"I am a Japanese school teacher"

Kiamde

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

This Black American man has spent 7 months in Japan as a school teacher. He describes his experiences quite vividly. I can't say much more without informing you about the article and smashing the Japanese stereotypes as being "smart and organized", but after reading this, I never want to be near that country. It is a good 30 minute read and it is updated daily.

Tans

I've never laughed so hard in all my life.

Takai001

... I should kill that man

Kiamde

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Originally posted by Takai001
... I should kill that man

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I am getting the either Anime fanboy or Japanese heritage vibe from you. I can only laugh at your faults.

Takai001

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Originally posted by Kiamde
Originally posted by Takai001
... I should kill that man

I am getting the either Anime fanboy or Japanese heritage vibe from you. I can only laugh at your faults.

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No, this guy... He is TOO funny that I want to kill him.

Rikimaru_X

LOL This is funny stuff. I'm reading the "My Kids Are Perverted" one right now. Now about this statement (cuz im black I had to go here):

"....Okay? Ok. So anyway, the whole "black men have big di**s" stereotype stretches far and wide, even to the nation's 12 year olds."

Now that is not a sterotype to some (it's true for me, but im a virgin) but hey if the teens and young adults think that, I'm going to JAPAN after College!

But, really, if i ever get my job at Capcom of America, i might have that privilege. I would be great to absorb the japanese culture there.

 

I'm sorry I had to point that out. LMAO....

 

Man I don't want this post deleted......should i take out the quote?

Phrequency

god i just read "my kids are perverted" this **** IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!! its like reading chappelle show lol

i have never laughed as ahrd or like i did than this.....(below)

Rico Suave Meets Velma

At one of my schools, I have nicknames for my kids. I have around 900-1000 students in total, so learning everyone's name is quite hard. It's easy to nickname them though, and at one school in particular there were certain attributes that just jumped out.

These are my personal nicknames - I don't actually call the kids these, and soon you'll see why. Not all of them are the nicest thing in the world, but I never claimed to be a saint.

Giggles - She never stops laughing. Ever. Apparently everything is funny. So, Giggles.

Bessie - Her face, her body, everything just droops down, like a cow. ...Hey, I warned you not all of these were nice. She's a nice girl, but apparently gravity has already kicked her ass.

Ah-buuh - She gained this nickname because her lips ARE NEVER CLOSED. She's a quiet girl so it's not that she's talking, it's just she always keeps her bottom lip hanging down, and the expression on her face..."Ah-buuh" is the sound you'd imagine coming from that face.

One day, I was in class, and I saw a girl I'd never seen before. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out who she was...a new student? A transfer? Did I just never notice her before? Eventually, I came to the shocking realization that it was Ah-buuh with her lips closed. I didn't even recognize her.

Gill - She has a face like a fish. Really, really nice girl. Just, aquatic.

Velma - This girl looks EXACTLY like the Japanese version of Velma from Scooby-Doo. EXACTLY. And I can't stress that enough. Case in point - one day I was walking with a friend, when I saw Velma in a store. "Hey, it's Velma!" I mistakenly said to myself. My friend had never seen this girl before or heard the nickname I'd given her, so he turned to me and said "Velma? Like Scooby-Doo? Who are you calling....(looks up)....HOLY SHIT THAT IS VELMA!"

Same kind of face, same hairstyle, same glasses, and it doesn't help that her uniform is a baggy polo shirt, a skirt, and knee high socks.

I'm still looking for the Japanese Shaggy.

Porn Star - I dunno why I gave this girl this nickname...she's really spunky and has a cute smile and is always energetic. Porn Star was the first thing I came up with. I'm a terrible person.

Rico Suave - Oh boy, this guy. He tries so hard to be cool, it's funny. He's always trying to pose in his chair, and then he's always slow to respond to questions because he's trying to think up something witty. He wants to be cool so bad but it all just comes off as cheesy. So, Rico Suave.

Mousey - This kid's the smallest in the ichinensei class, which basically means he's a runt. It also doesn't help his case that his ears stick out. But he's actually kind of a brat, so I don't feel too bad about this nickname.

