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HELP PLEASE, m not joking this time... married MMO players only please
SmurfMagic
Member Posts: 664
I am having serious withdrawl problems here, I really really need to play my games !
How can I convince my wife that I need this? I have offered many times to set her up to play her own or with me but she has no interest at all.
Please, anyone with advice?
Thanks !
Comments
i lost 4 gfs over the past 8 years over mmos
you may need to find another wife
I have the feeling if you were serious you probably wouldn't be posting here, and you'd just play, regardless of what she says. If you have the spare time, and it shouldn't be much of a financial investment (mere $15?) who cares what you do for your hobbies or activities that entertain you. Just do it. Do you regulate if she watches TV? What about if she goes out to lay in the sun?
If the problem is because once you get on the game you completely neglect your responsibilities in the marriage and household, and ignore your wife, I'm surprised she put up with it. Be smart, if you're an adult, assuming you are, limit your play time and distribute your attention wisely.
Me personally, I got lucky. After the wife watched me play WOW a few years back she decided to give gaming a shot and liked WOW. She still plays off and on. I couldn't get her into any other titles, but at least she understands now.
Don't convince her, just do it. What's she going to do? Leave you? Oh no! Even more time to game, go out with friends, drink and party.
Man, what a horrible thing that would be.
If you were playing these BEFORE you got married and she married you as you were (with no intentions to change you afterwards), then you have to make her see that it is what you like to do, even if it is done obsessively. I think you two should work out some kind of agreement as to where, you two can do each others hobbies with each other or allow the other person to dedicate time to the hobby each day/week/month.
my two.
Trade: 2 nights of something she likes for two nights of games.
or get her into games somehow
or wait (i'm assuming you're newly married) as eventually she won't want you around 24/7.
Did you try to compromise? You know, set certain days (start at like 2) for a set amount of hours like say 5 to 6 hours?
Starting out like this allows room to increase going forward. And trying to get her hooked on mmos when she clearly is against them just reinforces her sentiment that they are addictive.
Part of that compromise should include 1 guaranteed day/night of doing things together that is out of the house. It shows balance and concern for the marraige which perhaps she sees as viewed lesser by you than video games.
And yes, I am married.
My advice would be to grow a pair of balls and game without her.
Surely she has things that she can do while you game for an hour or two once or twice a week?
No matter what couples will have different interest and hobbies. So if your wife only wants your hobbies to be what she is interested in you may have bigger problems than just not being able to play a game. I wish both of you the best of luck and hopefully you guys can work it out.
I was in the dame position as you a few years ago after our son was born. Things began to get a bit tense sometimes but the solution was amazingly simple.
Regular, quality sex. This makes them feel wanted, needed and attractive and it's sex so I shouldn't really have to stress this one too much. Once your finished your other half will be in a much better mood (provided you looked after their needs!) and you would be amazed at what you can get away with in the post coital glow.
My spouse thought I wanted to spend time with my games rather than them. They felt devalued and that caused tension which manifested in ways that were not really obvious at first.
If you want to play a long session, take a few minutes to make sure the dishes are done, the room is clean, the bed's made and other stuff like that. Another important thing is that I made it pretty clear that they spent as much time watching TV shows as I spent on the computer so it was fair. The thing you have to remember is not to do both. Either veg in front of the TV or spend long times in game. Not both.
There is NO miracle patch.
95% of what you see in beta won't change by launch.
Hope is not a stategy.
______________________________
"This kind of topic is like one of those little cartoon boxes held up by a stick on a string, with a piece of meat under it. In other words, bait."
Well for starters I don't think you should have to "convince" her to let you play. However, I do not know how much time you set aside that is devoted to your wife. If you enjoy playing MMO's she needs to respect that - as long as you give her the attention she deserves you both should be happy, IMO.
If she refuses to let you play or gives you a real hard time about it, well then your relationship is going to need a lot of hard work to make it functional. Try telling her she can't go shopping, or she can't watch her favorite TV show and see what happens.
Regardless of the intricacies in your relationship, just make sure you both compromise a little and see how it goes.
Good luck!
95% of all percentages quoted on the internet are made up on the spot 50% of the time.
Well you could tell her that instead of trying to change you she should have married somone who was already the way she wanted them to be. Might piss her off for awhile but ive discovered that they eihter get over it or they dont. Wife and i do pretty much what we each want within reason and it works out pretty well. She surfs the web and watches tv, i play games. Be sure and saisfy both your needs now and then as even sword slinging heroes need to be held now and then .
Get her to take a trip to her friends, go shopping or whatever... And when she does that you go gaming...
