Originally posted by Spathotan The simplest way to put this, is like this. Buying a used/refurbished 360 is on the same plane as sharing a condom in a gangbang with strangers.
crocjokes.com/dirtyjokes.php Seeing as how I have a young daughter, and will someday have to deal with idiots,...er, I mean boyfriends, I found this list which I am going to have plastered all over my house when that time comes:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with
my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill
you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you
is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back
at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is
"early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than
painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why
don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a
strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which
features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I
ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a
shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle
with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a
rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the
voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought
my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is
no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine.
I say that if you see a boy near her, shoot first, find out if they are actually dating later.
Its the fathers who don't say a word you have to be scared about. I remember when I met my stepdad when I went to the Philippines I was horrified. He just sat there steaming. In hindsight Im lucky. If you piss off the family there they can be most disturbing with the chopping and the hacking and the OOoooHHHHHAHAHHAYEYYEYAGGG MYYYY EYEEEESSS!!
LOL! .. Dads always think that then their daughters run away and date the worst possible guy in order to get "even" with dad. Believe me .. My dad was worse than you .. he actually held guys at gunpoint.. anyhow I moved out when I was 15 and never went home .. that is what happens when you are a tyrant.. you lose your "little girl" all together.
I was sexually active at 14, and my girlfriend was 13. All kids are a stupid raging bundles of hormones at that age. Resistance is futile. Talk about abstinence, but prepare for safe sex.
LOL! .. Dads always think that then their daughters run away and date the worst possible guy in order to get "even" with dad. Believe me .. My dad was worse than you .. he actually held guys at gunpoint.. anyhow I moved out when I was 15 and never went home .. that is what happens when you are a tyrant.. you lose your "little girl" all together.
Not really. If you moved away only for the reason that your dad didn't like your boyfriend, there's definitely something else there you either forgot or didn't mention.
See, I plan for my daughter to know my reasons for things. Even as young as she is now, I explain every step of why I say yes or no for even the simplest thing like buying or not buying a toy, an ice cream cone, etc.
Like the first time I raised my voice to her. I did it because she was running into the street and there was a car coming. She was too far to grab, so I yelled. It scared the hell out of her because I had never raised my voice above a normal talking tone to her, but she had seen me when I was mad at someone else and automatically figured that since I raised my voice at them because I was angry, I must be angry at her to raise my voice also. And to an 8-9 year old kid, anger = hate. She thought I hated her.
So after I explained to her why I yelled, I took her inside, sat her down, and I said this:
There will be times when daddy will be upset because of something you may do, just like you get upset at daddy sometimes when daddy tells you "no" or won't let you play outside after dark.
There will be times when daddy will be disappointed at something you've done, but daddy will never be disappointed inyou.
There will be times when something you do will make daddy angry or mad, but daddy will never be angry or mad at you.
And although daddy might hate some things for one reason or another, daddy will NEVER hate you.
And I will reiterate these truths for her many times to come in the future I know, simply so she knows and understands. No matter what comes in the future as far as disagreements, she will never go to sleep without an "I love you" from daddy. Even if I have to drive to her house and scream it through the window lol. So no, I have no fear of driving her away.
And yes, eventually there will come a time when she will meet the "wrong boy". See, I won't stop her from going out with him, but I will be watching. And she will know that no matter how disappointed I may be in her choice, I will not be disappointed in her for making it.
Even the most cretinous appearing boy will get a chance to prove me wrong ( I do remember what it's like to be judged solely on how you look, considering with all the tats, leather, and shaved head I still deal with it from time to time ). But when he proves me right, or he proves to her that I was right, and she needs out, I will be there. And God help him if he tries to stop her or me.
Zorvan I admired you in some ways. If that truly is how your raising your daughter your doing one hell of a good job. Unfortunately I don't really know my father for his forgiving or supportive nature. He gave me all I needed to start out then kicked me out of the house. Done. End of deal. No more communications. I mean he doesnt express hate for me, but in 6 years since I moved out hes only called twice, for help moving stuff into a new house... Yeah really supportive.. Sigh, now im depressed lol
Zorvan I admired you in some ways. If that truly is how your raising your daughter your doing one hell of a good job. Unfortunately I don't really know my father for his forgiving or supportive nature. He gave me all I needed to start out then kicked me out of the house. Done. End of deal. No more communications. I mean he doesnt express hate for me, but in 6 years since I moved out hes only called twice, for help moving stuff into a new house... Yeah really supportive.. Sigh, now im depressed lol
It's harder for some to connect than others.
