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German Toilets - Is this true???
gnomexxx
Member Posts: 2,920
If this is true, then all I can say is, "Eeeewwwwww!" 
German's poo into really weird toilets!
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Whenever folks who have lived or traveled in Germany gather for a beer, sooner or later one subject is sure to rear its ugly head: what is the deal with those toilets?
German toilets are quite extraordinary. Other European toilets - well, the ones that aren't merely holes in the floor - work much like their North American cousins. They are shaped a little differently, but the basic principle is the same: the excrement either lands directly in the water or it slides down a steep slope into the water, before being flushed away. Simple, effective and clean. See?
"Normal" toilet
Not so the German toilet. The excrement lands on a bone-dry horizontal shelf, mere inches beneath one's posterior. Repeated flushings are required to slide the ordure off the shelf into a small water-filled hole, from which it hopefully disappears. See?
German toilet
I do not understand the purpose of this toilet. It does not save water - you must flush it eight or ten times to remove every last scrape and smear. It is not hygienic - the smell is ungodly. The only conceivable explanation is that Germans love to inspect their stool, so the German toilet of necessity features a built-in stool inspection shelf. I wouldn't be surprised if the more expensive models include a digital scale: "Mein Gott, zwei kilogram!" exclaims Günter, joyful and relieved.
Further research has revealed that the German toilet is in fact designed to facilitate stool examination. This is a wise, healthy practice, argue Germans, a person's best defence against intestinal disease, water-borne parasites or worm-riddled, undercooked pork sausage. While this made perfectly good sense around 1900, thanks to improvements in public health the whole shelf business should have become obsolete shortly after World War II.
Germans, however, see nothing amiss. They actually like their toilets. Some even dislike North American toilets. You splash yourself, they claim. I don't think this is possible. I've never splashed myself sitting on the toilet. For the wave to reach one's bottom, one would need to eject a hefty pellet at tremendous velocity. I think they're making that up.
We've had innumerable bad experiences with German toilets. In Berlin, we lived on an upper floor and the water pressure was too weak to push a healthy-sized log off the shelf. After a few minutes' fruitless flushing you'd be forced to grab a wad of toilet paper and give the horrid thing an encouraging nudge. Then followed a lengthy bout of brushing and cleaning to remove the skid marks from the porcelain. At the other extreme, in Munich we lived in a basement suite where the water pressure was too high. Worse, the shelf was actually slightly concave, forming a shallow bowl. The first time I flushed the toilet the water came rushing through so forcefully that a small chunk of poo launched off the lip and shot out over the floor. After that we always held the lid down when we flushed. I swore you could feel a kick as the turd ricoched off the underside.
The German toilet's shortcomings are not limited exclusively to Number Twos. It is almost impossible for males to urinate while standing without soaking the bathroom. Urine sprays everywhere. There is a technique, but is tricky and requires a certain degree of penile agility: bestride the toilet and direct the stream vertically down into the hole at the front of the shelf. If you are sufficiently flexible and accurate, it's relatively clean, though it makes one hell of a noise.
The alternative, of course, is to pee sitting down - the dreaded Sitzpinkel. Herein lies the source of much gender conflict, for German women have become increasingly militant in their efforts to encourage or enforce the Sitzpinkel Rule. It's not uncommon to see little stickers on the underside of toilet lids, reminders to less civilized males that they really need to embrace their feminine side and sit the hell down.
An American friend was once at a party where, on his way to the bathroom, he was accosted by the hostess who demanded loudly in front of the other guests that he not pee standing up. The male counter-reaction has been predictably lame, only a few sad jokes here and there. Me, I've made promises, I've tried to be good, but somehow the instinct not to Sitzpinkel runs very deep. I just try not to spray.
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Comments
they must have stinky toilets and yes it is true.
pretty nasty aint it
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
I have seen toilets like that, although I can't remember if they were in Germany or not. I can understand what the Germans say about splash-back in the toilets we are used to, though. I suspect that the article writer's dumps don't follow the normal rules of physics.
Haha! I totally forgot about these toilets when I was there. I thought it was pretty cool though because when the turds drop they didn't cause the water to splash onto me. But yeah I always noticed every place that had this type of toilet usually had a cleaning brush right next to it. Also on the wall were directions in German to clean the toilet when you finish doing your duty. Your not supposed to just stand there like an imbecile flushing over and over.
