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I Don't Want Babies!
gnomexxx
Member Posts: 2,920
My parents have been asking me for a while when I am going to get married and have babies. I told them today that it wasn't anything important in my life nor do I really even think I want kids.
You would have thought I told them I killed someone. I couldn't believe their reaction.
It started when they asked why I haven't come to see them lately. I've been busy, not to mention they haven't come to see me in years. I don't even think they know how to get to my house. I have a brother with 2 kids and they visit him all the time though. So when I brought that up I was just supposed to understand. Understand what? The way it makes me feel is that he's more important because he spawned.
I do not want kids. So, what?!?!? I'm not patient enough and I admit that kids get on my friggin' nerves most of the time. I love my brothers kids but I love it when I get to leave too.
Well, now I'm selfish. That's what my dad told me.
Whatever, I guess if that's the way they want to interpret it then so be it. But it just blows me away that the only thing I'm good for is making kids. What else is life about, I guess?
You would have thought I told them I killed someone. I couldn't believe their reaction.
It started when they asked why I haven't come to see them lately. I've been busy, not to mention they haven't come to see me in years. I don't even think they know how to get to my house. I have a brother with 2 kids and they visit him all the time though. So when I brought that up I was just supposed to understand. Understand what? The way it makes me feel is that he's more important because he spawned.
I do not want kids. So, what?!?!? I'm not patient enough and I admit that kids get on my friggin' nerves most of the time. I love my brothers kids but I love it when I get to leave too.
Well, now I'm selfish. That's what my dad told me.
Whatever, I guess if that's the way they want to interpret it then so be it. But it just blows me away that the only thing I'm good for is making kids. What else is life about, I guess?
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Comments
Well...
Your dad is selfish, not you.
He mades sacrifices to have kids, sacrifices he still feels where heavy. Now he expect his kids to do the same. You can't expect someone to have kids. This is irrational and not taking into account your situation. Not everyone is meant to have kids.
See, your dad is a baby boomer and now he think each kid he has will get 2 or 3 kids...wrong. Great Grandpa and Great Gandma did have 8-12 kids for a reason, they want kids. They don't blame him for having only 2 or 3, but they could. Yet, they didn't.
Having 2 or 3 kids and stopping is admitting you where not really meant to have kids. Nothing wrong in having "only" 2 or 3 kids, but you can't expect that to be taken as a serious commitment. 2 or 3 kids is the introduction chapter and maybe chapter 1. A book consist of many chapter as you know.
- "If I understand you well, you are telling me until next time. " - Ren
Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure they think I'm gay, but it's just that I have no desire to go play this game of insanity that is women.
Now with 57.3% more flames!
What are you talking about? Having 2 or 3 kids and stopping is admitting you were not really meant to have kids? You have got to be kidding me...
Having 2-3 kids is a huge responsibility, not to mention will require plenty of money to raise them and send them through college.
If 2-3 kids is not a serious commitment, then I don't know what is.
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Well I don't want YOU to have kids either. One Gnomexxx is enough. J/K.
Anyways I kind of know what your going through. I have 3 kids but I am not married. Everyone keeps bugging the shit out of me to get married. They are always saying "You have 3 kids you need to get married." and stupid shit like that. I always tell them "I am with the same girl for 8 years and have 3 kids with her, why do I need to be married? So a piece of paper can tell us to stay together?" Anyways what really funny is all the people that tell us to get married have all been divorced at least once, oh the irony.
So anyways don't let it bother your parents love you even if they act like jacktards sometimes. Also you could always tell them you have kids but don't have any idea where they are. Haha
In America I have bad teeth. If I lived in England my teeth would be perfect.
Sounds like my life.
Been in my house 3 years now. Parents have been over once, and that was 2 weeks after I moved in.
Mothers always bringing up babies, and asking why I don't come over more.
I feel ya.
Wish Darkfall would release.
I sat and thought about it for a while today, then called my parents back to talk about it because I thought things would have settled down a bit. But we got into again. I told them that it's my life and lately it's not like they've tried to be a part of it much at all anyways.