Little Evil - This boy's face just always looks like he's pissed off. Even when he's smiling, but that happens rarely. So it makes him look kinda evil.

For the record, I had to call him Little Evil because I already use Big Evil to refer to a Japanese actor with an evil-looking face. I consider him the Christopher Walken of Japan. He always has to play bad guys cause no one would believe him as a good guy. He comes home to his kids and they run away screaming in terror.

Glenda - Much like Little Evil, Glenda just looks like a villain. Actually, she looks a lot like a witch. But this girl is super nice (she gave me chocolate on Valentines Day!) and I felt bad about giving her a bad nickname, so I used Glenda since she was the good witch in the Wizard of Oz. It works for her though.

Little Evil and Glenda are in the same class, and I always think "If they mated, their children would be pure evil." Those kids couldn't come out any other way.

I'll end this entry on a redeeming note. All the kids I gave nicknames to, I know their real names. By associating their real names with the nicks I gave them, I was able to properly remember their names. So I'm not all bad. At least I'd like to think so.

Genjing

"Moeko's Owl" was a nice story.

Phrequency

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Originally posted by Genjing
"Moeko's Owl" was a nice story.

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yeah it was... it was very nice.... that girl... wow shes must be one kind hearted person.... the owl and basket and scroll... that was just so... nice.... ionno... it was a good story though.

Vald

Still think "Oh, yes, I see, Then Im sorry. You will die" "That'll be 30,000 yen" was funny as hell.

Rikimaru_X

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Originally posted by Phrequency

god i just read "my kids are perverted" this **** IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!! its like reading chappelle show lol

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LOL your right on the make with that one. I only read "my kids are perverted" so far.

Why am I'm thinking of Shenmeu II right now....weird.

Kiamde

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Originally posted by Rikimaru_X
Originally posted by Phrequency
god i just read "my kids are perverted" this **** IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!! its like reading chappelle show lol
LOL your right on the make with that one. I only read "my kids are perverted" so far.
Why am I'm thinking of Shenmeu II right now....weird.

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I am glad you all like it. I personally found it disturbing, but I guess some find it uproaringly hilarious, which is understandable...

Vercades

Hard to believe.

sidebuster

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I wish I could say it stops there, but actually, it gets worse. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho."

Actually, it's not so much a "game" as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.

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Anofalye

Those teens are brights.

 

They dont necessarily believe all the stuff he happen to think they believe.  However, they know the ''stereotypes'' America project on the world, and since they see a teacher who react a lot, fast and seem shaken by those questions, they use and abuse this as an opportunity.  See, if everyone around is a Japanese person, he have black skin, teens will want to TOUCH his skin(arms, nothing wrong there), just like they would like to touch blondes folks(the hairs and again the arms, nothing wrong there either).

 

An opportunity to cut the boring and repetitive lessons, while making fun at how the teacher react.  I dont say I would have done better, heck, I have no way to know how I would have reacted.

 

If a french speaking person speak ''bread'' like ''breed''(breeding) in a cornerstore to a 15 years old teen and dont figure the mistake beside the uneasy response they get, and french & english are pretty close cultures...imagine 1 moment for japanese culture.  (''nuts'' is also another comon mistake where frenchy folks dont realize what  they are actually saying)

 

I have a few friends & family who move to Japan.  Teens are teens, all around the world, and any excuse is good if it can make a teacher uneasy, great fun!    So language puns(mostly unintentionals at first, then realisation and intentional re-using) & stereotypes are all good excuses.

methane47

"Why don't you try to Kancho back?"

I've found that there are three ways to deal with Kancho. The first is to get all pissed off and offended by it. I don't see the point - they're just kids and to them there's nothing wrong with it. And if I did that, it would create this whole "Oh my Gosh, we can't play around with teacher or he might get angry" attitude which I don't want. It's not like this is going to cause any permanent damage or even discomfort. So I can be indifferent to it, even find the humor in it. But maybe it's easy for me to say because I have my trusty Kancho Sense™ and I'm a pro at Dodgedick.

