lolz

lostnbroken

Vasoline Salesman

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.

“Hello,” he starts, “I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?”

“Yes. My husband and I use it during sex,” she answers.

The researcher is taken aback. “Um, er, I admire you for your honesty,” he continues. “Can you tell me exactly how you use it?”

“Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”

Wakizashi

Or

 

"we have a stainless steel floor and my husband puts it on my feet so I can't get away no matter how hard I struggle"

lostnbroken

okk........how about this?

Cheese Sandwich

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich!"

Wakizashi

Or

Replies the man, "Throw the Cheese Sandwich in the microwave because I want both at the same time!"

lostnbroken

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger."

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

Wakizashi

I declare shenanigans!  I read this joke yesterday on this very site.

Rufius

Jokes

lostnbroken

ya i posted this joke on the site yesterday but that guy kept annoyin me so i wrote a joke i thought he couldnt change

lostnbroken

if u noticed i posted the same joke under teh title of lolz

Enigma

guys

some of the jokes are a little overboard for our rules here (especially the last joke). You guys have to understand that some people here find those jokes offensive.

Thats why the first thread was deleted.

Non sexual-explicit ones are just as funny

lostnbroken

you never said anything yesterday anyway sorry

lostnbroken

im not tryin to b ofensive to any1 cause im not that sort of person

nooblet

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Originally posted by lostnbroken
im not tryin to b ofensive to any1 cause im not that sort of person

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It's ok i still love you..........So hw abut U cum ovr 2 mi plce so i cann s3x u up. lolzlolzlolz

lostnbroken

omg not again..... if u say that one more time you will have a (black eye) lol jking