My dad said that he was tired of me acting irresponsible towards them and the rest of my family. I asked my dad what he meant when he can't even tell me my birthday or knows how to get to my house even. Yet, I'm somehow going to redeem myself and receive a surprise visit when I impregnate someone. He told me that is when things change, when someone grows up and has kids.
I don't know what that means. I really don't. It's like some people believe that in order to have any real worth you have to spread your seed. Honestly, I do not want kids and that's all there is to it. It's not anything selfish or vindictive or negative at all. I just don't want them. I don't even want to get married. And to be totally honest, I've never really been much on dating or committing to someone either.
So, am I supposed to go out of my way to be something I don't want to be or live a life that I will hate just to know I was responsible enough to raise a child to adulthood? Is that that only way my life can have meaning to some people.
I swear, it wouldn't matter if I found a cure for cancer, stopped all the starving babies from dying, banished war from the planet, or any of those wonderful things if I didn't pop out some kids.
I just don't want children. If I had one I would love it and raise it the best I could, but I just have absolutely no inclination to head in that direction. If it means growing old in a nursing home lonely as hell, I still think of that as a better option.
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I have 6 kids myself, but I know it isn't for everyone. I can't imagine people trying to push anyone else to have kids, no matter how they are related. It's not something everyone wants to do, and really, it isn't something everyone is cut out to do. It is such a personal decision, to be made between a person and their significant other, that noone else should be sticking their nose in one way or the other.
Argh... Sorry, kinda pushed my buttons a little too.
I wouldn't say that having 2 or 3 kids is any less than having 6, by the way. Kids are work, whether you have 1 or 10. Mainly, every kid you add means a whole lot more laundry.
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This is where I draw the line: __________________.
I agree with Neschria. It really is a very personal thing. My sister has two children and loved everything about being pregnant and raising them. I really do admire her and love her kids as if they were my own. She's never once questioned my decision not to have kids or made any sort of comment about my lifestyle. Things like that are one of the reasons we're so close. I feel bad for you that your folks have given you conditional affection. My father used to criticise me constantly and, as a result, we're not as close as we could have been.
No worries man.
As a woman, I don't want kids either. Well actualy, I just don't like the idea of beong preggers for 9 months and than having to give birth. I'll let someone else do that. Nor do I wish to add the our already overcrowding population of the human species. Plus, babies along cost at least $10k a year. Kids are expensive (I know I am!) and are just getting more and more expensive as prices go up.
I don't mind the idea of adoption though. But I'm young, nor am I in any rush. But I am 100% agaisn't getting pregnant/giving birth. Not for me.
That is why you shouldn't care.
This is a sequence of characters intended to produce some profound mental effect, but it has failed.
I support you gnome for not wanting to have kids.
Having kids is not for everyone. For some, that's great, but for others, they have other calls in life.
Life is about finding purpose. Its about finding your direction. You don't have to have kids to have a purpose. We as human beings are in control of our destiny.
Having kids does have consequences. First, it takes time, resources, and energy. By not having kids, you would have more time, resources, and energy to peruse other things, such as spirituality, or making a difference in the world.
Really tho that would be cool.
I am only going to say this because it sounds like you want your parent to be part of your life ... if thats not right then sorry. (And what do you want from them?)
It about what you want in life (hows that not selfish) , people saying your dad is the selfish one are not informed ... well not correctly.
Sure he is being selfish ... he thinks all people should have kids it part of life.
You think, "i don't want kids" .
Both are selfish. But is selfish such a bad thing?
No not really , you have the right to be as well as your father does.
He thinks it part of life a goal, something GOOD , after all if you mom felt the way you do ... you wouldn't exist.
You don't have to have child however, after all you have your own goals.
Who is right ... No one. It not right for your father to Force you to have children .. but don't pout about them being happy and support of the child that does. After all that child chose (for personal reason or not) to have kids and your parents feel that their children should have children.
