It seems for me that non-gamers actually scoff at internet relationships. I don't mean romance, but friendship. I have many friends I've met over the internet, even though we've never met, I've talked to most of them more then I have with some of my RL friends, since just because you hang out with them, doesn't mean you talk.
I'm playing a game, and I'm the tank for my entire party, or even worse, the healer. My family wants me for something, i ask what do you want, all the while keeping my party alive, if i were to stop, not only would i die, but my entire party, which are real people, get wiped and then we all have bad feelings, and it just ruins our gaming experience. Especially when i get called away to "look at something" or even worse "get me something to drink" >_> Not only does it ruin my reputation as a tank or a healer(ditching mid fight), but it can also cause tension.
Friends over the net can be just as important as real life friends. You both talk, you both spend time doing something you enjoy "together". The concept is the same, Seeing them doesn't really change that. I love going over to my friends house and maybe watching a movie, playing cards, or going out somewhere(not many options here though, small town). Whats even funnier is that LAN parties are really common for me and my friends, but what's the point, the way the internet is set up nowadays, with a mic you can pretty much talk and play the same games together, without the fuss of connection problems, setting up your computer/table, waiting for people to arrive, people leaving. Especially since having 8 people playing cs gets kinda boring when its 3v3(normally not everyone agrees on a game to play, like once i was playing dungeons siege almost half the lan party, because they were playing command and conquer generals and i HATE that game).
The only real benefit is that your able to hop into your friends van and go someplace else when you get bored of playing games, or want to see a new movie that came out. Or even pick up something to eat.
But when i try to tell my non gamer friends, or my family about having to tank, or heal. Or about the people i know online i usually get the response "you know they aren't really your friends" Why wouldn't they be? Why do i have to see the 15 yr old im playing with? It'd probably be for the best because hes already annoying enough on the computer >_> but ya. The internet and real life are both important, and if your wife can't understand that you enjoy playing online with people, then i say evaluate your relationship and see if you truly enjoy being with her or would you be better off finding someone else.
You don't even have to find a gamer chick to be with. Just find someone who understands that you enjoy playing mmorpgs once in awhile, and will not give you space(imho it can cause alot of problems telling someone to leave you alone while playing a game), but maybe take a interest in it. She doesn't have to play the game, just be able to share some interest with her. Heck once when i was in high school i got my mother to play ragnarok online for me so i could get a item i really wanted. She said it was kinda fun, and i thanked her for her help, heck shes the one who got my wizard the vitata card, and my assassin the whisper card >_>. She only played 3-4 hours a week if i was lucky enough to convince her to get on. She was understanding on why i enjoyed it, and she was glad to help me out "a little". She'd never play herself though, shes just not a gamer. Which was alot more then some girls ive been with, Twice ive been dumped because I decided to spend the weekend playing a game instead of being with her, bad call on my end >_> but those +2 slippers of doom weren't gonna get themselves(random item name, doesn't actually exist lol)
But it let me be a nerd, and not be yelled at because of it. Which was great >_> even though since i taught her how to play it shed often just randomly sign on her computer to disconnect me when i was supposed to be doing homework. My friend who plays games always got yelled at by his parents and randomly disconnected mid game, and the next day hed complain that his parents kicked him off because he was spending too much time on it.
*shrugs* I really don't know what non gamers expect, they do things they enjoy, and we do things we enjoy. Just because we don't like going skateboarding, bike riding, or even playing sports(besides football which i play with a few friends once in awhile, i just mean like joining a team etc). Doesn't mean we don't have a "life" we just have a different description on what a life is. And staying at home saves me alot of money, paying 15 bucks a month for hours and hours of fun, is better then spending the same money seeing 2 movies which is only 3 hours of enjoyment. Have had friends spend hundreds of dollars on paintball guns, and they don't even paintball enough to enjoy it, especially considering how many times they go in a month, and get new guns. Or even a friend who buys/collects swords/weapons, he spends his money on that.
There are so many different activities people can do to enjoy themselves, gaming is just one of the many activities out there. Its no worse the football, and its not any better then skateboarding. Different people different interests.
