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Are my parents legally allowed to take something i paid for?
Balter
Member Posts: 1,015
I'm 17 and living at home. I have been at driving school all day and i'm exhausted now. My manager from work called earlier tonight and without asking me my mother volunteered me to come in for a shift. After an hour of arguing with my mom, she got all angry with me and tried to stop me from calling my manager to correct what she did to the point that she started crying because she thinks her reputation is on the line or something (it's all about her) and tell my manager i'm not going in. After she freaks out, she calls my manager back and makes some lame excuse saying the car wont start and i can't make it in to work.
She then tells me it's all the computers fault that i don't feel like working and puts it in her trunk and takes the key. We argue back and forth for hours to no avail. I found the car key to retrieve my "stolen" property from her trunk and i am on it now. I think they will just take it again in the morning.
How do i handle this situation? When my mother gets angry she gets irrational and extremely emotional.
Also, are my parents legally allowed to take my computer (paid for in full by my work wage) and tell me "it's going for good"?
I am a senior in school and i work nights and weekends and i have driving school this month. I am doing the best i can here but i was tired today and the last thing i felt like doing was working. BTW what i mentioned above happens a lot in this household with different things.
Thanks MMORPG 
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Comments
First of, it's not worth arguing with your mother and your still under their house so you know parents can do as they please. Also man I'm not being mean but she just put it in the truck. There is really no stealing involved with that. I've herd of parents doing far worse than that. Just talk to your mother and say that next time if a phone call is for you to give the phone to you. If that, just give your job your cell and you can pick up as you please with them.
Me, in my family we don't aruge we just talk. There is really no need to raise your voice over something minor as this. Also just apoligize to your mother about the incident. She might have thought that you might have wanted to work and being that you don't she felt too imbarassed. It's normal man and I know how she feels. I mean it sucks to be wrong about things like that. Just think things slow and remember that your mother is more important than the computer.
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Are you on the computer a lot? Maybe that's why she blames the computer for what happened.
I used to watch a lot of television when I was younger and living with my parents. Once they grounded me and took my television away. I thought they were being irrational too. My dad said I watched too much t.v. and never got anything done (homework and stuff).
Looking back on it, he wasn't being too irrational. He was just trying to get me to do what I needed to do. And I actually did watch too much t.v. back then, to the point where my grades suffered.
Irrational to a 17 year old and irrational to an adult are two totally completely different things.
I'm not saying your mom is totally right. She probably should have asked you if you could work. That I get. But once she said you could come in that was kind of your commitment.
I probably would have gone on in to work and then come home and told her next time that I would rather she not make that decision for me. I know it stinks to have to swallow your pride, but sometimes it's the best (and rational) thing to do. And it would have made your boss at work thing more highly of you to come on in as well. I'm sure he was in a bind after you called him back.
As far as the computer goes, I think at your age she can take it away. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that at your age you really don't "own" anything that your parents own what you have. Especially if you're living at home.
Just suck it up and think you've only got one more year or less there. It'll go by in no time. I'm guessing your a Sr. in high school. It's already into second semester of school. How hard can it be to go that long?
Besides that, it's your mom. I know they can be bitchy at times, but they just love you. Just relax and let yourself calm down, then go talk to her.
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yes, your parents own you until you're 18. Any of your wages they have every right to, like it or not. You own nothing, they own it and keep it for your. They insure you, they manage your life
sounds like you threw a tissy fit about working because of your exhausting day at driving school. QQ. Sounds like the fight escalated and your mom wanted to make her baby happy no matter what so she stuck her neck out for you and called the manager herself. Thinking she cant do anything right to please you, she cries and goes on the defensive and tries to show you whos boss. Id be willing to bet she took your computer away because
A. you should be at work and not on the computer.
B. you made some excuse of being exhausted from driving school yet have the energy to crank up the PC and game for the next 12 hours.
theres always more than one side to the story. quit being a brat.
P.S. your mom sounds like a nutcase. get out while you still can
"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a robot foot stomping on a human face -- forever."
Going to throw my thoughts in on this. Here's how I think your mom is looking at the situation. You're 17, last year in school. Does she know your plans for your future? When a kid gets around that age, the parents tend to think they should be constantly working toward that goal. They wants their kids to be self-supportive, and not some dead-beat, lazy ass, mooching off mama. Not saying you are of course, I'm just saying that's what they worry about alot. It's around that age, they begin to expect more. And if they aren't seeing it, they sometimes try to enforce it, which is what it sounds like she's doing.
