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planeshift legend
godsmack
Member Posts: 23
i decided to help the team working on planeshift and made a story for them so tell me what you think.
legend for the diaboli
it is said that the diaboli have no home land at all.that they were born of the fires of volcanoes ,they spawned from the flames to take over, reproducing only to find
a means to their ends. yet others still say that they once had a home. the story from the people of
old.a legend that has been passed down for generations says that the diaboli have existed for
far longer than any other race.it tells of and anceint civilization on a land called
diabolikality or nick named diabolic. it tells that when the diaboli were fresh from their firey
pormeadal soup of evil ,that they ravaged the land as nomads killing everything that they could
for food ,shelter and resources.when they learned to speak and think in the traditional sense,
they learned to hide their crulety.learned to be civil when needed.the ravged the land one
weekend andblamed it on another race or species the next.they would then in turn kill the
creatures that they blamed for destroying the land they ruined. another such legend states that
the diaboli were once human but became transformed ,or mutated if you will, into the diabli
because of living close to fiery volcanoes and preforming too many cruelties. it says that the
home they originated from was destroyed...
by them! because its rich mineral supply ran out. they destroyed it and spread like fire to every
land they could learning to live alongside other races ,not against them.they forgot
the traditions of old.forgot to be cruel. but it also says that when you see one BE WARY. the
side of old cannot be forgotten so easily. it is still imprinted on their DNA. they will never truly
change and the destruction of their planet will weigh on their heads for millenea to come...
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil...
...for I am the biggest badass throughout the land.
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
Comments
Or ummm at the very least use a spellchecker....
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
Well i made one mistake. I shouldnt have used old english when surrounded by morons.the only thing i didn't bother to do was to capitalize. and ohhh my god i sent out a spell check and capitalized form. but i thought you would have enough sense to not comment on that.
i wanted to here what you thought about the story not spellng errors.and for your info i spelled diaboli,diabolika,and diabolik that way for a reason.
ok genious?
ok
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil...
...for I am the biggest badass throughout the land.
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
Your first mistake would be to expect us to be geniuses. This is MMORPG.com... Your over-estimating us. Old what? Huh? English? Nah, that can't be english...
Testing Currently:
Alpha: Guild Wars
Beta: Saga of Ryzom + Risk Your Life
Playing: City of Heroes
Interested: WOW & EQII (yeah, both... deal with it)
Currently:
Playing: WOW & GW
So there are no grammar or punctuation rules in old english?
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
Nah, it was just different for them. Our grammar and pronunciation has changed alot over the last couple hundred years.
Ohh... post #300...
Testing Currently:
Alpha: Guild Wars
Beta: Saga of Ryzom + Risk Your Life
Playing: City of Heroes
Interested: WOW & EQII (yeah, both... deal with it)
Currently:
Playing: WOW & GW
lol, yeah well, it seems lame excuses are always the same though...
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
old english is what you use in a story that is either a legend or extremely old (by legend i mean passed down from generations type legend) and i state again not grmmer or anything like that just the story that i want you to rate how much you liked.
and when i called you a genious it was sarcasam.its not that i expected you to be brilliant i just thought you wouldnt be stupid. i expected average people but i all got today was morons imbiciles ignorance.
good day ladies
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil...
...for I am the biggest badass throughout the land.
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
Let's see... According to dictionary.com...
Your story was in no way written in old english. If you want a good example of old english click HERE or HERE or there are tons of other sites out there, do a simple search on google.
When you originally posted the story, you asked us what we thought, and we told you. You did not originally state you were only referring to the content of the story, so we didn't limit our criticism to the content. As for the content, personally, nah, didn't care for it, just didn't do anything for me. Of course that may be due to having to try to read it around all of the misspelled words and bad grammar, lack of any capitalization and poor punctuation. Keep in mind the harder it is for someone to read something, naturally the less they'll enjoy it.
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
well yeah according to dictionary.com but its a writers term.
meaning it uses terms most people wouldnt use like "the stories of old". and i can see what you mean I should have been more specific but i assumed.....that was my mistake..... i also see what you mean about me makin it harder to read with capitilization being none, but i only misspelled fiery(firey)and pormeadal(can you spell that?its not even in spellchecker!)
.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil...
...for I am the biggest badass throughout the land.
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
Correction:
ancient, not anceint
fiery, not firey
pormeadal, well I assume you meant primordial, if so, yes, I can spell it.
cruelty, not crulety
ravaged, not ravged
performing, not preforming
millennia, not millenea
Thats just spelling errors. I won't even count the its/it's errors, and those are just the ones I spotted reading through it on my own, don't want to think about what would happen if I actually plugged it into a spellchecker, would probably explode. (For the record I have taken MANY different writing cources during my time in college, and have EXCELLENT SAT scores, so becareful who you're talking to when you assume someone is ignorant.)
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
Ok godsmack.. Besides the spelling mistakes and the Capilization, Seriously as a fiction writer myself.. I have to tell you that story is not all that good.. You'll learn this at some point in life.. What you are doing is almost totally exposition (A statement or rhetorical discourse intended to give information about or an explanation of difficult material) when what In my opinion is the best way to tell a story is to use Action. what i'm trying to say is Don't blatantly TELL us what the story is.. What really makes a story good is when you SHOW us the story..
example... Bad --> The guy ran very quickly across the field..
example.. Good --> sweat tore off his face, as his feet struck the ground like rain on steel plates, his hair gripping to his scalp for refuge....
