
In short, make yourself hurt so much that you will be numbed so fast of the feeling. Try it. It worked for me.
http://stagelife.multiply.com/
Since I got no experience at all of what your main topic was I'd just drop by to recommend Guild Wars. You just buy the campaign and then you won't need to pay anything to play it again. The game features lots of content even if you only buy one of the three campaigns and you will be kept occupied with it for a long time, I would guess the whole summer. My recommendation is to pick up Nightfall as it features the best PvE, heroes - which you will come to love - ability to participate in PvP almost as well as one who got all campaigns as well as the most balanced leveling curve. Otherwise just pick up Mass Effect, I've got no doubt that it will keep you occupied for a long time either. However I can't say much about as I've not got a chance to pick it up; and don't dare to as soon before my birthday as it is.
I'd take this advice, this man knows what he's talking about.
As for your woman troubles, listen, when your young stuff like this will happen alot, and when you're young theres a certain novelty to finding someone and wanting to be together with them forever.
As you get older you'll find that your ideas of forever will differ. I know you look at things now and think "No way, I would have loved her forever." and it's true, you probably will in a way, but after 4 years and going through college, jobs, and new friends a part of you might wonder what opportunities you've missed out on.
So basically long story short, when you're young you WILL change your mind, and so will she (or they) but one thing is important to know, they'll never forget you... and you won't forget them... and one day in the future, they'll remember, and come back. Its an absolute guarantee.
I have never personally experienced what you're living, but 2 very close people have to some degree (sister and one of best friends). My advice is get someone to talk to, best friend, mum, dad.. whoever you feel more confortable with.. And talk.. go for a walk, get distracted.. try to spend some time with people that make you feel good, that make you laugh.. but get some time for yourself and your feeling...
Keep some photos, songs, anything that makes you remember your girl, hidden in some place so that you wont have to look at them unless you want to. Don't throw them away.. you'll regret that decision if you do. Pull the photos out of the drawer if you're feeling nostalgic, look at them while listening to that song... cry, cry your lungs out, you'll feel better. When you've had enough call that friend again.. he will surely make you feel better.
Don't think of starting any other relation right now, as you would probably feel an ass and would probably hurting someone else's feelings.
Don't try to forget, as love isn't something you will forget... try to remeber for what it was while it lasted, which is a wonderfull feeling, and hope that it will happen again one day..
Cry, laugh, remember the good times, spend quality times with the ones you love.. and someday, maybe in the close future you might have a pleasant surprise and find love again.. maybe even in of the people closer to you..
Try not to think too much about it.. Try not to do anything too radical.. You'll end up remebering it as a good memory and finding someone else special.. Don't push it, let it flow, life has its bad and GOOD moments.. they all come and go, and you allways learn something with them.
Peace
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Played- Runescape, Conquer
Tested- EQ, RYL, Freeworld
Everyone has been there man. There is a couple words of advice I can give you. First off realize it really isn't your fault. I was in the same exact situation you were in. The girl used to live for what could be but then started living in the now. I know this is a wierd analogy but hear me out. Let's say you invest all your money in one stock and it totally tanks. You got nothing left. If you "diversify" and spread the money around if one stock tanks you got other prospects.
I guess what I'm trying to say is take some time away from this girl. Talk to your friends, family and when your ready to play ball again get out there. It's not going to be easy I know, it feels like she was the only one for you. That still could be true but at this point it's not. Who knows, if you got out there meet other girls you might find one you like better, you might not. Talk to her in a month or two but not beforehand, cut off all contact and make her miss you this will be good for you as well. If she wants time apart give her just that, don't let her have her cake and eat it to. But when you do see her again tell her if you have seen other people (even if you haven't you can but that is up to you) and then let her know that you still have feelings for her.
And remember she won't want to get back together with you until you have gotten over her. Everything in the movie "Swingers" is true. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. Try not to think about what she is doing take it as an opportunity to do whatever you wanted to do but couldn't cause she was around, think about yourself
No one can assume why she did this but I can give you some insight. I am 25 and this has happenened to me personally plusI hear my girlfriends saying this all the time. "It feels like were married and were not." When my girlfriend and I broke up for the 2nd time (we are currnetly together and been on and off 5 years) we were living together and it made her feel this way. It can be draining to spend so much time around one person you lose that catalyst of attraction. Longing makes the heart grow stronger.
All I can say is, if you really love her and she really loves you you will end up back together one day. Just give her time, make the most of this summer, reinvent yourself so when she does see you again she sees you have more to offer. There is probably a girl in your same exact situation right now that just really wants someone to talk to. Find her.
Do you know what my favorite part of the summer time is? Summer dresses.
Everything in life is built upon a mountain. We as humans continually see ourselves climbing that mountain in the idea of change. Change is good for us. And for some the only way to believe in progress is in the midst of change and a potential step on the mountain. These changes could be small meaningless changes OR bigger more extreme changes such as scenery, sex partners during marriage, houses, cars etc..