__________________________________________________ In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Zorvan I admired you in some ways. If that truly is how your raising your daughter your doing one hell of a good job. Unfortunately I don't really know my father for his forgiving or supportive nature. He gave me all I needed to start out then kicked me out of the house. Done. End of deal. No more communications. I mean he doesnt express hate for me, but in 6 years since I moved out hes only called twice, for help moving stuff into a new house... Yeah really supportive.. Sigh, now im depressed lol
Quite honestly, I had shitty parents. Which is one of the reasons I go out of my way to make sure my daughter and I don't end up with the same relationship I have with mine ( alot of anger and years of resntment ).
My mother felt my place was to be seen and not heard. I grew up with alot of fear of other people due to her actions ( a clinical term for my psychological condition would be Agorophobia ( I have an insane fear of large groups of people that I don't know, and rarely feel comfortable in someone elses' "space".).
Growing up, I was the kid everyone loved to pick on, I was an easy target. I wouldn't stand up for myself, because standing up to someone was bad ( again, a gift from my mother ).
When I was fifteen, I moved in with my father. My father never outgrew his teenage years. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't bring cops knocking on his door. He was also a big believer in not letting anyone push you around. If someone smarted off to you, you beat their ass. End of story.
As you can imagine, the years of bottling up my anger and allowing myself to be pushed around while living with my mom only to suddenly have the "right" to let all of that anger out given to me by my father, was a bad thing. I didn't just let my anger out on those who deserved it, I let it out on anyone who even looked at me crosseyed. I spent many vacations behind bars.
My daughter being born, believe it or not, saved me. Everything that my parents did wrong in raising me, I had a chance to correct in raising my daughter. And so far, she's doing great. She is afraid of noone, she doesn't hold her head down or answer in a small voice if someone talks to her. She will voice her opinion if she doesn't like you lol, but she also doesn't look to start things with others, either. She got the mix of strength and humility right the first time through. I'm still working on the humility thing, myself.
And in no small part due to my ex-wife, who although we couldn't make our marriage work due to my anger and stupidity putting too much water under that particular bridge ( although I never laid a hand on her, emotional abuse can leave open-wounds that never heal and hurt much more than physical ones ), I will to this day defend her as a mother. I could never have asked for anyone better as a mom for my kid.
I'm a conflicted personality. My parents never taught me to express myself like your teaching your daughter to do. I applaud you I've always had a lot of anger but due to the fact I was taught to hold my tounge I never could express it. I became a permanent child because I never knew how to handle anything. I've only gotten angry enough to act twice. Both times I was willing to kill... Literally. Fortunately I was kept from doing so.
Then I met my hun. Slowly but surely Im letting myself out of my cage. Hopefully I can achieve a life like yours and God knows I never want my kids to be as repressed as myself.
I'm going to favorite this thread, and re-read it until it gets stuck in my head...I'll take my own advice too of course in raising my child (when I have one), but your posts seem very insightful and would probably be how I would want to raise my child.
Of course, I'll have to work on myself first...I have a horrible time making friends or even talking to people. I was always picked on when I went to school, mostly because I was really skinny and can't pronounce my Rs...I'm really quiet and shy most of the time. I am getting better though and talking more, but still pretty quiet. Don't mean to hi-jack your thread, but I figure maybe you would have some advice on that?
I feel you, I am extremely skinny as well...hell, I can't even find out if I have any bones in my body.
Anyway, I can be extremely shy as well (mostly around new people...girls mostly). It's just my personality, but I am working on it, and I am getting better. And I see what you mean, it can be tough meeting new people. I always find that if you have a good group of friends (wether it be one or five) that you feel comfortable talking to, work from there. That's what I did. I had several friends, and I branched out from there, meeting their friends, as well as new people. Having a few closed friends is always good. It's not important how many friends you have, but what friends you make.
