I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.
The same could be said for many real relationships failing to last as long as it takes a guild to clear a single raid.
A quality relationship is for most people certainly worth far more than one's experience with an MMO guild, but the attitude that your guildmates, who have at some level made a commitment to you, can be safely walked all over during your anger or quest for revenge or to prove a point or the myriad of other relationship conflicts that arise on a regular basis is IMO disappointing ... at best.
I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.
Your underhanded insult is noted. Perhaps the medical community should be referring people with relationship problems to MMO guilds with quality leadership. The ability to find solutions to relationship issues -- somebody lying about their relationship status or pressuring somebody into a divorce -- that avoid a negative impact on outside parties, children for example, is exactly what many people are looking for.
On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.
Your experience proves that online relationships carried on in an MMO are extremely posititve. My experience was obviously wrong. I apologize.
I do not know of any real life relationship no matter how bad that has lasted less time than a raid setup and complete has taken.
A competent guild leader and officer group realise that stuff like this can happen and deal with it to minimize the hassle and issues to the guild be that private chat, rules rewrite or advice to focus on sorting out real life before logging on, Hell I have had to mediate and drag people kicking and screaming into skype or teamspeak to talk issues out. While not perfect being able to deal with shit is far better than hoping shit does not happen because sadly it does.
Your experiences and mine are just different. neither is right or wrong.
I keep hearing about people that "met in game." I guess it could happen. When I first started playing mmorpg's I was very naive and wanted a boyfriend. I almost got in a relationship with a women who played as a man. I had a boyfriend who was to young for me and whose mother threatened to call the police and grounded him. Honestly, I didn't know he was 17. When he found out I was a dude playing a girl he told me to bug off. I had a hard time defining the difference between "role-playing" and when it got "real." I met another dude playing a female char but when some homo-hater in our party found out he was gay they wouldn't shut up kept calling him names. Kinda ruined the moment. We meet again later in game but were to busy actually playing the game to think about a relationship. That is about the time I thought maybe I should stop using mmorpg's as dating services and actually play, lol. Then I met this other dude with personal dysfunction (I wont mention what to keep this rated PG) and that was it for me. I said screw online dating I'm just a vanilla gamer from here on out. I have been happy ever since I made that decision years ago.
You don't _look for boyfriend_ online. You communicate with people, find some of those who are of interest to you, get closer to each other, if you have things in common, and from that you may go (or may not) further.
To look for relationships, as opposed to them just naturally happen, you need to go to discussion forums/chats by interests/subcultures, where the primary goal of people is to communicate, not actually play. Gaming subculture is not particularly minority-friendly.
So, first people complain everyone is a solo player in MMORPGs.
Then they complain people actually have relationships in MMORPGs?
People that play MMORPGs like to socialize with other people, they just dislike dictator like guild leaders that think they are someone important because they have a guild in game or group leaders that think similar.
Death to the content that creates situations where a few have the chance to abuse power - if your life sucks, it is your problem.
Especially in a time with voice chat and webcams.
Currently playing: GW2 Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.
None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.
That's what happens when you're focused too strongly on playing a game. Friendships do not happen when playing a game, it's when you get beyond the game, when you stop playing and start talking and start relating to each other as human beings, not as characters.
If you want a real friend, stop playing the stupid game, go somewhere else and talk about things that have nothing whatosever to do with gaming. Otherwise, don't bother.
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4 Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
I've made lots of very close, personal friends online and most of them, I've met offline as well. I met one lady online, got to be extremely good friends, flew to her rescue when her husband got physically abusive, drove her and her son 2000 miles back to my house where they stayed with me and my wife for several months, then when she got a divorce, flew back up to her old place, helped her sell her house, drove her back down 2000 miles dragging a trailer of all her stuff, got her a good job, etc.
That was years ago, but now she's happily married again and we still play online from time to time. We're always in contact and although we don't live all that close anymore, we still see each other.
This is not at all uncommon. I've met dozens and dozens of people that I'm friends with online and the reason we're all friends offline is because our friendship went far beyond playing some stupid game. We're friends because we have lots in common, not because we've killed monsters together.
