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1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
36. Your friends love you anyway.
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37. You'll always be a slave to the system, especially capitalism
38. We all have to make choices in life, and if you made a choice which in hindsight you realise it was bad you'll regret it, and if you didn't make the choice in the first place you'll probably regret you didn't make the choice as it may have potentially been a good choice
39. You don't decide who you are, society does
40. Rules only exist to be broken
We're all Geniuses. Most of us just don't know it.
Life must have been simpler when there was just one rule: Stay alive and don't get eaten.
Hahaha, some of those i hadn't heard before.
fun fun
"I swear -- by my life and my love for it -- that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."
- John Galt
I'm happy with my complicated life.
It all don't matter becouse soon a comet strucks down on earth and all life vanish destroyed hehe.
We prolly only live as humans on this planet for couple million years sinds homosapiens so compare to age of univers 13.7 billion years we are insignificant comepare to that time frame hehe. Its all relative anyway
Simpler yes but i dont think easyer, and we lived alot shorter around 30 years avarage.
Woah a comet? Holy shit why wasn't i told about this? :O
And right now even though our age as homo SAPIENS is so insignificant compared to 13.7 billion years, we have been evolving for a much longer peroid of time, and we have evolved to be the only homonid left on earth, and the only beings on the planet with great language capabilities + good vocal cords + self awareness. The thing closest to us is chimps, and they can only develop 1000 words, if taught by humans in extremly well enviorments. To be truthful i would be suprised if we were homo sapiens for another century, due to the fact that the singularity is predicted to be in 2050.
All im trying to get at, is that even though we have only been living for a insignificant amount of time, we have made the most significant impact on the earth out of every species that has ever lived, to the best of our understanding that is. This being the case, were bound to last alittle longer than a couple million years
Sincerly, a 14 year old dumb ass
Edit: If it wasn't obvious, i was joking about the comet thing -_-
Tbrown, Love me or die!
I'll quote #8 just because I am in the service industry, and if you are a prick to your server, well, just watch fight club again and tell me what happens.
You create an imaginary friend?
We're all Geniuses. Most of us just don't know it.
That and "Miss, you DO NOT WANT the clam chowder tonight".