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Question to Caucasians.....
Rikimaru_X
Member UncommonPosts: 11,718
Ok now that I already made my self a suspect, so I have a question. I'm starting to find more and more white girls tell me that they parents didn't prefer them to date black guys (not meaning that they would actually listen to them). Also some say that their parents are't prejedious or anything. I just wonder if this is a normal thing? I was taught love has no color when I grew up. Is it a family thing? Maybe their family will be shamed opun or they might get look differently by other family and neibhors if their daughter had an intimate relationship with one? Do they suspect drama or some kind of irrsponsibality(
)?
I'm sure many of you (even older members) saw somthing like this before. I just want to know if it's true and why. I know there are still prejidous (or racist if you want to take it to another level) people out there (usually stay hidden). I live in South Carolina too if you didn't know...don't know if that gives any bonuses to why though.Sorry for the spelling and grammer. I'm sure you guys have some infomation behind this. I just want to learn a bit more. Well I got to go to work. Rikimaru wants yall to take care.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
Comments
Cultures. I don't think it has anything to do with being racist at all. Prejudice, yes, but prejudice is a word to just describe a pre-made judgment. Is that wrong? I don't know. But what I do know is that I use to work with a girl who was by all intents and purposes, ethnically black. Had something like a white grandmother or some such. But besides that, whole family was black.
She refused to date black guys. It doesn't matter who you were, if you were a black guy, she wouldn't date you. Why? Who knows. Culture maybe? I know that she acted differently than what most people would think when they thought of a black lady.
I also once worked with a white guy who didn't find white girls attractive at all, and was getting married to a black woman. He would never date white girls. Whitest looking guy, was of irish-germanic ancestry. Was cajun though, so a bit of a different culture.
So imo, it comes straight down to culture.
"The greatest trick the devil played on humanity in the 20th century was convincing them that he didn't exist." (Paraphrasing) C.S. Lewis
"If a mother can kill her own child, what is left before I kill you and you kill me?" -Mother Teresa when talking about abortion after accepting the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979
I think what prejudice white people expect is that if a white girl marries a black man they will get them preggers, beat them, and then leave them with kids to take care of.
It's the hard cold truth.
But keep in mind, not all white people think that way. But also keep in mind where some white people get that notion from. There are a lot of statistics that show black men do not take the responsibility of fatherhood as serious as white people. Until that changes, there is always going to be something prejudice white people can point to to justify their preconceptions.
Personally, if I had a daughter and she was dating a black man I would treat him like any other boy she wanted to date. However, if he was a black man who showed up with his pants falling down and acting like a thug he would be out the door and my daughter would learn about the authority I possessed in a quick way. The same holds true if she showed up with a hippy looking white boy too.
Kids need to learn that there is a respectful way to present yourself so that you can have the greatest opportunity of success in the world. A lot of people like to believe that people should respect them for their individuality (and maybe the should) but the fact is people pass judgment and it can cost you in the end. There's idealism and then there's reality. The two hardly ever run parallel.
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Oh I'd say that in most cases like Riki described it does come down to racism. But there are degrees even to racism.
It's not necessarily the, "We are the superior race" racism. Or the, "Let's kill all them n-ggers" racism that you're dealing with here. In most cases like this it's probably more of a subtle thing.
Being a white guy who grew up in a predominantly white area I think I have a pretty good feel for this but it's not easy to explain. But I'll try. Ok, see...a white girl marries a black guy. The kids aren't going to be white. Now the parents in most respects might not seem to be racist. But in this case, for some people, there would sort of be the feeling that...how do I put this...their daughter has left the tribe so to speak. Not one of us any more. The kids aren't going to be part of our people.
They would probably never say it like that but I think that's the underlying feeling that drives this sort of attitude. Most people who feel that way probably wouldn't even think about why they feel that way it's just sort of a gut reaction.
And yeah it's racist, but I think most people are a little bit racist even if they won't admit it.
All I can answer for is myself. If I had a daughter, so long as the guy carried himself with some class, showed her, and myself, the appropriate respect, and I didn't get any bad vibes from him, I could give a fuck what race, or sex for that matter, she dated. I'd like to think myself capable of raising a child strong enough mentally, and emotionally, that she would make decent choices in the people she dated, but love is not only blind, it's usually pretty damn stupid, too. Though, once she's 18, it's none of my business who she has a relationship at all.
As for my son? I'm ok with him bringing home a black, asian, hispanic, martian, whatever girl. Or a guy, if that's how things pan out.
Now, for the other side of the coin...
I'm white, and have dated a couple of black girls. I never felt I was looked down on by my family, or theirs, for dating them, and I don't recall ever getting any flack from any of their friends, or whatever, either. I do know of blacks who do have a problem with white men dating black women, and even more so, I've seen black women having a major problem with white women dating black men.
So the racism isn't just one way.
