Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Quick Links
How do you deal with being alone?
ladyattis
Member Posts: 1,273
I only ask because I've been alone since 2001. I have my family (mom, dad, sis and her kids), but when it comes to having good friends and an SO I've not had such luck. I shouldn't say I don't have any friends, but rather all my friends are online so I don't know if I should call them good friends or even real friends even though I talk quite a bit to them. I guess the years of literally being on my own is beginning to wear me down, so I don't really know what I should do. Sure, I could try to get out in the real world, but being transgendered and not having very common or contemporary tastes (or values) makes it hard to figure out where to start. I know it's stupid as hell to ask anyone here, but hey sometimes not knowing the other person on the end of the screen often allows for objectivity to take precedent in an inquiry such as this. So if anyone has any ideas I'm all ears, even if they're just meant to be jokes.
-- Brede
Comments
The first thing I generally tell people is to stay away from bars; whether its to make friends or mates.
The second thing I say is to develop friendships in whatever social functions you participate in; whether its church or work or play. Tell them you are transgendered up front and see where it goes.
A lot of churches are accepting of transgenders and I would say you could develop many lasting relationships from a church point of view (but if you dont believe in God, I guess you could scratch that idea lol)
Have you gone to college? I found some of my greatest friends have come from my college days.
If you ever need to chat just PM me. Im always happy to chat with new people I really dont know well.
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
As for Church, I'm an Atheist so that's out of the question. As for college, yep I'm almost done. Two more semesters I have my BA in compsci. I never really trusted folks at my school for some reason, most know I'm transgendered, but I'm just too scared to even bother. But that may change since I need connections when I graduate to get into the work force.
-- Brede
How do I deal with it? Drugs, booze, and hookers! I say you should find a hobby you really like that get's you out of the house and use it to meet people. Worse case scenario you get to meet some new friends that share a hobby with you.
member of imminst.org
you have to lower your guard a little. Even if you dont trust people you need to take the chances of being hurt to develop lasting friendships.
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
if what you say is true, you'll be dead before you're 45.
People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.
When you stay out of touch like that though it just compounds on itself. It must be pretty tough being different like that, but it shouldn't stop you from getting out and having friends.
Don't think of it like people won't accept you, or like you, or anything like that, it's not true. You should also be comfortable with yourself though... not that I have anything against people that are transgendered, but usually it's a good idea to not go about telling people that up front. Not that you have to be deceptive about it, but don't make it your defining focus.
Next, do things that make you happy, but do them in public... (as long as it's a public-ish activity) ... go hiking, or to the library, or what have you. Once your out the only thing left to do is have enough courage to talk to those around you. It'll help
if what you say is true, you'll be dead before you're 45.
You give this guy til 45, but you only give Amy til 30?!
__________________________________________________
In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Have you not sought people with a similar backgroup? Local social groups or such?
if what you say is true, you'll be dead before you're 45.
45? I better step it up then, that's a long way off
member of imminst.org
Yeah I suggest trying to meet people that have similar interests, especially those of who partake in the same career you're heading for. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll meet some nice poeple, especially poeple from where you work
. I hope that helps. If not, I gave it a try to help.
--Selbtsmord
Remember when Tom Hanks talked to the Volleyball Wilson? Great example of how much we need social contact in order to stay sane. You need to connect with other people, it's actually healthy for you. Communication and friends is just as important and eating a healthy meal and getting exercise.
I don't know why you don't have friends IRL, but if I were you, I'd try to get one or two friends, or possible get some roomates to chill with once in awhile. I used to place the quality of my house, my personal belongings like a car, computer etc first before everything else. Money came first. But I was really sad, so now I place friends on a higher pedestal and I've become happier. I live in a really run-down house in comparison to the place I used to, but now I have awesome roomates, and everyday I'm in a fun social atmosphere, and if I want to take a break from video gaming and talk to someone about something, there they are. And we all have similar interests, computers and videogames.
Anyways hope that helps you put things in perspective. Or at least offers a new angle you haven't looked at it from before. Best of luck
What are your interests? Would you consider joining a book-club, or playing in a local community softball team. There are groups who enjoy going to the theatre or concerts together. Most newspapers have community sections that show you where local clubs and social events meet. You might also want to try meetup.com, which helps people of similar interests plan social events.
