42 Uses for A Dead Ferret

Vertex1980

1. Useful for sopping up small spills
2. Keychains for the deranged
3. Bludgeon for warding off attackers
4. Self-insulating afterschool snack
5. Pocket warmer
6. Opener for those stubborn pop-tops and cans
7. Perpetual hand towel
8. Conversation piece (Impress dates!)
9. Use a block to keep your car from sliding down hills
10. A nice wide, soft-bristle paintbrush (oil-based only, please)
11. An intriguing tie
12. A plaything for The Deth Fahrvergnugen
13. Helpful in making imitation coonskin caps
14. Rustic coffin-liners
15. A nifty free prize to put in Cracker Jacks
16. The McRodent sandwich (Chomp.)
17. An imitation mustache (the facial hair club for men)
18. Earrings for masochists
19. Earmuffs
20. A handy change-holder
21. Golf club sock
22. Organic doorstop (pleases hippies)
23. Slice and use as coasters
24. Toy for boring children
25. The Ultimate PEZ Gun
26. Flatten and make into a tea cozy
27. A shoe tree
28. An alternative feather duster
29. Elbow pads for rural sk8 rats
30. Start a Rent-A-Roadkill franchise
31. Nature's toilet bowl brush
32. Fish food
33. Put in Cuisinart, shred for 2 minutes, serve with Triscuits
34. Let it dry and use as firestarter
35. Apply styling gel to fur and use as Brillo pad
36. A martyr for popular revolt
37. The Better Key Rock
38. Fill with butane and use as a trendy lighter
39. A cushion for see-saws (prevents "Playground Groin")
40. An original place to hide your drugs
41. A short-haired blackboard eraser
42. X-tra large pipe cleaner

Xexima

You forgot late night snack.