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My addiction. The confessions of an MMO addict.
ephron
Member Posts: 6
Hello, my name is Thai and I have a problem. I've been cold turkey for about 5 and a half months. Since feburary(insert generic aproval applause here). But its hard you know. I keep seeing adbanners while online. I go to wal-mart to get a CD and I see them there....WoW and EQ2, taunting me, asking me why I quit, telling me they weren't so bad.
From Dec 16 2000 until 4th quater in 2004 I had just at a year playtime on my main character, Ephron. 355 days was the total the last time I was on him. I spent most of my junior and senior years of highschool playing EQ. I'd play until 6 am, then lay down just before my mom would wake up so she didn't yell at me for being up all night. I've resisted playing an MMO. Having EQ2 and FFXI accounts that I could activate anytime. I sold my WoW account around christmas for 115 bucks. I went to level 60 twice on two different servers before selling.
Its hard to not play. I have this desire to be better then everyone again. I like being a badass, probably why I play so much when I do. Being obsessive complusive doesn't help either. I can't do anything in moderation. If I like something then I love it and I do it all the time, like excerise, or masterbation.
Anyway my cold turkey streak is coming to an end. I'm bored out of my mind now, I've never cared to have 'a life', going to bars to have a social life with people who feel they need the acceptance of others to feel good about themselves is not something that has ever appealed to me.
As we speak I'm reinstalling FFXI yet again, to see if just maybe my accounts are not deleted. I keep wanting to go back to WoW too but I sold my account and I cant not be 'ephron' in a game. Ephron is my digital self. I wouldnt play any game if i couldnt be ephron, no matter how good the game is. That likely makes sense to some of you, and not much to others. But for those of you who have an idea, when you play a character for so long you build an image of that charater in your mind, their 'yours' they belong to you. If i break down anymore i might try to rebuy my account for the name.
In the addiction world I stand somewhere inbetween the homeless man at the liquor store begging for your change and the insomniac officer worker who sleeps under his desk in lue of eatting anything at lunch.
Comments
TMI.
ouch sorry to hear
///having a life doesnt always have to be going to bars and hanging out with fake people.
You know this is interesting in that most people criticize the older generation of wasting our time on these games.When in fact we have already been to college and started families and are holding down our jobs.
The real issue here is the younger generation that should be out causing as much trouble as i did.But they are apparently less interested in binge drinking,smoking pot or chasing girls.When i was in my 20's the LAST thing on my mind was my next level in so and so game.
Im finding it more and more difficult to play anyway as my daughter grows up and its becoming less important to me to play an mmo on a daily basis.
Want to ENJOY an mmo?
Dont start a guild and dont be a leader or volunteer to be coleader or captain.
Just play the damn game:)
Ephron.
Listen bro.
Life is short. Do what you want. Do what makes YOU happy. If that's being "Ephron" in your favorite mmo, then so be it. Do it. And enjoy it. It's there for you to have fun.
Just remember that there is a big difference between the virtual worlds you love and the real world here on earth. Make sure that as you level up your character(s) in the virtual worlds, that you also pay some attention to the real, breathing people with hearts and feelings that love you soooo much here in the real world as well. You need to try and "level up" your real self too. You need to make sure that your real self is properly "buffed" for this world with clean clothes, combed hair, brushed, cared for teeth, some excercise of some form, etc etc. You need to make sure that your real self can afford atleast the cheapest cottage available and that you earn enough money to pay for your bills, needs, and wants. Earning money at a real job would be much like slaying countless mobs in the virtual worlds so you can afford basic gear for your avatar.
In other words... Play your games bro. Enjoy them. And who cares if a lot of people don't understand why you play "too much" They all probably do something too much themselves, like watch tv, drink alchohol, smoke or whatever.
But remember this:
Don't take better care of your avatar in a virtual world then you do YOUR REAL SELF here in this real world. Death and illness sting a LOT more here in the real world then in any virtual world. Remember that. Also remember to spend enough time with those you love and those who love you here in the real world. "Spiderman69" in WoW may spend more time with you in an mmo, but there is no way he cares or loves you like your own family and friends. Take care of the real world first, including yourself... then with all of your spare time, enjoy it without any guilt in the virtual worlds which you love so much.
Most importantly, have fun. In all worlds.
