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Is there a way to cure a broken heart?
Aeroangel
Member UncommonPosts: 498
Is there anyway you can cure a broken heart, or at least alleviate the pain? Or is this something that just takes time?
(I'm starting to get worried if it's the time thing)
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Playing:
FFXIV, TERA, LoL, and HoTS
My Rig:
GPU: GeForce GTX 770, CPU: i7-4790K, Memory: 16 GB RAM
Comments
Time...seriously...time is the only cure. Speaking from experience here.
1 part spite
2 parts bacardi
2 parts asian hookers
Mix well and forget about that bitch.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
I'm thinking that the OP is a chick so the asian hookers might not be up her alley.... unless of course she's into that kind of thing....
No required quests! And if I decide I want to be an assassin-cartographer-dancer-pastry chef who lives only to stalk and kill interior decorators, then that's who I want to be, even if it takes me four years to max all the skills and everyone else thinks I'm freaking nuts. -Madimorga-
I lol'd.
On topic: whoever got their heart broken... something needs to be done based on why their heart is broken. There should be a reason.
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed."
- Albert Einstein
Ah, you are correct; 19 yr old female.
In which case, she is not even old enough to know about real heartbreak. I say wait until you are 30+ and invested into a long-term marriage that ends in infidelity and squabbling over all the assets you built up together. Every break up between 14-20 that I had makes me laugh over how emotionally insecure I was at that age, the first strings of love battles like that are nothing in the long run, and at some point you'll just be ashamed over how you reacted to it.
So yeah, give it time, and look in the mirror and question how much of a punani you're being over it. Works for me, but then again, i'm a dude - and it's my *job* to be strong about that crap.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
Try not to dwell on it. It'll seem extreme right now, so lose yourself in other things. The pain will come unbidden for awhile, so keeping occupied is a good way to emotionally rest from it. If you do nothing but focus on it, the time will seem to stretch out for way too long. If you keep busy with other things, time will pass more quickly, and the further you get from it the more perspective you'll gain. Ultimately, being able to step back and view the situation as impassively as possible will start the healing better than anything.
Move on, and as Teala said time. However, this might not be the best place to ask for such advice. There are some trolls running around 0_o
Well I've tried and tried to do anything and everything to get my mind off of it, and I have moments or days where it doesn't bother me and I feel like I've moved on and let it go, but when I try to sleep at night or when I'm driving in the car, at some point it always sneaks up on me, and I even still have nightmares about the breakup from time to time. Me and the guy were in a relationship and lived together for over 4 years, and I think part of the reason it's such a huge deal is because I was young and impressionable, and I don't know if this hurts my case or not, but I am still friends with him and we still talk occasionally as friends. But I promise I am trying everything to get him out of my mind, and to let it go.. or at least I feel like I am.
@ GT, I usually really admire your posts, but not sure why you're criticizing the way I feel. I know I'm not as old as you, and our breakup actually went pretty smooth technically speaking, we lived together in an apartment and he let me keep all the furniture and the dog, and just took his stuff.. definitely no assets to squabble over lol. But out of everything I've been through in my life (and some of the things before I met him were very horrendous) I've never felt this terrible about something, I've never loved or had interest in a guy as much as him, and even though it's been a year since the break up the pain hasn't gone away.
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Playing:
FFXIV, TERA, LoL, and HoTS
My Rig:
GPU: GeForce GTX 770, CPU: i7-4790K, Memory: 16 GB RAM
I may sound a bit harsh, but given enough experience and growth with this kind of heartache will eventually toughen you up, then make you look back on it and laugh as to why you carried around these feelings for so long after the fact. I'm sure it's not even a daily reminder kind of thing, but rather something sparked now and again whenever you miss a certain aspect of your relationship, from the things you used to do together, or even just missing the dog itself and having that reflect on the relationship in general. Maybe I spoke without knowledge of how far your relationship went, especially seeing how you are only 19, so I didn't even figure it was the kind where you moved in together or anything, but that really is one of those 'mistakes' like getting married early. If you were high school sweethearts or something, I can see it being painful, but the reality of those situations is that they never last, and tend to be left behind at some point much like old circles of friends.
