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One sentence MMO Reviews
UnleadedRev
Member UncommonPosts: 568
1) Warhammer Online (Fantasy)
Join a massive Alliance Zerg of 75-100 players, fight your way to the Eternal City with them, where you will then be broken into instances with a 75% chance of defeat, then locked.
2) World of Warcraft
Login, get your 2 Frost Emblems from a dungeon you have done 100 times already, then get locked, get your PvP XP from several attempts at winning a BG, then spam the trade channel to LFG for a Raid, and read countless "your mom" responses from 2 million subscribers who Blizzard says "can't be wrong"...but are certainly dumb.
3) Star Trek Online
Login, download massive patch, receive tons of XP as a result of patch, gain 1-5 levels as a result, then log off....no need to play until you hit cap with this model.
4) Lord of the Rings Online
Login to experience the vastness of Middle Earth, then realize every zone is surrounded by mountains, canyons, or other obstacles that make Middle Earth seem small and that the zones don't really look like Middle Earth.
5) Vanguard Saga of Heros
Login, get turned off by the first NPC you see cause he looks spastic, and realize no one else is playing.
6) Aion
Login and realize the characters look like every other Asian MMO, with pretty boys and cute cuddly pets, where grinding is enjoyed by former assembly line workers and gold farmers from Bejing.
7) Star Wars Galaxies
Login only to realize the entire game has changed and your character is gone.
8) Age of Conan
Enjoy leveling with good quests that give crappy loot until level 80, then you realize your gear sucks, and because you didn't play in mini games to get PvP experience for 80 levels, you cannot buy any PvP gear and the only server available is a PvP RP Server, and your lack of PvP gear means you will suck at PvP....so you go to Bori, and then rage quit at its massive display of fail.
9) Everquest 1 and 2
You can't spell Sony, and after you login and realize S-o-n-y does indeed spell "Sony" , and is part of "Sony-Verant", you rage quit.
10) Final Fantasy X(?)
You can't count to the Roman Numeral number of this latest version, even though its a MMO, so when you login and see pretty boys and cute cuddly pets, and realize its yet another Asian MMO, if you didnt realize that already (how could you not?), and then rage quit because you really didnt want to play yet another grind fest with the redundancy of a assembly line worker in a Bejing childrens toy company making toys out of toxic lead.
11) APB
You heard this is a unique game, and not a fantasy MMO that has been overdone like Fonzie in a Happy Days episode, and rejoice...then you notice the high amount of cheaters using "AimBot", and how PunkBuster the worst anti-cheat program in the world doesnt do anything, and that even when cheaters begin forming AimBot guilds, RTW doesnt ban anyone because they are losing money and need every subscriber they can get.....RIP the game is closed as of this week,
12) PlanetSide
A refreshing Sci-Fi MMO/FPS in a MMO industry over saturated with elves and orcs, but its a Sony-Verant product, which means they will find some way to screw the game up while over charging you, despite the fact the game is over run with cheaters....but hey...they pay to play!
13) Mafia II, Dragon Age Origins, Mass Effect, Elder Scrolls, BFBC2, Crysis
You realize how much fun these games are, so they are obviously free and not MMOs, otherwise you would be paying to not have fun in a multiplayer environment, which you can do anyway in some of these games, and even the ones that are single player are so superior to most MMOs that you won't miss hearing "you mom" everytime you ask a question in WoW.
Peace
Comments
mmorpg.com needs a like button
STOP YOUR RUN ON SENTENCES!!!!
Philosophy of MMO Game Design
My only disagreement with you is that Mafia II should be:
You play it for 15 hours, beat the game and realize it was just a bunch of mafia movie cliches loosely tied together, so you uninstall the game and never play it again.
--When you resubscribe to SWG, an 18 yearold Stripper finds Jesus, gives up stripping, and moves with a rolex reverend to Hawaii.
--In MMORPG's l007 is the opiate of the masses.
--The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!
--CCP could cut off an Eve player's fun bits, and that player would say that it was good CCP did that.
lmfao
Very true.
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i liked the "you can't count to the roman numeral..." part on FF. i always get confused with that.
Meh i thought it was going to be quick witty quips like movie reviews.
Drop the next-gen marketing and people will argue if the game itself has merit.
It's surprising how many people think that XIV is the same as XVI or FF XI is the same as FF IX. it's actually kind of scarry.
You Sir Win!
Yawn. Another pointless rant filled with negativity. Go play another genres, this one doesn't seem to be your thing.
Best description of these games I have read in a long time.
10/10
UnleadedRev - Neat idea on the one sentence review thing and I agree with you for the most part. Are there any MMOs you didn't list that you like and would write a positive sentence about?
I have to agree with the OP for the most part. Theres no law against negativity, especially relating to your gaming experience.
A little long winded. I just would have to say most games are pathetic in one way or another. This is my opinion, if you think its negative, too bad. Make a game that suits me, and i'll be positive. If you hate the same game, and express your negativity, why would i care, i'm having fun.
Should change the title to "Runon Sentence MMO Reviews".
No required quests! And if I decide I want to be an assassin-cartographer-dancer-pastry chef who lives only to stalk and kill interior decorators, then that's who I want to be, even if it takes me four years to max all the skills and everyone else thinks I'm freaking nuts. -Madimorga-
I heard of people putting down people for bashing games that played for a day or two and said that they needed to play more, but in this case it seems like the OP played some of the games for about 15-20 min.
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Truth be told
I hereby pronounce you the winner of this entire site. We can all go home now.
-Letting Derek Smart work on your game is like letting Osama bin Laden work in the White House. Something will burn.-
-And on the 8th day, man created God.-
UnleadedRev wins. Fatality!! Flawless Victory.
TU++
@OP: great reviews!
Sticky!
If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world
C.S. Lewis
Not sure I'd say that any bit of it is true, but still funny, nunstheless...
Yes, a "like" button would be good, here...