- Zaxx
I hear you Zaxtor. Here lately I've adopted a "Do whatever you want, so long as you do what you have to do first." I've never thought that I am my avatar, but I have seem him as another identity that I am known as. Its like to my mom's friends I am 'my Lisa's child' to my brother's friends I am 'Kobi's brother". If you follow me. I was actually expecting to be flamed abit. The more sincere responses from Pultry and Zax where unexpected. I guess I'm guilty of assuming that most MMOers are kids now-a-days, and I agree with you Zax, do what makes you happy. That's why I've enlisted in the airforce, and now run 3 miles a day(not necessarily consecutivly). Also my bit on having 'a life' was geared toward the cliche 'life' that people seem to refer to when making fun of someone in a game, i.e. get "a life", you need "a life", you must have "no life".
I'm curious about you guys's MMO experience. Mind sharing?
Ah man, I've been there, hell in many ways I still am there.
A couple years back I got addicted to DAoC. At the time I was a regular guy fresh out of highschool. Hang with friends, chase skirt that kinda the thing. But it was my first MMORPG and it didn't just introduce me to MMORPG's, it introduced me to the internet in a much larger way and to the underground world and last bastion of free information that the internet really is if you spend enough time nosing your way around, and all of the many many positives and negatives that go with it.
Let me tell you, brother I'm obsessive/compulsive also and, I was spending 18 hours a day at the Fins Tree with my Champion in Hib and later doing Trees with my Minstrel in Alb. Even hitting 20 hours on weekends. I was always the first one there in the morning starting the list. I remember being up at 4:30am doing /who 40 searches as people logged on looking for people who were lvl 40+ to get the group started. I was the guy everyone called to level up. I was king of the grind.
I was in my first year of college and had just gotten my own apt and was living off some money I had made previously and some from my parents. It wasn't long before I went from taking a full load of classes to just taking just one and then I dropped out completely when I barley passed a bowling class from lack of attendance.
I was strung out. I put on weight, got dark circles under my eyes, stayed in the house for weeks at a time. The few times my friends were able to get me out of my place, they had to practically drag me. I noticed that even my social skills were starting to suffer. I was alone in my apt so I never talked to anyone and going out with friends, I started to have trouble talking to people. I even started to get irritated in large open spaces; the beginings of agoraphobia.
The crazy part was, that even though I felt like crap, even though I was totally strung out, it felt good to be "the man". I was known on my server. I was an organizer, a leader, people looked to me for that stuff. But it wasn't just that either, it was also the fact that that task, the whole leveling thing really was a grind, it was difficult and required dedication, stamina, and it made me feel good that I was one of few that was able to gain these high achievements. In other words, as much as I hated the grind, I also loved the grind.
I still have fond memories of playing music while watching tv while, surfing the net, while playing dreamcast, while lvling up in DAoC. (could only do that with my Minstrel since way back then they were little more than manabots.) But I rocked out while playing my Champion as well. Man I loved it, running up and pulling Fins with a Champion shout, then debuffing another to tag him to me. The other tank would then grab the one I shouted and then 3rd tank would grab the last one or two. We'd stack 'em and then the caster would come in and PbAoE everything. (This was waaay back before even the first DAoC expac so I'm sure a lot has changed now days.) And then rinse and repeat. But it was a blast, to get in that special groove where everyone is just working in conjuction, working together. You get into the rhythem and the time almost flies.
Long story short(lol), I lvled 3 classes to 50 with the idea that everytime I got bored with RvRing with one I could log onto another and play him. I had a 50 Champion and 50 Mentalist in Hibernia and a 50 Minstrel in Albion. And the crazy thing is not two weeks after I finished leveling the last class to 50, when I had gotten to the point where it was all supposed to be gravy, where all the work was done and I could just coast and RvR all day...I quit. I gave my account to friend, a casual EQ player, who played it for a few days and went back to EQ. And that was it, I was done. Finished.
Of course that's not the end. For months after that I wanted to play the game again. Eventually I supplimented my addiction with an addiction to the dreaded and infamous ign vn boards. Man the incredible and endless flame fests I got into on that board, lol. It's easy to laugh about it now, but I wasted an obscene amount of my youth flaming the fanboi's of every stupid little new MMORPG that came out. If there's anything that sounds stupider than being addicted to an MMORPG it's being addicted to an MMORPG Messageboard.
