Err.... be a man and tell her that's what you want to do? Seriously, you don't really have to make excuses to her or plead, unless there's some bigger problem besides video games (as in, she's bossy in general, but that's a whole different issue).
Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
I hear this same problem so often from my guy friends. For some reason a lot of men date/marry women who have very little in common with them. A relationship is nothing without a friendship at its core and if your spouse can't respect your hobbies, and you can't respect theirs, than I don't think the relationship has much of a future.
If you can't share your hobbies with each other, and you can't both be independant than what is the purpose of the relationship? If it was just a marriage of conveniance and is now a stagnating one than it might be better for you both to go your separate ways.
And as for being addicted to games; you need to re-evaluate what's important in your life and get help or find a gal who is also addicted to games :P
(if you have kids or other responsibilities that your gaming is getting in the way of, you need to stop gaming)
When I started dating my wife she knew I was a gamer and I knew she wasnt. We have been married for 5 years now and get along great, dont argue or fight, and enjoy spending time doing things together.
The key for me is to balance my time. I spend time with her and my daughter several nights a week. Go out to eat, movies, friends over, ect. The other nights I can do whatever I want, Gaming, reading or whatever.
IMO if you honestly dont enjoy spending time with your spouse then you have another problem altogether than gaming as a hobby. I got married to her because I enjoy spending time with her, just hanging out watching a movie, going to a friends house for a few hours, ect. ect.. I did not get married so my spouse could watch the back of my head in front of a PC for 40+ hours a week.
I once put things in perspective to my wife. I told her all men have hobbies ( cars, motorcycles, hunting/fishing or what have ya) or other things like gambling, drugs, other women, ect. and that gaming kept me at home with her and was a cheap hobby compared to others. That helped alot, plus once again balancing your time between hobby and family.
Another thing that helped was buying a PS3 and putting it in our bedroom. Bought a nice LCD HD TV and a PS3 and sit and veg on my bed playing stuff on it, she comes in and sits on the bed, we talk, or she reads books and magazines, does her nails, talks on phone ect. while I play. Something about being in the same room, plus I can push pause whenever I want and interact easier than on a PC multiplayer.
Being a gamer does not mean IMO playing strictly MMO's on a PC, if you cant get off of ( insert MMO of choice) enuff to interact with your family then you might need to take a look at yourself a bit.
but then again she could be just a needy person who demands your complete attention 24/7, then that means your a dumb*&$@ for marrying someone like that.
you need to find lady who understand , if you already have lady who dont give ashit about computer/games its same as trying to convince to rock speaking.
ive lady who play games and understand. only having a little time off soon cause our first one is about to born in few weeks!
My advice would be to grow a pair of balls and game without her.
Chances are good she has them already in a lockbox.
Welcome to the life of being married. Games will be a luxury, you will barely have time to post on these forums, let alone play single player games. MMOs? Pray you have a computer at work!
A lot of the guys here seem to be wanting to pin this on the wife, but if you're going through "serious withdrawl" and you really mean that, that's not a hobby. I know, because I've been in that position before myself. Perhaps it's time to take a voluntary vacation from playing in the land of make-believe and find something else constructive to do until you get some perspective.
I've gone through some periods when I played more than I should have and felt like I really, really needed to play. That wasn't blowing off steam and having some fun, though. That was pure escapism. Have you considered that you might actually be wanting to escape your wife? If that's the case, don't keep stringing her along if you don't want to be with her. There's some other guy out there who really does want to be with her, and you're only keeping everyone from being happy, if that's the case.
I am on the wife side of a marriage, and even though I also play games, we went through a phase where I said, "It's me or the game," and I was dead serious. When was I going to pack my bags? Never. We were renting a house my mother owned, at that time, so I wasn't going to be the one to leave, for sure. I was, however, going to pack his junk into his car for him, just as a parting courtesy.