A good trick is to of talking to new people is to act like you are talking to someone you have known for a while. Or, mabye you could pretend like you are talking on these forums, you seem pretty outgoing here
__________________________________________________ In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
I'm going to favorite this thread, and re-read it until it gets stuck in my head...I'll take my own advice too of course in raising my child (when I have one), but your posts seem very insightful and would probably be how I would want to raise my child.
Of course, I'll have to work on myself first...I have a horrible time making friends or even talking to people. I was always picked on when I went to school, mostly because I was really skinny and can't pronounce my Rs...I'm really quiet and shy most of the time. I am getting better though and talking more, but still pretty quiet. Don't mean to hi-jack your thread, but I figure maybe you would have some advice on that?
Well, don't let the inablity to pronounce "r" get to you. I had the same problem when I was younger, took a little over a year of speech therapy.
Now the skinny thing we're opposite, but same result. I've always had a "natural build". This is to say, that even without lifting weights my chest and arms give the appearance of having done so. When I do lift weights ( stopped when I was in my twenties, and it's hard to get the motivation to start again ) I get the results in a few weeks that take some others months.
Now the problem with this when I was younger was that I was stockier and "meaner" looking than the other kids, but at the same time a pushover. When kids smaller than you figure out they can "punk" you, it's like a free-for-all, every kid wants his swing.
And as I said earlier, once the floodgates were opened on my pent up anger everybody paid the price. No matter how many I took down ( or how many took me down, remember there's ALWAYS someone bigger and badder ) it wasn't enough. The anger, instead of burning off with use, grew exponentially.
I found that those I demanded respect from weren't bowing to me out of respect, they were doing it out of fear. Because it became well known in the circles I ran in that I didn't care if I lived or died, as long as I took you with me. It scares people when they realize they can't hurt you worse than you've already hurt yourself. Everyone has a "survival instinct" that tells them when they're over their head and need to back off. Mine was broken, and everybody knew it. Everybody except for me.
Like I said, even though I've learned to control and temper the physical violence, I still wrestle with the urge to make someone cry with just my words alone ( heh, some of my posts here may reflect that a little ). But I'm getting better with that, even. Unfortunately, it took the destruction of my marriage to get that one in order.
When my daughter was born, I had a purpose in life suddenly. If I died, who the hell was gonna look after her? Some step-dad? Don't think so. I suddenly found myself analyzing situatons I'd get in with people. Would I walk away from this one, or would they take me out? Eventually, I stopped getting in the situations so I didn't have to think about it lol.
Now, about the talking and meeting other people thing.
For me, it's hard to do, even now. I still tend to look at other people as the enemy, someone waiting to get me when I'm not looking. I've said it jokingly many times in these forums, but it really is true. I hate people. So making friends, as you can probably guess, is pretty damn hard for me.
For instance, when working with a client or in any other professional setting, I can smile and laugh and joke with them all day long. Because it's all an act. They're not my friend, and I'm not theirs. But you have to do the song and dance for the sake of civilized tradition.
But if I'm at a bar, I'm the guy sitting in the back with the table facing the front door with a view of all exits. A girl sending me a drink gets the unusual experience of having it sent back to her ( I did this one time with a really pretty woman, the shock on her face was priceless ), because I'd rather sit by myself than take a chance on looking like an ass by saying or doing the wrong thing.
The only one person in the whole world that I am 100% comfortable with is my daughter. If she gets an "owie", I kiss it and put a band-aid on it. If she can't do something, I help her learn how. If she needs protecting, she only has to step behind me. To her, I'm Daddy. There is noone bigger, badder, or better than me in her eyes. And that's enough for me.
Well, now that we all know Zorvan is a raving nutcase, I think I'll just hit the "Post Message" button while I'm ahead.
P.S. I had the problem with my "s', but years of speech therapy fixed that...
__________________________________________________ In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Not really. If you moved away only for the reason that your dad didn't like your boyfriend, there's definitely something else there you either forgot or didn't mention.
