Summery of my last year on the computer

Lai'Ahna

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat pellets in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.



Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program!



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.



Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.



I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.



I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.



And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.



I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or candy machines because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.



I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.



I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.



I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan



I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.



I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Nieman Marcus since I now have their recipe.



Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat, waiting to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.



Thank you, too, for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.



And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I might have dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.



By the way, a South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.



Have a wonderful day

Lai'Ahna

What? No comments? Ya'll must also have learned something over the past year from using your puters? Come on, tell us. No need to be bashful about it, now is there? 

Upload

Congratulations?

MW2K

Er...OK, whatever you say boss.

Arremus

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.



Ahh... the X-Files, how I miss that show.



I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or candy machines because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.



Thankyou for this... is going to be stuck in the back of my head and will appear every time I go past a phone booth.. "Check it.. cheeeckkk iiiit..."

By the way, how is that a summery of your last year on the computer when a majority of them have nothing to do with computers?

I know, I know, it's some spam email you just reposted here, but still... doesn't make sense...



2006, what did I learn last year on this computer?



Umm...



All MMOs suck nuts after 6 months due to a complete lack of the concept of 'end game' or 'sandbox' by any game devs?



Gamers and Internetofiles will go to absurdly glorious lengths to extend the length of their e-peens?



No matter how much SoE, Microsoft, Google and Blizzard will try make you think otherwise, there really is no substitute for sunlight?



The Xbox is a leading protagonist in the Western-world-wide childhood obesity crisis? (I would say PS2, but they suck so bad no one uses them anymore. And the Wii, you seen the injuries people have given themselves? Real excercise going on there).



For all its good points, WoW is possibly the most overrated game in gaming history?



That 2006 was a completely shyte year for MMOs. Yes, that's what I leant. MMOs + 2006 = running joke. Viva la D&DO baby...

Lai'Ahna

Originally posted by Arremus

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.



Ahh... the X-Files, how I miss that show.



I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or candy machines because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.



Thankyou for this... is going to be stuck in the back of my head and will appear every time I go past a phone booth.. "Check it.. cheeeckkk iiiit..."

By the way, how is that a summery of your last year on the computer when a majority of them have nothing to do with computers?

I know, I know, it's some spam email you just reposted here, but still... doesn't make sense...



2006, what did I learn last year on this computer?



Umm...



All MMOs suck nuts after 6 months due to a complete lack of the concept of 'end game' or 'sandbox' by any game devs?



Gamers and Internetofiles will go to absurdly glorious lengths to extend the length of their e-peens?



No matter how much SoE, Microsoft, Google and Blizzard will try make you think otherwise, there really is no substitute for sunlight?



The Xbox is a leading protagonist in the Western-world-wide childhood obesity crisis? (I would say PS2, but they suck so bad no one uses them anymore. And the Wii, you seen the injuries people have given themselves? Real excercise going on there).



For all its good points, WoW is possibly the most overrated game in gaming history?



That 2006 was a completely shyte year for MMOs. Yes, that's what I leant. MMOs + 2006 = running joke. Viva la D&DO baby...

 

No, you see, that is all stuff that I read on my puter at verious sites. I posted it with a twist as in my reactions to it in a humorous way. Sorry if some did not get that.

BlazinBlades

 

 

What I learned in your whole post was that you spend way too much time on the computer. Bring it on down now