This was the most intense day I have ever had in my life

Draenor · March 2007

Last night I found out that a friend was going to go out drinking...being the Bible thumping freak that I am, I told my friend that I wasn't a big fan of their drinking.

Well, today I had a talk with my friend about the drinking...It was the most intense conversation that I have ever had in my life. You know when you think you know somebody pretty well, but then you find something out that is so absolutely surprising that you're not sure what to do with it? That's what happened today. I thought that I knew this person, and I was right, I was right to see the good. But there was just so much that I didn't have a clue about...I thank God that I have been put into my friend's life...because there are just some circumstances in life that people simply can't make it through alone.

Have you ever been someone's friend, only to find out that there was a major skeleton in their closet that they keep shielded from the world? If so, how did if affect the friendship, and what did you do for your friend to help them through it?

DuraheLL · March 2007

hmm no I kinda don't get surprised that often.

zieen · March 2007

I live by the "stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours" standard. My business is mine and no one else's. If I feel like divulging personal information, I will. I hate it when people pry or try to be 'considerate'.

I hate people, except for myself of course. I own.

DuraheLL · March 2007

Originally posted by zieen
I hate people, except for myself of course. I own.

That's one of the most interesting life theories I've heard

Draenor · March 2007

Originally posted by Nasica

Originally posted by Draenor

Last night I found out that a friend was going to go out drinking...being the Bible thumping freak that I am, I told my friend that I wasn't a big fan of their drinking.
Well, today I had a talk with my friend about the drinking...It was the most intense conversation that I have ever had in my life. You know when you think you know somebody pretty well, but then you find something out that is so absolutely surprising that you're not sure what to do with it? That's what happened today. I thought that I knew this person, and I was right, I was right to see the good. But there was just so much that I didn't have a clue about...I thank God that I have been put into my friend's life...because there are just some circumstances in life that people simply can't make it through alone.
Have you ever been someone's friend, only to find out that there was a major skeleton in their closet that they keep shielded from the world? If so, how did if affect the friendship, and what did you do for your friend to help them through it?

The only advice i can offer you from personal experience, Draenor, is that if your friend does not want help, then you can not help them.

Even with religion, i get the assumption that this person is not religion, any attempts to help someone who doesnt want it, will only end up with the person giving the help, seeking it.

Without knowing any more of the situation, this is all the advice i can give you. All from many personal experiences.

Best of luck to you.

Also, be careful preaching to your friends, even in the most honest of circcumstances... Thats from personal experience as well....My friend is a Christian, and it's one of the reasons why she has struggled so much with this...My friend has, time and time again, impressed me with her willingness to take good advice when it's given, she isn't someone that has ever done anything to disapoint me in that regard.

IIRL · March 2007

Intense? You must've had a rather easy going life so far then, imo.

It's good that you care about your friends, be there bad habits, but don't become to intruvise or try to impose your beliefs and morals upon others if you don't wan't to be shunned away.

Draenor · March 2007

Originally posted by IIRL

Intense? You must've had a rather easy going life so far then, imo.

It's good that you care about your friends, be there bad habits, but don't become to intruvise or try to impose your beliefs and morals upon others if you don't wan't to be shunned away.

I don't know why you all think that just because I get into religious debates on this forum that I'm unable to tell when is the right and wrong time to push a belief on someone.

dsorrent · March 2007

Originally posted by Draenor

Have you ever been someone's friend, only to find out that there was a major skeleton in their closet that they keep shielded from the world? If so, how did if affect the friendship, and what did you do for your friend to help them through it?

I think in this situation, the question you need to answer is, why did your friend let you in on their secret now? What was different from any other time they went out drinking?

MadAce · March 2007

Originally posted by Draenor

Last night I found out that a friend was going to go out drinking...being the Bible thumping freak that I am, I told my friend that I wasn't a big fan of their drinking.
Well, today I had a talk with my friend about the drinking...It was the most intense conversation that I have ever had in my life. You know when you think you know somebody pretty well, but then you find something out that is so absolutely surprising that you're not sure what to do with it? That's what happened today. I thought that I knew this person, and I was right, I was right to see the good. But there was just so much that I didn't have a clue about...I thank God that I have been put into my friend's life...because there are just some circumstances in life that people simply can't make it through alone.
Have you ever been someone's friend, only to find out that there was a major skeleton in their closet that they keep shielded from the world? If so, how did if affect the friendship, and what did you do for your friend to help them through it?

