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10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Zorvan
Member CommonPosts: 8,912
Seeing as how I have a young daughter, and will someday have to deal with idiots,...er, I mean boyfriends, I found this list which I am going to have plastered all over my house when that time comes:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with
my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill
you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you
is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back
at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is
"early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than
painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why
don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a
strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which
features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I
ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a
shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle
with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a
rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the
voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought
my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is
no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine.
Comments
Your daughter may get mad....very mad
extremely mad...
enraged in fury of hate towards your existance....
Just like a Dad should do
<------- 999 posts
__________________________________________________
In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
This has been around for a while. It was originally 8 rules and the 2 other ones were added at a later date.
No required quests! And if I decide I want to be an assassin-cartographer-dancer-pastry chef who lives only to stalk and kill interior decorators, then that's who I want to be, even if it takes me four years to max all the skills and everyone else thinks I'm freaking nuts. -Madimorga-
Hell, Jack Thompson can be my lawyer.
Seven and eight seem a little unfair, but other then that, fun to see that shotgun at the door dads are still around.
For everyone except me.
I'm 18 years old college studen who happens to be single at the moment. In other words, your worst nightmare, and let me tell you that being the overprotective father when your daughter is in the years between 16 and 19, will only work against you. Being overprotective to the point where you do anything that is mentioned on the list shows that you do not trust your daughter and she will notice.It doesn't matter if you try to boss around your daughter or her boyfriend, she will take it as a sign that you do not trust her.
The cold hard fact of the matter is that girls around the age of 16 don't give a crap about what you, as a father, think what she should or should not do with boys. If you don't allow her to kiss a guy in front of you, she will kiss him behind your back, it's that simple. By being overprotective and thus showing you do not trust her, you're damaging the bond you have with your daughter. This means that if she ever really needs you, she might not come to you.
Teens will make their own decisions when it comes to relationships. They decide how to have their relationship, not you. Things like relationships are experiences, and every person needs to learn from them. You need to help them make the right decisions, not make the decisions for them.
But that's just the way I see it.
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
hehe, let me assure you that you're not the first dad who thinks he is ahead of the game by remembering the tricks he pulled off in his old days.You say you know every trick of the book? Well, let's just say that you still have an old edition, and there is a new edition every few years.
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
Well if I were your daughter, I would not look at it that way. Wouldn't she start to think that you don't trust her to make responsible decisions in a relationship? That you don't let her be with her boyfriends unless under certain circumstances...wouldn't this kind of lead to her doing more things, as a way of somehow getting back at you for not trusting you?
Just my 2 cents
__________________________________________________
In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
hehe, let me assure you that you're not the first dad who thinks he is ahead of the game by remembering the tricks he pulled off in his old days.You say you know every trick of the book? Well, let's just say that you still have an old edition, and there is a new edition every few years.
Well, there's always a 20 year old stepson to keep me up to date lol.Like I said, my daughter knows she can come to me for anything now, and she'll always be able to. And of course, there will be the occasional loser who slips under the radar. And I'll be there to deal with him when the time comes.
Let me put it like this:
My step-daughter is 25. She started showing up at my ex-wifes' house with black eyes and bruises. The old "walked into a door" bullshit. I waited, as my ex requested, until there was proof. When that day came, my ex thought the best thing would be to call the cops. My uncle, my brother, and myself saw it a different way.
Now my step-daughter has a good man and is engaged to be married. As for Mr. Blackeye? He still walks with a limp( I got in a little baseball practice that day ), and never did call the cops. I guess some threats do work.
I did this for a step-daughter, who in most circumstances I never really got along with ( too close in age, I think ) whos' mother I was no longer even with. Imagine my opinion of what to do with someone who messes with my little girl. And in all seriousness, I'm not a violent natured person ( my forum rants aside lol ).
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
hehe, let me assure you that you're not the first dad who thinks he is ahead of the game by remembering the tricks he pulled off in his old days.You say you know every trick of the book? Well, let's just say that you still have an old edition, and there is a new edition every few years.
Your age explains a lot Gameloading, and you clearly know very litle about how teenagers percieve their father figures...to say that they "don't givve a crap about you" is completely false, any psychology proffesor at your school will tell you that, I suggest you talk to one.
Your argument is like a two legged dog with an eating disorder...weak and unbalanced.
By the way, I intended for this thread to be humorous, as obviously I wouldn't follow that list verbatim. I just thought it was a fun guideline when I saw it.
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
hehe, let me assure you that you're not the first dad who thinks he is ahead of the game by remembering the tricks he pulled off in his old days.You say you know every trick of the book? Well, let's just say that you still have an old edition, and there is a new edition every few years.
Your age explains a lot Gameloading, and you clearly know very litle about how teenagers percieve their father figures...to say that they "don't givve a crap about you" is completely false, any psychology proffesor at your school will tell you that, I suggest you talk to one.
A 2005 report in the Review of General Psychology shows that the average age girls have sex is 15. How many parents approve that their daughter has sex at the age of 15? I can't think of any of them.
When it comes to things like relationships and sex, parents are left out.
Any psychology proffessor will tell you that teens often "rebel" against their parents.