Anyways, years later I have no desire to play MMORPGs or spend all my time posting on messageboards. I even tried EQ2 Trial of the Isle a few weeks ago, it was the first retail MMORPG I'd played in a looong time, but I spent about a hour playing and was bored to tears. Honestly I don't think I have the patience for them anymore. I guess now I'm content to let characters go unleveled and fanboi's go unflamed. Whenever I do think about MMORPG's I think about the one that I've designed in my head and it's better than anything I've seen out yet so I'm content to daydream about dungeon crawling and the like from time to time while I'm in the shower.
It's not all roses though. I'm definilty not the same person I was before. I'm not strung out like I was when I was playing it, but I've still got weight to lose and friendships to reconnect. I don't go out hardly ever and I'm still struggling with agoraphobic tendencies, and probably some depression. I got some cats and I can tell you having animals in the house is a real pick-me-up but I'm still in real rut life-wise.
And that's pretty much it, Now days, I spend most of my time trying to get motivated to get the hell off of my lazy ass and do something constructive with my time rather than surfing the internet all day, eating, watching movies from netflix, and playing the odd single-player computer game. I'm making slow progress in the right direction, but each step forward is a difficult one and my former real-life glory seems far away.
Funny thing is, I still remember stumbling onto the game review and learning about playing "online". I remember laughing out loud at the idea of "paying a monthly fee to play a computer game". And sometimes I wonder what my life over the past 4 years would have been like if I hadn't decided on a whim to pick up DAoC.
/shrug
who knows...
P.S. Here's a site you might like to check out...
http://eqdailygrind.blogspot.com/
I know the feeling. I myself reactivated EQ2 and am hooked! The game has had massive improvments and lots of new content. You will not regret reactivateing that one!
lol don't feel bad i'm the same way
i have reactivated my EQ1 account about 7 time i started playing pre-Velious and i always frind my self coming back after quitting a few months but there is just nothing that makes me happy i have also reactivated my DAOC account about 4 or 5 times but if i'm not playin EQ i am playing DAOC but now i am sticking to EQ for a while i would really like to get a char that has an epice weapon ust a thing i would like to do all i do in my real life is work fulltime and go to school 2 days outta the week i try to make friends but it just don't happen so i say forget theses people. i had alotta friends before i had to move to where i am now but i guess thats the way things work its like they said do what ya want hehe where all a little addicted to some kinda MMORPG or else we wouldn't be posting here irght?
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I dont understand how so many people see it so black and white - "you play mmo's and have no social life" or vise versa. Admittedly I play my current MMO a hell of alot but I also find it no trouble to keep an active social life going, I really wish people wouldnt generalise in that if you play an MMO then your wasting your life by not doing other things - when in fact the majority of people play these games on the side of their life, just for a bit of fun or to escape for a few hours a night.
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Currently Following: Roma Victor, Fallen Earth, Warhammer Online.
You think you have it bad? Try losing your girlfriend after a 2 year relationship and living together all thanks to WoW. It's not that i prefered to play WoW than be with her because when she wasn't working, i would always spend time with her but when it came to like seeing her family or social events which didn't involve getting drunk, i would pick WoW.
Still about the going to bars thing, good for you mate wished i was like that, i would have saved god knows how much money instead of wasting it on alcohol. Still social lives are great and no game no matter what, can match that but i suppose they are a great alternative.
Also as a lot of people have said, live your life the way you want. I personally refuse to work for the time being because
A: I don't currently need to.
B: I would rather play games than lick some fat managers ass all day.
C: I am very anti-capitalist
Live life the way you want and as long as your having fun, i can't see how you will regret it unless it screws your wrists up in the long run.
I think most of these adictions relate to the fact that most of these people dont have anyone dependent on them, no kids, no wife, no one that depends on you in real life, someone that needs you there for them.
I have been raising my kid sister for the last 6 years, since she was 2 years old, i was 19 at the time and in college, i had to juddle college, raising a kid and managing a relationship with my then girl friend, wich im now married to.
Responsibilities dont leave space for adictions, my only advice is get a job, get into some sort of volunter work, try to live life outside of your apartment, those are all things thar will help you find new friends and get your priorities right.
Altough i play mmropg´s, i do so with moderation, they are just games afterall and if ones self control is so degraded as to not beeing able to view them as just games, the best course of action is to seek professional help.
All ur Mountain Dew is belong to me.