If your father was a CEO and owned a company and wanted both of his kids to take over, and one of them decided to do that ... well he will think WOW that is what i wanted that child to do ... it will give him happiness. If the other said "I do not want to do that" he be like WHY NOT? Its a good deal (at least he thinks so). And let say you went on to get a good job etc. the father and mother should still support the child that went their own way ... but in a much lesser way then they would that FOLLOWED in their footsteps/ met their hopes for that child. Why because to them the one child is "living right" "doing what they are supposted to be doing".
I ask you this is not equally selfish to ask your parents not to be selfish but yourself remain selfish? You can have your desires and they can have theres. They want you to have kids its what they want they most likely thought about it as they raised you. You don't want to have kids you most likely thought about it as they raised you. No one is right. Have you told them why you don't want kids.. people know its not just o don't want kids ... it kids are anoyning, and i am not going to be "patient" with them. Well you could be you have chosen not to that fine but you have reason you don't want kids ... after all raising them involves sacriface some people think its worth it others do not. That is where this believe you are selfish is coming from your not will to sarcriface to have children (Well the think is for many people that is off set but the reward of having children ... if you see little to no reward in it then of course your not going to want to have children ... but your parents see a reward in it they see you and your sibling and their grandchildren, amongst others).
Furthermore Grandparents love grandchildren its something to do .. its an impact a lasting result on the world, and time with them is an investment.
Reality is harsh - i feel ya ... my sister is way out there and my is bro pretty cool , but she still gets more from my parents than i do ... simple reason she my parents little girl. Does that bother me ... when i was 10 it did.
If you want to really fix this problem there an easier way then poping out a baby.
1) analyze the situation ... REALLY look at it. such as, Who lives closer you or your bother (if driving/flying is an issue)
2) Have you invited them over without talking about how they only love their children who have babies. (Try it hey mom . pop, i was thinking of having a dinner over at my place would you please come) Your a big person, act like it and instead of blaming them, see if you can start interacting with them ... they will interact with you. (Oh and if they bring up that pest topic " pop out those people child of ours" , just say you know how i feel about that and then side step or address it. STAY calm, don't blame or accuse, just state your feelings and tell them thats how i feel at the moment and tell them your insisting that i have children hurts my feelings. [Not your and ass bag you love my sibling more then me ... that all that matters none of that , stick with how it makes you feel and say i don't want to feel that way and i want to have a relationship with you but you guys always talking about it makes it too hard ])
3) I've been busy. cough cough. ... ... cough. You might as well write i kinda forced them out of my life. (i exaggerate) But really you have been so busy for what YEARS that you could not invite them over? And you have not been so busy you could not see them more than you have ( its amazing what people can do if they WANT it).
4) I have taken care of a kid and it can be hard, trips are hard, etc your parents know this so they go out of their way to make it easier for people who have to deal with that ... YOU don't.
Really tho you could want to drive like 10 miles and it be a 30+ minute adventure.
5)" What else is life about, I guess?" You got me there i can't tell you , if you believe in almost any god then it is a function / purpose of life to have children. If you don't society still needs outstanding members, and humanity a future.
I was too harsh but i bet if you wanted you could get them to visit you if you just ask and make time.
I was harsh, but saying poor you will fix nothing ... maybe you just wanted to vent ... ahh i know that feeling. SEE in a way i am venting right now id like to have children, but ... (ps i used a fallacy in this last line do not be mislead, telling you it is there defeats its purpose but i am honest to a tee. Tho some people would not agree ... )
Anyway i hope that you resolve this issue don't just let it sit .. have you told your parents how much it bothers you , how much it hurt , that you want them to come over, that you feel like they love your sibling but not you? ... It the first step i would have taken , after all they don't read minds, and if you try to make them feel guilty to send the message they just gonna act defensively and that will not help. Try being honest and open ... works form me ... tho i am the most defensive person in the world so i most often have to come back and say it after thinking ... well that didn't go well, I WAS DUMB.