When I first moved to a new city after taking a job, I'd hit the bookstore and look for writers and book groups, because I enjoy writing and reading. I also joined an anime club at a university nearby, even though I wasn't a student. There are many clubs that would be willing to take in members who are not students, just to have the numbers. You can even take a night-class in something you are interested in. People usually enjoy going out for drinks or coffee after class just to bitch about the work or the professor, so taking a class often turns into a social event where you can meet like-minded people. Hopefully that helps a bit.
I don't know if this will apply to your situation or not, but perhaps you should do a little research on SAD "social anxiety disorder". I used to be in the same boat you are; I had friends online and really came out of my shell as long as I wasn't face to face with the people I was talking to. In rl life I was terrified of social situations and always had a feeling of people laughing at me. I finally ended up seeing a doctor in the Navy and he put me on Paxil and my life has completely changed for the better. Just a thought friend and im praying for you
Eh, I know how you feel; well I have friends and all but having a girlfriend is completely out of the question, what girls want around my age are looks and popularity.. (spelling) And I just don't have that, how do I deal with being alone? I do my best to ignore it and suck it in.. heh
Aw,
And people caring about only looks or popularity are shallow anyway.
Then I live near alot of shallow people
Nods, the world is full of them.
What's more attractive and fun than someone who has something to say and has a brain.
Well, that's another thing. I'm not all that smart either. I'm not saying I'm a retard, it just I never been good in math and that kind of stuff. So.. heh
lol
Yeah, "lol"
Op a good way to start socializing again is family. Do u have any relatives around your age where u live? If u do drop them a call, if u have trouble being up and personaly with them ask them to go out to the movies or something like that. U can spend the night out socializing with others but having to interact with them so much. As far a college goes it is a great place to get to meet people, i still remember the first day i went to college i was too shy to talk to anyone. But the girl next to me was pretty yo the borderline of hot so i started a conversation. Other people joined as well and i made alot of friends those days. I v also made friends at work. It s kind of easy to start a conversation about anything, even the weather. After that just take it slow.
There are great activities like sports, bowling or movies where u get to hang out with others but dont have to build a converation to last for 3 hrs. That way u can take it slow and start getting to trust them nice and easy.
Even if the first people u meet dont get to become the closest of your friends eventually if u keep at it u ll get the hang of socializing and in the end those days u spent with people u couldn't get it off with are still days u spent out of the house talking to others face to face.
I hope that helped. Anyway don't let a couple of failed attempts bring u down
i have 1 really good friend michael that i keep in touch with. I used to be in a clique with 3 other guys, and 2 of them went to a different school and we just grew apart except for mike, heh funny part is that i got him hooked on MMORPGs. And since i moved its hard to make more "good" friends. I just play video games, watch tv, and do my own thing and think of my plans for after high school, it really doesnt bother me.
Playing: EVE Online
Favorite MMOs: WoW, SWG Pre-cu, Lineage 2, UO, EQ, EVE online
Looking forward to: Archeage, Kingdom Under Fire 2
KUF2's Official Website - http://www.kufii.com/ENG/ -
Gee, when I'm alone I enjoy the comforts of Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters.
O_o o_O
excuse me.
if you got the money. come live in park slope, brooklyn. i recently learned it has the largest gay,lesbian and transgender concentration of folks around. it is really really expensive, however.
ill sit on my stoop, drinking my tea after 7pm and try to guess the sexual preferences of the many that walk by. its a progressive form of that game, I spy.
j/k about the game, sort of. i do try and guess if that hot woman is a lesbian or not though.
-I will subtlety invade your psyche-
get a puppy ^^ you'll always get good game with ur best friend
but as far as making friends... well.. those are kind of hard to find these days.. no matter what you'll meet someone new everyday, its just up to you if you wanna see em more. dont try to start a new relationship too fast, ppl always show their true colors later on. Spend some time doing things you like doing, thats how you find others with similar interests ;D NEVER FIND WOMEN TO DATE AT CHURCH.