BUT at the time, he was skipping work to raid, playing before work right up until the last second he could before he'd be late, and then plopping himself down in front of the game as soon as he walked in the door. He was online so much (back in dial-up days) that our ISP called twice to investigate why we were abusing our "unlimited" time so badly. He would get angry if he had to spend any tiime at all away from the game, so the kids and I generally did everything without him-- road trips, bonfires, family gatherings, everything. We had zero sex life. I was willing to accomodate ALL that, but I drew the line when two things happened-- he wouldn't take an hour to play that same game *with* me because I wasn't a "serious" player and an hour playing with me was an hour when he wasn't making progress on his main, and then when he was online for about 36 hours and asked me to play for him so he could take a nap so he wouldn't lose his place in the loot line-up. He had gained a ton of weight and his hygiene was starting to suffer... And despite some of the advice you've gotten here, having more sex wouldn't have helped, since he was getting kind of gross.
I do understand where he was coming from, though, since I've gone through my own periods of playing too much and at inappropriate times, although never to that extent. (I don't have that option-- kids have to be fed, laundry has to be washed and folded, toilets have to be scrubbed, and no one else is going to do it if I don't.) But that's when I knew it was time to take a break for a month or two and do something else.
Maybe you should pay so much attention to her that it gets annoying. I know sometimes I want my husband's attention, but after I've had it for a couple of hours, he starts to get on my nerves and I tell him it's time to go play a game or watch TV or something. (And I am pretty sure if there are any ladies out there, they know what I mean.)
... This is where I draw the line: __________________.
I am having serious withdrawl problems here, I really really need to play my games ! How can I convince my wife that I need this? I have offered many times to set her up to play her own or with me but she has no interest at all. Please, anyone with advice? Thanks !
You got married and your wife didn't know you play MMORPG's as a hobby? Or did you just let her talk you to quit the games (and spend more time with her)> In both cases, pretty sad IMO (no offence, just a statement)
I'm married for 11 years now, and we didn't have real trouble with me playing every day of the week (weekdays I play around 3-4 hours, weekends around 6-8 hours). Okay, my wife has some issues once in a while, but I don't give a sh*t about tv (most things broadcasted are plain crap or reruns - now during summer mostly reruns), and she gives a sh*t about MMOs.
Yes, we spend a lot of time together (also with our son, who's playing MMOs as well BTW). We don't grow apart because we have different interests here, but what's the point of watching TV when there's nothing there you like..? Better spend your time the way you like..
If your wife really has issues with you playing MMOs, talk with her about it, You could also bring up that some things she wants you to do is of no interrest to you...
People are assuming too much based on the very little details we've received. Just because he's having withdrawals doesn't mean he games from the second he wakes up until he goes to bed. He may just need 1-2 hours to himself to game to which he's not even getting that much.
We can't assume he's a hardcore gamer completely ignoring his wife.
Frankly I don't know why any of us are replying considering he hasn't responded to anything showing interest in his own topic.
If your wife doesn't approve, then she doesn't approve. People won't change because you want them to change. She may not want you to play MMO's because they do invest a lot of time. The issue could be that you are not showing her enough attention. Perhaps if you could limit your MMO time, while still enjoying them, and make sure you are not ignoring your wife and/or children. MMO's are just a game and not worth a meaningful relationship.
You might want to actually ask her -WHY- she doesn't want you to play MMO's then go from there.
Everything is fine if it's in moderation. If you have feelings of withdrawal, then the game is the least of your problems. Games are meant as avenues of escape, to relieve stress, to achieve things you cannot in RL, etc. If you are using it as an alternative to RL, then you are having a problem that the game is never going to solve.
I am on the husband side of the equation and my wife doesn't play any games at all. My 5 year old daughter likes to play games with me and we also go outside and play. I also allocate time to spend with my wife and I am responsible for cooking and cleaning around the house.
Depends on how long you two have been married. When I was first with my current GF (together 4 years now) I quit my gaming for around 6 months to just focus on our new relationship.
After about 6 months I began to play on my computer, but very casual, a little here, a little there. I tried to get her into MMOs, back then showing her WoW and EQ2 but she is not a gamer at ALL.
Well now 4 years later, I play MMOs and stuff all the time and she could care less. I mean we both have our own interests in life and need our own time ya know. She is a photographer so she likes to go take pictures (I go with her often) and come home and play with photo shop. She has her television shows she likes to watch and I do not. I have my computer in the living room, so she is very close and we talk while I game or she is on her lap top or whatever.
So while I wish she was a gamer with me, what we have now is great as we both love eachother a great deal, do things together but are also independent adults who like to enjoy their own interests.