Also, at the risk of badmouthing the south, they have a reputation for being racist for a reason. It's just in their bones, so to speak. Particularly if the girl in question has parents that were older, growing up where whites and blacks didn't date out in the open, certainly not without some violence occuring.
Way to look at it just at white families doing it. What about black families not wanting their sons to marry white women? Or asians to marry outside the family. Some of it is rascism and some of it is just the way people are. Some people just prefer to stick to their own race just because and not for any prejudicial reasons. Eventually society will get to the point where it will not matter but that's a long way off and we may just kill each other by then anyways lol
"Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves." ~ Ronald Reagan
I think it is more a question of culture/subculture than anything else.
For example, I live and went to highschool in NC so not too far away, there was this black guy named Terry at my school, for all intents and purposes he was culturally white, listened to rock, watched anime, played PC games, pretty much a white nerdy guy who was actually black, but he had no stigma about dating white girls.
However a lot of the other black guys ( and wiggers) around there did, because they subscribed to the hip-hop gangster wanna-be subculture, pants that actually didn't fit, redicuosly large galdy gold chains, car stereos that cost more than the actual car, you get the picture.
To your average american white family, a black gangster wanna-be and a white pot smoking muscian are almost equally bad, simply because they are part of some subculture (though the hip-hop/rap thing may not actually be too sub anymore). And usually since many black guys may accosiate themselves with the hip-hop/rap culture, it is easy to say all black guys are trying to be thuggs, which is a stereotype. Much in the way people automatically assume I do drugs because I wear black and listen to alt rock.
Don't you worry little buddy. You're dealing with a man of honor. However, honor requires a higher percentage of profit
It goes both ways, I know black women whose parents told them not to bring home a white guy when they went away to college.
It's a pretty common thing in the south that if a girl dates a black guy she is automatically labeled a Dirty whore and white guys dating black girls are wiggers. It's just how things go, but the guys/girls are always decent at the very least. People here assume that since any white is dating any black the white one wants to be black. It's very true that growing up in the south it is incredibly difficult to keep from being a little racist or homophobic. I only escaped that fate because I grew up in a very open-minded family and most of my friends are the same way. I've been with a few black girls and they were better than some of the white girls I dated.
In short the posts that I actually read are right: White parents think that if a white girl dates a black guy they're coming home from that date at 7:00 the next morning with bruises and a baby on the way
I live in the south so, yeah, it's a pretty common attitude. Alot of people say they don't discriminate, aren't racist, whatever, but it's there and it's always going to be there. We're all a little bit racist. I dated a black woman briefly, and we didn't tell either of our families. We both knew it would be nothing but flak, besides which it's no one's business who I date. There were some tense moments dealing with idiots, seems no matter where you go someone has an opinion. Even if they're too gutless to come up and say 'I dissaprove' you get glances, wierd stares, people whispering intently with each other. There was also one fight with a stranger.
The best I can tell you is everyone, everone in this nation is racist. Even if it's just a little tiny bit, it's there in all of us. The best you can do accept it and try to eliminate as much of it from yourself as you can. If you're in an inter-racial relationship, always be prepared for flak or idiocy, you'll see it sooner or later.
On a side note, my paternal grandparent's families hated each other for being Italian and German, and both groups hated my mother for being Irish. I in turn hated them for hating my mother and thinking I was some kind of half-breed. So, maybe there's hope if Italians/Irish/Germans hating each other seems absurd these days.
It's true. Most people are racist regardless of ethnicity. If you really find a good one though all you need to do is prove yourself to the parents; show them how you are working and getting good grades. Make your success in life a real issue that they cannot ignore and they will forget how you look.
That should work for most people, but there will always be those extreme racists that wouldn't accept you even if you were to win a nobel prize.
Another truth is that most white people are afraid of black people: It's common knowledge that African Americans are most likely to be victims of violent crime. Please don't misunderstand me: I'm not a racist and I try to judge everybody individually, but people only have statistics to work with when they first see you.
You just need to show people that don't know you and are afraid of you that you are even further removed from the stereotype than they are; comport everything form your speech to your clothing.
Just act the same way you do on this forum.
This is a sequence of characters intended to produce some profound mental effect, but it has failed.
People are set in their ways, especially old people. Call it racism, prejudice, wahatever... I see it all the time in older people for everything from race, religion, music, the way someone speaks, the way someone dresses. Hell some older people get pissed off if you don't take a certain route somewhere while driving a car.
Older people are funny with food too. You can give them an $80 kobe beef dinner from a 5 star place and they wont like it as much as thier local greesy spoon. They are just used to their favorate greesy spoon.
Most older people don't like stuff they aren't used to. So yeah I can see it being a problem for a son or daughter to run into unncessesary flack for doing something their parents aren't used to.
Sucks that everyone doesn't have an open mind.
Normal.
My Dad doesn't like me to date black girls.
Or any foreign girls at all for that matter.
Mrs. Baff's dad is none to pleased about her dating a white foreigner either.