If this sounds like a bunch of BS ignore it, after all i am telling you what i would do, it is just my selfishness
"Society in every state is a blessing, but government even in its best state is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one ..." - Thomas Paine
Just ignore them and carry on with your life, I don't plan on getting married or stuff like that partly because of my views on the ethical side of it, I'd rather stay in a cozy relationship where there's no pressure put on either of us at all, just enjoy the freedom you have in your life and ignore any who get in your way of it.
Quoting people doesn't make you clever, in fact, it makes you all the more stupid for not bothering to read the quotes you post in the first place.
Some say it is man's purpose in life to raise the next generation. Personally, that is bullshit. If man does indeed have purpose in life, it is to make the best life he can for himself and others. Some people, somewhere, must be responsible for creating and raising children, but it is not necessary, or even desireable for all.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Hemingway
Quoting people doesn't make you clever, in fact, it makes you all the more stupid for not bothering to read the quotes you post in the first place.
And, of course, if you DO have kids, your parents will second-guess everything you do and constantly make "helpful suggestions" about how you could be raising them, so don't even imagine for a moment that your parents really would get off your back if you did have kids. And then, if that weren't bad enough, those darling little angels grow up to be teenagers and then you have all that bitching and whining to contend with too.
(Dear teenagers, I apologize. I am sure you realize that your parents are regular people who have their own lives outside of raising you and you're sympathetic to their plight in trying to look out for you even when you don't want them to. I am sure you don't constantly bitch and whine at them about everything they say and do that might inconvenience you in the slightest way. This wasn't directed at you personally. Love, Neschria.)
I feel a little bad posting on this thread, since it seems like a support thread for childless people. I love having kids, myself. It is a joy to me and very fulfilling. I even love having the whiny teenagers who think I am totally unfair and don't understand what they are going through. But on the other hand, I see and talk to so many people who don't really see their children as people, but rather as extensions of themselves and their own ego, that I can't help but wonder if those people really thought through their decision, or if they just had kids because that's what people do. I am not sure that many of them signed on for the nurturing of little independent spirits who have their own agenda. They seem to spend a lot of time trying to live through their kids, which is really unhealthy for both the parent and the kid.
If you've thought about it long enough to decide that kids don't fit into the life you want to lead, I think you may be well above the curve.
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This is where I draw the line: __________________.
That is why you shouldn't care.
Yeah, but that bothers me. It's like I was raised by him to reproduce and if I don't then I'm a disappointment.My parents go see my brother all the time. Hell, they drive to see him, pick up his kids, go back to their house for a while to keep them, then drive to bring them back again.
I wonder sometimes if my brother ever thinks about if they would come visit him if he didn't have kids. I wonder if that makes him feel just as weird as I do but for different reasons? I think I might just ask him.
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What's happened with me is, every time they start trying to suggest something I just know I don't want to do or badger me about it, I just walk away and shut myself up in my room to avoid them, the way I see it, we're not being anti-social ( or whatever the media or parents try to call it these days ) we're just avoiding idiots who try and tell us how to live all the time from what I see.
Quoting people doesn't make you clever, in fact, it makes you all the more stupid for not bothering to read the quotes you post in the first place.
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Quoting people doesn't make you clever, in fact, it makes you all the more stupid for not bothering to read the quotes you post in the first place.
Of course, the problem with this whole discussion that the people that both choose not to have children AND are responsible enough for it to not happen by accident are often some of the top candidates in terms of spreading favored genes.
As to old traditions of large families, it is simply a holdover from when children surviving to adulthood was a rare event, thanks to war, famine and disease. It was then desirable to have as many kids as possible to make up for the attrition rate, since Europe was too low on population already. Of course, these days, we have the opposite problem.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Hemingway
I would suggest for you to talk it out or atleast say something (even if it's yelling) rather than being quiet and ignore... Trust me, it's more psychologically damaging to others when you ignore them. The best way is to talk it out. ( It makes me feel really left out and alone when people ignore me... That's why I will always respond when someone says something to me, with one exception, where they're repeating the same thing over and over, when it's obvious just to annoy u?)
To the OP, yea choose what you want... Try to make them understand, but there's people who are stubborn and such... In those cases I got nothing...