If it is a new relationship then lay off the gaming for a while and smell the roses, that new time is the best time! If you can't give up your games, then you do have a problem and I know it can be hard but just do it. Trust me after some time the need to be together constantly will go away and having your own private time is really nice, unless of course she is super clingy or insecure and then that is a whole other can of worms!
The one thing I will say, that has become more difficult for me is grouping and raiding. When I play a MMO solo or with good friends, easy for me to just walk away from my PC and go chill with my girl for 20 minustes or whatever and then jump back into my game, being able to sorta float around is good. Grouping to run a instance or to do a raid becomes harder because I have to dedicate myself to the game 100%. Raiding in many ways was easier to be honest, because I could tell my GF "Oh hey Friday night at 8 I have a raid, should like a few hours then im done". Makes it easier.
Anyways, good luck and do not let her control you!! Everyone has hobbies and interests! Some like to play Golf, some play music, others are workaholics, some love to go fishing and many of us here are gamers.
You are in front of the computer - easily able to multi-task conversations between your gaming pals and her. Here and there you can AFK and go help with dinner/laundry/ or "will you come help/look at this" requests from your spouse. It seems perfect - that short awkward moment when you try to not make it so obvious you want dinner and vague "how was your day" discussions to end with great haste so you can clamber off to the computer...doesn't really seem all that bad. Hours go by, you are doing that multi-tasking thing I mentioned above - like if she has something to tell you or needs your help it is available - I mean what's the difference right? Sitting in front of another episode of Gray's (greys?) Anatomy wouldn't do either of you any good right? Well
Here's what she sees:
You are in front of the computer - talking a foreign geeky language or just endlessly chatting about thinigs that really don't exist and possibly discussing things outside of the game in near non stop fashion. When she engages your attention - it's the side of your head that she gets as she's "fitted" conversationally into a modge-podge of on going discussions. You nearly have to force yourself to give a brief bit of eye contact in any given conversation after the dinner bell has sounded its last gong. You really seem as if you have ADHD because you really do have difficulty juggling everything she's saying (which might seem extremely repetitive yes I told you I performed this function type stuff)...at times you are in major events in game, i.e., pvp, rvr, boss is at 45% with 8/20 remaining players etc. yet there she is - in your face seemingly at the most inopportune times. More times than not this occurs (where you run off to the computer to create a night of this) at least 3-5 nights a week. Yes you are at home - no you really don't seem to be there.
Final Thoughts:
Females tend to develop at a different emotional pace than males. On the preschool play ground you might have recalled them already forming complex drama cliques - practicing cruel betrayals - and discussing their marriage potential - yes in preschool albeit at a very very immature state.
Males at this time are practicing "karate" - have robot body parts installed for maximum combat and movement potential - and don't think it's not possible that someone might be able to fling a nose monster further than you...those girls over yonder sitting and playing with dolls - god knows what they are discussing but it must be lame. You, as a male, have wars to fight, soldiers to pick and or be associated with, and conquests to uncover. Those silly girls can sit and giggle about boys all they want...
So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost.
Sad Ending:
For some females - this is no problem. Some will find a gosh darn hobby and learn to entertain themselves. Others might go back to school or do things with their friends...or sit in an angry slump in the frontroom. The reality here is that also, in many cases, these girls we have married or moved in with - will still be searching for this emotional release. Somewhere in this mess a new guy(s) will appear who will seemingly claim to be that emotional caregiver your mate so longingly wants. Besides, she may have taken up that Byzantine Iconography class (I mean wtf>??) to meet guys - subconsciously. Remember, lonely guys might kow to pick up a class where most would think only women would show up - oh god like a woman's studies course (shivers).
So be careful there fellow gamers - most women will absolutely NOT tolerate level 80 World of Warcraft raid requirements. Even those smaller guild that do a 1-2 raid night a week thing might seem like nothing to you - but in her perception you'll be locked into mesmorization land for x hours and let's be real - can you tell a ten man + raid to pause your healadin (holy healing specialized paladin class for you 3-5 non WoW players out there) so you can help your wife with putting the dishes in the dishwasher, taking the dogs for a walk - helping her brotherinlaw with taht car thing that's been going on? I mean the list is endless.