I'm usually the one with the graveyard.

And it can either bring you closer to people or drive them away. Either way, the relationship will never be the same. You can pretend, but then it would be a shell and fade away. So don't ignore what was said.

MarleVVLL · March 2007

Pray Ephesians 1:17 - 19, or 3:16 over you and him.

That should help

zieen · March 2007

Originally posted by Draenor
I don't know why you all think that just because I get into religious debates on this forum that I'm unable to tell when is the right and wrong time to push a belief on someone.

There's a right time to push a belief on someone? You should never PUSH a belief on someone. Give them the tools and knowledge and let them choose. You're not helping anyone by telling them what to do.

EggFtegg · March 2007

I'm not sure you'd be much of a friend if you stood by and watched someone going into a downward spiral of self destruction and said nothing to them - even if you expected abuse in return. It's a judgement call as to when you might be helping and when you might be pushing your morals onto someone who doesn't share them. People do often need something pointing out to them that they may have become to blind to.

Without knowing more in this case (and I don't expect you to break your confidentuality with your friend on this forum) the only advice I'd offer is to pray for them, pray with them if you have the opportunity and make sure that you are there if they need someone to talk to.

Adreal · March 2007

Originally posted by Draenor

Last night I found out that a friend was going to go out drinking...being the Bible thumping freak that I am, I told my friend that I wasn't a big fan of their drinking.
Well, today I had a talk with my friend about the drinking...It was the most intense conversation that I have ever had in my life. You know when you think you know somebody pretty well, but then you find something out that is so absolutely surprising that you're not sure what to do with it? That's what happened today. I thought that I knew this person, and I was right, I was right to see the good. But there was just so much that I didn't have a clue about...I thank God that I have been put into my friend's life...because there are just some circumstances in life that people simply can't make it through alone.
Have you ever been someone's friend, only to find out that there was a major skeleton in their closet that they keep shielded from the world? If so, how did if affect the friendship, and what did you do for your friend to help them through it?

Yeah, actually. I kinda know what you mean. It's sorta unsettling afterward. You feel weird carrying their secret around in you, and you're a bit surprised. At any rate, you certainly don't view them or anyone else the same afterward. At least I don't.

Samuraisword · March 2007

Intense? Did you and your friend have sex?

albinofreak · March 2007

Guess you missed the "Bible thumping" part, huh?

I have a question for Draenor (not meant to be hostile, honestly). What does Christianity have to do with alcoholism? I just think it is strange... my mom was a raging alcoholic until she went Born Again and all her AA friends say that being Christian helped them get over their alcoholism. I didnt really know there was like a Biblical stance on drinking.

But alcoholism with people you care are is tough, but you cant really do much to help them unless they hit rock bottom and realize what they are doing and how it is effecting everyone in their lives, which would make them want to change for the better.

It makes you wonder. Lots of families have been torn apart by alcohol... so why is it than alcohol remains legal in the US whereas marijuana (never heard of a pot head coming home and knocking his kids room to room) remains illegal?

Rikimaru_X · March 2007

Well your lucky man. Your task is much easier, but when it comes to understanding a long distance friend then thats a big task. I mean I would like to call the girl stupid, but its not right....long story, but Im in your situation but far deep into it.

Adreal · March 2007

Originally posted by albinofreak

Guess you missed the "Bible thumping" part, huh?
I have a question for Draenor (not meant to be hostile, honestly). What does Christianity have to do with alcoholism? I just think it is strange... my mom was a raging alcoholic until she went Born Again and all her AA friends say that being Christian helped them get over their alcoholism. I didnt really know there was like a Biblical stance on drinking.
But alcoholism with people you care are is tough, but you cant really do much to help them unless they hit rock bottom and realize what they are doing and how it is effecting everyone in their lives, which would make them want to change for the better.
It makes you wonder. Lots of families have been torn apart by alcohol... so why is it than alcohol remains legal in the US whereas marijuana (never heard of a pot head coming home and knocking his kids room to room) remains illegal?