Your female seen you as a stepping stone as is the case in many situations. You were a holdover, not what she truly desires, but a mere platform for rest before the search continued. Some people just HAVE to have that void filled, sometimes by anyone. It sucks that you got so sucked into it that your feelings have been pushed up under the truck. But once you realize that it is that natural human instinct that drives us to change and potentially APPEAR to be climbing UP the mountain and getting better and better the sting is numbed a little.
One day you'll find that female who is tired of searching and climbing and will agree to call it and consider her position being acceptable or as good as it will get without risking falling down.
I wouldn't let it get too far into your skin, or trust me, you will make every other girl want to run away from you.. Keep your chin up and just keep on truckin dood.. No one can take your knees from you man, no matter how sexy they appear to be.. STAND! TALL!
Well, by reading your post, the one thing that stood out was (I have given her everything). Sometimes this can be overwhelming for a woman. Men are born selfish to some degree....
Men need to have women pamper them not the opposite. Yes...there is nothing wrong to give her things here and there, but everything?
She may feel closed in and needs to escape for awhile. Who knows, by you ignoring her, she may come back. Good luck
I thought the same thing once. Guess what? 15 years later, I can't even remember her f*ckin birthday.
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"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." -- Batman
Newsflash, women are evil. Get a hooker and get over it
member of imminst.org
I can give you some practical things.
1. You mentioned you signed the deed to your house with her. I hope that was a forshadow to the future because the worse thing you can do in a relationship is co own a house or a lease with someone you are not married to. Ask any financial counselor and they will tell you that you minus well be gambling in Reno with your money instead because the odds are better you can make money from the deal.
2. How old is she? If she is in her low 20s her outlook on life will change drastically when she gets older (older I mean as soon as she is in her mid 20s....its that quick)
I don't know, the best advice I can give you is to NEVER share financial or Credit responisbility with a person you love no matter how much you love them until you get official married. Marriage will grant you some legal proctection if she leaves you (like she is still responsible for payments, etc). If she isn't married to you she can just up and leave and think no different and the only thing you can do is yell at her or spend more money in Civil court and sue her (but if her name isnt on the lease or mortage you are screwed)
A relationship is a gamble more or less. Some people get lucky the first time, some get lucky later and some always get a bad hand. You just need to follow your heart AND your brain
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
Okm im here to give you guys an update, and by the way thanks to everybody who posted on this topic, and to anyone who is reading up on it to keep informed. Ok, well right now im 18, and so is she. But when you think "18" your going to think VERY immature people (or atleast thats what most would think). We (and when i say "we" i mean, i am now, and she was before she changed) are extremely mature people. We have not thought about going to get ****ered, we haven't done stupid immature things like cheating, or playing stupid games, (although since shes changed she really has started doing that, not the cheating, but stupid head games.)today for me had been a long day already and its not even noon! for some reason everyday is like that. Now for the friends thing, i have many friends, but we really aren't the kind to stay close and talk or anything like that. I have my one best friend, but he lives as if he were in a shell. He's neglected by his parents and turns to (ROFL for saying this on THIS forum) Age of conan. So he isn't going to be much help. anyways, the thing that i am most worried/pissed off about is if she starts finding interest in other guys. Now i know from others experiences your going to say "This is a normal thing, and its fine" but its not. If you guys knew how our relationship was, well, let me just say that she was the one INFATUATED with me, when i REALLY wasn't the type to date anybody. But i found something in her, to come out of MY shell and give her a chance, and i found out early that i loved her VERY VERY much. Anyways...days feel like they are 48 hours long, i am seeming to get bored very easily, and if i have ANY time to sit and think to myself i seem to break down. Nobody has to respond to this, infact i honestly didn't think that anybody would respond to my post initially....the only thing that keeps my mind off of her is the euro cup, thank GOD for international soccer. And by the way, still taking requests for any games, and they dont have to be mmos, i have an xbox 360..Thanks alot and have a great day!
*Edit* Sorry, i forgot, my computer is a piece...Like seriously, it used to be a computer for an office at some carpet store, its got like, 126 ram, nameless video card/sound card, pentium 3 processor. I was just looking at red stone, any good?
"The definition of over doesn't have to be, "The End"
I think you should read over all of the posts here again because there is some excellent advice.
Maybe you could use a "retreat" of some sort where you can meet people and get away from where you live for a while If you can get into this situation it's the best.
If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to you should look to the internet, there are other people (women too) that just really want someone to talk to about this kind of stuff. It's easy to talk especially cause its all anon.
I can honestly say we thought we were really mature at 18 also. My current gf and I moved to Key West, FL from Chicago, IL out of high school and got our own place. We worked, went to school, paid rent and bills. Our parents were in our lives but we were pretty determined to make it together without their support and still had plans to marry/kids etc... 2 years in it all started to fall apart. People change, situations change. Needless to say it ended in the worst possible way a relationship can end.
