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anxiety playing online games
JessXIII
Member Posts: 22
I really like playing MMOs and I often solo because I have serious anxiety even online. So I am not looking for a would-be therapist to answer, just wondering if anyone else has this problem, or plays alone or maybe with one other friend and wouldn't mind making a new friend (me)? It's not just MMOs but anything multiplayer. I just get nervous easy, it's been a problem for nearly 11 years now. Currently I mostly play LOTRO (though it's been months and so much has changed I'm feeling overwhelmed by trying toget back into it) and Champions Online and then games with co-op that aren't always mmos like Gears 3 and some others. I would try other things, but I fail completely at big grouping events and it's sad because I need items in those.
Maybe if it was just 2 or 3 people that never play with others and just are looking for a loyal but anxious new person to join them, that might work out. If it's people I don't ever know, I just freeze up. This may sound stupid to some but it is a problem for me. It's hard enough posting this here. I had searched all over the net for a site that deals with that, but none. I probably made a mistake posting here, but about to hit the post message button and expect the juvenile comments to begin.
Comments
If you're interested in playing SWTOR, let me know.
I used to suffer from severe social anxiety, and have always used online methods for coping (from BBS's back in the 90's, to MMORPG's today).
I still have issues, sometimes I want to be social, sometimes I don't want to talk to my best friends, so I'm pretty understanding of things like that.
I would think most MMOs would be brutal on an individual with social anxiety issues. They seem to be a haven for antagonists.
I'd look into Guild Wars. Other than towns, the game is heavily instanced. It would provide a structured environment where you could enjoy interaction with others without much of the hassles. I find that guilds with adult active guild masters are great for comfortable interaction, grouping and socializing. That's where I tend to end up, although honestly anymore it's just easier to turn chat off and go solo. I'm hardly a good example of a socialite.
I have the same problem. Played FFXI, EvE and WoW solo. Now I'm just playing Oblivion while I wait for Skyrim. I'll be playing GW2 though.
I play solo normally also, I play eve although I think I'm about to quit. Been playing a long time solo and it gets tiresome. I play wow but have had enough of that game. Was playing ffxiv a bit since its free to play at the moment. I'd play just about anything though. I have a little experience helping with running a guild (was an officer in a succesful wow guild for over a year) and perform decent in most games.
Whatever you guys wanna do I'll join. I'm planning on playing swtor and diablo 3.
edit: I'm an artist/songwriter, full of social anxiety but getting over it, and a constant mmo player.
I had that same problem for like ten years, so this really strikes a chord with me. I won't be playing anything for awhile once I get my hands on Skyrim, but I did send you a PM with some cool stuff I wanted to tell ya.
Take care.
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6-34
I hope you post again in the thread
But yeah I've had social anxiety but I also really tried to push through it by just talking to random people MMOs helped alot with this.
But what kind of game are you into, what type of MMOs do you like?
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Achiever 20.00%, Explorer 86.67%, Killer 60.00%, Socializer 33.33%
EKSA
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I too really only enjoy playing games with people I know. I've been an avid EVE player since 2006 and have met quite a few friends over the years. Those I classify in my "friends" group are the ones that even after these years of EVE still play other games with me as well. I still play EVE strong, as I also just started playing DCUO on PS3 now that it's F2P. I do enjoy meeting new people in MMOs and making new friends online though. If you do a lot of PS3 my tag on there is mega_buu if you play some steam games as well, my tag on there is Mega Buu I do enjoy co-op games with friends and have several on steam just for that reason. I prefer PS3 co-op games though, as I absolutely love the system. If you want to make a new friend and you can look at my steam profile to see what games I play, if any interest you go ahead and add me on steam and PSN if you got it. I will also be heavily into SWTOR when it launches.
I never had anxiety until 2004. 33+ years without even thinking about it really, and then one day, out of the blue, I had a massive panic attack. It frightened me so badly (thought I was having a heart attack) that I quickly had another out of fear of having one. That started a 2 year chain reaction that led to agoraphobia and multiple panic attacks daily, sometimes up to 15+ per day. I began to live with 24/7 anxiety that disrupted my entire life for a couple of years
I started online gaming with MUDs in the early 90's and moved right into mmorpgs with M59 and then UO, on to EQ and AC1 after that, and so on up til today. So yes, my experience with anxiety included my online multiplayer gaming.
