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I'm not dead. :)
vampiress92
Member Posts: 266
Hi everyone. its been forever since I've posted here, but now its the only place I can come back, and not feel stangely alienated.
About 5 months ago, I posted about my mother, and her being ill. She's a lot worse now. When they did the second surgery on her, they found cancer, and it has been spreading since. Its in her liver, now, and she sleeps a lot. She doesn't seem much like my mother, anymore. She can't talk, or eat, or get up on her own. She's in hospice, and she's been given less than three months, and just by the signs, it seems like she has much less.
For the majority of this time, I wasn't even living at home. I was across town with my grandmother, and only after I've moved back home with my mom and stepdad, have a realized how well I had it, living there. My stepdad guilt trips me about staying out to get away for a bit (after I work, or actually using my day off to have a 'day off'), and it's putting a great deal of stress on me. Today, I came home around 7 after spending my day off with my boyfriend, after picking up the groceries my Stepdad had asked me for earlier in the day. I mentioned that my boyfriend had dome some quick math for me at the store, and we realized that the packaging one item i purchased got me 50% more for the same price. He proceeded to bitch me out for not doing it myself, and then after my significant other left, yelled at me for staying out too long. I suppose I deserved it, considering that one of us has to be at home with my mother all the time.
So yeah. Sorry for whining. I'm just stressed out, and the 'off topic' forum is better than some other places I regularly go 
If you read all that, you're awesome 
Thanks
-Vampiress92
Comments
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Ha. haha. hahaha......
I think I missed something.
Why is that funny...?
Best of luck to you
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I have a Youtube channel for video games! http://www.youtube.com/user/Vendayn
Man. Wow. At least he left peacefully.
My mom's on all sorts of medications right now. Feeding tube. She used to sit up a whole lot, and was restless. Now she just sleeps. They've said she might go into a coma before she passes on. I suppose it's for the best.
Its just really hard to focus on anything right now, though. I just started a new job, and its challenging, especially since I've worked there a total of four days, and I'm now expected to work every day except friday the rest of this week (tuesday and friday are my days off this week), and train two new employees. I'm terrible at teaching, and get really nervous in front of other people. Not only that, but right now, I don't have a car, and considering I only recently got my license to drive, no insurance. I'm also the only person with a job, and flat broke.
I don't know why I'm chatting incessantly about this here. Ugh. Six months of garbage flying from my fingers. Sleepwalking, stress, worrying, no sleep.
Meh.
Vampiress92.... Im guessing your "undead"
Sorry for your loss btw... I hope you can work through it.
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"MMOs, for people that like think chatting is like a skill or something, rotflol"
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"Far away across the field, the tolling of the iron bell, calls the faithful to their knees. To hear the softly spoken magic spell" Pink Floyd-Dark Side of the Moon
"Come As You Are"
My mom's cancer spread to her liver and it covered too much of it so they couldn't surgically go in...
To be honest, from what i saw of my mom... assisted suicide would be a more peaceful death. My mom in her last dieing days said that the last couple of days were the most painful days of her life; that she could sum up all the pain she ever felt and put it all in those last 3 days. She won't make it, and the doctors will milk her and try to give her hope so they can milk her even more and stick your family with a large bill.
Of course what killed my mother wasn't cancer, it was this test drug called oxy-platant or something of that sort, which basically turned her skin this greenish color and she sort of sweated an odd color as well. It was suppose to surround the cancer and sufficate it not allowing it to spread but she ended up having an allergic reaction to it and it takes awhile to leave her system and so basically at that point she was in so much pain she gave up on life. All she wanted to do in those last couple days is die, and I can remember that hug that killed me inside... It was a hug that felt like the last hug, the last ounce of strength kind of hug... her arms shaky and trying to hold on to you as tight as possible... I'll never forget that hug. It's hard, it'll fuck you up for years to come and you won't get over it... but if it's spread her liver there's not much hope unless the doctors have really done a good job and it hasn't covered more than 1/4th of the liver.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
Kind of missed the fun here... But a good laugh lengthens your life, so it's always good. Hopefully you can go through this time.