I would never change a thing about the way I lived my life thus far I have no regrets. If I did it again though with what I know now.... I am a very different person now. In fact 3 years later with the same girl and on, off , then on again I love her but don't know if it will ever work out.
I got to say though as I went from 18-25 I went from hunter to hunted. Women change, and in this case for the worse, but on a greater spectrum the better. And it may seem like she is all you had but there are so many other people you haven't met so many girls that are beautiful and have more in common with you then you could ever imagine.
She could be the one but neither of you are going to know that till you lived a little.. Your going to think you know everything at 18 than when you turn 21 you will REALLY think you know something. 21-23 Your getting it now... 23-25 You have no idea what you want anymore lol.
Last piece of advice and it's seriously changed my whole perspective on things:
In life there are hills and valleys (ups and downs) it makes the terrain of life interesting. Now just think if it was just a big flat plain. Just a flat line, no ups, no downs. Or what if it was all up? You need to have downs to appreciate the good, to make life interesting.
At 18 you should be just starting the "meat and potatoes" of dating. You will find and lose (or let loose) quite a few girls over the next few years. From 18 until I was 25 I had quite a few girlfriends/one nighters. I honestly thought at 18 that I was ready to find the perfect girl and make a life with her. It wasn't until I was about 23 that I actually realized that my perfect girl was ever changing. For a few months I wanted a super hot party girl,next few I wanted someone more bookish etc.
I know it's somewhat trite but, get back on the horse. Nothing cures a broken heart faster than finding some other lady to share time with. I'm sure right now you don't have the mind to. You are always thinking of "her" but in all honesty the best and fastest way to get "her" out of your mind is to focus on another girl. Not all your relationships with the opposite sex will work out,infact the large majority won't. But it's a matter of trial and error until you find the one you will marry. Be kind,treat them with respect and use each relationship as a learning experience.
Sorry, i had nobody else to talk to, so heres my update. Its only been like a week, and im going nuts. We agreed not to talk, because hearing her voice really really makes me upset, But she phones anyways, and i F***ing love it. To me, her phoning says "I'm missing you ALOT, and i just cant bear it not talking to you" even if the actual conversation doesn't have any significance. Ok, so today i have been EXTREMELY DEPRESSED...I feel like im bored as HELL, and nothing can satisfy my boredom. I feel anxious, like im supposed to be somewhere, or talking to someone, and I KNOW WHY IM LIKE THAT. Its because i NEED to talk to her, my body is literally craving it. If i dont talk to her for a little while, i start to get sad and depressed, i lose my appetite, and my muscles get weak. But as soon as i hear her voice BOOM i feel good again, and i feel like there isn't a problem in the world.
Well this morning i made a fucking idiot out of myself. I phoned her crying my eyes out, trying to get some of that affection from her that makes me feel so good. Instead i got "I dont even want to hear this anymore". and that REALLY hurt. The girl who fell in love with me, before i even noticed her, told me that she doesn't want to listen to me being upset? I told her i missed her, and im having the worst time of my life, and everyday is harder than the one before. It didn't matter, she made me feel better when she said "You dont know that we wont be together". But i felt like that didn't cut it, And the second that i hung up, i felt like "The fucking loser exboyfriend who wont let her go" and that is a terrible fucking feeling. ESPECIALLY when this is the girl that you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Ever since that phone call i have had my head hung low, extremely embarrased, and bored out of my skull...I am so depressed right now, i cant even think straight, somebody PLEASE respond to this.
"The definition of over doesn't have to be, "The End"
If the both of you agreed to not talk and yet she still keeps calling then she is playing you. it gives her "power" knowing that she has you wrapped. Stop now before you do more harm to yourself. You are setting the tone for your future dating and this type of behaviour will embed itself in your pshyce and you will be stuck being the "lovestruck" one each and every time. Again you are 18, you may feel that you are ready to settle down but you aren't. You have nowhere near enough experience with females to make that call. I'm not talking about the sex aspect but the overall general idea of what you want in a wife,how will you provide for her and the soon to come children? Within 10 years you will know though.
That sudden,drastic personality change of hers sounds highly suspicious,like one of those X Files things. Take the following measures immediately:
-Check for an Alien Pod Plant in her bedroom. She may not be your girlfriend at all.
-Does she sleep days in a coffin in her basement?
-Does she have scars on her stomach that spell words,like"Help" backwards?
-Have you ever seen two of her at once,ie.,a Doppleganger?
-Has she ever tried to eat your brain?
"I knew John Kennedy,John Kennedy was a friend of mine.You Senator,are no John Kennedy."
no to all of the above....Pooberries, you ALWAYS give the most pointless posts.
"The definition of over doesn't have to be, "The End"
hmm.. plain and simple, females are evil. if i was a guy, i seriously wouldnt even bother.