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The Day the Gaming Industry Died: Impressions from E3 2010
eyeswideopen
Member Posts: 2,414
http://www.cracked.com/article_18608_the-day-gaming-industry-died-impressions-from-e3-2010.html
By David Wong Jun 14, 2010 281,412 views
#follow_share_post.inline { border: 0; } #follow_share_post.inline #sp_container { padding: 0; } #follow_share_post.inline .sp_arrow { display: none; } #follow_share_post.inline .sp_button { clear: none; float: left; width: 70px; margin: 0 !important; padding: 0 !important; } #follow_share_post.inline .sp_button.sp_facebook_button { width: 50px; } If you don't have time to read, let me sum up the death of the video game industry in one animated GIF:
This week is maybe the biggest of the year in the world of entertainment. This is when all of the games you'll be playing for the next 12 months are unveiled at the Electronic Entertainment Expo. This year's event, however, will more likely be remembered as the precise moment video gaming as we know it died a tragic and embarrassing death.
If you haven't been keeping up with the conference, let me summarize by saying Microsoft--and I'm not making this up--had Cirque du Soleil unveil a $150 kitten petting simulator via interpretive dance. The Cirque du Soleil performers rode in on animatronic elephants:
See those people wearing white in the background? Yeah, they also had the audience dress in white cult robes. Here's the kitten petting simulator in action:
All of that actually happened. Does this all sound like an industry's desperate, final plea for attention? Because I'm pretty sure it was. Let me back up a little bit. The games industry has had a massive problem from day one, one that nobody is quite sure how to fix. This problem is the reason thousands of arcades had to close down after the 80s, and it's why Atari, Sega, NEC and countless other electronics giants had to bail out of the console business after losing millions. It's the reason why even Microsoft has lost billions on its gaming division. The problem is that video game players simply won't keep playing without a new gimmick every five years or so. Where people have been happy watching celluloid movies for like 80 straight years, for whatever reason gamers won't keep playing games unless given a completely new format every half decade.
Now, some people mistakenly say, "Well, duh, we stop playing the old games because the new ones have hit the market, making the old ones look obsolete!" Not so. We stop playing the games long before the new games arrive. For instance, there are no new consoles on the horizon now, yet video game hardware and software sales are both collapsing. Eventually we just get bored with the medium. That's a huge problem for the industry; it costs billions to develop a new console from scratch. It's getting to the point that game makers can't make a profit off the last console in the five years before gamers have given up on it and started demanding a new one. Which brings us to the animatronic elephants. See, the console that "won" this generation was the Nintendo Wii, because Nintendo 1) designed it primarily to cost very little and 2) introduced gimmicky motion controls and other peripherals that made the console seem like easy-to-get-into fun for the whole family. You can stand in your living room and wave your arms around for an hour and have a great time. But going on four years later, people are starting to get tired of that, too--the Wii's sales are plummeting like everyone else's. But this gave Microsoft and Sony both the bright idea that, instead of bringing out expensive new consoles at the five-year mark (the Xbox 360 has been out since 2005) they'd just introduce their own motion control gimmicks, and sell it as a whole new machine! With Microsoft, this device is called "Kinect" and it was the star of the first day of E3.
It has a built-in camera and microphone, so it can track the movement of your body, and recognizes both your face and voice commands. Microsoft sold the device as controllerless gaming--you don't even need a Wiimote for this, you just wave your hands through the air like Minority Report. Sounds like it could be cool. And then they showed us the games, and a bedridden industry started coughing up blood. The game that launched the Nintendo Wii in 2006 was called Wii Sports, a collection of motion-controlled minigames including bowling, boxing and tennis.
So Kinect is launching with... Kinect Sports, a collection of motion-controlled minigames including bowling, boxing and table tennis.
The same game, only four years later. Meanwhile, the rest of the launch lineup looks like the cheap knockoff fitness games they've made for the Wii balance board over the last couple of years, most of which you can find in the bargain bin at CostCo.
I see... three fitness games, three dance games and something called Game Party. Are you starting to see why this is a crisis? Those games up there are what they are depending on to save the industry. All those people who've stopped buying games? THAT is the shit that is supposed to get them excited about gaming again.
Oh, wait. We have Kinectimals. It's a virtual pet simulator. Microsoft demonstrated it by having a young Asian girl take the stage and air-pet her virtual tiger.
Of course, you can't feel the animal's fur or warmth, and it can't curl up on your lap or sleep in your bed or snuggle up against you. But, you know, it can do all of the other things pets can do. At one point the virtual cat licked the screen, and the little Asian girl giggled and reacted as if she was being licked and tickled by a real cat.