My partner is quite often off at overnight visits to her friends, gaming nights for me
If you got kids, it all gets a bit trickier... But there is always some time after the kids are in bed... And you could tell her to get to bed before you so that you can lock up and such and hope she then get to sleep without waiting up for you, then you may get a little gaming time at that time, it is really bad for your alertness the day after though
No one can really answer this because they don't know you, your spouse, or the dynamic of your relationship. However, as with most things in any relationship communication and compromise has to be the bases of meeting boths parties desire. Tell her point blank, but affectionatly that this is a hobby that you enjoy and helps you relieve tension/stress in your life and you're unwilling to give it up. Tell her what days you are going to play and from what time frame (one or two nights a week for no more then 4 hours). In return ask what it is she needs from you to feel that you two are having quality time together.
If she is unresponsive to this, you need to make her the bad guy in the situation...but do so calmly. Let her know that your gaming is important to you and while it's not more important to you then your family her unwillingness to work toward some compromise you find not only unfair, but presents questions of how important your contentment and happiness is to her in your relationship.
If she is unresponsive to this (assumingly you present it lovingly and calmly), quite frankly you have serious problems in your relationship.
Oh and the sex thing is good too. Usually these problems stem from a lack of intimacy in the relationship and regular sexual activity is often very important to providing that. Although if she is unresponsive to that (to having sex that is), again you are having problems that the two of you need help identifying.
Many people have mentioned it and it's the right solution. Set limits and stick to them.
Sure, gaming is your hobby. That's great. With that in mind, maintaining your marriage is your responsibility. Responsiblity should take priority over hobby. This is not to say you should be a door mat, but step back, look at the situation, and really make an honest observation as to whether you are really being treated "unfairly". A marriage consists of two people and it takes two people to keep it going. Compromise (from both people) is sometimes required to keep a happy home.
Your original post doesn't really give much specific info, so the game you are playing might be the source of the problem. For example, are you raiding in WoW and need to set aside large chunks of time where you have to be focused (almost) exclusively on the game? It can be hard for a wife, who doesn't get into these games, to understand why you can't step away and be with them (no matter how many times and ways you might explain it).
All I can really do is describe my situation. I am married and have one kid. I don't get to play whenever I want to, but I've found that I can play EvE after my daughter goes to bed and still get my "fix". Additionally, the time based training means I don't have to sit there and grind out levels on a character. I play while my wife uses her computer or watches T.V. and I don't neccessarily get to play every night. I found (or at least continued playing) a game that accomodated my lifestyle. While EvE might not be the game for you, I would recommend looking at other games out there and seeing if any give you that sense of enjoyment while allowing you to be flexible and attentive to your wife's needs.
-mklinic
"Do something right, no one remembers.
Do something wrong, no one forgets"
-from No One Remembers by In Strict Confidence
Do not do this! My god that is bad for a relationship. Do not make her the bad guy. Yes, let her know what is important to you and that you would like to find a balance. Trying to turn it on her is a sure fire way to damage the relationship. She ISN'T THE BAD GUY. She is a woman who isn't getting her needs met. LISTEN to what she is saying. Don't "man" listen, actually listen and try to understand what she is saying. Ask her to clarify what about games is the issue. Validate each and every concern. Validate does not mean you have to agree - it means you have to let her know you have heard what she is saying and you understand her concerns. If you don't understand ask for clarification - not doing so will not get you what you want. There is a VERY high chance it has nothing to do with games by the way.
I have the reverse of this. Its my wife who is playing to the detriment of the relationship. We have negotiated a gradual reduction in her game time. We entered the discussion on a basis of resolution and willingness to compromise. If you go in fighting to win just break up now - you are in for years of pain. The only win in a relationship is where both partners walk away happy with the outcome. At the moment she (your wife) isn't fighting in a fair and healthy way. Her needs (might) be getting met, yours are not. Absolutes are - as this community so likes to say - EPIC FAIL.
PS if you NEED 6 hours a day you have personal issues with games that you should address with a trained professional.
Sorry, but I had to respond again.
Don't let people here make you feel bad for being who you are. Games are not BAD.. Do not make them force you to be the bad guy. They do this for everything, including marijuana (which happens to be less related to moral sensitivity and more related to lawful control).
If she is trying to change you, then there is something she is unhappy about who you are. Marriage is a two way street. You make compromise, it is not just the woman (regardlesss of how god awfully tasty her sexual energy is) who gets to decide the rules of the relationship. You have to be yourself, both of you, and meet in the center for a succesful relatonship. Her trying to change and/or control you is not going to help anything get better and you becoming someone that you aren't is not going to make and keep you happy either.
cheers,
I was in a somewhat similar situation with my wife. However, since we started dating, she knew that I love playing games and that gaming is my hobby. So now when I play my games, my wife does something else.
However, it is very important to not ignore your wife otherwise she will learn to hate your hobby, which will put a strain on your relationship. Basically, try to find a happy medium between spending time with your wife and spending time on your hobby/addiction. It's possible that you may be spending way too much time on MMOs and gaming. In that case you will have to change your lifestyle. Just remember that real life is way more important and games will always be there.