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
You're assuming that everyone feels the need to lie and pretend online, and that just isn't true.
As far as desperation goes, if you're willing to overlook blantant lies to have a significant other, you have bigger problems to worry about than where you might have met them.
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
appearence - webcams.
The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?
How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.
How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.
Currently playing: GW2 Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
I've made lots of very close, personal friends online and most of them, I've met offline as well. I met one lady online, got to be extremely good friends, flew to her rescue when her husband got physically abusive, drove her and her son 2000 miles back to my house where they stayed with me and my wife for several months, then when she got a divorce, flew back up to her old place, helped her sell her house, drove her back down 2000 miles dragging a trailer of all her stuff, got her a good job, etc.
That was years ago, but now she's happily married again and we still play online from time to time. We're always in contact and although we don't live all that close anymore, we still see each other.
This is not at all uncommon. I've met dozens and dozens of people that I'm friends with online and the reason we're all friends offline is because our friendship went far beyond playing some stupid game. We're friends because we have lots in common, not because we've killed monsters together.
+5 faith in humanity
#TeamVainlash Why did Marceline's dad eat her fries? I mean...cause she bought them and they were hers...
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
appearence - webcams.
The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?
How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.
How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4 Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.
So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.
This also happened in a guild myself and my daughter were in. Seems one lady guild member felt it was her duty to heavily flirt with the men folk and get herself and others emotionally entangled. The guild took a big hit from it sadly and never recovered.
Don't get me wrong I do think a relationship built out of online friendships can happen and can last. My ex and I met online were together for 10 years ( even raided some in EQ2). It's not something I personally seek out, as others say I play games to unwind and have fun but because I don't want to have these types of relationships doesn't mean it's not viable for someone else.
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.
Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...
On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.
I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.
But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,
I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.
Currently playing: GW2 Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.
Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...
On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.
I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.
But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,
I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.
Ah, so biased much... and I'm sure my point about having it fall in your lap and holding onto it for dear life offends you.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4 Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
appearence - webcams.
The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?
How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.
How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
1) Not everyone wants the type of person who feels the need to go get drunk at a bar in their search for a partner. That person doesn't appeal to some people, myself included.
2) People can and do change over time. You don't notice it happening, the same way you don't notice yourself growing millimeter by millimeter, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. People tend to change gradually, unless something traumatic happens, but what started out as an irritation can turn into something you cannot and will not stand under any circumstances. That isn't someone getting sick of another person, that's a persons response to a certain stimuli changing over time. Ergo, people change.
If a person spends all their time trolling for a relationship in a game, then I'd agree, they have some issues. However, ignoring the possibility of a relationship just because you meet the person online is asinine. You should proceed with caution and realize that it's probably not going to work. Not because its online, but simply because the vast majority of all relationships do not endure.
But generalizing all relationships that begin online is neither accurate nor helpful to the conversation. I could generalize on all online relationships based on mine, but that wouldn't be accurate either. Good and bad comes from relationships that begin online. The quality of a relationship is determined by the quality of the individuals and their willingness to work together to ensure the match endures. Obviously, that's oversimplifying it a bit, but where you meet someone doesn't matter beyond the context of the situation reflecting on the type of person that you're meeting.
None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.
That's what happens when you're focused too strongly on playing a game. Friendships do not happen when playing a game, it's when you get beyond the game, when you stop playing and start talking and start relating to each other as human beings, not as characters.
If you want a real friend, stop playing the stupid game, go somewhere else and talk about things that have nothing whatosever to do with gaming. Otherwise, don't bother.
Don't misunderstand me. I am beyond happily married with a family...which did not come through playing video games at all.
I play stupid games for the purpose of playing stupid games and enjoying them, not long term relationship hunting. How strongly one plays a game is completely dependant on the agenda of the game player. Sure, the opportunity popped up to try it, but like I said before, it didn't work out because it wasn't my focus. I'm too physically and face-to-face intimacy needy to 'talk about things' via skype or vent, became more often than not, the relation is not a skip or a hop down the street.