The audience at the conference reacted in exactly the same way you react when you notice the homeless guy next to you on the subway is masturbating. Hey, did I mention that Kinect is apparently going to cost $149, in addition to what you've already paid for the console? I mean, this is it. There are no other huge, ground-breaking games coming. The only other games they showed off at the conference were sequels--the third game in the Gears of War series, the fifth game in the Halo franchise, the seventh game in the Call of Duty series and the 800th game in the Metal Gear series. I'm pretty sure all of those games star space marines, except for Call of Duty, which stars Earth marines. Oh, hey, Metal Gear uses Kinect! You can slice your hands in the air and operate the guy's sword that way.
But none of that is what convinced me the industry was on its proverbial deathbed, having just pooped a proverbial lung. No, what convinced me my favorite hobby is dying was the fact that Microsoft devoted easily half of their conference to showing things the Xbox 360 can do other than play games. For instance, you can download TV shows! And movies! And it can do it almost as well as the devices you already own! They actually demonstrated the viewer waving around their hands to make the menu bring up the right movie, then using voice commands to pause, stop and fast forward. So saying "Xbox, stop" will stop your movie, and waving your hand will presumably make it skip ahead. Awesome! Nothing can go wrong with that, as long as you remember to stay perfectly still and silent while your movie is playing. If you're not clear on why random conversation or ambient sound in the room would fuck up your playback, I'm guessing you've never used a voice operated device in your life.
Also, you can use Kinect to get on Facebook. And watch sporting events. I mean, how else are you going to do those things? It also has video chat. You know, like ChatRoulette. Yes, in just a few short months your child, too, can see a stranger masturbating on your 58-inch plasma. Sony has their conference today. I'm not hopeful. Why? Because they're devoting their conference to two things: Move, their new, completely original motion controllers...
...and 3D games, aka Games with Glasses and Headaches. I'll have my impressions up Wednesday |
-Letting Derek Smart work on your game is like letting Osama bin Laden work in the White House. Something will burn.-
-And on the 8th day, man created God.-
Comments
Wow what a dumb article. But then again, this is why I rarely read Cracked any more.
Dance Central omg. Is that how you kids dance these days ?
Still laughing...
Crying later.
Yeah, wow, this isn't getting blown waaaaaay the hell out of proportion at all...
Definitely one of the less intelligent articles I've read lately.
Edit: Did it ever occur to the author that the reason game sales are down could possibly be, you know, the completely fucked up economy we've had for the past two years? Nah, I guess that's just crazy talk.
So, adding features to gaming consoles to make the price tag not so overwhelming and making the purchase more justifiable will kill gaming?
*leans in, wide-eyed* Please, tell me more.
Currently Playing: Nothing...I'm developing.
Looking Forward To:
Uh huh.
Now show me where he's wrong.
-Letting Derek Smart work on your game is like letting Osama bin Laden work in the White House. Something will burn.-
-And on the 8th day, man created God.-
omg the guy sitting behind him looks like he's really getting into it
As a PC gamer, even if this were true, it's not really a problem to me. Hell, I'd rather see consoles crash and more emphasis on PC gaming but that's just me.
However, I will say that the Wii is the only next gen console I own because a) it's Nintendo, and they tempt me with Mario/Zelda and more importantly b) it's the only one that does something unique for consoles that I can't have (and better) on PC. They're copying the Wii design due to the massive sales and success, which as MMO players we've seen how copy-catting goes over usually.
For most people the extra features are completely useless. People who like movies generally have a DVD player. They will have a DVR built into their cable box, or whatever service. Voice commands, motion capture, novelty, sorry I can live with a remote. These features aren't justifying a console they're actually increasing the cost of the console, not necessarily the value.
@Angorim - Well said, cept I'd lean more towards Zelda/Metroid myself. Those series I'd buy if I had to play by inserting a spinal tap each time, whatever control gimmicks they come up with to me are irrelevant.
Well thanks to Yatzee of PC Gamer and The Escapist fame, the sarcastic game hater is a niche other industry -linked .. I dunno, media?.. role that they want to fill.
Some do it well.
Others aren't worth a pile a monkey doo in a clear plastic ball.
Well angry gamer nerd is a pretty entertaining guy, but he mostly tackles the fail of yesteryear.
I kill other players because they're smarter than AI, sometimes.
LOL
Very well written. I was wandering the same here.... Why all that crap ? how may i play GTA with those "motion capture" stuff ? How could i play Uncharted 2, Naruto fighting games or any serious fighting game, a FPS , a MMO (they are comming to consoles, you know...), i just can't get excited with all this... Last year in E3 they showed the glimpse of Project Natal (Kinect) , and i was like "Good, the technology is great but how am i suppose to play REAL games with this ?" and now they are showing us the games we are supposed to play !
They aren't aiming this to gamers, its silly. Imagine you jumping and dancing alone in your place after college/work or maybe playing with your digital tiger !
The only way i can picture me playing video-games without a controler is with my own brain... you know, like in real life, if they create a technology capable of reacting with your thoughts then it'll be amazing. (Just to show how needed the controlers are)
As a gamer i do agree, sad times for us. Maybe someone in this E3 will give us some hope....