As for my wife, I never did get her into any of my games. I even tried getting her to play WoW, I figured that out of all MMO's WoW would have the best chance but she lost interest right after the character creator. She didn't even like Sims, although she loves Zuma, Peggle and Chuzzle.
Been married for 12 years to my wife and we've been together as a couple for about 20 years. She knew from the get go I was a gamer as we met in a arcade. But of course things were different when we got married. You have to learn to compromise and also like many have said, listen. And if that doesn't work there is always the old proverb: "You don't know what you're missing until it's gone."
For example, when we moved in together she complained that I played games too much. Ok fair, so I said I'll stop the games but we have to do something so we ending up going out on "dates" for a while. Then she got tired of that. But here's the important part: You have to keep going out. With your friends, co-workers or whoever. Make sure to keep inviting her along even if she refuses. Eventually she will see a increase in expenses and lack of you being home. Also make sure to keep up on your chores because you don't want her to notice anything different except you going out.
Then one day tell her found a game you want to play, I'm telling you she'll agree so fast that you won't know what hit you. And she'll be glad you're at home with her instead of hanging out spending money. Worked for me. I don't know how many times my wife has said to me that playing MMOs is a helluva lot cheaper than going out so much.
Also if you ever have kids, all games get put on hold until you two work out a schedule that gives both of you plenty of me time.
Now here I am with 2 daughters and one happily, gaming wife and we still manage to have family night every Monday which include dinner and a movie and things couldn't be better.
"Small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas."
if the situation is that serious- i promise you, you need to look elsewhere for advice.
the official MMORPG.com deadhead
if you lost a GF over an MMO you seriously need help....
If you are laying the pipe as you are supposed to be doing regularly, you shouldn't have too much of a problem. The rest of your non-playing time when you are with her and not perfoming your "husbandly duties" should be spent with you keeping your mouth completely shut except when you are responding to what she's talking about. Why?
Women like to vent over everything and they just want to know you are listening. You cannot be listening if you are talking about the game, or your buddies or YOUR work. On maintaince days/updates, etc.. that's the time when you take her out to wherever SHE wants to go, not what you think is fun for at least one whole day.
She wants to go to a basket weaving seminar? Go and be quiet. Quilt material shopping? Go and don't get caught talking to your buddies on the cellphone. Opera? Yeah, you'll have to sit there and take your medicine.
There are 24 hours in a day.
If you work 8, that's 16 left.
If you sleep (knowing you're a heavy gamer from what I'm reading) that's probably only 5 or 6 hours a night. That's 10 hours left.
Travel time to/from work and other things subtract another 3. That's 7 hours left.
Log in, play whatever you want for 3-4 hours. You still have 3 hours left.
If you can't spend at least 3 hours a day eating dinner with your wife, listening to her, watching a movie or anything else she wants to do you probably shouldn't be married.
"TO MICHAEL!"
The solution I found was to buy a wireless laptop.
The wife wasn't too happy about me spending hours up in the computer room playing games alone so now I whip out the laptop and sit playing games on it while she watches her TV. Seemingly, just having me in the same room made all the difference to her, perhaps she just wanted to be reassured that I wasn't upstairs fapping to german dungeon porn or something.
Oh, this only works if you're a casual gamer; if you're looking for some way to spend 6 hours a night raiding then forget it .. that's a playstyle specifically aimed at people who don't have non-gamer significant others.
Playing: EVE, Final Fantasy 13, Uncharted 2, Need for Speed: Shift
I mean seriously - that game can last forever; the friends, the memories, the epic moments...but a girlfriend can come and go with the ebb of a tide.
Always ALWAYS friends above bit(explitive)s yo.
I seriously put it to my wife like this." I can stay home and occupy my free time like this. Or I can go out on crack binges with hookers...You decide. I may game a lot . But at least you know where I am and what I am doing. It's not any different than you sitting and channel surfing the tele all night."
Seriously, there are worse things a person could be doing. If a woman is going to leave you because you play games, you have to ask yourself or her what the real issue is. Because gaming is probably a code word for a deeper issue. What does she prefer you do? A married couple can't spend every second of every day cuddling and talking. it's not healthy. People need some "me" time. Time you do what you do and not worry about things. Some find it in books, some find it in games and some find it watching Judge Judy. What is her hobby or how does she relax? Tell her you'll quit gaming if she stops doing whatever.
But you also need a healthy balance of things. If all you do is play games then you might have some issues too. Does it cut into your responsibilities? Does she feel like she does everything..cooking, cleaning etc.? If she does help her out. I dunno, I am 37 and have been married for 12 years. I still game a lot. People aren't hard to please. They just want to feel special once in awhile. If you do that, you shouldn't have issues.