3 hours on saturday before we go "out" 3 hours on sunday before we go "out" 2 hours ...1 before work 1 after .. = 15 hours a week if not shes being unreasonable (an example I know you broke up)
I live in vegas too ....there are plenty of chicks here you know it you'll be allright
I sware if I have a kid the'll learn to play mmos by 6
I can see what you mean when you get mad when ppl say "its just a game". i had a guild in WoW, then all my right hand men quit on me, then even my real life friends quit the guild on me. I got P***ed as hell. and my personal friend was like wtf? its just a game. But it was something i created and spent my time building up. So in the same sense i know what you mean.
Plus i think people would agree with me when i say that ppl who play mmos are not "losers" as some might say. cuz if those "some" try the games, im pretty sure they would enjoy them too. but thats just my opinion.
Wow, this is my first post. Just reading threw the fourms considering getting back into gaming again never mmorpg'd before and am just getting a feel of what the communitys like. I used play to play bout three years ago, FPS tho C-S and loved it. Played for about 2 years pretty much everyday until the community where im from here in NewZealand died, life went on so i decided to drop gaming.. for then anyway. Alot of my RL friends played too.. one even more then me, but also quit when the 'community cs days' were over. Anyway to touch on the topic I think you should do what ever makes you happy. Balance social life with gaming is the best way id imagine with work also, as long as you dont have to many other obligations I think it should fit just fine. Thats the approach im going to attempt once ive got my first mmo up an runnin, I think im gonna check out CoH first Looks ideal for a game just to get into for a few hours through the day until I feel like taking on more indepth mmo'RPG' .
I started playing MMOs with EQ, two months after it first came out. For the next 4+ years I became increasingly hooked. At one point the arguments with my wife were terrible...discussions of how I was neglecting her and not contributing to the releationship (stuff around the house, going out). Then, I went further and turned myself off to those arguments.
Luckily for me, I had gamed so hard that I got burnt out. I was the top shaman on my server, officer in one of the top guilds that got to do the best stuff and get the best gear. And one day it just hit me that I was over it. I sluffed off and spent more time with my wife. It was good to get away.
When I went back it was to ShadowBane. Amazing game. The teamwork and politics drew me in, but this time I didnt take an officer position and focused on occasional pvp and helping others level. Our guild owned the server and again I left.
Next I went to CoH, which I had been watching since it first got announced. But this time I was able to pull back and only play sporatically. Partially due to the fact that it was the kind of game that you could play in managable bits. With WoW, I hated the game and my guild got started before I did, so I never really gained interest.
I do understand it when hard-core MMOers complain that people dont understand. Its true. They fear what they dont know...or are trying to deride you for beeing geekish. Forget them. They are the ones that need help using Word at work. I agree that playing MMOs is just like enjoying TV, woodworking, drinking at a bar, or reading. It just happens to be different. But with gaming there's a "stigma" now that people can use against you...even though its a valid hobby.
I, too, wish my wife played MMOs so that she and I could connect more through the games. Yes there are other ways to connnect which we do, but it would be better if it were one of my favorite hobbies.
To the OP, it sounds like you have some issues that go beyond gaming...but that are influenced by it. Work on both of them, but know when enough is enough...with gaming and with her.
Hey man, definetly dont get a divorce over the game, but she, as your wife should support you in anything that you like doing in your spare time. She or anyone should not hassle you about playing a freakin game. if she is getting mad about you playing a game then she is in the wrong, not you.
Originally posted by LordMiz Is it just me, or is it that no1 who doesnt play doesnt understand?? If my wife tells me it's "just a game" one more time....your gonna read about me in the papers...... I know it's just a game, but it's also an escape sometimes, or a place to go hang out and play with your friends, where all your worried about is if your group healer is doing his job. i'm so sick of her, my bro's, any1, tellin me how unimportant the games are, like when they want something your supposed to drop w/e your doin in game, even tho u have 7 others relyin on you cuz your the only tank in the group, and how bad it makes u look when u leave them hangin on a seconds notice. i meet people that have their wives, g/f's etc playin with them, and it sux knowin my wife would never even in a million years think of playin any game..... so whats my options, deal with the hassle 24/7, or start lookin for a fellow gamer chick and divorce this nightmare.......