I work a lot these days, so don't get to play nearly as much as i use to, although I do still play at least a little bit daily. Working 2nd shift makes timing a bit tough for me, so I probably am not of much use as far as hooking up in a game or anything, but I wanted to drop in and say hi, wish you the best and send some positive thoughts your way. I have been there and it sucks royally, but there is hope.
If you ever feel the mood to chat, you can always hit me up via pm here. If not, that's cool too. Stay cool and all the best to you.
Wow, lots of supportive replies. I will play Skyrim, but I really want to play LOTRO again. I never got to get the helegrod armor or lothlorien (for looks) and the other stuff for my hunter. I LOVE that game but no one to play with. I play on some M named server, sorry forgot the name my english sucks sometimes. I just really find a sense of peace in that game. I wish I could find a friend to play with or two, but nothing huge. Just enough to do these group things together all the time. I know some can be done with just a few people even if they recommend more.
I get depressed at how I am alienated from a part of the game because of my anxiety which really hurts when you put so much money or time (or both) into a game and it all works out fine for months and then suddenly you hit a wall where you are basically forced to play with strangers or quit. After working on my characters for so long it's hard to let go. It can deeply depress me at times. Especially around this time of year. Also I like playing games with other people who play in the background, like they become part of the scenery, but it's immobilizing at times playing with them. Plus from about this time until 6 or 7 more hours are the times I play, so there's not many around.
I think one problem i find on the games forums for any game is someone will play with me but then they join a guild/clan or something and I feel left out. I remember there was so much loyalty in UO but that was years ago. I did play GW but I'm done with that. Mostly playing (well want to go back to) LOTRO and Champions and not sure what else is really my style. I have played or tried more beta's of games. DDO was okay. Also I like lots of armor and things so it's rough. The anxiety is pretty bad. It takes the skill I do have and removes it completely. I feel frozen at times.
Anyway, if I don't see your message and you actually want to play stuff and even if it's not a MMO but maybe Gears 3 co-op, and horde/beast mode (I solo a lot on those) or LOTRO or something, send me a private message. I even play that weird Second Life game sometimes just to try to connect with other gamers in there to then go and conquer these group situations with but I never find anyone.
@Jezvin (hope I spelled that right) I hope I answered the games question above.
also @ Mith I'd love to play some games. I don't know if we'd like the same ones though.
Sorry my post is all over the place. It's a bit difficult to talk about this.
For years, i play healers in mmorpgs almost exclusively. In WoW and Eq2 i've run all the healing classes while in WoW i raided hardcore as Holy- and Discpriest, Restodruid and Restoshaman. Nowadays i heal in Rift, 3 roles dedicated to Sent, Warden and Purifier.
Back then when i started out healing, it got me very very nervous every time i joined a dungeon group and i often hesitated clicking the LFG button. People at times making remarks on my green equipment made me want to leave. I literally sat here sweating and had to keep a towel on my legs to dry my wet hands while playing. In raids, i had a hard time to string a sentence together on Vent when i had to set up the healers for a bossfight. Worst case scenario was a raid leader yelling at me for a mistake infront of 23 other people. Couldn't stay, couldn't leave.
Soon i knew the squishy tank classes and froze in my tracks when class XY was in the group. In example healing WoW DKs in the beginning when players where noobs, tanked with dmg-spec and the class took unpredictable damage out of nowhere made my dungeon runs hell.
By time i grew more confidence in my ability to fulfill my role and didn't give in to mouthy DDs or unable tanks. Stopped healing on aggro ping-pong among the DDs, stopped healing rogues who constantly were 12m ahead of the tank. You save the group from wiping, everyone takes it as given -you made a mistake, the tank and DPS are all over you. May be silly, but that was some tough business for me.
Let me add that i am a grown man now and have not always been of the light tempered kind. I grew up in a bad place, did martial arts for 12 years and have been in some tough scenarios. I trained working dogs in personal protection for 6 years as a helper (that dude in the bite-suit), handled and owned some of the toughest dogs in my country for 15 years, with my hardest dog so dominant that we stood toe to toe for his lifetime. But in games, some switch got flipped and the 14 year old snottys made me nervous and roughed me up.