Actually the reason I left had nothing to do with my boyfriend at the time. My family is very wealthy. No one was ever " good " enough for them. My parents hated my friends , boyfriends and the activities that interested me. I left to get away from my family.. and did not reconcile for 11 years. I legally emancipated myself from them at 16, got my own apartment, finished school on my own, graduated college on my own without their assistance. Yes my parents always told me the reasons they did what they did, but at that age all teenage girls hear is "blah blah blah..." you know like the old charlie brown cartoons .. the kids never understood what the adults were talking about. I have always been a very strong willed girl, and having anyone tell me what to do has never gone over well.. in fact I would do the opposite just to spite them. Children need to know they are loved, and they need to be taught right from wrong, but in the end it is their life and they have to make their own decisions regardless of it you approve of them or not they will make their own choices and they may not always agree with you. A parents job is to teach them, then support them whenthey fall. Becuase learning is a process of mistakes, most teenage girls do not need to be yelled at to make them make the right choices, they need support when they don't. What you do is teach your girl how she deserves to be treated and educate her on the world. That way she will be able to see for herself thatsome guy is a jerk or not... that Is not "daddy's job" to determine that.
P.S> When my boyfriend went to kiss me behind the bleachers at a football game when I was 13 ... MY FATHER picked him up off the ground and shook him screaming " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!!" .. he almost pissed himself .. my father follwed me everywhere .. or paid people to follow me, I had no privacy. I could not even go to the amusement park with friends without being tailed. This is not parenting .. it is intrusive and controlling.
Lol, girl's parents are in love with their daughters? Jealous? Live and let live. Let the girls have fun. You have done enough making sure they have the brains and the knowledge to not do anything foolish, that's your work, it ends there, besides giving support if they need help. If you are too controlling you will ruin your daughter's life. But I understand it's hard to know where is the line sometimes.
P.S> When my boyfriend went to kiss me behind the bleachers at a football game when I was 13 ... MY FATHER picked him up off the ground and shook him screaming " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!!" .. he almost pissed himself .. my father follwed me everywhere .. or paid people to follow me, I had no privacy. I could not even go to the amusement park with friends without being tailed. This is not parenting .. it is intrusive and controlling.
Well, see. That's why I knew you'd left out stuff in your first post. Your dad went way too far.
For example, the boyfriend sneaking you behind the backstop for a kiss (I'm assuming your dad was there with you, which is why he saw you ) is disrespectful to your father. However, your fathers actions were wrong.
Number one, I wouldn't pick a 13 year old boy up off the ground like that ( I'm assuming the boy was your age, and we're not talking about a 13 year old kissing a 20 year old, as in that case picking him up would have been the least of his worries. ).
Number 2, I do know how embarrassing even the simplest situation can be for a teenager, so tact would be in order.
My response would have been staring at the boy with no emotion on my face, talking in a low, even voice so that noone other than him and my daughter would hear me, and let him know how I felt about what he did. That it was disrespectful to me as her father to think doing something behind my back was okay. And maybe a mild threat of "Please don't disrespect me or my daughter like this again". And leave it at that. For the first time. Hell, I'll even take 'em both out for lunch or dinner so there's no hard feelings. And if he pissed his pants, I'd even let him walk behind me to hide it and take him to get another pair.
I mean realistically, if my daughter and her boyfriend are with me somewhere and want to hold hands or even a quick kiss I can live with that. Jamming his tongue down my daughters throat in my presence however would be disrespectful to me and to her. I am sure there is plenty of time at school breaks or whatever to swap all the spit they want without doing it in front of me. That's where you and your boyfriend were wrong in your scenario.
And like I said, I will trust my daughter. No, I will not follow her around or hire someone to follow her around. She will have a cell phone, however. And no, not for me to call her every ten minutes to see what she's doing. I think a call from her just to say "Hi, dad. I'm okay." once an hour or so is not too much for me to ask though.
And yes, if she doesn't call for at least two hours, and I call her and get no answer, I will go looking for her. Does not mean I don't trust her, there are just too many things that could happen to her or her and her boyfriend both, that I would not be a parent if I didn't make sure they were both okay.
There is a fine line that every father has to walk between just being protective of his child and being controlling of his child. Your father chose the controlling path, which if you look through my previous posts, is not what I am looking to do.