Hey i do that with some friends and it's a great laugh, if you fail then its cheap laughs for them and if you get them, then even better. Still i think your referring to the dirty old men :P.
Other than that, everything else was really well put and i agree fully with you.
**BIG Hugs** My sympathies Thai but hey ! Welcome back
And welcome to the 21st century addiction, I can see it now. By 2050, MMO's will have replaced drugs and alcohol as the #1 addiction accross the world, entire psych courses will be devoted strictly to ailing recovering MMO addicts, group support meetings will be as common as the modern day AA round up and their will some sort of government attempt to control the "problem". But feel good about yourself my friend, you got in on the ground level
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I always find it entertaining when people blame a GAME for breaking up their relationship.
Just a clue: If the GAME was able to bust up your relationship then there wasn't much respect or love there to begin with. Because, quite frankly, if you truely love your girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever then you should respect them enough that the game stays turned off when they're around (unless, of course, they play too). And it should CERTAINLY never trump their family. I loathe my mother in law but when it comes time to go see her I go and the game gets shut off. Because I love and respect my wife and would rather spend time with her even if it means the torture of dealing with my Mother in Law than play a video game, ANY video game.
EESH...
Blaming busted relationships on a game is just flat out immature and irresponsible.
Currently Playing: Dungeons and Dragons Online.
Sig image Pending
Still in: A couple Betas
Well, to me the key is having a level of self-understanding and self-awareness that enables one to behave responsibly, fully cognizant of one's foibles and shortcomings ... shortcomings and weaknesses that we all have, really, just different ones for each of us.
If you struggle with being obsessive-compulsive, the real question you have to ask yourself is "does this make me happy or not?" In other words, when you are involved in the activity, is it satisfying for you, is it fulfilling for you, or do you feel like there are a lot of other things happening that you would like to do but this is getting in the way. Only you can answer that. I agree with the other posters that you should never allow others tell you what you should do with your free time because only you can judge what you want to do and what you find fulfilling. But at the same time you need to give that question (what you really find fulfilling) a long hard look and answer it honestly first.
I actually don't play these games in a compulsive way. In part that's because I work a lot, I have a child, and so the maximum amount of time I have to play these games is fairly truncated compared with some people. And another part is that I have a small attention span generally ... and it holds true for games as well. I like to dabble in a bunch of online games to see what they are like and how they play and explore the virtual world a bit, but I don't have the patience to spend every night playing one of them for the next several years. I've had some marathon gaming sessions on weekends over the past few years, but really I just don't find myself doing that anymore, and I don't miss it because I just do other things now, like read, or write or something creative. I play EVE most closely, but EVE is very forgiving in that I can keep progressing my main character without spending a whole lot of time in the game, and by popping in for 2-3 hours a few days a week I can keep up with corp mates, have fun with our little wars, and the like. To be honest the one thing that does engage me more than anything else is roleplaying, because of the human interaction, and when I do spend longer in a game like EVE it's generally because I'm engaged in a roleplay that is thorougly enjoying and very social and interactive, and it's fun to boot. I've met some true friends through roleplaying in online games, friendships that have spilled over into the real world, and that's been very gratifying.
So you kind of have to "know yourself". Know what you like, what you want, but also what your weaknesses are, and whether online games, on balance, make you happier or less happy in total. I've found them to be very fulfilling in my own life, but I don't play them compulsively, nor do I feel drawn to do that.
LIfe is really short and i think it is enough that we are trapped in our society with jobs and other allegiances, mankind isnt that free but dont you think you will find more fun outside of a virtual reality which even more capture you and minimize your personal freedom ?
fun is for sure not all in Life and only a small percentage of worlds mankind an afford it, during we have fun wiht playing in virtual games other suffer and even dont have soemthing to eat.
the world is crazy really crazy and the best of it, people dont care
I got rid of my UO addiction this year (yay for me)
I spent a full year 24/7 sleeping once every 3rd night playing UO
but thats all over now 
i never went to school , never went out told all my friend to fuck of
i just kept playing and playing
Now i just got my beer/cola/snus addictions left .. and im never gonna quit!
sure you can i made up my weeks in charts
day 1 , gold
day 2 , power scrolls
day 3 , sleep
day 4 , pvp
day , doom
day 5 , Gold
day 6 , sleep + ebay
day 7 , scrolls