It got way better by time and i nowadays i don't know what my problem was at all. Try to arrange an environment that allows you to grow into your game at your own pace and leaves you in control of your experience. Before you join guild groups or raids, join them on Vent for a while and just listen, but ingame keep going solo still. Don't join them groups if you dont feel shure, but don't hesitate to ask them to help you with one or two groupquest of yours -because in the end you can always say "that's it, thanks alot! i can go on on my own from here". Create a char that no one in your guild knows and that you can fall back on. Being new in a guild, spending alot of time on lower level chars also helps you from getting drawn into the endgame torrent where it's at, while still 1-2 people join you every now and then with their alts. I'm shure with your problem consisting for 11yrs you know and tried all this already.
Whatever you do, don't let it drive you backwards but make a step forward and I'm shure that if you openly talk about it to your gaming friends (even if it may be uncomfortable and awkward at first), you'd be surprised how much supportive and open minded folks there still are. You'd also be surprised to find what sort of way bigger problems some of the other gamers out there have at hand. Most of all: keep on gaming!
I always have this problem. For the life of me i can't talk to anyone face-to-face and when i get on an MMO, it's not as bad but i still can't talk to anyone. I started in Everquest and it wasn't so bad, i actually talked to people and grouped like crazy. Then all of a sudden, i just didn't talk to anyone. I jump around MMOs for years and i just can't get passed talking to anyone. I get in a guild, i try to speak to people and i just hide and go Solo everything until i'm practically forced to group.
I'm playing Age of Conan now and all i do is solo and help out those here and there, but i just can't bring myself to talk to anyone.
I know that feeling. English isn't even my first language and I have trouble with conversational english. It took me a long time to post these messages because of how slow I am. I hope to find people like me. I'm a good player eventually but not at first and I'm never the best but I can't give up on the one thing that is getting me through rough times or these holidays for instance.
It sounds to me your anxious whether your playing mmorpgs or not. Thing is that your not really face to face, worst thing that can happen in the game is you all wipe. And lose time. That isn't so bad. What, people get angry? The point is to learn from your mistakes and figure out how you can help the group better. Solo-ing isn't the best methodology in a mmorpg. Group with some people and do the best you can.
I grouped alot, and if it seems like someone isn't capable of doing their job, I cut them lose and find someone who can. I'm usually a group leader and do my best to keep the group alive and looting/killing. I remember telling someone watch out, trap. Then another sentence of trap. Them dying to the trap because they walked into it. And me saying "I told you so.". A few mistakes here and there isn't going to make me kick you from the group.
I've been working alot of my chars who need specific missions run. So for that reason I've been creating groups and doing those missions. All of my chars need the same missions, so keep running them for each character. After awhile you get to know what to expect in the dungeons.
I would try to fake it until you make it. Pretend that you don't have issues and just do the best you can. Eventually with effort you can overcome this and enjoy the social interaction. It will take effort though, you cannot overcome this without effort. I remember when I had a panic attack, first one in my life. I decided it was not going to prevent me from doing anything, and with effort worked thru it, and did what I was going to do regardless of the panic attack. Because of that, I didn't have any more panic attacks. If I let the panic attack rule my life, I'm sure I would of fell victim to more. It is best to forge ahead regardless of the anxiety. Now if its a valid fear, then you should listen to it. If you sense someone intending you harm, and you know they are there, then you should take defensive actions. The majority of the time people are not out to get you. Some people are actually trying to be helpful.
You're not the only person who makes mistakes. Its easy to make mistakes. The point is to learn from them and try to improve.
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The game is dead not, this game is good we make it and Romania Tv give it 5 goat heads, this is good rating for game.
I am kind of like that, except I cant get into any single player RPG. I have to have human interaction of some type. Not saying I am very social, but if a game doesnt have real people playing around me, I get bored. I hate computer AI.
Sometimes just hanging out in an area with a lot of people around cracks me up with some of the dumb stuff they do. I like people watching, but that is the extent of it. Same in RL, I enjoy watching people go about doing their routines.
I know the anxiety from a watchers stand point. My wife gets really anxious when playing games with other people but she really enjoys it. She loves MMO's but always plays exclusively with me or friends of ours.
She loves the fantasy genre and I the Sci-Fi so that means we play fantasy most of the time :P . Currently we play Rift because she loves it, I enjoy it but would love to be playing a more Sci-Fi type game but I make the best of it and group quite regularly in the random dungeon finder because frankly it's the easiest way to gear up when friends aren't online.