Sadly, it just may be that we need as gamers a complex webside per state - that is based on matching gamers to gamers only - so that we can find that significant other that is just as entranced with online gaming as we are...otherwise there may be little other than losing massive faction with the ones we love in our own special way - while increasing separation and divorce rates in this already emotionally belabored country.
Just play anyway. You may have to limit when you play (like when she is sleeping or not around). You'll wear her down eventually. My wife always hated that I played, then she started doing Facebook games and now she understands why I like MMOs so much. It's probably good to take breaks periodically, though.
Anyway look - to the OP - here's what you see: You are in front of the computer - easily able to multi-task conversations between your gaming pals and her. Here and there you can AFK and go help with dinner/laundry/ or "will you come help/look at this" requests from your spouse. It seems perfect - that short awkward moment when you try to not make it so obvious you want dinner and vague "how was your day" discussions to end with great haste so you can clamber off to the computer...doesn't really seem all that bad. Hours go by, you are doing that multi-tasking thing I mentioned above - like if she has something to tell you or needs your help it is available - I mean what's the difference right? Sitting in front of another episode of Gray's (greys?) Anatomy wouldn't do either of you any good right? Well Here's what she sees:
You are in front of the computer - talking a foreign geeky language or just endlessly chatting about thinigs that really don't exist and possibly discussing things outside of the game in near non stop fashion. When she engages your attention - it's the side of your head that she gets as she's "fitted" conversationally into a modge-podge of on going discussions. You nearly have to force yourself to give a brief bit of eye contact in any given conversation after the dinner bell has sounded its last gong. You really seem as if you have ADHD because you really do have difficulty juggling everything she's saying (which might seem extremely repetitive yes I told you I performed this function type stuff)...at times you are in major events in game, i.e., pvp, rvr, boss is at 45% with 8/20 remaining players etc. yet there she is - in your face seemingly at the most inopportune times. More times than not this occurs (where you run off to the computer to create a night of this) at least 3-5 nights a week. Yes you are at home - no you really don't seem to be there.
Final Thoughts: Females tend to develop at a different emotional pace than males. On the preschool play ground you might have recalled them already forming complex drama cliques - practicing cruel betrayals - and discussing their marriage potential - yes in preschool albeit at a very very immature state. Males at this time are practicing "karate" - have robot body parts installed for maximum combat and movement potential - and don't think it's not possible that someone might be able to fling a nose monster further than you...those girls over yonder sitting and playing with dolls - god knows what they are discussing but it must be lame. You, as a male, have wars to fight, soldiers to pick and or be associated with, and conquests to uncover. Those silly girls can sit and giggle about boys all they want... So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost. Sad Ending: For some females - this is no problem. Some will find a gosh darn hobby and learn to entertain themselves. Others might go back to school or do things with their friends...or sit in an angry slump in the frontroom. The reality here is that also, in many cases, these girls we have married or moved in with - will still be searching for this emotional release. Somewhere in this mess a new guy(s) will appear who will seemingly claim to be that emotional caregiver your mate so longingly wants. Besides, she may have taken up that Byzantine Iconography class (I mean wtf>??) to meet guys - subconsciously. Remember, lonely guys might kow to pick up a class where most would think only women would show up - oh god like a woman's studies course (shivers). So be careful there fellow gamers - most women will absolutely NOT tolerate level 80 World of Warcraft raid requirements. Even those smaller guild that do a 1-2 raid night a week thing might seem like nothing to you - but in her perception you'll be locked into mesmorization land for x hours and let's be real - can you tell a ten man + raid to pause your healadin (holy healing specialized paladin class for you 3-5 non WoW players out there) so you can help your wife with putting the dishes in the dishwasher, taking the dogs for a walk - helping her brotherinlaw with taht car thing that's been going on? I mean the list is endless. Sadly, it just may be that we need as gamers a complex webside per state - that is based on matching gamers to gamers only - so that we can find that significant other that is just as entranced with online gaming as we are...otherwise there may be little other than losing massive faction with the ones we love in our own special way - while increasing separation and divorce rates in this already emotionally belabored country.
Great post. As a female gamer, I'd just like to add that you're very right about females in society being kind of set up for disaster. We thrive in those social environments like school, work, and malls with friends and so poorly suited to be with a man, who are, more often than not, distant and preoccupied with their own natural instincts to hunt, conquer, be ambitious/competitive - it's why almost all video games containing combat or strategy are aimed at male gamers and a very small number of games are even remotely appealing to the the 'typical' female (Sims is the only one that comes to mind).
