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The **Real** Cataclsym Patch Notes
GrandoReaper
Member UncommonPosts: 147
World of Warcraft: Cataclysm (AKA Operation Wax on Wax Off)
Expansion Launch Event
After Gnomeran has sat for a couple decades and this caused the diseased gnomes to create a mutated strain called the G1N1 Virus, this disease has spread to the newbie garden and customs officials in the Tram tunnel have completely quarintined the city of Ironforge. When you enter Ironforge you contract the G1N1 Virus by contact with gnomes & dwarves level 10 and under. The only way to cure the virus is to do a quest chain which involves throwing the dead gnome bodies into the lava of Ironforge.
The Horde throw such an awesome crazy uber birthday party for Thrall that Orgrimmar implodes which causes a chain reaction that makes epic grade items rain from the skies in The Barrens. This pleases the Barrens God(Chuck Norris) and in a act of compassion he silences every level 14 character in Barrens chat with his thunderous roundhouse kick shockwave that resonates a perfect frequency to shatter their skulls.
Quest Revamp
Instead of money and experience players will be given a pat on the back for being such a good pal to the NPC and a NEW CURRENCY called "Brownie Points". These special points can earn you anything from a vanity pet to cosmetic clothes.
Players will now resort to leveling up by having two accounts and creating a level 70 Death Knight on one of them to character tow through dungeons from levels 1-50.
Class Changes
# Druid
*NEW DRUID SKILL* Damage Over Time Healing Form - Druids will now be able to shapeshift into GhostCrawler which makes all healing over time spells harm your allies instead of heal them. Example: A warrior you are supposed to heal in a raid seems extra obnoxious in vent he is at 10% health and you cast Nourish to remove that 10% life and make him squeal like a little girl on vent.
Death Knight
Seeing how Blood spec keeps the death knight alive, and they are all about bringing themselves and bodies back to life; we have renamed the class Life Knight, enjoy.
Priest
New Talent Shut the Hell Up - This talent causes every player within 30 yards of the Priest to be silenced, but it also disables all spells and abilities of the Priest who cast it for 2 Minutes with a debuff called Awkward Silence.
Paladin
When a immunity bubble is cast the paladin cannot cast any type of heals, it also consumes the Hearth Stones as a reagent for the spell.
Rogue
New Equipment Slot SOCKS - In order to stealth a rogue must now have some socks equiped and boots removed, the quality of the socks determine how effecient the stealth skill is. Also, soap can be loaded into the Ammo Slot and the rogue can hit the enemy for 100 Damage at 2.5 speed without ever being taken out of Stealth.
Hunter
Disengage - Instead of causing the hunter to leap back in combat it now is the hotkey equivalent of Alt+F4.
Warrior
Arms Talent Tree has been renamed Player Killing.
Fury Talent Tree has been renamed Boogey Man Slayer.
Protection Talent Tree has been renamed I Want Purples Faster.
Mage
Group Portals have been removed.
Summoned Food is now soulbound.
All mage head piece set armor now has a sign on back of it that read's "STARVE AND WALK U DAMN BUM"
Warlock
Soulshards have been replaced with Diablo Soulstone Shards, these new shards grant the warlock +1% melee damage with the Max Amount Allowed Carried set to 2000. Did we mention they stack to 100?
Seeing as Alexstraza (w/e) The Life red dragon lady thing is only good at sending her minions to destroy other races as seen in the cinimatic at the big gate thing we have renamed her "Alex the Arian Cleanser"
Also seeing as Deathwing has been only good at pretending to be dead and has now revealed himself to be alive we have renamed him as, "Lifewing of Retribution".
If you think I got good ideas, read more at sadfacegamer.blogspot.com the Murloc Breeding Ground... wonder what they sound like when they breed. Maybe Elton John singing Circle of Life is what they sound like. Yea.
Can you believe I got banned from WoW Official Forums for posting this? Lol guess I let the cat out of the bag.
Comments
yep i can believe it!you must think gostcrawler is such an unfriendly dude who doesnt have a aense of humour !
good one by the way!have a happy ban! maybe if you beg gostcrawler he ll unban you!(ya right)
Maybe I should send him a gift basket, full of.. dookie.