I will guide my daughter, advise my daughter, warn my daughter, help my daughter, but I will not control my daughter. Her life is hers to live. I'm just there to keep her as safe and happy as possible during that journey.
I won't be able to protect her from every evil that comes at her, I know this. But I'll die trying if I have to. And I'll be the one she can depend on whenever something does get to her.
Wow, very nice post Zorvan. Nice to know you will be there for your daughter, unfortunately, it is not always like that. For instance-
I was at the movies with my friends and some girls. WE were watching "What Happens In Vegas"(I would have rather be lit on fire). Anyway, after the movie, the girl could not find a ride home. We told her to call her parents, but she said they wouldn't/couldn't pick her up. Then, the really bad part, was that she was going to go home with "older" boys. Now, this would not have been so bad, if she didn;t say that the last time she was in the car with these pricks that they tried to...err, you know; even though it was against her will.
Unfortunately, none of us could give a ride, even after she offered to sit on one of our laps to make more space (everyone offered their lap to her, all in good fun). And, with luck, she ran into a friend at the movies who would drive her home. If anything happened, I would have felt such guilt, and just wished I could have given her a ride home.
Two things here.
a) NEVER let her around older boys. Later that night she was talking to a friend of mine, and she stated that there were some drunk kids having a party in her house, at like 11 PM. Something around that happened.
b) Always be ready when your daughter goes out. With this screwed up world today, you never know what can happen. I suggest always offering to drive her friends ( and her) to their houses after the movies, like a car pool. This way, all of her friends like you for giving a ride , and she always gets home safely.
__________________________________________________ In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Comments
#4 was my favorite love it!
rule 4 is funny but puts a nasty picture in my head...
http://azhrarn.deviantart.com
Funny, I'm sure glad my girls dad ain't pure evil!
I say that if you see a boy near her, shoot first, find out if they are actually dating later.
member of imminst.org
Its the fathers who don't say a word you have to be scared about. I remember when I met my stepdad when I went to the Philippines I was horrified. He just sat there steaming. In hindsight Im lucky. If you piss off the family there they can be most disturbing with the chopping and the hacking and the OOoooHHHHHAHAHHAYEYYEYAGGG MYYYY EYEEEESSS!!
The pure evil ones can hide it pretty well. Might wanna be careful.
LOL! .. Dads always think that then their daughters run away and date the worst possible guy in order to get "even" with dad. Believe me .. My dad was worse than you .. he actually held guys at gunpoint.. anyhow I moved out when I was 15 and never went home .. that is what happens when you are a tyrant.. you lose your "little girl" all together.
I was sexually active at 14, and my girlfriend was 13. All kids are a stupid raging bundles of hormones at that age. Resistance is futile. Talk about abstinence, but prepare for safe sex.
- LC
See, I plan for my daughter to know my reasons for things. Even as young as she is now, I explain every step of why I say yes or no for even the simplest thing like buying or not buying a toy, an ice cream cone, etc.
Like the first time I raised my voice to her. I did it because she was running into the street and there was a car coming. She was too far to grab, so I yelled. It scared the hell out of her because I had never raised my voice above a normal talking tone to her, but she had seen me when I was mad at someone else and automatically figured that since I raised my voice at them because I was angry, I must be angry at her to raise my voice also. And to an 8-9 year old kid, anger = hate. She thought I hated her.
So after I explained to her why I yelled, I took her inside, sat her down, and I said this:
There will be times when daddy will be upset because of something you may do, just like you get upset at daddy sometimes when daddy tells you "no" or won't let you play outside after dark.
There will be times when daddy will be disappointed at something you've done, but daddy will never be disappointed in you.
There will be times when something you do will make daddy angry or mad, but daddy will never be angry or mad at you.
And although daddy might hate some things for one reason or another, daddy will NEVER hate you.
And I will reiterate these truths for her many times to come in the future I know, simply so she knows and understands. No matter what comes in the future as far as disagreements, she will never go to sleep without an "I love you" from daddy. Even if I have to drive to her house and scream it through the window lol. So no, I have no fear of driving her away.
