Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Quick Links
mmo's and women
deathsdoor84
Member Posts: 5
Well, the mmo that I play now is nearing its death. Not from the lack of the game but from the girl I live with.
I got into games about a year ago to get away from the real world around me and have some fun. I love video games and before I got into the pc games I was heavy on the xbox and ps ( online ) Most of the time I'd get in and talk with my budys and shoot some stuff and have a great time, Then I started my first mmo online and loved it. Loved it a little more than the xbox or ps so yes I played a little more.
With better graphics and a more polished look I found my gf standing over my shoulder a little more with the look in her eye that she wanted to play and then the questions started to pour in. At first this was cool I love my lady but at the same time we had a clear understanding that it was me time and she had her own, me time. So this just rolled on for about a month or so and then the day came when she found out that other girls played, She heard them talking in grp over my speaker, Thats it I thought I'm done for and sure as rain I was.
Owe the questions. Do alot of girls play, well yea. Are they just as good as the guys, Well some are yes. Well can I play, Inside my mind I was saying F no how dare you invade my world. This is my place to get away from having to watch all the girly crap that you want to watch on tv, This is my place to get away from having to sit there and talk to you for 3 hours about Your job and all the girl drama in your life. In the end I said ok with a fake smile on my face. I love my girl so in the end I said yes.
Now in my guild before we had any women in it, It was a care free zone, A place to play and bs with the guys. Then one of them let a girl in and it turned our world upside down. The drama started. Some of the guys that did not have a gf started to go crazy for this girl, Always helping her and flirting with her every chance they could. So with one girl came more and more. Next thing you know in chat we were talking about shirts and shoes and not stam and int, WTF. So then my gf started to play and man o man did the crap start then. All my friends started to know about stuff that I would rather leave out of the game, Stuff like our love life and how I never take out the trash and how whipped I was, Things that I did not want the guys to know about.
This is bs, Im not saying keep women out of mmo's im just saying keep it about the game and play not chat and think its aim or yahoo, If I wanted to chit chat and hear about the drama thats where I go. So after a few weeks the crap got thick, some of my friends started to flirt with my old lady. This I did not mind but she thought it was kind of cute, Wtf Lord just get this girl out of my world and let me have my pc of mind back. So I am on the hunt for a new game, One that looks like crap so she wont want to play.
Comments
How about just talking to her and telling her how you feel about all this? If you didn't want her in "your world" you shouldn't have lied and said it was okay for her to play. You're making it worse by not confronting the problem.
------
A work in progress: (Update: 08/09/10)Easily find your favorite type of MMO
I can totally understand where your coming from when someone brings real life into the guilds social channels and crazy things start to happen.
It's not only women it must be said, as I would bet your going to get alot of liberal and feminist hammering for what your literally saying, but really the point is that some people strictly want their leisure time seperate from real life, and others just want to share every thought and feeling.
I think everyone can attribute to some annoying guild drama that came from real life turning up in guild chat or voicechat. Most laugh it off and others take it serious. However if your finding someone talk bad about you or have a feeling that jelous actions are going on behind your back you need to put a stop to it before it festers and grows, or just move on to another guild/server/game to get away from it all.
Anyway good luck with making your girlfriend into a great MMO gamer
Yes, you really just need to be utterly forthright about you inner feelings bro.
Prolly don't want to hear that, because it sounds too chitty chatty and girly, but hey, brutal honestly is the best remedy. Or you know what, perhaps with time you will build up a think skin and none of that will bother you. Doesn't matter what she says or the guys say, just immerse yourself and enjoy.
It's like when I see a movie with people, they 'dis it, and I love it, I just sink in, totally immerse myself and I'm in the zone. Don't be so rigid. Instead of thinking "I must have my ME time," say to yourself, "I prefer my me time. If it doesn't happen, I'm not gunna die.
My 2 cents.
Besides, most of us would give our left nut to have a gamer girlfriend.