The only people I've ever met that were in a relationship like that from an early age are my aunt and uncle, and mind you, they are pretty much in the "religious freak" department. Even to date they question whether it was that smart of an idea to have never dated anyone else (really, they haven't), and they've had an "I want a divorce" scare, well, I can't count how many times. Fact is, when you're as young as you are, you *should* be playing the field... because you really don't know what 'compatibility' is when you've devoted yourself to the same person for so long - without ever really trying out others. Granted I don't know your history in that department either, but let me remind you that long-term relationships are for old people, the young should act accordingly and find the right suitor amongst the many.
Something I've never understood is how most females around me are *never* single for a decent amount of time before hooking up into a semi-serious relationship. Even then, there is always a dude waiting in line for the rebound, or they aren't taking it as serious as the man they hooked up with. At that point, they really just are better off being single and playing the field as much as possible. I'm not saying be a slut or anything, but you really should get out there and just meet other dudes, gauge them accordingly, then keep around the ones you like most. Just be careful, because being a man myself, I won't be the first to admit we are total dogs by nature. It's just how we are, so use your wits when it comes to us. Your instincts are usually 95% correct.
~another thing though
You say you lived with him for 4 years? Would that be during your teen / high school years then?
How much older than you was he?
These factors don't really add up to anything good in my experience.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
There is no cure. I had a girl break my heart almost 15 years ago and I still feel the sting from time to time. All I have to say is in time you get used to it. I know that sounds weird but it's true. Even though I still think about her from time to time it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it once did. You will never stop thinking about him but as time goes by the sting of heartbreak gets more bearable. Probably not what you wanted to hear but it's about the best you can hope for.
I too remained friends with this girl for many years afterward. Actually my best advice is no matter how close you once were make a clean break. Seeing him will only make it much worse. I know this from first hand experience.
Bren
while(horse==dead)
{
beat();
}
@Bren
That's exactly what happens when you put a huge *investment* into a relationship, which no young person should ever do. You're a bit of an old timer though, and even back then I would say you were old enough to be settling down, and you give the prime example of what I spoke about in my earlier post. It's best to wade through tons of bad relationships early, so that it tempers you into a better 'significant other' down the line. If you focus too much on long-term ones early on in life, it will just stifle you. Same thing can be said about any kind of long-term investment put in later on as well though, especially if it end up being your first of that nature. How many people do we all know that ended a long-term relationship and "dropped out of the game" for years to come? That's usually the outcome of any long-term deal on the first run, regardless of prior experience, but having enough experience with bad relationships in general can only help your mental state during this kind of stuff.
Another thing is that having a lot of experience in dating various people gives you a keen eye for what is good for you in a person. Too many people end up in a relationship where they tell themselves "We'll make it work". If you even have to tell that to yourself, you know you're only fooling yourself. That is usually what happens when you put a decent enough investment into a relationship to where you'd hate to see it wasted, and had you not been so involved in the first place - it wouldn't have happened. It's not to say "be distant" or anything, just keep your options open until you get to know a person better. People put up appearances all the way until they start farting in bed, and that takes a comfort level which requires a *lot* of time to pass.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
--------------------------
Playing:
FFXIV, TERA, LoL, and HoTS
My Rig:
GPU: GeForce GTX 770, CPU: i7-4790K, Memory: 16 GB RAM
Honestly, at this point I really don't have anything new to add that you'd actually want to hear. It could be more damaging than what you are going through, but for the record, I think the path you took bypassed a lot of milestones you should have experienced in your youth, and has stifled your growth - probably for the long run. The wise move for me would be biting my tongue, probably for the both of us, because you know what the deal is, and what you have to do.
