Tell me what you think of this poem?

Camthylion

http://authspot.com/poetry/love-eternal-moonlight/

Looking for some feed back, want to know if it sucks or its alright. 

modjoe86

a clasped silhouette of love will forever be seen by the waters of the glimmering moonlight.

I like that line.  The diction is a bit flowery for my tastes.  I prefer a common man's word use.  As an example, my favorite poem:

 

The Cuckold's Song - By Leonard Cohen

If this looks like a poem

I might as well warn you at the beginning

that it's not meant to be one.

I don't want to turn anything into poetry.

I know all about her part in it

but I'm not concerned with that right now.

This is between you and me.

Personally I don't give a damn who led who on:

in fact I wonder if I give a damn at all.

But a man's got to say something.

Anyhow you fed her 5 MacKewan Ales,

took her to your room, put the right records on,

and in an hour or two it was done.

I know all about passion and honour

but unfortunately this had really nothing to do with either:

oh there was passion I'm only too sure

and even a little honour

but the important thing was to cuckold Leonard Cohen.

Hell, I might just as well address this to the both of you:

I haven't time to write anything else.

I've got to say my prayers.

I've got to wait by the window.

I repeat: the important thing was to cuckold Leonard Cohen.

I like that line because it's got my name in it.

What really makes me sick

is that everything goes on as it went before:

I'm still a sort of friend,

I'm still a sort of lover.

But not for long:

that's why I'm telling this to the two of you.

The fact is I'm turning to gold, turning to gold.

It's a long process, they say,

it happens in stages.

This is to inform you that I've already turned to clay.

Neanderthal

Originally posted by modjoe86


a clasped silhouette of love will forever be seen by the waters of the glimmering moonlight.
I like that line.  The diction is a bit flowery for my tastes.  I prefer a common man's word use.  As an example, my favorite poem:
 
The Cuckold's Song - By Leonard Cohen
<lot's of words>

 

That ain't a poem.  I don't give a damn what anyone says, there is a difference between poetry and prose.  I know, I know...I'm a fuggin simple neanderthal who isn't sophisticated enough to understand that poems can be identical to ordinary speech and still be poems.  Yeah, yeah..if some english lit. major tells me it's a poem I should just take his word for it. 

Screw that!  If it's a poem it's a poem and if it ain't it ain't.  And that ain't a poem.

If that's a poem than this stuff I just wrote is a poem too.  And if anyone disagrees than I'd like you to define the difference.

Laserwolf

Personally I think poetry, like classical music, belongs in the past and is more appealing the older it is.

I did like the fact that you were not really specific on what your poem was about, and even in your explaination you just said that you were "thinking" about something and not necessarily writing about it. My favorite English class in grade school and even College was my 12th grade AP class focused on poetry. I enjoyed trying to interpret the various poems along with the rest of the class to see if we were all on the same page or not.

reikalee

The poem made me feel like I was in a deep reverie. ^^

kittyvonkita

Wow, golly. VERY beautiful and meaningful. It really reminds me of myself and my boyfriend. :]

moonlight21

very deep poem XD it can have not only 1 meaning depends on how you will analyzed it