The second way is to respond in kind - counter-Kancho, or hit them with one of America's speciality attacks. But I've found that if you do that, it basically tells the kids it's game-on, and they'll step up their attacks. No one wants to lose to teacher, after all.

The third way, the method I employ, is to put the fear of GOD into them. I threaten to do stuff, but don't actually do it. That way, their imaginations will take over and make the reprocussions out to be worse than they actually would be. "Hmm, I can Kancho teacher...but what if he Kancho's me so hard that it would make Tom Cruise The Second to Last Samurai? I'd better not risk it." Been working well for me so far.
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LOL OMG I almost Died when i read that...
Tom cruise the Second to Last Samurai.... that's true funny.

EDIT:"Uh-huh. If you ever try that again, I will give you the biggest kancho in the history of Japan," I say. "General Tojo will feel it 60 years ago, and call his planes back before they get to Pearl Harbor. Got it?" OH MAN i love this dude... he is hilarius....

ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!!!

MisfitZ

 So OK, let's review. I've got the Kancho Drone to my rear, Dick Grabber #23 on point, and Random Kid on assist, forming a perfect Triangle Molest Offense. Both my hands were tied, but I still had 4 free hands going for stuff. I was getting rushed down like an Asian girl at an anime convention. I realized at this point, this is the most dangerous situation I've ever been in.

Rikimaru_X

I yahooed kancho. Here is what I found from this pretty cool site: http://www.yutaka-machi.com/culture.htm

"This is the dreaded Kancho. If you teach at a kindergarten or an elementary school you may experience this. It is translated into English as enema. When you are distracted and looking the other way a student will come up from behind and shove the Kancho right in your butt. As the student does this he yells Kancho. Please do not try this at home. The Kancho must only be done by experienced individuals with many years of training."
Well that's real....
 

methane47

When i first saw this Naruto scene i had no idea of what it was... but i accepted it as a funny thing...
Now that i know more about kancho.. it's even MORE funny...

Rikimaru_X

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Originally posted by methane47

When i first saw this Naruto scene i had no idea of what it was... but i accepted it as a funny thing...
Now that i know more about kancho.. it's even MORE funny...

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HA HA HA   

still never seen that anime before

bobbler

omfg i cnat stop laughing:

"Uh-huh. If you ever try that again, I will give you the biggest kancho in the history of Japan," I say. "General Tojo will feel it 60 years ago, and call his planes back before they get to Pearl Harbor. Got it?"

"Got it."

I expect not to have anymore kancho problems for a while.

shae

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Originally posted by Genjing

"Moeko's Owl" was a nice story.

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Ugh... I just read that one and I started to cry, co-worker walks up to me and was all like "whats wrong sweety ?" All I could blurt out was... "She made him an OWL !!!"

LOL, feel like an idiot now but omg, what a sweet story.

bobbler

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Originally posted by shae
Originally posted by Genjing
"Moeko's Owl" was a nice story. Ugh... I just read that one and I started to cry, co-worker walks up to me and was all like "whats wrong sweety ?" All I could blurt out was... "She made him an OWL !!!"
LOL, feel like an idiot now but omg, what a sweet story.

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*blink* riiiiiiiggghhht....... (dodgedick = lol)

Xzaro

The thing is that this is all real, if you believe in pictures.

http://www.outpostnine.com/images/seikaminami/

Also check out his forum, in this thread he tells who is who in what pictures (well, it does on the site, but they are usually real names, so you wouldn't really remember who is who).

I read all the editorials there within like 1 day, lol o.O

There were like 3 editorials that made me really touched, and 1 that almost had me in tears

Kiamde

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Originally posted by shae
Originally posted by Genjing
"Moeko's Owl" was a nice story. Ugh... I just read that one and I started to cry, co-worker walks up to me and was all like "whats wrong sweety ?" All I could blurt out was... "She made him an OWL !!!"
LOL, feel like an idiot now but omg, what a sweet story.

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Yeah, Moeko's Owl was a good one. By the way, Jeff is in a few of those pictures if you are wondering what the "Big black man" looks like.

gtrdnfan

omg....I laughed so hard I lost my breath! That is just way too funny! I kinda feel sorry for the guy, though. LOL