Writer / Musician / Game Designer
Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture
It's almost always going to be a painful process, but stay strong. If the person was one in a million, then there are 7,000 more of them out there somewhere in the world
Just read a study recently that showed that people physically deal with breakups the same way that we deal with addictions. So try not to get too down about it all, it helps me to keep in mind that part of what you're feeling has nothing to do with your specific relationship, but just the fact that you had a relationship.
it will help to talk to people about it. Find someone you can confide in and talk about it. If you think your talking to this person to much about it, write about it (like you are now).
write your feelings out addressed to the person, just dont deliver it to him. I know, sounds psycho but a big part of grieving is being able to express your emotions so you yourself can better understand what you are going through and maybe why you feel the way you do.
just dont communicate with this person, at least do your best not to. Dont "just be friends". Dont check his facebook 6 times a day. Dont drive by his house. Delete his phone number from your cell. Get it in your head that even if you were to get back together with the person, it will never be the same and move on.
you're going to meet a lot of people in your life
That's what Freud would suggest.
Contemporary methods are focused on trying to get over it instead of trying to delve into it.
Time
In the end its always Time.
Find something that makes you smile. Better you feel in your soul the less all the negative crap hurts.
Thank you for the advice everyone I really appreciate it. I know time does help, I'm just surprised it's been so long and it's still there. I must admit talking about it or writing about it has helped a ton as well. I made a long winded post this morning talking about it, and even though I deleted it, it actually felt like I got a lot off my back just writing it down.
--------------------------
Playing:
FFXIV, TERA, LoL, and HoTS
My Rig:
GPU: GeForce GTX 770, CPU: i7-4790K, Memory: 16 GB RAM
Time is a partial cure,only till you find true love will it be healed,and even then it may never be completely healed. Heart breaks leave scars.
Been there done that and even though i have definately moved on from time to time i still thyink about it.
Only advice i really have is keep moving forward.
played M59,UO,lineage,EQ,Daoc,Entropia,SWG,Horizons,Lineage2.EQ2,Vangaurd,Irth online, DarkFall,Star Trek
and many others that did not make the cut or i just plain forgetting about.
Cut it out with a spoon. No heart, no hurt.
I'm giving you a prescription for one high quality escort twice daily.
My secretary will prepare your bill for you on the way out.
Have a nice day.
-Letting Derek Smart work on your game is like letting Osama bin Laden work in the White House. Something will burn.-
-And on the 8th day, man created God.-
Most folks have hit it well enough here and time is important. I thought I would add since I feel I can relate on a level. I was in a 5 year relationship starting when I was almost 18. It ended ugly if you take my word for it. Her word was… well delusional is a word.
Time seems like forever till your there, then it’s gone. Don’t wait for time to rush up and heal you it will come on its own.
One of the best things I did was, learn to be independent. If you can manage a roommate situation with roommates, not friends. I would try that before spending too much time at home with parents or being completely alone in the beginning. I won’t go into some of the worst things, you don’t want any of that.
Make a goal to become independent. Pay your bills, put everything you can into work/school whatever you are doing. Focus on being the best, pushing forward and learning to heal and trust yourself. If you don't "need" anyone you are that much stronger for the person who will need you.
Damn, I wish I'd been able to get someone to write me up a good escort prescription for my rebounds. I'd take him up on this one if I were you, there's nothing like meaningless...um...dinner dates...and high octane hate to burn off the last of that lingering, icky 'love' feeling.
Oh wait, that's not very healthy, is it?
Disregard. But fill the prescription anyway.
I am convinced there is only one way to eliminate these grave evils, namely through the establishment of a socialist economy, accompanied by an educational system which would be oriented toward social goals.
~Albert Einstein
Listen to big band jazz music from the 1920s-1940s. Those beautiful, good-time melodies will remind you of a time when things were good... the world just overcame a great war and doesn't know of what is ahead... they are just going to enjoy life as much as they can and dance. Perhaps it will remind you of happy times in your own life... before chaos happened.
"Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up." - Robert DeNiro