Which is worse, a gf that nags the *&^%$#* out of you for gaming?? (My scenario)
Or a chick you can actually share gametime with??
Dude, wtf - you don't know how good you got it.
Ok, well first of all, you and your GF are not handling this the right way. I think this is more a sympton of your relationship and unspoken boundaries than anythign else.
Both of you need to realize that what goes on in your private life stays in your private life. And that the people you meet online, though they might be great, are not going to understand the ins and outs of your life and might not be as supportive as real life friends who you've been through thick and thin with.
I think it's incredible that your GF is playing and quite frankly I think you are a lucky man because of it. But she needs to keep boundaries so that she doesn't sell out your lives to people who might essentially, when it all comes down, be strangers.
Being in a relationship is not about "I" but how the "we" and how you support each other so that there can still be an "I" in the context of the "we". Sounds weird but beign in a relation ship is more about who two individuals fit together for a greater good.
You both need to be supportive of each other and respect each other. That is the key. She should be your ally and vice versa, not someone who goes off and gives up all the dirty details. You need to make sure you are inclusive as well, after all, who better to have on your side than the person who loves you to death and vice versa.
I think you both need to do some relationship work first and foremost.
edit: I see you are 24. After reading what you posted I thought you might be a young couple. As you and your gf get older this type of stuff tends to happen less (provided that you are both mature people who look at your lives and try to mitigate drama) as you both learn more about what a mature relationship entails. I know that as I got older my relationships just lost all the drama and things were always discussed and made clear.
Godfred's Tomb Trailer: https://youtu.be/-nsXGddj_4w
Original Skyrim: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/109547
Serph toze kindly has started a walk-through. https://youtu.be/UIelCK-lldo
This is the worst kind of girlfriend aggro. You are doomed OP.
Girls unless someone's husband/bf usually do cause drama...but the drama is usually cause by guys who are losers.
I was rude sorry.
How is it the girl's fault your guild is full of losers. Seriously.
Hey Hey Hey hold on now haters.
I am just saying that omg I want my game back. Being honest would have opened another door that I would not want to go down with her, I would spend more time trying to let her know that the game is myspace and blah blah blah. second its not that big of a deal that she talks about things in the game, They are cute and sassy but just normal stuff that I would not bring into the game thats all. Yes I see the advantage of having a gamer girl hell I could use her account as a 2nd account for myself. I know all this I'm just talking about a man and his game, Much like football on sundays.
OMG....girls....in MMO's!...whatever next!
How is it the girl's fault your guild is full of losers. Seriously.
Well its not. but seriously talking about shirt and shoes and all the drama that was not there before. ITS A GAME NOT SOAP-NET
The thing is. You are making a problem out of this yourself. Most girls don't talk about their love affairs unless guys ask for it.
In a good guild you don't distinguish between a girl and a guy. Most girls have no problem PVP'ing guys and most guys have no problem PVP'ing girls in our guild.
When a girl tries to get all attention and drama like in /gu you tell her to keep her business out of the chat or take it to private tells.
If you're a guy, act like one, if it bothers you either change guild or kick the girls who are being a drama queen and yapping too much, out.
Well, ok, they would get kicked out in our guild. Or at the least they would be called upon to roleplay in their character and keep RL out of the guild chat or take it to privat chat.
The thing is. You are making a problem out of this yourself. Most girls don't talk about their love affairs unless guys ask for it.
In a good guild you don't distinguish between a girl and a guy. Most girls have no problem PVP'ing guys and most guys have no problem PVP'ing girls in our guild.
When a girl tries to get all attention and drama like in /gu you tell her to keep her business out of the chat or take it to private tells.
If you're a guy, act like one, if it bothers you either change guild or kick the girls who are being a drama queen and yapping too much, out.
Well thats the thing, I have a great guild but the girls in it are drama queens, Big time, Not my place to kick them at all. All I'm saying is that keep the drama to yourself, or what you just said....
Ok, if it really bothers you I would open up another chat and invite people you like there.
