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'Twas the Month Before Christmas...
Wepps
Member Posts: 1,322
'Twas the month before Christmas, when all through the town,
Not a creature was stirring, the servers were down;
The questions were posted in the forums with care,
In the hopes that Thunderheart soon would be there.
The children were playing a whole different game,
While visions of Night Elf chix kept them away;
And Tom in his composite, I in my RIS,
Were debating the plan for today's hunting bliss.
When out on the chat room arose angry chatter,
I sprang to the website to see what's the matter;
Away to the patch notes I flew in a tick,
And barfed up my pancakes, I knew I was sick.
The thread it was ugly with new posted gripes,
I tossed down some Pepto to settle my pipes;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Ranger was missing, and with all his gear!
"A respec, that's it?" I said in hoarse voice,
I knew in a moment I just had no choice;
More rapid than eagles the Jedi they spawned,
They whistled and shouted, and were instantly pwned.
Now CH, now Carbineer, now Ranger and Doc,
And Pistoleer, Rifleman, Squad Leaders mocked;
To buy a new game, they went off to the mall,
They dashed away, dashed away, dashed away all.
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane flied,
Twenty Seven professions just went by the side;
So players they protest, TC avatars on left,
In the hopes of regaining all that's bereft.
And then in a twinkling appeared Mister Smed,
I read his new post, and then scratched my head;
"Some good may come of this," I thought with some hope,
Then the community arrived, complete with a rope.
"A bundle of lies!" they threw at his back,
"Return to your office, you must be on crack!"
His eyes - how they twinkled, with tears oh so grim,
"I'll send the Producer, they'll listen to him."
"The players they love it!" Torres corresponded,
"Who does he mean?" the veterans responded;
Then came the interview on G4 one night,
But Julio Torres was nowhere in sight!
So Lucas is now rolling over in grave,
Debating the wisdom of the license he gave;
The lessons are learned, sometimes hard they can be,
"Don't mess with the veterans, our investors they be."
But don't give up hope, though the future seems lame,
Put down the noosed rope, and go play the game!
Bring forth the ideas, DEVs read with sharp eyes,
But make no mistake, it means the job that you prize.
And so with great sadness, we all hope for the best,
But it's GALAXIES by Jove, forget all the rest;
Then I heard Wepps exclaim as he wrote out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good fight.
__________________________
"For one who seeks what he cannot obtain suffers torture; one who has what is not desirable is cheated; and one who does not seek what is worth seeking is diseased." - Augustine of Hippo
Comments
Now why do you have to get Christmas a bad rap like that? UGH, don't tie something wonderful like christmas in with SWG please.
- Scaris
"What happened to you, Star Wars Galaxies? You used to look like Leia. Not quite gold bikini Leia (more like bad-British-accent-and-cinnamon-bun-hair Leia), but still Leia nonetheless. Now you look like Chewbacca." - Computer Gaming World
SOE knows what you like... You don't!
And don't forget... I am forcing you to read this!
Do we get Holocrons this year? ^_^
Ico
Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones. It bones for thee.
Cheers,
Jon Wood
Managing Editor
MMORPG.com
thanks
__________________________
"For one who seeks what he cannot obtain suffers torture; one who has what is not desirable is cheated; and one who does not seek what is worth seeking is diseased." - Augustine of Hippo
You get a flag on a stick suction cupped to your forehead that says "sucker" with an email from Torres saying a very comprehensive study has shown this is what you really wanted and it puts the "Star Warsy" feel back into SWG.
- Scaris
"What happened to you, Star Wars Galaxies? You used to look like Leia. Not quite gold bikini Leia (more like bad-British-accent-and-cinnamon-bun-hair Leia), but still Leia nonetheless. Now you look like Chewbacca." - Computer Gaming World
Nice.
I'm down for more paintings as a gift. I have all the current ones ingame. I might even would have to log in if they gave us something that cool.
NGE Refugee.
Ahahaha, loved it.
Currently playing:
* City of Heroes: Deggial, Assault Rifle/Devices Blaster. Server: Defiant.
* City of Villains: Snakeroot, Plant/Thorns Dominator. Server: Defiant.
You're not the only one mixing SWG and xmas poetry Wepps. Found this in the official forums:
Every player in the galaxy Liked Star Wars a lot...
But Smedley, Who lived outside the galaxy, Did NOT!
Smedly hated Star Wars! Every planetary region!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
He stood in his office, hating these fools,
Staring down from his window with a sour icky frown
At a shiny new shuttle in a player created town.
"They’re leveling jedi!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow more will come! They’re practically here!"
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop players from coming!"
For,Tomorrow, he knew...
...All the dancers and musicians Would wake bright and early.
They'd rush for their cantinas! And then! Oh, the noise!
Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated!
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the players, young and old, would gather in town.
And plan an adventure. It had to go down!
They would plot a base take down or to hunt some rare beast
Which was something Smedly couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every player on the server, the tall and the small,
would get in there vehicles or they might just run.
Then those veteran players would start to have fun!
They'd craft! And they'd grind!
And they'd GRIND! GRIND! GRIND! GRIND!
The more Smedly thought of the players the DVD might bring,,
The more the Smedly thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for two and a half years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop these players from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
SMEDLY GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" He laughed in his throat.
I will kill this game and not be the goat!
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great trick!"
"I’ll kill this game off, and I’ll kill it quick!"
"All I need is a producer..." Then Smedly looked around.
But, since producers are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Smedly...? No! Smedly simply said,
"If I can't find a producer, I'll make one instead!"
Talent under Smedly was as bare as his cupboards,
Because people in his watch tend to fail upwards!
THEN He saw an ex-tester and shouted with Glee
His name was Julio Torres. I’ll call him JT
I'll make him a puppet,.... and pull all the strings
I'll make him do all sorts of horrible things
"This is thing number one," old Smedly hissed
And he slapped at his desktop, banging his fist.
We’ve hit them with nerf-bats till our fingers are blue.
We can’t use the nerf bat, the nerf bat won’t do
As his plan was unfolding his hands were wringing
and his tiny cold heart was desperately pinging
Smedly began to pontificate “I know what to do,
We wreck the whole world and claim that it's fast and fun too!
“We kill every profession, burn them all to the ground.”
“Replace them with one, not a real difference to be found”
“Then change a few things and call them iconic”
“Even a five year old boy will find them moronic”
“Well remove the targeting system, that’ll empty the house”
“Make them awkwardly chase things with there keyboard and mouse”
“Oh crafter’s, and dancers, and musicians too”
“Lets leave them with absolutely nothing to do”
“We’ll laugh as they all cry boo-hoo-hoo”
“Now what server won’t be terribly blue?”
“And Jedi, it’s Jedi I hate most of all”
“It is time they all take a terrible fall”
“We will make them useless, strip all of there power”
“Surely that will knock them from there ivory tower!”
Then Smedly slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
And worked a long time and made the NGE present!
He nerfed pets and loot and every last gun! And carefully made sure he removed all the fun!
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the players were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When the NGE hit the first little house on the square.
When the players logged in they were told to respec.
Most players wondered “Oh my gosh! What the heck?”
Then they wandered and tried and finally found there house
But most goofily jumped and couldn’t work there mouse.
When they got to there houses there stuff was useless or gone,
How could our fun have really hurt anyone?
The players quit and cancelled till all servers were bare.
Glancing at the financially reports lead Smedly to declare.
“I have killed SWG, I truly have won”
“There is no way that anyone can find any fun!”
But, Smedly had been caught by this e-zine reporter
Who'd come to his office to see what was the matter.
She stared at Smedly and said, "Smedly, why,
"Why are you taking our game away? WHY?"
But, you know, old Smedly was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"You are quite right dear, the forums are flaming”,
"That’s the vocal minority, there always complaining."
"Players love the NGE, our subscriptions are high."
"The cries of the whinner’s simply won’t fly."
And his fib fooled the reporter. Then he patted her shoulder
And he got her a drink and claimed the trouble was over.
And when the reporter left his office with her cup,
He took the financial reports and tore them all up.
But into his office the Chairman of the board came
He looked at Smedly and declared “What a shame”
“Last year we grossed sixty million dollars from this game”
“We need to balance the budget and fire someone”
“We have tried the NGE and it really isn’t much fun”
“Please clean out your desk. Get out pal, your done!”
Get Kelsey Grammer to narrate that and I'll buy it as a single.
Just don't release it on BMG Sony
Yeah here was another hehe...
Soccermom
Posts: 155
Registered: 08-25-2003
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Just one creature was stirring, and clicking the mouse.
The stimpacks were hung from the backpacks with care,
Almost to master! Just need one more square!
The grinders kept grinding, ignoring their beds,
While visions of holocrons danced in their heads.
And Mamma in her fleshwrap and I in my composite
Had just settled down after a quick terminal deposit.
When up on the message boards came such a chatter
I flew to the site to see what was the matter.
Away into Windows I stole with a flash,
To read the new nerf, cost of 15 bucks cash.
The whiners already had cursed their new gun,
‘It’s nerfed beyond reason! This game is no fun!’
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But old Saint Q3PO full of nerf cheer.
The SOE staff had their nerf bats at ready,
But the servers as always were not quite so steady.
More rapid than eagles the nerf lists they came,
And there was the update, and each nerf by name.
No med droids! No dancers! No Bounties or Armors!
No clothing! No pets and no lewt for lewt farmers!
By the end of the list, by the end of the post,
It was hard to tell who had been nerfed quite the most.
I quickly logged on and loaded my ranger,
But his items were gone and his stats were in danger.
My backpack was empty, my hides were gone too,
Everything had been nerfed from my helm to my shoe!
I clicked on a link and I wrote out a ticket,
In seconds the staff made it clear I could stick it.
I reported a bug: “This nerf must be a goof”
And suddenly 3PO popped in with a POOF!
“We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters,
(Then he paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)
We nerfed every Twi’lek and Mon Calamari,
We nerfed every stat and made customers sorry.”
“We made the Krayt Dragons less harmful than smurfs
and then we took care to nerf previous nerfs!
We nerfed Imps out on Bestine and Rebs out on Lok,
We nerfed all the flame guns and now they just smoke.”
Your once mighty carbines? Now barely can sting.
We nerfed every item! We nerfed everything!”
And as that old dev disappeared out of sight
He cried “15 bucks from all, and to all a nerf !”
__________________________
"For one who seeks what he cannot obtain suffers torture; one who has what is not desirable is cheated; and one who does not seek what is worth seeking is diseased." - Augustine of Hippo
Holy hell that was the funniest post on SWG EVER.
Cheers to you sir
(Even better than the Senator Padme "oooba, ooba" med bot Profession petition
)
--------------
Played: Age of Conan, DDO, Saga of Ryzom, SWG, DaOC, MxO, EQ2, and so on...
Wish List: Jumpgate Evolution, Star Wars: TOR, Star Trek
very very nicely written all of those.
In truth i thought the first CU was shocking but hung around because alot of my friends did though it pretty much destroyed my loot wh0re business as thing's changed drastically and it also hurt my smith as tonnes of armor were junked.
Then the nge came and it took all of 10mintues to quit and cancel 4 account's
but wepps most of all i miss the bounties that you helped fix pushing the dev's till they finally gave us some love, maybe if the dev's listened to the correspondent's rather than their crazy idea's we would never have reached this point.
Huh? Say what you want about the NGE however how could tons of armor be junk from the CU? You went from making nothing but composite to every single armor type being needed in the game and it was all good and needed armor. Did you actually try the CU to say that?
Not sure how your loot business would have changed from the CU as well, I don't see how the CU effected that but I may be forgetting something.
- Scaris
"What happened to you, Star Wars Galaxies? You used to look like Leia. Not quite gold bikini Leia (more like bad-British-accent-and-cinnamon-bun-hair Leia), but still Leia nonetheless. Now you look like Chewbacca." - Computer Gaming World
Nothing decays anymore with the NGE nerf. If nothing decays you don't need to buy anyting ever again. I was a 12pt Weaponsmith that could make anything. During the original game my sales were pretty brisk. After the first CU (Comic upgrade) my sales slumped for a short period of time. Now with the NGE... I'm lucky to pay the rent on my house... 100+ sales a week original game, 60-75 sales CU, now only 15-20 sales a week. Being a crafter has no interest any more...
But this is about the poem not the game itself....
Abalisk (retired) SWG
Japeddo Gillcraft (retired) SWG
+3 more accounts retired.... anyone want to buy a jedi now??
Excellent Post!
Merry Christmas SOE!
He wasn't talking about the NGE. He said the CU made most of his armors useless, not the NGE.
- Scaris
"What happened to you, Star Wars Galaxies? You used to look like Leia. Not quite gold bikini Leia (more like bad-British-accent-and-cinnamon-bun-hair Leia), but still Leia nonetheless. Now you look like Chewbacca." - Computer Gaming World
He wasn't talking about the NGE. He said the CU made most of his armors useless, not the NGE.
Ah... didn't read his post correctly. That's my fault. However alot of the pre-cu armor on Radiant did not convert well at all. I had a couple cap'd kinetic armor convert to less than useful stuff.
Abalisk (retired) SWG
Japeddo Gillcraft (retired) SWG
+3 more accounts retired.... anyone want to buy a jedi now??
LOL! WOW!
These poems knocked me off my chair (seriously). I was crying! Keep puttin' em up and "May the the post be with you"!