When we are playing I will queue us for a dungeon and she immediately gets anxious. So I tank for the group and any mistakes she makes or feels she makes I will do something to draw attention from her and back on me. It works most of the time., and in the end we have a chuckle at my lousy gameplay and we move on, the only thing that got injured was my pride. I have a thick skin and can handle it, so we both have fun.
You are not alone, I would suggest to just find a group of friends, it may be a big step for you to put yourself out there, but with a group that know you it gets very easy, eventually. I know that can be the biggest step for anyone, putting yourself on the spot per se.
Just convince yourself that whatever problems may occur while playing is a problem that everyone in the group is going through also or has recenlty gone through and it gets easier. Much easier.
If Lotro feels like too much, try a new game, one with cross server instant queue. Random people not on your own server helping you learn events is much easier than failing in front of people you see in the towns and quest hubs on your own server.
It's not that I care if they get angry because of how i'm playing. It's guess it's just hard to explain it all. I don't enjoy playing with strangers, especially when they all know each other already, feeling like an outsider sucks and on top of that I get very very anxious; to the point I just can't play the game. I don't really have any online friends, and making them isn't easy. I've posted this a few times in the forums of games I play, and people ask me to join their big guild where, but ignore me when I do. I've seen them do that to other new members too though who usually end up leaving to other servers. I've done a few server transfers myself. The main theme I see even since UO is the core members of the guilds always stick together and if anyone from the players of the game to the developers of the game, think that we are just supposed to adapt and make friends with complete strangers is crazy, that kind of thinking is such an inexplicable failure. It's just not like that for everyone. Not everyone is a social butterfly, not everyone feels comfortable putting on a fake smile to be a part of a quest in which everyone gets in a few hits before something ties, and the core members of the guilds go home with the prize. It would be good to find a few people who aren't tied to any other guilds in LoTRO for example, and we all play. It's to find loyal people too and if I have to put in a huge effort to overcome anxiety for that to happen, and the people I'm doing that for just skip out for another guild, it's upsetting.
Just want to say I've been there, OP.
not even sure If i've resolved that issue yet, but I sorta gave up and just accepted it and try to avoid communicating with people who make me uncomfortable or who simply seem like they are only there to ruin enjoyment for others. That's part of my beef with the new mmorpg direction, as it nullifies the concept that a good friendly community can be built and in and of itself could be the foundation of a game, instead of a just another list of combat features.
Also, I must say, I'm pleasantly surprised at the amount of supportive responses to this OP. I guess there are some good hearts around mmorpg.com afterall
PM me any time as well if you want a friend ingame that understands anxiety. I'll be playing SWTOR, GW2, TSW, and Archage... for now, I'm trying to get into BF3 at a not-getting-stomped-constantly capacity, and it's kicking my puppy.
I would give you my gamertag on that, but it wouldn't matter anyways because I don't pay attention to their social system that sorely resembles something like facebook.
Good luck dude
When my family got us a 56k modem for our two windows 98 PCs we had in our house, my first online game was Quake II when I was just 12 years old about to turn 13. I had two much older brothers which is why I was allowed to play a bloody shooter at the time (Such an advantage came in very handy most of the time). Online interactions were limited to text and everyone was really nice mostly. Even with the anonymity of aliases.
Then I started playing other online games like SubSpace and Infantry later down the years. The internet was still really growing fast but not as fast as it did probably once Cable and DSL came out. Eventually upgraded to Cable Modem. Now everyone was getting internet services and video game developers started to explore online gaming much further. That's when I tried my first MMORPG Dark Age of Camelot. I skipped EverQuest because I knew it had no PvP in it and my oldest brother thought people who play EQ are noobs since there is no PvP. We had a cousin who played EQ and he would make fun of him all the time for it. In hindsight I probably should have at least tried EQ, but I have no regrets since DAoC was so good anyway it became one of my favorite games (The Original Version, though).
Infantry was where I met the closest online friends I've ever had because of the game's ingame squad and chat channel system. We started small but there was like 20-30 of us eventually which was considered very large for most online communities at the time. We still talk even after 13 years and remain as close online friends. Most of them are gone because they grew up and moved on or whatever, but some of us still like to chill out on occasion. All of this was done through text chat.