Wow. Lots of posts while I slept
Anyways, thank yous! I've been gon so long, I didn't know if everyone had left due to the admin ripping apart the place, and randomly banning ppl (I remember that!!!), or if some hardcore members stayed. Looks like I see some familiar names, like RikimaruX and Draenor, and Xexima. Heck, even the mod (ex-mod? I can't tell by your status), Razorback is still around. Thats pretty cool.
But, yeah, I totally understand Daveospice. My mom's body was lit up like a chirstmas tree when they did tests for csncer. Chemo and radiation therapy are out of the question due to her lack of nutrition before they discovered the cancer. The blockage they took out was between the stomach and intestine, so nothing could get through to be absorbed (which happens in the intestines. The stomach just breaks it all down.), and she lost a TON of weight. They wanted to get her healthier before putting her on chemo, but that ever happened.
And, EggFtegg, You're right. Its an emotional time for our family, and my stepdad does kinda have the right to be a bit of an asshole, but it does really hurt when all of a sudden, after trying to do your best and deal with whats going on, I get yelled at. He never once called me to come home, or even asked me to be home at a certain time, then proceeded to b*tch me out about not coming home early enough. That's just really really taxing on my will, and my sanity.
Blah. Too much typing before I go to work
I had a friends dad pass from cancer after tons of treatment, it is nothing easy to deal with and I wish you luck in dealing with whatever life throws at you. Even if it is a chainlink fence.
"It is easier to be cruel than wise. The road to wisdom is long and difficult... so most people just turn out to be assholes" Feng (Christopher Walken)
Lol at the chainlink fence crack. I guess I can never change my avatar, now.
Look at it this way, both you and your stepfather are probably having a hard time dealing with seeing your mother like this. Perhaps your staying away is seen by your stepfather as not caring, perhaps what you are really feeling is the need not to confront seeing your mother in her condition.
I tend to agree with the idea that you and your stepfather have to sit down and talk, make peace with each other and deal with it together. My mother died of colon cancer when I was 21, it was hard to see her wasting away before she died, but what helped is that we were all there for each other. It's not easy, it never will be, and you will never be over it, so don't even try to stand alone. There will be times later on in your life when you will be doing something and think back to your mother, and frankly, you will never be over her not being there. It's something you can never run and hide from, because feelings will follow you always.
Sadly, it is part of life, and neither you nor your stepfather should have to try to go it alone.
Hey all. Still not dead
We've put mom on oxygen right now, so its easier for her to breathe. She sleeps a lot. My step-dad and I are kinda staying home in shifts, so someone is always here. I'm working 4-8 hour shifts at work depending on the day.
That's all, really. Just an update.
Sorry. I feel like I'm necro-ing a post... Iunno. *Stress*
Mom isn't gone yet, but it looks like it'll be soon, and with my job and taking care of the house and such, I'm just really worried and stressing.
These quotes made me cry...in laughter.
Change my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind change me so much I can't even trust myself
These quotes made me cry...in laughter.
I don't understand... Would someone please explain to me why that is so damn funny? That just seems a tad cruel to me...
Just ignore me, I'm in my own world right now. I think I laugh at anything, or cry.
Change my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind change me so much I can't even trust myself
God, crying. I've been an emotional wreck for the past 6 months. I'm so messed up, and its really hard to deal. Work's killing me. Mom slowly dying is killing me... I'm scared and feeling sick and worried and wanting to scream and kick and throw a fit.
Meh. I hate being emotional and whiney and depressed.
That's not whiney... it's completely understandable. My dad died a few years ago of scleroderma, so I know how hard it is to watch someone you love suffer slowly. I admire your strength through the situation though. I'll be hoping/wishing/praying peace and comfort in your direction.