Nope, she had no right at all to tell your boss you'd go to work, without your knowledge. That would easily start an argument, and I'd be pissed as well. But try to see it from her angle. She might be worried about you, and perhaps can't seem to express it properly. You need to give her reassurance, that you're doing the right thing, and aren't "lazy".
As for the PC, well, that just sucks. But here's the deal. I seriously doubt any laws have been broken by what she did. But if you really wanted to get technical, then you're looking at a $1000-3000 computer versus numerous years of rent, food, electricity, cable, etc., that's she's given you.
Your best option is to try to repair things with your mom. It sounds like you guys need some long deep talks.
Seriously though, I went through the same kindof crap. And actually I think my mom has told one of my bosses the same thing before. So many problems at that age with parents. It's tough man, I know. But try to understand where they are coming from.
Your parents pretty much own your azz until you are 18 and then its best to toe the line until you can afford your own place. The simple matter is work is more important then the PC and how exhausting can driving school really be?
Legally - yes
Ethically - yes
They're your keepers and have the right to decide what's best for you. You're not an adult - when you become an adult you can do whatever you think is right, but for now, you have no rights except those your parents give you.
Once you become an adult your parents are legally and ethically wrong, but by then you'll have moved out of their house and wouldn't be in that situation.
Are you sure you want to be treated as an adult by your parents? Do you behave like an adult? Do you think like one? Think long and hard on it before you answer. Being an adult is not a hat you can take off when it doesn't suit your needs.
"The liberties and resulting economic prosperity that YOU take for granted were granted by those "dead guys"
Or you can emancipate yourself....
Trust everyone here you don't really want to get all "I'm an adult, I'll do what I want". There are soo many fun and reasonable not-punishments your parents can toss onto you.
You of course severly proved your mother's point by finding the key and setting your compy back up. If she didn't want you to find the key and give you that chance to make the right choice, you wouldn't have been able to find the key. You pretty much lost this engagement(for the computer part) and the only way you could have won it would have been finding the key and putting it somewhere where they'll see it first thing, or better yet not doing anything at all.
Now for your mom going into work for you... That is something I've never ever ever seen any parent do, and something they should never ever have to think they need to have to do. Either way I think you'd have to be obviously over extending yourself in some way or form to make them think that, even if it's for something as pointless as video games.
I find it amazing that by 2020 first world countries will be competing to get immigrants.
the way i look at it is, you work weekends and just about every day of the week. And your mother told your boss that you would come into work on your day off without consulting you. TBH it sounds like you have very little privacy and say on what you have in your personal life. I would be pissed to and i'm sure ANYBODY else here would be angry if someone else told them they had to go in on their day off even though you work almost everyday as it is. And i dont see why she would argue with you if you didnt want to work on your day off, and it also seems like she took your computer to get back at you. most of the posters in this thread seemed to have latched on to only that one part of the story where you lost your computer, they seemed to have completely ignored the fact that you work alot, so much that you can pay for a gaming computer. And putting it in the trunk of her car just seems like overkill and yeah i will say irrational.
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This post made me lauph. Seriously...the OP was to tuckered out from playing at school all day n couldn't go to work. Yet still had the ambition to fight with Mom for a while, then search for the car keys. Get his PC, lug it back in the house, set it back up n fire it up for some quality PC time.
Kid is nothin more than a spoiled brat. You have a job outside the house...go do it!. Your mother wants you to learn some responsibility. If you don't like it, move out! See how much the PC matters when you are trying to find enouph money to pay the rent, n food.
Dont like it move outa the house. till you move out you Should honor thy mother. If i was your father after watching that ida beeten you ass so hard you wouldenta been able to sit for a week. Honestly kids these days need to rember that they are under someone elses house they play by their rules.
My stepfather moved out of his house at 16. I moved out at 23. I followed my mothers rules till the day i moved out. And this isent even touching your job. You made a Agreement with your Job to work there. You should be thankfull you have a job tbh. Granted your mom was in the Wrong to say yes you will come in and said that she would tell you to contact work when you got home but still.
If you were a honerable person you would take your pc put it back in the car trunk and wait to get it back.
If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude; greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.