You are right about one thing, if seeking a relationship while playing a game isn't a biggie on your list, don't bother trying.
Sidenote...I noticed that you've used the term friendship. In this case, I have been in a gaming clan for so long that I've seen fellow mate's kids join the ranks. We been together for so long because we all have a common trait...we love games and we love playing together.
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.
Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...
On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.
I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.
But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,
I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.
Ah, so biased much... and I'm sure my point about having it fall in your lap and holding onto it for dear life offends you.
Nah, I'm very happy.
But I guess it id cheating, just like love at first sight.
I'll let you do your seven tasks.
Currently playing: GW2 Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
I know this guy Tom and he met his lifepartner Chuck in a online chatroom where it all started out as a lesbian virtual relationship under the pen names Nikki and Sugarlumps. They seem happy enough.
Kidding aside, there are lots of people that manage to find a relationship online via MMO's etc, but I would never consider it healthy to leave that as one's primary dating method. It's just too easy to hide one's self behind an avatar, and that unfortunately, is what many people do.
All of my posts are either intelligent, thought provoking, funny, satirical, sarcastic or intentionally disrespectful. Take your pick.
I get banned in the forums for games I love, so lets see if I do better in the forums for games I hate.
I enjoy the serenity of not caring what your opinion is.
Don't misunderstand me. I am beyond happily married with a family...which did not come through playing video games at all.
I play stupid games for the purpose of playing stupid games and enjoying them, not long term relationship hunting. How strongly one plays a game is completely dependant on the agenda of the game player. Sure, the opportunity popped up to try it, but like I said before, it didn't work out because it wasn't my focus. I'm too physically and face-to-face intimacy needy to 'talk about things' via skype or vent, became more often than not, the relation is not a skip or a hop down the street.
You are right about one thing, if seeking a relationship while playing a game isn't a biggie on your list, don't bother trying.
Relationships can be simple friendships as well, but this thread is about making friends online and I'm saying that if all you want to do is play a game, you shouldn't be surprised that you aren't making any good RL friends doing it.
It's not going to happen if the individual isn't willing to take the steps necessary.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
You gotta be kidding me. What do you think happens after you befriend someone online? You meet in real life and participate toghether in activities that interest both of you, in process learning about each other. For example, with one of my online-met friends we got together and hitchhiked for a week, because we wanted to learn, how it is, hitchhiking, and to see the country in the process. Another girl I've met online and then we went together (not just 2 of us, a pretty big company alltogether) sailing down the river for 200 kilometers, camping in forests, etc. With another online-met girl we went on museum spree...
You MEET online. You get closer. You connect. You get to know each other - and no, you can't get up a believable front once you start talking things over. You are either clever or not. You either know how to discuss things and argue or not. You either has your opinions on stuff and can defend/explain it or not. And with webcams how you look is not a secret anymore.
After you've met online and got interested, you meet offline. Doing something you both like. That's where you learn how the person behaves him/herself, good and bad habits, and show yours. That's where you see how the person solves the problems (or shrinks from them), etc. That's where relationship is actually develops.
Yes, sometimes it doesn't work out. I was, for example, cut by one girl I've met online - she was a bit psychotic and got a bit overagitated, ha, ha. All the signs were there beforhand; I was even directly warned about her psychotic behavior by her acquitances who knew her in real world; I knew I was risking it, but I was curious.
In other cases, though, and I can count, like, 8, from the top of my head, it was pretty great. Lots of fun and very interesting. Hell, even that psychotic girl was interesting, although stopping the blood wasn't all that much of a fun...
What do you think happens: you met someone online, than a bit of hand-waving, and without ever meeting offline you are in relationships? Get some brains, will you?
Comments
I do not know of any real life relationship no matter how bad that has lasted less time than a raid setup and complete has taken.