Polls show that less than half of girls even talks about sex with their parents, and even less with their father.
i.ciconline.org/docs/HSConfidentialpollFINAL3.10.08.doc
www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22396726-661,00.html
www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/resreport4/11.html
This just goes and shows that teenagers are not interested in the opinions of their parents as far as sexual contact is concerned.
Its inevitable that we turn out like our parents in some-ways,my girl the only child turned 9 last month,If she turns out anything like her mom...man im in deep shit for sure.So thus not much talking about our teen age yrs goes on in my home (for now) anyways.But being from the redneck deep south that list has some meaning down here.
I will kill a mofo who gets near my girl.
I dont want to think about it right now.
Trade in material assumptions for spiritual facts and make permanent progress.
But see, I'm 35. And I remember every trick of the book when it comes to circumventing daddy to get what I want from the girl. This is what puts me ahead of the game. Far as trust, I'll trust my daughter in every thing she does. That doesn't mean I'll trust her boyfriends any further than I can sling 'em from a moving truck.
hehe, let me assure you that you're not the first dad who thinks he is ahead of the game by remembering the tricks he pulled off in his old days.You say you know every trick of the book? Well, let's just say that you still have an old edition, and there is a new edition every few years.
Your age explains a lot Gameloading, and you clearly know very litle about how teenagers percieve their father figures...to say that they "don't givve a crap about you" is completely false, any psychology proffesor at your school will tell you that, I suggest you talk to one.
A 2005 report in the Review of General Psychology shows that the average age girls have sex is 15. How many parents approve that their daughter has sex at the age of 15? I can't think of any of them.
When it comes to things like relationships and sex, parents are left out.
Any psychology proffessor will tell you that teens often "rebel" against their parents.
Polls show that less than half of girls even talks about sex with their parents, and even less with their father.
www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22396726-661,00.html
www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/resreport4/11.html
It's because of how their parents will react. If a girl were to go up to their mother and say 'i'm interested in having sex', what do you think would be the reaction? You can always hear parents say you go can go them about everything, but if you do, there will be hell to come. If you were to tell them you were thinking of sex, they would take harsh reactions (which they probably should). The girls (and guys) just don't want to go through that, and find it more simply just to do what they want.
__________________________________________________
In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Now now, let's all keep in mind that these 10 rules are made up to be a joke for everyone to laugh at (except for Zorvan of course, they're nothing short of the 10 Commandments 'cuz he's the dad
).
That said, I wonder if all fathers somehow have an inherent dislike to their daughter's boyfriends at first sight? Shy ones might be misconstrued as too "sissy", too outgoing ones are "pimps", and untalkative ones are associated as "stupid"?
Or would the role of the scary father make the daughter & BF bond tighter?
Guess who's asking their dad for advice...
* Want to see how dumb you are? Click here to take the dumb test!
@ the OP: Funny stuff there zorvan!
I raised my two kids without incident...well almost. The key, I think, is to keep them out of the public school system...it's a cesspool overflowing with human sewage! Why anyone would want to send their children there is quite beyond me...Home schooling is the way to go. When it comes to raising children: avoid anything that has the word public attached to it and you should be OK.
Also, there was a sitcom based on this concept:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8_Simple_Rules
Hell, Jack Thompson can be my lawyer.
Of course I, and every teenager, knows that rules were made for one thing: to be broken; and it's nice to see that you provide your daughter with reasons to be a teenager.
?
I thought the list was very funny. I am a father of three girls. (8,5,2) and it drives me crazy thinking about the trouble boys are going to cause when they get older.
Oh and your data is old Gameloading. The average age has actually gone back up quite a bit. My wife and I both have degrees in psychology ( I finished mine within the last year). I can't remember the source but the age had moved back up to around 17. (They say that is because of STDs and sexual education)
Currently playing:
LOTRO & WoW (not much WoW though because Mines of Moria rocks!!!!)
Looking Foward too:
Bioware games (Dragon Age & Star Wars The Old Republic)
I too have a daughter let me paint a scenario for you:
I have a room in my house(master on main) that im remodeling currently.
Dark paint a very large oak type desk a faux fireplace against the wall and 2 sconces on the wall on either end of the desk.5 large fake animal heads on the wall and 1 very large highbacked chair that sinks down 3 inches at least to make whoever sits in it feel very tiny.
The boy walks into a dimly lit room with me sitting in front of the fire place with the back of my chair facing him.All he sees is a table with a tumbler glass of scotch sitting on it and the end of a shotgun being cleaned with me in the chair.
I say :Come in Billy -we need to have a discussion before you take my daughter anywhere-
I offer him the chair as i sit at my desk and utter these words:Billy have you ever hurt someone badly,so badly that you got into a lot of trouble?
No sir
I have Billy and ive been to prison for it .Billy im not afraid to go back.Is that clear?
Yes sir.
Good boy now try to have fun tonight,
What is your physical limit?
Feel free to link to a source to prove me wrong. I seriously doubt that the average age has increased so much in just barely 3 years.
Aren't you confusing with the recommended age to first have sex? I know 17 is often considered to be the ideal age.
rules were meant to be broken???
dammit stupid traditional me...
I find it amazing that by 2020 first world countries will be competing to get immigrants.
Well, it does say "I will remove them". It doesn't say "I will remove them from my daughter."
Oh, I like that.