I'm a little iffy on the use of the term "most people." I'm a Wii owner, and the purchase was made mainly based upon the console's bells and whistles. Now that us gamers are getting older and having little potential gamers of our own these new features are starting to look a little bit more attractive. I will admit that the thought of buying a dance game is like having to buy tampons and pantyhose for my wife. But, my son was playing over at a friend's house a few weeks ago and they played "Just Dance" and he just couldn't shut up about how much fun he had.
So yeah, I understand where you're coming from as far as the usefulness of these features, from one adult to another...but, it looks like it's this new generation of mini-gamers that are the targets.
Currently Playing: Nothing...I'm developing.
Looking Forward To:
looks like the industry is ready for another cleanse
obviously after this a lot of suits are gonna get fired, lets hope they get replaced by younger suits with half an idea of what gaming is, and haven been lobotomized yet
Well when adult women begin making up over 40% of the gamer statistics, and you have a large portion of children attached....what do you expect? They only have their eyes set on the largest target audiences, for the time being anyways.
Eh, console gaming. I don't care. I have the impression though that current PS3 and 360 owners aren't interested in dancing games and petting sims, and it's going to take a lot to coerce the casual crowd who already own Wii's to drop more cash on another console.
I think there's been a lot more news about MMOs, hardware, and what not that the casual gaming aspect of these perhiphiels isn't that big of a threat.
Besides, I think I'd finally care about a FPS again if I got to actually aim and shoot at someone rather than thumbstick a turrent about.
It won't be for everyone obviously, but that's true about most games.
I always thought buyiing a medium sized guitar controller was a daft move. People bought'em, for whatever that was worth.
I kill other players because they're smarter than AI, sometimes.
"The whole industry sucks because it isn't catering to me specifically and producing only what I want to see an absolutely nothing else." -Is what I got out of that.
http://mmo-hell.blogspot.com/
http://www.mmorpg.com/blogs/rejad
And here I was hoping this was going to be a post about how John Carmac, Richard Gariot, Sid Meiers, Shirgeru Miyamoto, and friends got on an air plane (Brad Mcquaid didn't get invited on this flight but snuck onto the plane with the baggage) and it tragically crashed wiping out all of the video game designer talent in one fell swoop while they were going to present some revolutionary product at E3.
Instead, I did get a few chuckles out of the silliness presented but was not convinced in the slightest.
Forever looking for employment. Life is rather dull without it.
Or this stuff will be wildly successful and darkness dwelling college students will have to come to the rescue of niche markets once again.
Forever looking for employment. Life is rather dull without it.
He may have over egged the doom and gloom but nothing I saw made me think 'We are saved!'. It was style over substance all the way.
Dancing has always been a way guys can connect to girls.
.
Looks like future nerds will be physically fit.
Well shave my back and call me an elf! -- Oghren
I wonder if it comes back to mass appeal. Maybe game sales are floundering, because they don't make games for gamers anymore. They keep trying to sell games to the masses, which might be a huge boon someday, IF the masses are ever ready to trade reality TV, sports, and movies for video game counterparts - but that's a huge "if" - might always just be a novelty to them, and as such, not something they spend much money on. i.e. the masses might actually be a really crappy target audience for the games industry.
Gamers can seem fickle, too, but in a different sort of way. Game genres need to evolve, they need to offer some new element that predecessors don't. Usually, this means some new variation of challenge, though. Instead, they keep adding less challenge, instead, trying to appeal to the masses, I guess. Maybe trying to broaden their appeal is actually wrecking sales.
I cant believe how many console games are more about holding my hand while walking me through one lame cutscene after another. As if they're trying to hybridize gaming and watching TV. Maybe I can't speak for anyone but myself, but looking at all the games I've tried lately, its no wonder I don't buy very many anymore.
When I want a single-player story, I'll play a single-player game. When I play an MMO, I want a massively multiplayer world.
And PC gamers were supposed to be cowering at the 'console gaming market replacing PCs'... *snicker*
What a terrible article. Such idiotic statements and conclusions. This one in particular was laughably bad: "The problem is that video game players simply won't keep playing without a new gimmick every five years or so." Yeah, right. I've been playing since before the Atari 2600 came out in the 70s, and until carpal tunnel or arithritis forces me to stop, I've no intention of doing so. I guess I'm the only one....
A lot of these "gimmicks", especially allowing devices like xbox do other things are put in with one goal in mind: to attact new business. If you are a gamer like most on this site, you buy such things to play games on. If you're not, they (the industry) needs to offer something new to attract customers who wouldn't otherwise buy their product.
a bit over the top on the death knell, methinx, but I give it points just for this line...
"The audience at the conference reacted in exactly the same way you react when you notice the homeless guy next to you on the subway is masturbating."