A competent guild leader and officer group realise that stuff like this can happen and deal with it to minimize the hassle and issues to the guild be that private chat, rules rewrite or advice to focus on sorting out real life before logging on, Hell I have had to mediate and drag people kicking and screaming into skype or teamspeak to talk issues out. While not perfect being able to deal with shit is far better than hoping shit does not happen because sadly it does.
Your experiences and mine are just different. neither is right or wrong.
You don't _look for boyfriend_ online. You communicate with people, find some of those who are of interest to you, get closer to each other, if you have things in common, and from that you may go (or may not) further.
To look for relationships, as opposed to them just naturally happen, you need to go to discussion forums/chats by interests/subcultures, where the primary goal of people is to communicate, not actually play. Gaming subculture is not particularly minority-friendly.
A lot of lonely people play MMOs, where's the news in this. Specially those that spend more than 10 hours a day in them
So, first people complain everyone is a solo player in MMORPGs.
Then they complain people actually have relationships in MMORPGs?
People that play MMORPGs like to socialize with other people, they just dislike dictator like guild leaders that think they are someone important because they have a guild in game or group leaders that think similar.
Death to the content that creates situations where a few have the chance to abuse power - if your life sucks, it is your problem.
Especially in a time with voice chat and webcams.
Currently playing: GW2
Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.
That's what happens when you're focused too strongly on playing a game. Friendships do not happen when playing a game, it's when you get beyond the game, when you stop playing and start talking and start relating to each other as human beings, not as characters.
If you want a real friend, stop playing the stupid game, go somewhere else and talk about things that have nothing whatosever to do with gaming. Otherwise, don't bother.
Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
Now Playing: None
Hope: None
I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.
It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
you sir got my respect. amazing
You're assuming that everyone feels the need to lie and pretend online, and that just isn't true.
As far as desperation goes, if you're willing to overlook blantant lies to have a significant other, you have bigger problems to worry about than where you might have met them.
appearence - webcams.
The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?
How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.
How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.
Currently playing: GW2
Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
+5 faith in humanity
#TeamVainlash
Why did Marceline's dad eat her fries? I mean...cause she bought them and they were hers...
1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.
2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.
The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
This also happened in a guild myself and my daughter were in. Seems one lady guild member felt it was her duty to heavily flirt with the men folk and get herself and others emotionally entangled. The guild took a big hit from it sadly and never recovered.
Don't get me wrong I do think a relationship built out of online friendships can happen and can last. My ex and I met online were together for 10 years ( even raided some in EQ2). It's not something I personally seek out, as others say I play games to unwind and have fun but because I don't want to have these types of relationships doesn't mean it's not viable for someone else.
Anyhoo, ymmv
Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.
Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...
On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.
I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.
But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,
I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.
Currently playing: GW2
Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
Ah, so biased much... and I'm sure my point about having it fall in your lap and holding onto it for dear life offends you.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
1) Not everyone wants the type of person who feels the need to go get drunk at a bar in their search for a partner. That person doesn't appeal to some people, myself included.
2) People can and do change over time. You don't notice it happening, the same way you don't notice yourself growing millimeter by millimeter, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. People tend to change gradually, unless something traumatic happens, but what started out as an irritation can turn into something you cannot and will not stand under any circumstances. That isn't someone getting sick of another person, that's a persons response to a certain stimuli changing over time. Ergo, people change.
If a person spends all their time trolling for a relationship in a game, then I'd agree, they have some issues. However, ignoring the possibility of a relationship just because you meet the person online is asinine. You should proceed with caution and realize that it's probably not going to work. Not because its online, but simply because the vast majority of all relationships do not endure.
But generalizing all relationships that begin online is neither accurate nor helpful to the conversation. I could generalize on all online relationships based on mine, but that wouldn't be accurate either. Good and bad comes from relationships that begin online. The quality of a relationship is determined by the quality of the individuals and their willingness to work together to ensure the match endures. Obviously, that's oversimplifying it a bit, but where you meet someone doesn't matter beyond the context of the situation reflecting on the type of person that you're meeting.
Don't misunderstand me. I am beyond happily married with a family...which did not come through playing video games at all.