Ephesians 5:18. I don't think that God is against all drinking of wine or alcohol, but I tend to think that he is against Christians becoming or remaining alcoholics. I still believe that alcohol may have its place, but that's not to say that a few beers makes a better preacher... Although it would probably be one of the more memorable sermons I would have attended.

MadAce · March 2007

BTW, Draenor... Put yourself first. At all times. Seriously. People with an addiction problem or something related can drag you with them, whether they want to or not.

Kurush · March 2007

A skeleton in her closet? I'm going to take a guess at what that skeleton is, and with my guess in mind, I'm going to say that you're woefully unprepared to help her get over it.

I'm not saying to run away. I've just seen way too many people your age hear about a friend's problem, and with youthful zeal driving them, decide to make it their mission to help that person through it. Whatever you do, you need to understand that many people with skeletons have been dealing with them for so long that those skeletons have become part of them. It changes the way they act, feel, and see the world. It's not a sudden or easy process to detach yourself from something like that.

noname12345 · March 2007

Originally posted by albinofreak

Guess you missed the "Bible thumping" part, huh?
I have a question for Draenor (not meant to be hostile, honestly). What does Christianity have to do with alcoholism? I just think it is strange... my mom was a raging alcoholic until she went Born Again and all her AA friends say that being Christian helped them get over their alcoholism. I didnt really know there was like a Biblical stance on drinking.

My Dad went to AA and he did a complete 180 and now counsels other alcoholics and druggies at a rehab. I think AA tackles the problem in different ways for different people, but one of the ways AA helps people is by believing in a higher power. I guess you could call it cult or something. I don't know much about it, but it helped my dad so I think AA is good. I'm pretty sure there are secular versions of AA.
But alcoholism with people you care are is tough, but you cant really do much to help them unless they hit rock bottom and realize what they are doing and how it is effecting everyone in their lives, which would make them want to change for the better.
It makes you wonder. Lots of families have been torn apart by alcohol... so why is it than alcohol remains legal in the US whereas marijuana (never heard of a pot head coming home and knocking his kids room to room) remains illegal?

Because marijuana and hemp have so many uses it would run countless companies out of business.

Laserwolf · March 2007

I don't mind someone trying to help out a friend or even if I was that friend, but if the "helpful" person thanks god for the chance to help I would most likely tell them to F#@k off. People like that are only serving their own egos. Even if they truely have good intentions that are handling things all wrong.

kashaun · March 2007

Don't have to have good advice, just a ready ear. Thoughts sound a lot different to people when they say it out loud. Of course, they could ambush you with some off the wall confession that could burn an unappealing picture in your mind involving all sorts of toys and animals.

Draenor · March 2007

1: I think you all need to stop over analysing the things that I said about being a Bible Thumper, it was intended to be a jab at myself...what, I'm not allowed to make fun of myself anymore?

2: My friend is a Christian anyway

3: Alcoholism is directly preached against in the Bible, both in Proverbs and Ephesians...probably other places as well but those are the two that come to mind right now

4: I do not presume to have the power to "make her get over it" But I do have the power to help her in any way that I can, which is what I intend to do. You know that crap about good friends laughing and then tripping you again when you fall? That stuff is crap...Good friends are the ones who will provide their own strength to lift up others in their time of need. That is what I am here for, that is what I will do.

mozis · March 2007

I'm sorry I think I'm missing something.... Your friend went out drinking and you talked to her because you think drinking is wrong; ok.

1. How old is your friend?

2. Is he addicted or is he like 94% of the population who just like to go get buzzed?

3. What's wrong with drinking?

MadAce · March 2007

Originally posted by Draenor

4: I do not presume to have the power to "make her get over it" But I do have the power to help her in any way that I can, which is what I intend to do. You know that crap about good friends laughing and then tripping you again when you fall? That stuff is crap...Good friends are the ones who will provide their own strength to lift up others in their time of need. That is what I am here for, that is what I will do.

Just don't get crushed. No shame in looking out for yourself.

MarleVVLL · March 2007

The Bible is very clear on alcohol consumption. Being drunk is a sin. Paul (as well as the other apostles) make it very clear that being DRUNK is a sin, not drinking alcohol (that also implies the one drinking is of legal age and it doesn't cause others to sin). Paul told

Timothy to drink wine for this constant stomach aches, so its not a sin to drink - its a sin to become *drunk*.

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