What's really going on with Darkfall

(Those of you that were around for the WOW launch will probably remember this post, but I have a feeling most of you weren't)

Brannoc:

Alright guys, I need a no BS status of where we are with server cage 2.

Ron:

After we brought down east coast server cages to max out the west coast we ran into a few problems. The hardlink to the main burnt out and we don't have another one. Cindy has it on an overnight delivery but we won't have it here until tomorrow.

Brannoc:

And the second problem?

Ron:

Well, a lot of the guys are tired. We've been working on this thing for 6 day sraight. Most of us have only slept a few hours this week and my wife hasn't seen me in a month. It's cool though, you know us; we'll get it done.

Brannoc:

I know you will. I appreciate all of the time you guys put in. Don't worry, it will pay off in the end. We could have the best MMO in history and beat the pants off of Blizzard!

Ron:

Ha, yeah those Blizzard bastards. But we're not doing it to have the best MMO, we're doing it for the children, Brannoc... for the children.

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Meanwhile, on the MMORPG forums......

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ZtyX:

OMFG WHEN ARE THE GIMP SERVERS GOING TO UP UP. ADVENTURINE YOU WIENER BASTARDS AND DONT GIMME ANY OF THIS DESYNC CRAP! WE DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!

Sunhaze:

dood read the sticky, and its aventurine, no d

[LoD]EE:

ZtyX is right. I've played every beta for every game ever made and no beta has EVER been this LAGGY. I mean it SUCKS. When is avent going to get this CRAP together and FIX IT. WE are THEIR customers and there is NO way I am going to subscribe like this. God dang I wish I could play righ now though.

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Back at Aventurine headquarters....

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Brannoc:

Hi Cindy, what's the status of that hardlink?

Cindy:

I ordered it last night but it still hasn't come in yet. ooooohhh (Cindy writhes in pain)

Brannoc:

Are you ok? You don't look so good.

Cindy:

I think it's my spleen. I had surgery on it last week and I think the stitches have come loose. I am bleeding internally.

Brannoc:

Oh my GOD! We have to get you to the hospital!

Cindy:

No no, I can make it. I think... (Cindy doubles over in pain) Must.. wait... for ... hardlink... save... yourself... ...it's ..for ..the.. children...

Brannoc:

Righto!

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Meanwhile, on the MMORPG forums...

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Sulk:

Cool, not only are we lagging the game servers, and the forum servers and IRC servers, but now MMORPG's HD's are filling with post after post about the lag! This is so funny, I think I am gonna go have sex to kill the time!

mortharx:

Well I hope this experience has made the DFO team bungholes pucker up. You're in MMO land now and hopefully you guys will see that you're not as prepared as you thought you were.

Osium:

WE NEED A WIPE!!!

Lostbunny:

Did you read what he wrote? I mean, seriously, did you read it? Let me summarize it for you. They know the lag exists. They want the lag to exist so that they can provide less lag after launch. Deal with it.

Consensus:

And you're obviously a smacktard. They've had _3 days_ of this problem to gather nformation. I can understand this happening during the, GASP, STRESS TEST...but this is release. I have _NO_ faith in Adventurine right now to fix this situation since they're pulling Wizard of Oz crap to try to keep the masses quiet. Just be frank, tell us what's wrong (not "Oh, we're testing the internet backbone monitoring server"), and tell us when and how you're implementing a fix. Don't throw up smoke and mirror crap and ignore the INTELLIGENT people that realize this kinda crap after launch is NOT a good sign.

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Back at headquarters...

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Kirk:

GOD DAMNIT SCOTTY! We need MORE POWER!!

Scotty: (crackled scottish accent through the intercom)

I'm giving her all she's got captain, she's already at 110%. I don't think she can take any moooore.

Kirk:

Then give me 115% percent!

Scotty:

Sigh. Aye captain.

Spock:

That would be unwise. The reactor was not designed for this high of a load. Increasing the power could have unfavorable results. Logic suggests.....

Kirk:

Damnit Spork we don't have time for your stupid logic!

Bones:

Jim! Listen to yourself. Spock is right. Ventelating with the outside air won't do anything. We have to get the men off! Captain... we've been sabatoged!

Kirk:

Sabatoge? Who said anything about Sabatoge?

Bones:

Captain!

Kirk:

Very well. Surface the ship and we'll ventelate with the ouside air. Attach the escape boats to the deck. We'll use them as shields until the fleet arrives. Navigator!

 

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.....

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aventurinal:

I can't logon at all. At first it would just stall on Connecting or Patching, now it just says I cannot logon at this time. Server 1 = down. DFO hates me.

jordank23:

I dont care there is problems with the server i dont care what people say about blizzard i have diablo 2 diablo 1 warcraft full(mean all seriies)and all starcraft I play them when wow is down they never gona get old i still play diablo 1 its ok there is a lot of people in evry blizzard game, they all are very nice SO I DONT GIVE A !&$% WHATS GOING ON IAM BUYN WOLRD OF WARCRAFT AND NOTHING CANT STOP ME !!!!!!

Gamer1221:

dont post again. ever.

tazarconan:

Yea how many hours has it been since that last DEV POST . at least say WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS WRONG THE SERVERS WONT BE UP TONIGHT SO GO TO BED OR WHATEVER so we dont sit here infront of out computer screens like Idiots posting Idiotic threads like 99.9% of this whole forum . at LEAST Post an H O U R L Y update .

Osium:

IF THE SERVERS DONT GO UP SOON I WILL KILL MYSELF

Ssly:

heres the dagger, feel free to start now

 

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Back at Wayne Manor...

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Bruce:

Well ol chum, looks like this is the end.

Robin:

Holy server meltdown!

(Scene: Bruce and Robin are trapped in a cage suspended above a giant vat of hot liquid molten servers)

The Joker:

At last! I have revealed the true identity of the ambiguous duo.

The Commissioner:

You don't know that...

Bruce: (whispers to Robin)

Quick ol chum, turn around and reach into my pants.

Robin:

What am I looking for?

Bruce:

A secret weapon.

The Joker:

......

The Commissioner:

......

Aunt Harriet:

......

Bruce:

What? What are you looking at?

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On the forums...

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relandi:

A lack of dev responses are making me well ...blue. Sad, depressed, annoyed and feeling forgotten.

[MH]KrystDaymen:

relandi wets his bed at night.

Bannroc:

I can't beleive adventurine has not made a post about the servers since 9:36 am PST.

 

 

And now, for something completely different.

 

 

Blizzard:

We're concerned about Darkfall taking over the WoW PvP demographic. Make a crappy launch and we'll pay you $1,000,000.

Tasos:

Deal.