I play stupid games for the purpose of playing stupid games and enjoying them, not long term relationship hunting. How strongly one plays a game is completely dependant on the agenda of the game player. Sure, the opportunity popped up to try it, but like I said before, it didn't work out because it wasn't my focus. I'm too physically and face-to-face intimacy needy to 'talk about things' via skype or vent, became more often than not, the relation is not a skip or a hop down the street.
You are right about one thing, if seeking a relationship while playing a game isn't a biggie on your list, don't bother trying.
Sidenote...I noticed that you've used the term friendship. In this case, I have been in a gaming clan for so long that I've seen fellow mate's kids join the ranks. We been together for so long because we all have a common trait...we love games and we love playing together.
Nah, I'm very happy.
But I guess it id cheating, just like love at first sight.
I'll let you do your seven tasks.
Currently playing: GW2
Going cardboard starter kit: Ticket to ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Dominion, 7 Wonders
I know this guy Tom and he met his lifepartner Chuck in a online chatroom where it all started out as a lesbian virtual relationship under the pen names Nikki and Sugarlumps. They seem happy enough.
Kidding aside, there are lots of people that manage to find a relationship online via MMO's etc, but I would never consider it healthy to leave that as one's primary dating method. It's just too easy to hide one's self behind an avatar, and that unfortunately, is what many people do.
All of my posts are either intelligent, thought provoking, funny, satirical, sarcastic or intentionally disrespectful. Take your pick.
I get banned in the forums for games I love, so lets see if I do better in the forums for games I hate.
I enjoy the serenity of not caring what your opinion is.
I don't hate much, but I hate Apple© with a passion. If Steve Jobs was alive, I would punch him in the face.
Why do gamers assume a bar is THE IRL place to pick up relationships? That's the LAST place I'd grab a girl to present to the fam...
Relationships can be simple friendships as well, but this thread is about making friends online and I'm saying that if all you want to do is play a game, you shouldn't be surprised that you aren't making any good RL friends doing it.
It's not going to happen if the individual isn't willing to take the steps necessary.
Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
Now Playing: None
Hope: None
Why anyone in their right mind would step foot in a bar at all, for any purpose, is beyond me.
Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
Now Playing: None
Hope: None
How the hell else am I supposed to get drunk for over 60$ in the presence of overly tanned women sporting duck lips?
Bars are ftw!
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
Back in the day, bars were fun, it was the place to be.
That was before internet, smartphones, online gaming...ect..ect
You gotta be kidding me. What do you think happens after you befriend someone online? You meet in real life and participate toghether in activities that interest both of you, in process learning about each other. For example, with one of my online-met friends we got together and hitchhiked for a week, because we wanted to learn, how it is, hitchhiking, and to see the country in the process. Another girl I've met online and then we went together (not just 2 of us, a pretty big company alltogether) sailing down the river for 200 kilometers, camping in forests, etc. With another online-met girl we went on museum spree...
You MEET online. You get closer. You connect. You get to know each other - and no, you can't get up a believable front once you start talking things over. You are either clever or not. You either know how to discuss things and argue or not. You either has your opinions on stuff and can defend/explain it or not. And with webcams how you look is not a secret anymore.
After you've met online and got interested, you meet offline. Doing something you both like. That's where you learn how the person behaves him/herself, good and bad habits, and show yours. That's where you see how the person solves the problems (or shrinks from them), etc. That's where relationship is actually develops.
Yes, sometimes it doesn't work out. I was, for example, cut by one girl I've met online - she was a bit psychotic and got a bit overagitated, ha, ha. All the signs were there beforhand; I was even directly warned about her psychotic behavior by her acquitances who knew her in real world; I knew I was risking it, but I was curious.
In other cases, though, and I can count, like, 8, from the top of my head, it was pretty great. Lots of fun and very interesting. Hell, even that psychotic girl was interesting, although stopping the blood wasn't all that much of a fun...
What do you think happens: you met someone online, than a bit of hand-waving, and without ever meeting offline you are in relationships? Get some brains, will you?