Stop playing so damn much. Get some exercise and do some work around the house, it will make you feel better. Life is for the living, and staring at your monitor for 8 hours a day isn't living. Cut it down to 1 or 2 hours a day and live life.
Too funny, everyone wants to play Dr. Phil, lmao. Touche', i took the dramatic route in choosing my thread title, but it was meant to get people to open up if they we're going through similar issues.
I stopped playing games period, when I moved back to Boston this last May, was well on the road to divorce, and had to step away from everything in figuring them out.
Well here im am 4 months later, and I'm on my way back to Vegas, wifey wants to work it out, and truth be told I miss my family like hell.
As for gaming, I miss it bad, I re-activated my CoH account last week, goddam they nerfed my tank. I still have unopened copies of WoW and MatrixOnline, I'm not gonna Stay with CoH, not the same anymore, I'll prolly go with WoW next, LOTTA phat looking games coming out, lotta mmorpg's too. Not enough time in a life to do everything you want, rl makes you miss being a teenager again lol. I'll always be a gamer at heart, but too much else takes priority, my lil girl for one, wifey for two, and me for three, so until they make a skill absed rpg, I'll always be 20 lvl's behind a 15 yr old lol.
"2.If it is a beautiful sunny saturday and you have a choice of say playing CoH or going outside to do anything like read a book or just hangout wich would you choose?"
- That is just not right. Why is "reading a book on a sunny day" just better then doing something else, like playing a computer game? After you have closed the book or shut down your computer you have just the same = something experienced.
"hell i rarely play when wifey is awake,"
- I think THIS is the problem. Girls don't like to go alone to bed, when they have a boyfriend/husband. I think its somethink genetical or instinct or something... maybe they don't feel safe or they are worried about their partner ... you know... back to the times when the male got out to hunt for food
But the matter with Videogames is: Its a hobby. Simple as that. When you are playing someone will say "its a waste of time. What do you have, when you quit playing? Nothing..." ok... maybe thats right... but what is when I say "My hobby is Bungee-Jumping" no one will complain about that - its just cool. But I can say the same about bungee-Jumping "You are just jumping from some high place and bouncing on a rubber rope... what do you have when you are back home?" - you can do this with almost every hobby... maybe every hobby is in the eyes of someone else a waste of time... and computer games are just newer than collecting stamps or baseball... and few understand it.
But don't worry its just the beginning of the 21 century... things will change. In Japan are gamers who are celebrated like rockstars...
PS: Excuse my english... I don't have much practise...
Comments
It seems for me that non-gamers actually scoff at internet relationships. I don't mean romance, but friendship. I have many friends I've met over the internet, even though we've never met, I've talked to most of them more then I have with some of my RL friends, since just because you hang out with them, doesn't mean you talk.
I'm playing a game, and I'm the tank for my entire party, or even worse, the healer. My family wants me for something, i ask what do you want, all the while keeping my party alive, if i were to stop, not only would i die, but my entire party, which are real people, get wiped and then we all have bad feelings, and it just ruins our gaming experience. Especially when i get called away to "look at something" or even worse "get me something to drink" >_> Not only does it ruin my reputation as a tank or a healer(ditching mid fight), but it can also cause tension.
Friends over the net can be just as important as real life friends. You both talk, you both spend time doing something you enjoy "together". The concept is the same, Seeing them doesn't really change that. I love going over to my friends house and maybe watching a movie, playing cards, or going out somewhere(not many options here though, small town). Whats even funnier is that LAN parties are really common for me and my friends, but what's the point, the way the internet is set up nowadays, with a mic you can pretty much talk and play the same games together, without the fuss of connection problems, setting up your computer/table, waiting for people to arrive, people leaving. Especially since having 8 people playing cs gets kinda boring when its 3v3(normally not everyone agrees on a game to play, like once i was playing dungeons siege almost half the lan party, because they were playing command and conquer generals and i HATE that game).
The only real benefit is that your able to hop into your friends van and go someplace else when you get bored of playing games, or want to see a new movie that came out. Or even pick up something to eat.