...Thats actually not that good.. But it's soo much better than the first statement.. So here's the second rule of writing : Rewrite!!!!... So do another draft of your story maybe a lil longer? and pay attention to spelling because your readers appreciate it...
oh and your story has potential.. you just need to bring it out..
Click Here --->Just one of those days<--- Click Here
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
im not here to bash on your grammar, just sayinng:
genius not genoius
grammar not grmmer
sarcasm not sarcasam
well thats enough... as for the story, it is poorly written, i myself have written a few fantasy stories and this is written very badly... rewrite it and change how you wrote it... make it more lively and interesting, as for the content, if you can do it better i think it wouldnt be that bad
i dont care if people bash on how i write, cause im not trying to write perfectly at the moment...
-Scott
this is directed at kunou. the rest i accept as creative critisism.
well good for you.you got high SAT scores and creative writing classes.
a few things
1 it's much much more common for someone to get high SAT scores anymore.
2 ohhhhhhh a creative writing class. I've talked to many real writers,ones that make a living off of it and have published more than 20 books (including Stephen King) and they all say that a creative writing class is usless. and the worst thing you can do for your writing
3 i wrote that story in about 5 min. and its not really finished i put it here so people like methane would give CREATIVE critsism to help me. NOT to hinder me. ok ? so if you dont want to help say goodbye and please leave
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
win controll over wythia and save us all!
go here!
http://darkageofwythia.com/linkconfigure.php?link=29014064
Huh? Is that more old english? I'm assuming you're trying to say that it's more common for people to get high scores on the SATs these days. Well, the National average score is 1020, yes, a bit higher then back when I took it, average then was about 970 or so I believe. But mine is still much higher than average, I never meant the comment to be a bragging statement of any sort so I won't bother saying my actual score.
I never said anything about it being a creative writing class, YOU made that assumption. For the record I've never taken any form of creative writing class.
My initial comment was constructive criticism. As many other people have stated also, the presentation of your writing is almost as important as the content if you want people to read and enjoy it. If someone has to work too hard at reading it because of typos and lack of capitalization and punctuation problems they are not going to enjoy the experience, and therefore not enjoy your story. Hell, I probably would have even enjoyed it more if not for all of that.
And then the "old english" bit was just bad, really, so you made some typos and spelling errors and such and got called on it, big deal, just accept it and move on. But no, instead you got defensive, gave the "old english" excuse and started calling people names.
As I stated initially, you posted it and asked what we thought, I thought it needed to be spellchecked so I thats what I stated. Then you got mad because we couldn't read your mind and magically know you only wanted us to check it for content.
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
"Keep in mind the harder it is for someone to read something, naturally the less they'll enjoy it" -- Kunou
Personally, I fully agree on that statement above. The story lacked, the content sucked...and there is NO way that they would use that story. My friend, I suggest that if you know Stephen King, chat with him more often because his creative brilliance needs to rub off a bit harsher then it has.
-- Good luck with future literature!
KillerTwinkie - That one guy who used to mod mmorpg.com's forums.
Click Here --->Just one of those days<--- Click Here
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
Let's see... According to dictionary.com...
Your story was in no way written in old english. If you want a good example of old english click HERE or HERE or there are tons of other sites out there, do a simple search on google.
When you originally posted the story, you asked us what we thought, and we told you. You did not originally state you were only referring to the content of the story, so we didn't limit our criticism to the content. As for the content, personally, nah, didn't care for it, just didn't do anything for me. Of course that may be due to having to try to read it around all of the misspelled words and bad grammar, lack of any capitalization and poor punctuation. Keep in mind the harder it is for someone to read something, naturally the less they'll enjoy it.
Why is a staff member trolling and or flaming??
mOo
Mooooo
long story... read the first page... Basically the writer took harsh criticism the wrong way..
Click Here --->Just one of those days<--- Click Here
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
What's your Wu Name?
Donovan --> Wu Name = Violent Knight
Methane47 --> Wu Name = Thunderous Leader
"Some people call me the walking plank, 'cuz any where you go... Death is right behind you.."
<i>ME<i>
Basically he asked for criticism:
And couldn't handle what he got, which I didn't feel was that harsh, just honest:
So he got defensive and started calling names:
I don't think I was trolling or flaming anyone, I never called him names or anything. Several people have posted agreeing with what I said.
Richard J. Cox
"There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust."
I too know the evil that bad presentation and spelling mistakes can do. I just finished a writers craft course and it helped me out incredibly. Why? Because my defensive little friend, it helped show me what areas my writing could be improved and how to do it. Before the class all of my dialouge sucked, but after taking it I greatly improved that and managed 100% on my ISP
.
Just remember, critisim can be a nasty thing but you have to learn how to take it, otherwise you'll never get anywhere in the writing business in any form of media. My advise for you is to fine a person who is a noticably better writer than yourself or one that has a eye for detail and can rip your story apart for you and get that person to be your editor. Thats what I do, and the story that I'm working on is much better for it. With my editor helping me I can probably get my book published by the end of fall.