And yes, eventually there will come a time when she will meet the "wrong boy". See, I won't stop her from going out with him, but I will be watching. And she will know that no matter how disappointed I may be in her choice, I will not be disappointed in her for making it.
Even the most cretinous appearing boy will get a chance to prove me wrong ( I do remember what it's like to be judged solely on how you look, considering with all the tats, leather, and shaved head I still deal with it from time to time ). But when he proves me right, or he proves to her that I was right, and she needs out, I will be there. And God help him if he tries to stop her or me.
Zorvan I admired you in some ways. If that truly is how your raising your daughter your doing one hell of a good job. Unfortunately I don't really know my father for his forgiving or supportive nature. He gave me all I needed to start out then kicked me out of the house. Done. End of deal. No more communications. I mean he doesnt express hate for me, but in 6 years since I moved out hes only called twice, for help moving stuff into a new house... Yeah really supportive.. Sigh, now im depressed lol
It's harder for some to connect than others.
__________________________________________________
In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
My mother felt my place was to be seen and not heard. I grew up with alot of fear of other people due to her actions ( a clinical term for my psychological condition would be Agorophobia ( I have an insane fear of large groups of people that I don't know, and rarely feel comfortable in someone elses' "space".).
Growing up, I was the kid everyone loved to pick on, I was an easy target. I wouldn't stand up for myself, because standing up to someone was bad ( again, a gift from my mother ).
When I was fifteen, I moved in with my father. My father never outgrew his teenage years. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't bring cops knocking on his door. He was also a big believer in not letting anyone push you around. If someone smarted off to you, you beat their ass. End of story.
As you can imagine, the years of bottling up my anger and allowing myself to be pushed around while living with my mom only to suddenly have the "right" to let all of that anger out given to me by my father, was a bad thing. I didn't just let my anger out on those who deserved it, I let it out on anyone who even looked at me crosseyed. I spent many vacations behind bars.
My daughter being born, believe it or not, saved me. Everything that my parents did wrong in raising me, I had a chance to correct in raising my daughter. And so far, she's doing great. She is afraid of noone, she doesn't hold her head down or answer in a small voice if someone talks to her. She will voice her opinion if she doesn't like you lol, but she also doesn't look to start things with others, either. She got the mix of strength and humility right the first time through. I'm still working on the humility thing, myself.
And in no small part due to my ex-wife, who although we couldn't make our marriage work due to my anger and stupidity putting too much water under that particular bridge ( although I never laid a hand on her, emotional abuse can leave open-wounds that never heal and hurt much more than physical ones ), I will to this day defend her as a mother. I could never have asked for anyone better as a mom for my kid.
I'm a conflicted personality. My parents never taught me to express myself like your teaching your daughter to do. I applaud you
I've always had a lot of anger but due to the fact I was taught to hold my tounge I never could express it. I became a permanent child because I never knew how to handle anything. I've only gotten angry enough to act twice. Both times I was willing to kill... Literally. Fortunately I was kept from doing so.
Then I met my hun. Slowly but surely Im letting myself out of my cage. Hopefully I can achieve a life like yours and God knows I never want my kids to be as repressed as myself.
1. Don't get out of Ur room, until 25
2.If U don't understand, please read the rule number 1 again
..thank you for sharing that......i will always remember what u post
Anyway, I can be extremely shy as well (mostly around new people...girls mostly). It's just my personality, but I am working on it, and I am getting better. And I see what you mean, it can be tough meeting new people. I always find that if you have a good group of friends (wether it be one or five) that you feel comfortable talking to, work from there. That's what I did. I had several friends, and I branched out from there, meeting their friends, as well as new people. Having a few closed friends is always good. It's not important how many friends you have, but what friends you make.
A good trick is to of talking to new people is to act like you are talking to someone you have known for a while. Or, mabye you could pretend like you are talking on these forums, you seem pretty outgoing here
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In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
HA..Good one
Trade in material assumptions for spiritual facts and make permanent progress.
i think so too...the last two points...are too over...get mad!
Now the skinny thing we're opposite, but same result. I've always had a "natural build". This is to say, that even without lifting weights my chest and arms give the appearance of having done so. When I do lift weights ( stopped when I was in my twenties, and it's hard to get the motivation to start again ) I get the results in a few weeks that take some others months.