But when i try to tell my non gamer friends, or my family about having to tank, or heal. Or about the people i know online i usually get the response "you know they aren't really your friends" Why wouldn't they be? Why do i have to see the 15 yr old im playing with? It'd probably be for the best because hes already annoying enough on the computer >_> but ya. The internet and real life are both important, and if your wife can't understand that you enjoy playing online with people, then i say evaluate your relationship and see if you truly enjoy being with her or would you be better off finding someone else.
You don't even have to find a gamer chick to be with. Just find someone who understands that you enjoy playing mmorpgs once in awhile, and will not give you space(imho it can cause alot of problems telling someone to leave you alone while playing a game), but maybe take a interest in it. She doesn't have to play the game, just be able to share some interest with her. Heck once when i was in high school i got my mother to play ragnarok online for me so i could get a item i really wanted. She said it was kinda fun, and i thanked her for her help, heck shes the one who got my wizard the vitata card, and my assassin the whisper card >_>. She only played 3-4 hours a week if i was lucky enough to convince her to get on. She was understanding on why i enjoyed it, and she was glad to help me out "a little". She'd never play herself though, shes just not a gamer. Which was alot more then some girls ive been with, Twice ive been dumped because I decided to spend the weekend playing a game instead of being with her, bad call on my end >_> but those +2 slippers of doom weren't gonna get themselves(random item name, doesn't actually exist lol)
But it let me be a nerd, and not be yelled at because of it. Which was great >_> even though since i taught her how to play it shed often just randomly sign on her computer to disconnect me when i was supposed to be doing homework. My friend who plays games always got yelled at by his parents and randomly disconnected mid game, and the next day hed complain that his parents kicked him off because he was spending too much time on it.
*shrugs* I really don't know what non gamers expect, they do things they enjoy, and we do things we enjoy. Just because we don't like going skateboarding, bike riding, or even playing sports(besides football which i play with a few friends once in awhile, i just mean like joining a team etc). Doesn't mean we don't have a "life" we just have a different description on what a life is. And staying at home saves me alot of money, paying 15 bucks a month for hours and hours of fun, is better then spending the same money seeing 2 movies which is only 3 hours of enjoyment. Have had friends spend hundreds of dollars on paintball guns, and they don't even paintball enough to enjoy it, especially considering how many times they go in a month, and get new guns. Or even a friend who buys/collects swords/weapons, he spends his money on that.
There are so many different activities people can do to enjoy themselves, gaming is just one of the many activities out there. Its no worse the football, and its not any better then skateboarding. Different people different interests.
3 hours on saturday before we go "out"
3 hours on sunday before we go "out"
2 hours ...1 before work
1 after ..
= 15 hours a week
if not shes being unreasonable (an example I know you broke up)
I live in vegas too ....there are plenty of chicks here you know it
you'll be allright
I sware if I have a kid the'll learn to play mmos by 6
I can see what you mean when you get mad when ppl say "its just a game". i had a guild in WoW, then all my right hand men quit on me, then even my real life friends quit the guild on me. I got P***ed as hell. and my personal friend was like wtf? its just a game. But it was something i created and spent my time building up. So in the same sense i know what you mean.
Plus i think people would agree with me when i say that ppl who play mmos are not "losers" as some might say. cuz if those "some" try the games, im pretty sure they would enjoy them too. but thats just my opinion.
Wow, this is my first post. Just reading threw the fourms considering getting back into gaming again never mmorpg'd before and am just getting a feel of what the communitys like. I used play to play bout three years ago, FPS tho C-S and loved it. Played for about 2 years pretty much everyday until the community where im from here in NewZealand died, life went on so i decided to drop gaming.. for then anyway. Alot of my RL friends played too.. one even more then me, but also quit when the 'community cs days' were over. Anyway to touch on the topic I think you should do what ever makes you happy. Balance social life with gaming is the best way id imagine with work also, as long as you dont have to many other obligations I think it should fit just fine. Thats the approach im going to attempt once ive got my first mmo up an runnin, I think im gonna check out CoH first
Looks ideal for a game just to get into for a few hours through the day until I feel like taking on more indepth mmo'RPG' .