Samuel Adams
Well there are 2 issues
1) Your mother telling your manager that you would come into work without consulting you. She was wrong completely and totally overreacted to you saying that no you weren't going to work. My own mother would just say she didn't know and would pass along the message to me to please call back the manager. But your mother sounds crazy emotional. Its not like your manager really knows her so how much difference could it make if she was wrong.
2) Taking your computer. Yes they can take it and its unlikely any court of law would do anything against them and the effort to pursue that would probably cost more that its worth. It sounds as though in the grip of irrational emotions she decided to try and go after somethign important to you because she couldn't bear being wrong. She will probably focus on that for a week or 2 and then find something else to occupy her mind.
If you are not being responded to directly, you are probably on my ignore list.
Make your boss call your cellphone instead...
Sounds like someone had a worse time at home than me
Maybe my situation is not so bad after all
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You're under 18. You have no reasonable expectation of privacy, regardless of what the bleeding hearts may think. If mom wants to remove your door, make you use transparent furniture, and puts video cameras in every room of the house outside of the bathroom, she can legally and rightfully do all of those things.
Doesn't matter what you pay for, you're a minor. Mom can make it real easy for you to skip work by simply informing any place you work that they do not have her permission for you to be there and need to fire you. They WILL fire you, because your replacement will be less hassle.
She can throw that comp out the window and run it over with the car. You ain't gettin' no money back for it.
So, either become emancipated ( highly unlikely since you must prove you can support yourself independantly ), or suck it up and move out at 18 like a normal person.
Sounds like someone had a worse time at home than me
Maybe my situation is not so bad after all
How? He said he honored his mothers rules. That makes his home life worse than yours?
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Technically, they would have had to ask his mom for permission to work overtime if that overtime work would put him over 40 hours that week. Its good to know whats its like to work hard until you arms are exhausted and learn techniques to push your body if needed. Getting started in life now is much harder and more competitive then it has been in the past. Since 2005 I have worked(job or training) atleast 60 hours a week trying to get passed minimum wage. You should get used to it, because no one is going to gamble on you and give you a chance.
Balter, it sounds to me like there are a lot of tools on this forum. I'm not going to say kill your mom or set her house on fire or something stupid like that, but just because you live with her doesn't mean she owns you or has any right to speak for you. Did you choose her to be your mother? Did you ever sign a contract saying she has the power to speak for you? NO? I didn't think so. People who have the attitude that she owns you are just cowards.
This situation actually reminds me of a story my dad told me about a fight he had with his dad when he was still a teenager living at home. Obviously this was WAY the hell back in the 60s so it wasn't a fight over a computer, but I think the same rules still apply. His dad was abusive and would also steal his stuff and try to bully him around. Back in those days houses didn't have locks on inner doors so my dad couldn't lock this guy out of his room. He solved this issue by going down to the hardware store and buying a 2x4 which he cut a "V" into at one end. This made a handy door lock because he could jam the "V" end of the 2x4 up aginst the doorknob to jam the door shut in such a way that it couldn't be opened short of breaking down the door. Whenever a fight would start my dad just went back to his room, jammed the door and that was the end of that. His dad would come into his room when he was gone to steal the 2x4 but wood was a bit cheaper back in those days so he could easily obtain another.
My dad told me this story because he wanted me to learn how to be a man and think for myself. He didn't want to hover over me for the rest of my life, he wanted me to become an adult on my own like he did. Now I'm telling you this story for the same reason. I'm not suggesting a 2x4 from the hardware store is a magical solution to your problem. But this is the kind of attitude you need to take towards your parents until they start showing you the proper respect that they would show to any other adult (you are an adult as soon as you think of yourself as an adult, don't let your parents or the fact that you are 17 tell you otherwise).
First, go talk to your boss at work, tell him the story you told here and explain to him that your mom drinks and is schizophrenic. Some people might call this a lie but from your description of the way your mom acted it probably isn't terribly far from the truth. Tell your boss that the next time he calls your house he needs to ask to speak directly to YOU and ONLY YOU. Also tell him that you will NOT work any shifts that your mom agrees to sign you up for so if he does decide to continue talking to her he will only be wasting his time and not yours. If your boss has any issues with this then tell him he can start looking for someone to replace you. The key here is to act like an adult and stand your ground. FORCE your boss to treat you as an adult and contact you directly in the future and if he can't do that then believe me when I say there are probably a billion other mimimum wage jobs out there for a 17 year old, you haven't got anything to lose by quitting this one (and better that you quit now and get a new job than be fired for not working another shift your mom signed you up for, right? Right.)
