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Tired of being sad and alone in real life? You need WAR!

succulencesucculence Member Posts: 4
in Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning

Tired of being sad and alone in real life? You need WAR!

Are you tired of being sad and alone in real life? Wish you could find a game where you could be sad and alone in a rich high-fantasy setting? Then walk slowly in your depressive funk to your local game retailer and purchase WARHAMMER ONLINE!

With a subscription to WARHAMMER ONLINE you will be bludgeoned into submission with the following revolutionary features:

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**An overly depressing game world virtually devoid of other players.

More leave every day!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**A revolutionary Public Quest system that lets you complete the

first of a three stage quest over and over because nobody is around,

nor interested enough, to help you complete the last two stages!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Rumored "massive" RvR battles boldly attested to by bad-game

apologists on unofficial WARHAMMER ONLINE forums! They were JUST

part of a spectacular seige! JUST NOW!! YOU MISSED IT!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Revolutionary new use of the word REVOLUTIONARY! REVOLT AND BE

PART OF THE WARHAMMER ONLINE REVOLUTIONARY REVOLUTION!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**World PvP objectives that look beautiful and exciting as you skirt

around them on your way to the next solo collection quest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Where the fuck is everyone? Try again later. LOL n00b, nobody is online

at THIS time of day/night! Keep logging in and paying, it'll pick up

around INSERT TIME HERE or when NEW PROMISED FEATURE is added.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Fight an endless battle against your own boredom with the Scenario

system. Choose from three repetative battle scenarios every 10th

level and hone your ability to spam often unclickable buttons while

wiping tears of regret from your eyes! Remember to pay attention to chat

for tidbits of wisdom (ridicule) from WAR's more-mature-than-WoW-players.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**NO GRINDING! None, ever, trust us. Revolutionary goddamnyou!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**"HARDCORE" PvP player base that offers the following fabulous answers

to your PvE questions:

"pq rewards arent good until r40 play scenario"

"lol wtf"

"go back to wow nub"

"fuk u"

"if don like pvp than don ply war it for hardcre play"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**No purchasable bags to increase your inventory space. If you can't

carry it yet, you don't need it yet, greedy SOB!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Grow a fucking plant and don't complain! It's about WAAAAAGH!!

Empires at WAAAAAGH don't have time for makin' shit.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Dedicated developers with a history of grand promises to keep your

hopes up until they're dashed against the rocks of reality in late 2009!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**HARDCORE! REVOLUTIONARY!! UPCOMING!!! PANTS!!!! WAAAAAGH!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

So buy WARHAMMER ONLINE now for the suggested ripoff errr... retail price of $49.99. We need that money up front, sucka!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhyyyy did I buy this shit?

Comments

  • succulencesucculence Member Posts: 4

      FLAME ON!! 

  • lornjlornj Member Posts: 334

    i laughed my ass off reading this. i quit playing WAR after the open beta was over. i liked it though.

  • ste2000ste2000 Member EpicPosts: 6,194

    This borderline pure trollism, but it is so silly I find it funny.



    Also there is some truth in it...........all of this is so REVOLUTIONARY, REVOLUTION....WAAAAARGHHH

  • invsblmninvsblmn Member Posts: 39

     FINALLY a thread in this stupid fanboi-centric forum that actually shows some good judgment and taste. OP you are my hero. Everything you say is absolutely true and I think you have the talent and wit to be successful in comedy or advertising.

    This THREAD deserves to be stickied!

  • SidereusSidereus Member Posts: 316

    the OP is such an useless piece of crap..making all this up must have taken like 10 mins...for what ? telling us things that we alrdy know and we can live with...seriously get out of your cave nerd

     

    Sry I just cant believe someone took the time the write that... after the 6 first lines I was..like WTF

     

     

    QUESTION:
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Xridnasa:
    -
    What's a "grocery store"? Is that like McDonald's?
    -
    ANSWER:
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sidimazz:
    -
    Kind of, just without the rapist.

  • PheacePheace Member Posts: 2,408

    Hahaha, I like this one in particular: 

     

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    **Rumored "massive" RvR battles boldly attested to by bad-game

    apologists on unofficial WARHAMMER ONLINE forums! They were JUST

    part of a spectacular seige! JUST NOW!! YOU MISSED IT!!!!!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    image

  • DuraheLLDuraheLL Member Posts: 2,951

    OP:

    I don't know what's more entertaining, your sarcasm or the fact that you are this upset. I think both are equal.

    image
    $OE lies list
    http://www.rlmmo.com/viewtopic.php?t=424&start=0
    "
    And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because *I* don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what *I* saw is ******* vampires! "

  • VosperVosper Member UncommonPosts: 57

    Hilarious!  Thank you for posting.

  • Zayne3145Zayne3145 Member Posts: 1,448

    LOL!

    For a troll, this is win.

    image

  • Frostbite05Frostbite05 Member, Newbie CommonPosts: 1,880

    honestly i salute you for the effort and giving me a good laugh ty.

  • QmireQmire Member Posts: 423

    hilarious, yet great!  =)

  • TrashcantoyTrashcantoy Member Posts: 827

    hilarious!

    MMOs currently playing: -
    About to play: Lord of the Rings Online
    Played: Anarchy Online (alltime favorite) and lots of f2p titles (honorable mentions: 9Dragons, Martial Heroes, Dekaron, Atlantica Online)

  • -thinker--thinker- Member Posts: 1

    Very funny. I almost laughed out loud (I'm a very reserved WASP-type :P)

    Does it have a flame potential? Yeah, I'd say 90% or so.

    Truth is, he does have a point. While I still have my subscription, more than a few times I had to force myself to go play it.

    To summarize his points (in a less flame-inducing but also much less funny mode):

    • There are too few people participating in open RvR or PQs. Everyone just goes through the same repeating scenario so they can get to lvl 40 faster. Then what? Does the fun really start at 40? I doubt it improves greatly and even if it does, shouldn't the designers have put as much fun on the way to 40 as they (supposedly) put into lvl 40 areas?
    • For all the elitism of - go back to WoW n00b - the chat is hardly any better than Barrens or Elwynn Forest.
    • Crafting system is ridiculously simple and is barely worth the effort.
    • Bags - if only we would have known that "eliminating the bag problem" meant not giving us an option to increase bag space at all, other than leveling... If you try crafting, you will immediately know what I mean. Even with 3 bags they fill up rather quickly with all the 15 types of tin watering cans (only slightly stretching the truth here) and moist soil and dry soil and peat and blood clots and...

    Am I going to quit the game? No, I'll give it at least a couple of months to improve. But I sure hope that the developers listen to all the players and not just the hardcore pvp crowd, otherwise what WAR will be left with is that hardcore crowd and I doubt it is as big as Mythic or EA want the game to be.

    -thinker-

This discussion has been closed.