What if you never had a social life to begin with?
I can understand all parts of this post.
I started playing MMOs with EQ, two months after it first came out. For the next 4+ years I became increasingly hooked. At one point the arguments with my wife were terrible...discussions of how I was neglecting her and not contributing to the releationship (stuff around the house, going out). Then, I went further and turned myself off to those arguments.
Luckily for me, I had gamed so hard that I got burnt out. I was the top shaman on my server, officer in one of the top guilds that got to do the best stuff and get the best gear. And one day it just hit me that I was over it. I sluffed off and spent more time with my wife. It was good to get away.
When I went back it was to ShadowBane. Amazing game. The teamwork and politics drew me in, but this time I didnt take an officer position and focused on occasional pvp and helping others level. Our guild owned the server and again I left.
Next I went to CoH, which I had been watching since it first got announced. But this time I was able to pull back and only play sporatically. Partially due to the fact that it was the kind of game that you could play in managable bits. With WoW, I hated the game and my guild got started before I did, so I never really gained interest.
I do understand it when hard-core MMOers complain that people dont understand. Its true. They fear what they dont know...or are trying to deride you for beeing geekish. Forget them. They are the ones that need help using Word at work. I agree that playing MMOs is just like enjoying TV, woodworking, drinking at a bar, or reading. It just happens to be different. But with gaming there's a "stigma" now that people can use against you...even though its a valid hobby.
I, too, wish my wife played MMOs so that she and I could connect more through the games. Yes there are other ways to connnect which we do, but it would be better if it were one of my favorite hobbies.
To the OP, it sounds like you have some issues that go beyond gaming...but that are influenced by it. Work on both of them, but know when enough is enough...with gaming and with her.
Too funny, everyone wants to play Dr. Phil, lmao. Touche', i took the dramatic route in choosing my thread title, but it was meant to get people to open up if they we're going through similar issues.
I stopped playing games period, when I moved back to Boston this last May, was well on the road to divorce, and had to step away from everything in figuring them out.
Well here im am 4 months later, and I'm on my way back to Vegas, wifey wants to work it out, and truth be told I miss my family like hell.
As for gaming, I miss it bad, I re-activated my CoH account last week, goddam they nerfed my tank. I still have unopened copies of WoW and MatrixOnline, I'm not gonna Stay with CoH, not the same anymore, I'll prolly go with WoW next, LOTTA phat looking games coming out, lotta mmorpg's too. Not enough time in a life to do everything you want, rl makes you miss being a teenager again lol. I'll always be a gamer at heart, but too much else takes priority, my lil girl for one, wifey for two, and me for three, so until they make a skill absed rpg, I'll always be 20 lvl's behind a 15 yr old lol.
"2.If it is a beautiful sunny saturday and you have a choice of say playing CoH or going outside to do anything like read a book or just hangout wich would you choose?"
- That is just not right. Why is "reading a book on a sunny day" just better then doing something else, like playing a computer game? After you have closed the book or shut down your computer you have just the same = something experienced.
"hell i rarely play when wifey is awake,"
- I think THIS is the problem. Girls don't like to go alone to bed, when they have a boyfriend/husband. I think its somethink genetical or instinct or something... maybe they don't feel safe or they are worried about their partner ... you know... back to the times when the male got out to hunt for food
But the matter with Videogames is: Its a hobby. Simple as that. When you are playing someone will say "its a waste of time. What do you have, when you quit playing? Nothing..." ok... maybe thats right... but what is when I say "My hobby is Bungee-Jumping" no one will complain about that - its just cool. But I can say the same about bungee-Jumping "You are just jumping from some high place and bouncing on a rubber rope... what do you have when you are back home?" - you can do this with almost every hobby... maybe every hobby is in the eyes of someone else a waste of time... and computer games are just newer than collecting stamps or baseball... and few understand it.
But don't worry its just the beginning of the 21 century... things will change. In Japan are gamers who are celebrated like rockstars...
PS: Excuse my english... I don't have much practise...
PPS: I still have no trial key