Now the problem with this when I was younger was that I was stockier and "meaner" looking than the other kids, but at the same time a pushover. When kids smaller than you figure out they can "punk" you, it's like a free-for-all, every kid wants his swing.
And as I said earlier, once the floodgates were opened on my pent up anger everybody paid the price. No matter how many I took down ( or how many took me down, remember there's ALWAYS someone bigger and badder ) it wasn't enough. The anger, instead of burning off with use, grew exponentially.
I found that those I demanded respect from weren't bowing to me out of respect, they were doing it out of fear. Because it became well known in the circles I ran in that I didn't care if I lived or died, as long as I took you with me. It scares people when they realize they can't hurt you worse than you've already hurt yourself. Everyone has a "survival instinct" that tells them when they're over their head and need to back off. Mine was broken, and everybody knew it. Everybody except for me.
Like I said, even though I've learned to control and temper the physical violence, I still wrestle with the urge to make someone cry with just my words alone ( heh, some of my posts here may reflect that a little ). But I'm getting better with that, even. Unfortunately, it took the destruction of my marriage to get that one in order.
When my daughter was born, I had a purpose in life suddenly. If I died, who the hell was gonna look after her? Some step-dad? Don't think so. I suddenly found myself analyzing situatons I'd get in with people. Would I walk away from this one, or would they take me out? Eventually, I stopped getting in the situations so I didn't have to think about it lol.
Now, about the talking and meeting other people thing.
For me, it's hard to do, even now. I still tend to look at other people as the enemy, someone waiting to get me when I'm not looking. I've said it jokingly many times in these forums, but it really is true. I hate people. So making friends, as you can probably guess, is pretty damn hard for me.
For instance, when working with a client or in any other professional setting, I can smile and laugh and joke with them all day long. Because it's all an act. They're not my friend, and I'm not theirs. But you have to do the song and dance for the sake of civilized tradition.
But if I'm at a bar, I'm the guy sitting in the back with the table facing the front door with a view of all exits. A girl sending me a drink gets the unusual experience of having it sent back to her ( I did this one time with a really pretty woman, the shock on her face was priceless ), because I'd rather sit by myself than take a chance on looking like an ass by saying or doing the wrong thing.
The only one person in the whole world that I am 100% comfortable with is my daughter. If she gets an "owie", I kiss it and put a band-aid on it. If she can't do something, I help her learn how. If she needs protecting, she only has to step behind me. To her, I'm Daddy. There is noone bigger, badder, or better than me in her eyes. And that's enough for me.
Well, now that we all know Zorvan is a raving nutcase, I think I'll just hit the "Post Message" button while I'm ahead.
Zorvan the therapist and teacher of life!
lol
P.S. I had the problem with my "s', but years of speech therapy fixed that...
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In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten
Actually the reason I left had nothing to do with my boyfriend at the time. My family is very wealthy. No one was ever " good " enough for them. My parents hated my friends , boyfriends and the activities that interested me. I left to get away from my family.. and did not reconcile for 11 years. I legally emancipated myself from them at 16, got my own apartment, finished school on my own, graduated college on my own without their assistance. Yes my parents always told me the reasons they did what they did, but at that age all teenage girls hear is "blah blah blah..." you know like the old charlie brown cartoons .. the kids never understood what the adults were talking about. I have always been a very strong willed girl, and having anyone tell me what to do has never gone over well.. in fact I would do the opposite just to spite them. Children need to know they are loved, and they need to be taught right from wrong, but in the end it is their life and they have to make their own decisions regardless of it you approve of them or not they will make their own choices and they may not always agree with you. A parents job is to teach them, then support them whenthey fall. Becuase learning is a process of mistakes, most teenage girls do not need to be yelled at to make them make the right choices, they need support when they don't. What you do is teach your girl how she deserves to be treated and educate her on the world. That way she will be able to see for herself thatsome guy is a jerk or not... that Is not "daddy's job" to determine that.