Secondly, from now on if you are worried about your mom messing with your stuff (and that inculdes your computer) I suggest you take it with you when you leave the house. I'm going to assume at this point that you have a car. If you don't then this could be a problem but if you do then its an easy solution. Whenever you are about to leave the house for longer than two minutes put your computer in your trunk. Take it with you to work. Take it with you to school. Anything you can't afford to leave in your car you can take to a friend's house. I'll bet you have atleast one friend who has parents who just don't give a crap. Some guy who probably lives in his mom's basement and litters the floor with empty red bull cans. If you don't have such a friend, get one. This guy is your new best friend so start making him happy. If your stuff isn't safe from being stolen by your parents at their house, then take it to your buddy's house and leave it there when you aren't using it. If your paren'ts don't know where your stuff is then they can't steal it, can they? Make a specific point of keeping only a few changes of clothes and the bed you sleep in at your parents house. When they confront you to demand to know why you are doing this, be 100% honest with them. They didn't respect your private property so you removed it from harms way by putting it in a place where they can't get to it. If they ask where that place is, refuse to tell them. They will get angry but what are they going to do? Steal your underwear now?
If all else fails, rent a storage locker.
Lastly, MOVE OUT. Obviously you aren't ready to move out now, but always keep it in the back of your head that your ultimate goal is to get your independence from your parents by moving out of their home ASAP. Don't stay until you are 23 like some other poster on this forum. Once you hit the big 18 its time to start looking for the exit sign.
Despite the attitude of the other posters here, this IS a battle you can win. Don't forget that.
The History of the Order of The Golden Shields
To the OP, from what I read and I understand you were quite emotional also in this case. Nor I will say that you should wait till 18 to get out of the house or whatever since it's pointless, since that hardly teaches anything.
For the computer, yes your mother has the "right" to lock it up on the grounds it affects your school or whatever. Think of it like a judge that removes your driving licence when you were driving under the influence. Just suck it up in this case and don't fret over it. At worst it was more of an emotional action to calm her.
As for the work part, if you don't want your manager to call at home then just inform him to call you at your mobile phone, if you don't want other people interfering that is.
Parents are people too you know. In your case they seem over protective but that's all, much better than don't give a damn about what you are doing or not.
All in all just try to communicate better with your parents. Just rushing out of the house when you are 18 isn't exactly the most productive thing to do by any means.
A friend is not him who provides support during your failures.A friend is the one that cheers you during your successes.
Sounds to me like the only thing you learned was how to rebel and treat people with no respect. Both of which take no brain power or savvy at all. Anyone can rebel without thought, they just run around with a chip on their shoulder acting like a shit head to everyone. It's what keeps our police forces so large.
If you take this guys advice OP, then be sure to let us know how it turns out. I'm sure it would be a valuable lesson for other kids on this forum as well.
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Excellent point. We've all seen what happens to the kids who's parents are absent from their lives.
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I'm a mom to a 17 yr old. She's in the top 1% of her Senior class. She spends 50+ hours a week on the computer and would honestly have a breakdown
if I took away her PC LOL! Here's my opinion Hun:
A: Your mom was wrong to say you would work on your day-off without consulting you
B. She was also wrong to take away your computer
C: Neither A or B matter because she pays for the roof over your head and the food in the fridge. The person that pays for those 2 things gets to make ALL the rules. Even if they are stupid rules or irrational rules.
Put the PC back and apologize to her. SHE was wrong but you need to apologize if you want your PC back. Just look her in the eye and lie and say you are sorry and do it CONVINCINGLY. Some fights aren't WORTH winning and this is one of them. You wanting your PC back trumps your urge "to be RIGHT" in this argument.
Always remember to step back and look at the long term goal. The short term goal is to win the argument with your mother. The long term goal is to smooth things over and get your PC back.
Which is more important to you- being right or having your PC back?
Sincerely,
Lori
P.S. Try to live on campus if you are going to college next year. Your life will be less stressful if you can make that happen. I'm really lucky because my daughter got accepted into RIT for Software Engineering and she wants to live at home with us! But I've never taken away her PC either. Heck, the only scenarios I can envision where I would take away her PC is if she was gambling online with real $ or if she was starring in porno videos.