Par for the course.
An argument I've heard very often from other people's parents, is that they're not actually racist, they just don't believe the races should mix. Of course, when asked why they shouldn't mix they get evasive or are unsure, they just put it out there as if everyone's supposed to know and understand it as a natural law. The assertion that they are not racist is interesting to me, because I believe that they really don't think they're acting racist, such is the depth and sublety of it.
I wonder if the parents of lions and tigers that mate to make ligers feel the same way
I hope not. Lygers have magic powers and are just about the most awesome animals around....or so Napoleon Dynamite told me.
It's true that you can be prejudice without racist. I can understand how you can not want your child to marry a person of a different race than you... For instance, my friend who is 100% Mexican will only date Mexican girls, not because he's racist or anything (he has a lot of white friends, including girls). He's just so proud of his heritage, he doesn't want to convolute the gene pool, and for his kids to be as proud as he is to be 100% pure blood.
Honestly, I wish I could say the same. I'm a mutt from so many different groups of people, I really have no heritage to be proud of.
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"Io rido, e rider mio non passa dentro;
Io ardo, e l'arsion mia non par di fore."
-Machiavelli
I too am a mutt, but you can still be proud of the fact. Think of it as releasing you from the bonds of your ancestors. Your ancestors probably opposed each other at some point, and your shared blood allows you to combine and suprass all previous sides. In a way you do not have roots, but that can also be a touch of freedom.
I think alot has to do with family culture. People want their childeren to grow up smart and healthy and rich and happy. they also want them to be like they are. they want them to have the same interests and desires. Well it doesnt work out that way and not being able to fully accept that causes families to drift apart. I am not saying that dating out of race causes the drift but it can hurt relations. If you think about it many families have nothing in common besides liking the same television and sports programs. Holidays force people to get toegether and talk about their lives when they may otherwise never do so. This is not all families of course but just some observations I have come across. I think many people hope their childeren become even better versions of themselves, which is not a bad thing, but sometimes they become a good person of another variety. People have trouble with what they dont understand and they can be strange when it hits home.
You all made some teriffic points. I learned a few things too. Takes some time to digest it though. I'm going to see if how I can explain this to the girl I'm checking out too. I agree with many of you. Espically some of you who said that showing her parents who I really am would increase their respect for their daughter being with someone of a different race. I honestly didn't expect a few of you to be so wise. Espeically Sawtooth. Thought I might see somthing about him asking about my sister again.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
my gf is black
but im puerto rican:)
ese dont fuck around with me.
But on to a better story. My wife/gf is Mexican/Filipina. Her mom was absolutely pissed when we got together. She even introduced her to another Filipino guy that she wanted her to marry. She said that she needed to stay within her race and marry a Filipino. So we pointed out that her husband is Mexican.
As far as my mom was concerned with my wife/gf all she said after I asked her what she thought of her was "At least she is not black." I about shit my pants. But its an old way of thinking.
I should sum up that 3 kids later both our families get along really well.
I think our generation(people 35 and younger) are way more tolerant of everyone than the people who came before us which is a good thing. Think about it. In a thousand years or even less so many people will be mixed with so many races we probably won't even have to check the white/black/hispanic block on government forms anymore. It will be obsolete.
In America I have bad teeth. If I lived in England my teeth would be perfect.
Some of my relatives have told me of the insane feuds that have gone on in my family. To an outsider, it's just a bunch of white people being racists to each other, but fifty years ago an Irish woman marrying an Italian man was cause for consternation amongst alot of people. Now, hardly anyone cares. I guess that's progress of some kind.
But on to a better story. My wife/gf is Mexican/Filipina. Her mom was absolutely pissed when we got together. She even introduced her to another Filipino guy that she wanted her to marry. She said that she needed to stay within her race and marry a Filipino. So we pointed out that her husband is Mexican.
As far as my mom was concerned with my wife/gf all she said after I asked her what she thought of her was "At least she is not black." I about shit my pants. But its an old way of thinking.
I should sum up that 3 kids later both our families get along really well.
I think our generation(people 35 and younger) are way more tolerant of everyone than the people who came before us which is a good thing. Think about it. In a thousand years or even less so many people will be mixed with so many races we probably won't even have to check the white/black/hispanic block on government forms anymore. It will be obsolete.
WTF? Yo are you sure your mom is ok? I know your wife could take that as an insult too eh? Well it might be an old way of thinking....
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
No white girls want to date a grown black guy who enjoys dressing like a ninja? Racists!!!
To be honest, I find very few Black men to be attractive. I'm far more into Asians (Chinese and Japanese more than Korean) to be the best looking. Even better than most White's. For me, it's attraction. Though Will Smith and Denzel Washington are both hot, ;d It's rare to find a Black men attractive, or even my type. Would I date a black man? Sure, if I find him attractive and my type of course. But I never have dated outside my race (white) before. I've given up on dating altogether anyways.