P.S> When my boyfriend went to kiss me behind the bleachers at a football game when I was 13 ... MY FATHER picked him up off the ground and shook him screaming " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!!" .. he almost pissed himself .. my father follwed me everywhere .. or paid people to follow me, I had no privacy. I could not even go to the amusement park with friends without being tailed. This is not parenting .. it is intrusive and controlling.
Lol, girl's parents are in love with their daughters? Jealous? Live and let live. Let the girls have fun. You have done enough making sure they have the brains and the knowledge to not do anything foolish, that's your work, it ends there, besides giving support if they need help. If you are too controlling you will ruin your daughter's life. But I understand it's hard to know where is the line sometimes.
For example, the boyfriend sneaking you behind the backstop for a kiss (I'm assuming your dad was there with you, which is why he saw you ) is disrespectful to your father. However, your fathers actions were wrong.
Number one, I wouldn't pick a 13 year old boy up off the ground like that ( I'm assuming the boy was your age, and we're not talking about a 13 year old kissing a 20 year old, as in that case picking him up would have been the least of his worries. ).
Number 2, I do know how embarrassing even the simplest situation can be for a teenager, so tact would be in order.
My response would have been staring at the boy with no emotion on my face, talking in a low, even voice so that noone other than him and my daughter would hear me, and let him know how I felt about what he did. That it was disrespectful to me as her father to think doing something behind my back was okay. And maybe a mild threat of "Please don't disrespect me or my daughter like this again". And leave it at that. For the first time. Hell, I'll even take 'em both out for lunch or dinner so there's no hard feelings. And if he pissed his pants, I'd even let him walk behind me to hide it and take him to get another pair.
I mean realistically, if my daughter and her boyfriend are with me somewhere and want to hold hands or even a quick kiss I can live with that. Jamming his tongue down my daughters throat in my presence however would be disrespectful to me and to her. I am sure there is plenty of time at school breaks or whatever to swap all the spit they want without doing it in front of me. That's where you and your boyfriend were wrong in your scenario.
And like I said, I will trust my daughter. No, I will not follow her around or hire someone to follow her around. She will have a cell phone, however. And no, not for me to call her every ten minutes to see what she's doing. I think a call from her just to say "Hi, dad. I'm okay." once an hour or so is not too much for me to ask though.
And yes, if she doesn't call for at least two hours, and I call her and get no answer, I will go looking for her. Does not mean I don't trust her, there are just too many things that could happen to her or her and her boyfriend both, that I would not be a parent if I didn't make sure they were both okay.
There is a fine line that every father has to walk between just being protective of his child and being controlling of his child. Your father chose the controlling path, which if you look through my previous posts, is not what I am looking to do.
I will guide my daughter, advise my daughter, warn my daughter, help my daughter, but I will not control my daughter. Her life is hers to live. I'm just there to keep her as safe and happy as possible during that journey.
I won't be able to protect her from every evil that comes at her, I know this. But I'll die trying if I have to. And I'll be the one she can depend on whenever something does get to her.
Wow, very nice post Zorvan. Nice to know you will be there for your daughter, unfortunately, it is not always like that. For instance-
I was at the movies with my friends and some girls. WE were watching "What Happens In Vegas"(I would have rather be lit on fire). Anyway, after the movie, the girl could not find a ride home. We told her to call her parents, but she said they wouldn't/couldn't pick her up. Then, the really bad part, was that she was going to go home with "older" boys. Now, this would not have been so bad, if she didn;t say that the last time she was in the car with these pricks that they tried to...err, you know; even though it was against her will.
Unfortunately, none of us could give a ride, even after she offered to sit on one of our laps to make more space (everyone offered their lap to her, all in good fun
). And, with luck, she ran into a friend at the movies who would drive her home. If anything happened, I would have felt such guilt, and just wished I could have given her a ride home.
Two things here.
a) NEVER let her around older boys. Later that night she was talking to a friend of mine, and she stated that there were some drunk kids having a party in her house, at like 11 PM. Something around that happened.
b) Always be ready when your daughter goes out. With this screwed up world today, you never know what can happen. I suggest always offering to drive her friends ( and her) to their houses after the movies, like a car pool. This way, all of her friends like you for giving a ride
, and she always gets home safely.
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In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten