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Funny post from SWG forums -
Gorair
Member Posts: 959
"Trying to rebuild a 747 mid-flight into an F-16, using nothing but the same parts on board, changing out the flight crew, AND changing the destination of the original flight, all the while telling the passengers that all the changes are for the better regardless of where they were going or how they originally wanted to get there, and then offering them extra bags of salted peanuts for their troubles."
Stewardess: We're very happy to announce that flight 6274 will now be faster and more exciting thanks to our New Flight Enhancements!
Passenger: Huh? I thought they said they were just gonna have some turbulence, and fly a little higher to avoid it... we didn't ask for any "enhancements". Can you guys just make a second group of airplanes to do that with? I really kinda like this one the way it is.
Stewardess: Unfortunately, having two types of airplanes would be quite impossible. But don't worry, Sir! (Hammering and screams are heard coming from behind her). Our responses have been phenomonal, and we've based the decision to make these changes from the feed-back of the passengers that got off at the last stop!
Passenger: I thought they got off because of engine trouble?
Stewardess: Oh, NO Sir! We've never had any "engine troubles" per say...I mean, everyone knows that ALL planes have mechanical failures. It's normal!
Passenger: But American Airlines doesn't have any where NEAR the number of problems that you have, and they get 20 times your business.
Stewardess: Yes, AA is a FINE airline! In fact, when I travel anywhere, I use them myself!
Passenger: Huh?
Stewardess: It's simple really. We've found that 747's just don't work! But we know that F-16's do! So it'll be more like that! Try it, you're going to like it!
Passenger: Well, I DON'T like it, and I don't use f-16's, I'm just trying to get to Boston, really...
Stewardess: Have no fear, Sir, we'll have you in Los Angeles in no time!
Passenger: Well, thank goo-, wait, WHAAA? I don't want to go to bloody LA!
Stewardess: People LOVE LA! Our focus groups tell us that there are many people who are there already!
Passenger: Listen, I didn't get on this plane to go to LA, I WANT to go to Boston, and...HEY! What's that stewardess doing to that other passenger!
Stewardess: Oh, her? She was violating our safety code by saying negative things about our New, exciting, "Airplanesy" NFE! (Try it today!) And so we duct-taped her mouth shut. But don't worry! There's always a few whiners when major changes happen, but she'll come around!
Passenger: She just jumped out....
Stewardess: She'll be back!
Passenger: And what's this "Airplanesy" nonsense? It seemed plenty "Airplanesy" to me.
Stewardess: Well, we researched a group of fighter pilots, steam boat captains, and grocery baggers, and found that we weren't living up to the full "Airplanesy" experience. But now it does, so YAAAAAAY!
Passenger: You're a loony.
Stewardess: (Pulls out the duct tape) What was that?
Passenger: (sigh) Nothing...well, suppose I'm willing to go to LA, and do it in this b*stard-child of a passenger airplane/flighter hybrid... what's with all broken things on the plane now? Perhaps we could land the plane, rebuild it with the necessary time, equipment, and parts, and start again when we know we're ready to do so?
Stewardess: Oh, we could do that Sir, but we don't feel that we've fully utilized the potential of THIS plane. It's such a nice plane..
Passenger: WAS a nice plane....
Stewardess: And we know that while we could have a plane for both types of flight, we know we can do more with this one.
Passenger: Wait, I thought you told me in the beginning that it wasn't possible to do that?
Stewardess: (Duct-taping another screaming passenger's mouth shut) Sorry, can't hear you! It's hard to process all this positive feedback we're getting, but I'll get to you soon enough!
Passenger: Well, I may as well make the most out of this, could I get some more ice for my drink, please? When we did that flaming barrel roll towards the ocean a few minutes back, it spilled my drink. I...I think I'd be willing to drink what the guy sitting next to me has left (I think he's gone comatose with fear), but I really would like some more ice. And a cup too, please. This one has somehow cracked...
Stewardess: Oh, no Sir, that cup is working PERFECTLY as intended. About your ice, well, that's a bit more difficult...
Passenger: Huh? I just want some more ice..seems simple enough.
Stewardess: (Sigh), I see you don't know anything about airplanes, Sir. It's more complicated than that. You see, to dispense ice, we first have to redirect fuel from the engines into the cargo hold, and fill it with that fuel. But if we do THAT, then our pilots won't be able to see, because thats where we control the plane from..
Passenger: What, that doesn't make any sense!?!
Stewardess: ...THEN, we'd have to fold up the wings to drain the fuel better, and replace it with diet pepsi, which we didn't stock up on during out last stop...
Passenger: Stop, just STOP! Who would operate a plane like this??
Stewardess: You see, this just goes to show what we learned, and that is that 747's just don't work! It's proven now! But F-16's do!
Passenger: NO, 747's work just fine, you simply have to manage and operate them better. If you had simply stuck with the idea of a passenger plane, and focused on making it a BETTER passenger plane, instead of looking at the other guys and their DIFFERENT planes, you would have been fine! Half of the passengers have jumped now, the plane we have left is in ruin, and I STILL don't have any ice. Look, either go back to the way it was, or make another plane like the OLD one that I could fly to BOSTON on, OR land the friggin' plane, and take-off when it's ready again!
Stewardess: (In a droning, inhuman voice) Hi, this is Stewardess Stacy, and I understand you're having some trouble with you Seat! We know this is a problem at the moment, and I'd advise you to re-check your Seat Options. Have a happy, "Airplanesy" day! (Walks away)
Passenger: Wait a second, did you listen to a word I said?? I never even mentioned my seat! Come back here! I SAID, I have no ICE, and I have a cracked CUP, not to mention that this plane is on a course for that MOUNTAIN up there! Good night! I can't believe I'm worried about such little things in a crashing airplane, but by God I'm going to get something fixed! Get back here!
Stewardess: (In the same droning voice) Hi, this is Stewardess Stacy, and I understand your frustration! However, I've already spoken on the subject of your fish dinner, and any further complaints will force me to use my duct tape! Thanks for Flying, have a happy "Airplanesy" day, and enjoy your new experiences as Charles Lindbergh or The Red Baron!
Passenger: MY ICE IS...wait a tick, who? My name's Greg Vines. I don't want to be those guys, I was enjoying being Passenger 12B.
Stewardess: Nonsense! You hate being you! Passengers would rather fly, shoot, and repeat, and that's a FACT. Passengers need to experience what they've seen in WW II movies, not be "Lucy Johansen", passenger 15D, and live with anything they've created or done for themselves!
Passenger: She seemed nice to me, before she got sucked out anyway..
Stewardess: (Cheerfully) Well, your wrong! NO ONE liked her! I here she was a business commuter! Boo! Hiss!
Passenger: But I'M a business commuter!
Stewardess: NOT NO MO' YOU AIN'T! Surprise! You are now either a fighter pilot, navigator, Kung Fu Master, or Stripper! Enjoy!
Passenger:That's it, I'm leaving. (Moves to the already open door, swinging in the wind)
Stewardess: Wait! Before you go, would you like to fill out our exit survey!
Passenger: Heck yeah, I would! Gimme that! (Looks it over).... What the duece? There's nothing on here abot your shoddy stewardesses, bad flight crew, poor managements, mechanical failures, or ANYTHING regarding your "New Flight Enhancements"! All it's got in here is a couple question about food, reading material, and airsickness bag selection! Can't I write anything in? Wouldn't that actually help you get to the source of the REAL problems?
Stewardess: Nope!
Passenger: Well, I guess I select "Food could use improvement", since that's the closest thing to my problem with getting more ice, but...
Stewardess: Thank you, and please come back. You'll love some of the new upcoming changes on the way. We're adding multi-color seatbelts! It's what people really want, and we've put a lot of time into implementing them!
Passenger: Erm, no thanks. (Leaps out the door, and emraces the sweet release of death.)
Stewardess: Oh, Pooh! Lost another one to American Airlines! Now lets see here (Reads the exit survey)...Food! Why, AA has food! Quick, we'll offer more salted peanuts!
All the other stewardesses on board: Brilliant!
...
And the plane continues to spiral downward...
thanks to dinchamion off imp-no boards i saqw this and had to post it here
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Comments
LOl that seems to sum up the insanity from an interesting and unique perspective a very creative piece I would say.
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SOE knows what you like... You don't!
And don't forget... I am forcing you to read this!
Now that is funny!
Ch3cksix
Double post FTL
SOE knows what you like... You don't!
And don't forget... I am forcing you to read this!
Pretty much sums up why most of my friends have left SWG over the last few months.
LOL! That was great.
And comparing it to WOB is just pathetic. This was MUCH better, and more creative
Then again WoW fans thought that stupid player vid about that 'train' in WoW was a big deal. Anyone who played EQ for more than a day or two saw bigger trains in newbie dungeons. Not to mention some of the Fear trains from back in the day.
Currently Playing: Dungeons and Dragons Online.
Sig image Pending
Still in: A couple Betas
Leroy Jenkins FTW!!!! hhehehehe
But yeah you're right! That doesn't compare to a train of Gnolls in BlackBurrow!
SOE knows what you like... You don't!
And don't forget... I am forcing you to read this!
HEY GOR!!!!
Just wanted to say great post...VERY original! VERY creative!
LMAO....ignore the losers who just want to change the subject.
btw, Kat says hi again!...and so does the rest of GH
/salute.
FAXX
"The monster created isn't by the company that makes the game, it's by the fans that make it something it never was"
{(RIP)} SWG
hey guys , I get an email form kat every now and again. I went to concordia the other day just to look around , can you beleive its still the best place to grind rebel faction at my level , clear runs to the missions. If any of you guys go back look me up either as Gorairr or Omisi.
I play SWG as a breaker for long waits i hit in EVE, since i got a free account thats paid up until december 2006 from a friend , all i had to do was trade him my DAOC account lol.
This game is really terrible , the only thing to do is fly in space again or do the repeatables on the expansion worlds for xp. Tho i have met a few nice people most only want to be level 90 and loot the best gear and say nothing when grouping at all , thats odd fighting in a group for 4 hours and not talking at all.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.