However, that was also the point in time when people started to use voice chat to socialize and Counter-Strike clans with elitists started to sprout up. Sure, elistist nerds were around before, especially in games like Infantry and SubSpace. But everything pretty much went downhill from there. My parents definitely didn't want me listening or talking to those "foul mouthed" internet peoples, since text chat was already bad enough lol (coming from a Baptist and Catholic mixed family).
Being an adolescent, I still listened in on people's voice chats and eventually when I grew older I got a mic and started to join in. As a young adult now, I find it hilarious when I hear a little 10 year old boy's voice, trying to find online friends through voice chat (reminding me of myself when I was that age). Things are way different now. Cue the "when I was your age, I had to..." song. But it just wasn't the same as text chatting with the "guys", for me. So me and my buddies still text chat whenever we do our gaming. We also prefer to call each other by our aliases in RL and online.
So that is my online story I guess. That's why I don't like to socialize in voice chat when online.
I have another story about when I took Speech Communication in college about how it actually made me more awkward in public speaking, but I eventually overcame this recently (took me 1 year to overcome this problem) by realizing that you can pretend the audience is one person while you give the speech and look at one person at a time for each paragraph type thing. Sometimes you don't even have to look at people in the eyes while speaking and it's ok. I learned I can only look at people in the eyes when I have something happy to say usually. I can't stand it if I'm saying something mean or something sad lol.
Well I'm glad that at least you have an excuse to be slow. English is my first language and I'm really slow. The speed at which I can form sentences and do math has pretty much forced me to become a follower instead of a leader in most cases in life except for events when time is exactly what we have. When I have time to form sentences, I've found I'm a genius at times when others fail. I like to do tedious things slowly and accurately. I think it's just Genes and DNA. Everyone is different with different strengths and weaknesses.
You will eventually find a group of people that you can relate to. When I found mine, I felt grudges towards people that said I was no good and just lazy lol.
Hrmmm... I did a Google search for "MMORPGs social anxiety" and a lot of good information came up on the first page.
I miss the MMORPG genre. Will a developer ever make one again?
Explorer: 87%, Killer: 67%, Achiever: 27%, Socializer: 20%
Believe it or not, I sometimes get anxiety as well. it's more about meeting new people and having nothign really to go on except their text. I can't evaluate body language or how they present themselves or how they gesture, tone of their voice, etc.
If you are Brandywine I'd be happy to group up if you need it. Just drop me a line on this site and I can let you know the times I'm on. - S
Godfred's Tomb Trailer: https://youtu.be/-nsXGddj_4w
Original Skyrim: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/109547
Serph toze kindly has started a walk-through. https://youtu.be/UIelCK-lldo
Very interesting thread, also surprising that everyone is able to talk about this so freely, very encouraging that the internet isn't 100% comprised of online-over-compensators.
I can appreciate social anxiety, but mine doesn't manifest in game that strongly. In real life, I can talk one-on-one in most cases (although sometimes I start to concentrate too hard on social queues and gestures and have a hard time concentrating), however, groups are a weak point for me. I won't talk at all in groups and over-think stupid things like eye contact and posture. In game, I have less issues sharing in groups, but I tend to still fall into being an observer. I solo almost exclusively, but not due to the social anxiety (well, not totally..) but because I absolutely hate waiting for other people. I like to do what I want, exactly when I want in game.... I know, kinda immature, but it's not as enjoyable for me if I don't play this way. That being said, I definitely tend to associate more with those that aren't outgoing. The problem with that is that it's for a sheltered person to meet another sheltered person (lol?). Currently playing EVE, so I'd be willing to compromise my instant-gratification mentality to meet a like-minded individual. And yes, I do realize I just went crazy with hyphens... and yes, I enjoyed it in a very strange way...
Yeah, I'm very much like you described too. I don't like being the center of attention.
In addendum to that, in human groups, there are "dominators" that like to dominate everything. Like an alpha male silverback gorilla. I guess some alpha male humans think every group needs an alpha male, when actually they are just very annoying and not every group does. So perhaps when an alpha male human that is used to being dominant all the time or being dominated walks into a room full of people who want neither, it's a kind of reverse social anxiety that they feel unwanted, lol.
Don't sweat it.
i've spent years playing alot of games solo just because i don't have any local friends and i'm awkward in person with new people aswell as i've only played mmo's here and there.
I have preordered SWTOR & GW2 and could always use some new friends especially since i don't have too many friends that will get those games. my tags are on my sig
PSN-SlyFox5679
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