In America I have bad teeth. If I lived in England my teeth would be perfect.
I'll take the splishy splashy on my hiney over that. It's not like it splashes all the time. Only very very very rarely. But that poo is going to be nasty every time.
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Okay, but how do you clean the brush after that? I use a toilet brush to clean my toilet, but I first put toilet cleaner on there and use the clean water that's already in the toilet. With this you'd have to flush, then use the brush to clean what's left. That would leave the brush dirty. Icky!!!
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When you are used to these toilets...it land in the hole. So 1 flushing is all you need.
Of course, it requires you developp a new aiming skill!
- "If I understand you well, you are telling me until next time. " - Ren
Yup, I would have to work long and hard on developing that skill. I've never even seen my ass sphincter to know how to aim it.
I just thought of something. I've never seen my ass sphincter.
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Yup, I would have to work long and hard on developing that skill. I've never even seen my ass sphincter to know how to aim it.
I just thought of something. I've never seen my ass sphincter.
I've got years of experience, my skills have increased dramatically. I can hit toilets from 50 yards away. Trick shots.P.S. Why did we make a thread about toilets?
Change my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind change me so much I can't even trust myself
Four years of German in high school and college and they never ONCE mentioned this little bit of hillariousness?
Lame.
Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
good thing for me that my sh!t doesn't stink.. it smells like morning roses
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
Now it becomes clear why they started two world wars, they wanted to get out the country so that they could pee like men standing up without the local feminazi gestapo patrol hasseling them!
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience"
CS Lewis
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Personally, I think if you were to sit on the toilet backwards, your shit would flop right into the hole with no extra trouble.
Now with 57.3% more flames!
You could rest your head on the back of the toilet then too. I might even fall asleep since the porcelain is so nice and cool. Like when I first crawl into bed and my pillow is cold. I love that. It's like a little taste of heaven to come.
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You could rest your head on the back of the toilet then too. I might even fall asleep since the porcelain is so nice and cool. Like when I first crawl into bed and my pillow is cold. I love that. It's like a little taste of heaven to come.
Time to invent a new kind of toilet.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
If you've ever had to use a squat toilet that was the porcelian squat bowl place on a wooden floor with a hole in it and a plastic bowl of water to run down your arse and wash with your hand after use, you'd probably not complain about German shitters. Also that house was on stilts above a swamp which about 20 other houses were with all their families dpoing their business in it, with a temperature of between 30-40 degrees celcius each day year round it stank pretty bad.
I remember one night when a neighbour got pushed into the swamp by his drunken wife, to see him climb out of a cess pit of turds bobbing around covered in black slime. Most people would've wretched there and then and thrown up their supper, but after living there for 3 months you got used to the vile stentch and the Methane bubbles that came to the surface at night and made fart noises (kept me awake for the first few days) I merely felt sorry for him. Also he kept his last meal down somehow, though you wouldn't want to open your mouth covered in that!
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience"
CS Lewis
*Note to self, when moving to Germany bring own toilet
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Life sucks, buy a helmet.
I hate when my pillow goes too warm. I bought a couple of these. I only use the cool side. I only ever use the cool side.
Geez. They weren't that cheap when I bought mine!
We americans feel the same way.
Onto other bigger more adventure based words,
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Office can be found near Roy the fighting bum.
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In America I have bad teeth. If I lived in England my teeth would be perfect.
You sir are a bonified genius of poo-ology. I salute you.
lol diarrhea waterfall
I hope some day we can all put aside our racisms and prejudices and just laugh at people
the toilets in germany dont flush the same way. they flush counter clockwise or something like that. I remember when I was there once and the toilet flushing action didnt look the same.
Those kinds of toilets are (as far as I know) also popular in holland. Tho they flush differently.
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" Germans, however, see nothing amiss. They actually like their toilets. Some even dislike North American toilets. You splash yourself, they claim. I don't think this is possible. I've never splashed myself sitting on the toilet. For the wave to reach one's bottom, one would need to eject a hefty pellet at tremendous velocity. I think they're making that up."
The author is wrong. I have a 'German-style' toilet downstairs, and a 'normal-style' toilet upstairs. Although I prefer the normal one, I sometimes splash myself.
Yeah. I assume you were really eager to hear that.