Plus, I hate to mention this but the closer your Mom gets to menopause, the more crazy and irrational she will get. Trust me...every year past the age of 40 will make her nuttier and nuttier LOL! Save yourself while you can!!!
I'm not a rebel and I treat people with the same level of respect they treat me with.
Its common sense that if you don't want your stuff stolen you put it somewhere safe. If your parents are stealing your stuff, put it somewhere its safe from them.
If your boss calls your house and someone tells him you will work extra shifts without your premission, you would tell him not to listen to that someone, wouldn't you? Common sense again.
It doesn't matter that its his mom doing this stuff. He needs to act like an adult and treat her like an adult. In my mind that makes her nothing more than his roommate. If you lived with a roomate you would repect them but you surely wouldn't let them steal your property when you aren't around or screw with your job security, would you? Obviously not, you would take steps to prevent it like locking up your stuff and warning your employer of the situation with the roommate. If that didn't work, you would either move out (if the place belongs to the roommate) or start looking for a new roommate (if the place belongs to you). I'm just giving the kid a chance to use his head and do what an adult would do in this case. That is the goal here, isn't it? For him to become an adult by learning how to behave like one? Or would you prefer he spend the rest of his life with his mother as a safety net, constantly telling him when to eat, when to sleep, when to work, when to go to school?
There is a difference between being a "rebel" and learning how to live your own life as a responsible adult without the need for big brother to take away your toys when he thinks you aren't playing nice enough. I would expect a guy who quotes Thomas Jefferson to understand that concept. Now lets see if we can recall what Thomas Jefferson did when the king placed a tax on his tea...
(This will be my last post in this thread as its obvious I'm going to have people screaming 1984 quotes at me on one side and a different set of people screaming bible verses at me on the other side in about 30 seconds. So OP, my last bit of advice to you is to use your head and figure out for yourself what you need to do to keep your personal property, your job and your human rights safe from others. You are more than smart enough to figure this out on your own, but asking for help on the internet is like asking a swarm of bees to explain why they are stinging you.)
The History of the Order of The Golden Shields
I'm not a rebel and I treat people with the same level of respect they treat me with.
Its common sense that if you don't want your stuff stolen you put it somewhere safe. If your parents are stealing your stuff, put it somewhere its safe from them.
If your boss calls your house and someone tells him you will work extra shifts without your premission, you would tell him not to listen to that someone, wouldn't you? Common sense again.
It doesn't matter that its his mom doing this stuff. He needs to act like an adult and treat her like an adult. In my mind that makes her nothing more than his roommate. If you lived with a roomate you would repect them but you surely wouldn't let them steal your property when you aren't around or screw with your job security, would you? Obviously not, you would take steps to prevent it like locking up your stuff and warning your employer of the situation with the roommate. If that didn't work, you would either move out (if the place belongs to the roommate) or start looking for a new roommate (if the place belongs to you). I'm just giving the kid a chance to use his head and do what an adult would do in this case. That is the goal here, isn't it? For him to become an adult by learning how to behave like one? Or would you prefer he spend the rest of his life with his mother as a safety net, constantly telling him when to eat, when to sleep, when to work, when to go to school?
There is a difference between being a "rebel" and learning how to live your own life as a responsible adult without the need for big brother to take away your toys when he thinks you aren't playing nice enough. I would expect a guy who quotes Thomas Jefferson to understand that concept. Now lets see if we can recall what Thomas Jefferson did when the king placed a tax on his tea...
(This will be my last post in this thread as its obvious I'm going to have people screaming 1984 quotes at me on one side and a different set of people screaming bible verses at me on the other side in about 30 seconds. So OP, my last bit of advice to you is to use your head and figure out for yourself what you need to do to keep your personal property, your job and your human rights safe from others. You are more than smart enough to figure this out on your own, but asking for help on the internet is like asking a swarm of bees to explain why they are stinging you.)
Man you gave some good advice. Your dad's father was abusive, the OP never said his parents abuse him, there is a big diference there. hell, your dad's situation wasn't even that bad, my dad's dad kicked him out of the house when he was 9. Packed his bags, set them on the porch and told him to get the hell out.
You need to realise that respect is not free. You can't get it without earning it.
Waaa...mommy took my computer. Dude you are not even an adult yet....of course she can take your computer. You live under their roof. They feed you, take care of you, give you a warm place to sleep. You need to grow up. Seriously. When you are 18 and out on your own...then and only then can you complain if something like this happens. Until then...