What I used to do if I can't stand guild chat is just to minimize the window and to chat with people I like, either through tells or in group or I made a chat myself and invite people.
"Wanna chat a bit with us?" that was all it took. I'm not sure what game you are playing but it's so easy to build small communities in most MMO.
I'm sorry to have answered in such a harsh manner because you seem like a really decent person, but I have low tolerance for drama girls. We've had our share of players like that in our guild, even couples, and at the first sign of drama they get shown the door.
Minimizing guild chat, changing guild or just ignoring guild chat and making your own group channel would probably be good for you I think.
Lol your the first person to have this kind of situation that I know of.
I agree though, girlfriends should stay out of "our world" unless given consent. Or at least thats what I would want, I usually never reveal what I do for fun on my own time when im dating unless I want them to get involved in it.
In your case, your pretty much screwed for now imo, maybe she'll get tired of it given time?
You could tell her if you don't think she would take it offensively? But since I don't know her I can't fully suggest doing such a thing.
I remember there was this chick who played WoW and whenever she used to join a new guild, after a while she'd ask the leader to make her an officer/moderator w/e they're called in WoW. If the leader said no, and if the leader was a dude she'd do a webcam striptease for him if he'd promote her....lol
We're all Geniuses. Most of us just don't know it.
This is a pretty small problem and if you can't deal with something like this then you shouldn't be in a relationship. It really is that simple.
------
A work in progress: (Update: 08/09/10)Easily find your favorite type of MMO
Make a guild called "no girls allowed."
If you are not being responded to directly, you are probably on my ignore list.
This is a pretty small problem and if you can't deal with something like this then you shouldn't be in a relationship. It really is that simple.
I have to agree with this to a point.
Listen OP, I completely get the idea of what you are saying. heck, some of my male friends have put aside Thursday night to go to the pub come back to my place and watch movies that usually women wouldn't want to watch (we are currently going through everything that Russ Meyer made).
But point being, we don't say that our female friends, wives or GF's aren't allowed. What we say is that this is our night, they are welcome to participate but we will not go to another pub if it's crowded (opting to talk at the bar and wait for a table... for some reason our female friends can't stand to, er.. "stand") we will make odd remarks and talk guy talk and essentially allowi ourselves to regress back to 16 year old boys. Because it's fun to do that for small periods as long as we are responsible.
But relationships are about communication and respecting each other. Too many relationships implode because people tend to allow them to actually run as if they were 16 year olds (different from allowing you to act like one for a night).
I know you probably don't realize this now but you will in 10+ years or so. How you and your significant other conduct yourselves now will be far different in another 10 years. You will be more mature (provided you both consider this type of personal improvement a good thing) and you will have learned a lot.
good luck to you both. Oh, and in another game we had a clan where some of the women talked about shoes, etc. We didn't get on their cases as we repsected them. We simply conducted conversations around their chat and in some cases grouped up and had our own.
Godfred's Tomb Trailer: https://youtu.be/-nsXGddj_4w
Original Skyrim: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/109547
Serph toze kindly has started a walk-through. https://youtu.be/UIelCK-lldo
Guys can be just as bad as women...so the sword cuts both ways.
That was a sweet and fun read. I can see you love your girl, but yes it's healthy to have some private place with your buddies. Maybe as has been said, an all male guild vs the gf guild, that would be fun.
girls have been the cause of a break up of one of the guilds i have been in WoW, another also caused a fracture in another guild, although the leadership did well to recover the guild. Women have been the cause for most of the drama i have expirienced in WoW, although i wont say all woman cause drama i'm just saying they were really the only ones who did ... do it..... although i'm 100% sure there are plenty of cool gamer chicks out there. Although i havent ran into any yet, atleast none that i can remember.
Playing: EVE Online
Favorite MMOs: WoW, SWG Pre-cu, Lineage 2, UO, EQ, EVE online
Looking forward to: Archeage, Kingdom Under Fire 2
KUF2's Official Website - http://www.kufii.com/ENG/ -