From a young age I've always used video game-playing as an excuse to hang around boys, I guess I just found the one rare instance when being competitive can be enjoyable for girls - when we compete against the boys It wasn't until I played my first MMORPG (star wars galaxies) with some boyfriends that I realized that they can be as much a social outlet as going to the mall or bars with friends could be. In many ways it was actually a better experience because it was one of the only opportunities I've had to socialize with guys, compete with them, work together for a goal without having to worry about all the little social cliches like courting and dating.
I don't know what to say, I guess I am lucky. My wife watched me play WOW when it first came out, after a while she created a character on my account, when she got to level 20 I said, stop, stop, get your own account! So she did, now she raids more than me lol!
I hear this same problem so often from my guy friends. For some reason a lot of men date/marry women who have very little in common with them. A relationship is nothing without a friendship at its core and if your spouse can't respect your hobbies, and you can't respect theirs, than I don't think the relationship has much of a future. If you can't share your hobbies with each other, and you can't both be independant than what is the purpose of the relationship? If it was just a marriage of conveniance and is now a stagnating one than it might be better for you both to go your separate ways. And as for being addicted to games; you need to re-evaluate what's important in your life and get help or find a gal who is also addicted to games :P (if you have kids or other responsibilities that your gaming is getting in the way of, you need to stop gaming)
Don't convince her, just do it. What's she going to do? Leave you? Oh no! Even more time to game, go out with friends, drink and party.
Man, what a horrible thing that would be.
Aahaha. Life of a single man is a life only worth living for so long.
My advice, is talk to her about and she how she feels about you playing games. If she absolutely despises it, you absolutely love it, its gonna be rough because she'll probably always bring it up as an excuse that she isn't getting enough attention, sex, highfives, foot massages, "Can't I be your MMO?", etc etc.
But communication is the key to any relationship, so advise you communicate with her about most of your decisions, discluding heroic manlike decisions that only YOU can decide! (This isn't one of them by the way.)
Wow, this is kinda funny. I'm sorry but the boys who are saying "grow a pair", obviously need to grow up. And hmm, I don't think anyone is the "boss" in a marriage. My husband and I are both life-long gamers, we both play mmo's and both play consoles. We also have an 11 yr. old son. So, lots of raids and school functions. I think the secret is communicating, really talking, calmly, not trying to lay down the law, or arguing. Listen to her and make sure she is listening to you. Compromise from both sides is the key. Good luck!!
So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost.
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost.
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
I get a laugh out of all these female posters who have infused virtually all of their replies with the false, paradoxical premise that it's men who choose what women they marry, and not women who choose what men. The decision to marry requires two affirmative votes, not one.
So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost.
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
I get a laugh out of all these female posters who have infused virtually all of their replies with the false, paradoxical premise that it's men who choose what women they marry, and not women who choose what men. The decision to marry requires two affirmative votes, not one.
Yet it's men who are on here complaining that their gal won't let them play video games all day. And for your information it's typically the men who put on a entire charade when they are courting a woman - being all sweet and charming, giving them all their attention.. until they are married and the 'man' reverts back to their normal distant, grumpy behaviors.
Comments
Err.... be a man and tell her that's what you want to do? Seriously, you don't really have to make excuses to her or plead, unless there's some bigger problem besides video games (as in, she's bossy in general, but that's a whole different issue).
I hear this same problem so often from my guy friends. For some reason a lot of men date/marry women who have very little in common with them. A relationship is nothing without a friendship at its core and if your spouse can't respect your hobbies, and you can't respect theirs, than I don't think the relationship has much of a future.
If you can't share your hobbies with each other, and you can't both be independant than what is the purpose of the relationship? If it was just a marriage of conveniance and is now a stagnating one than it might be better for you both to go your separate ways.
And as for being addicted to games; you need to re-evaluate what's important in your life and get help or find a gal who is also addicted to games :P
(if you have kids or other responsibilities that your gaming is getting in the way of, you need to stop gaming)
When I started dating my wife she knew I was a gamer and I knew she wasnt. We have been married for 5 years now and get along great, dont argue or fight, and enjoy spending time doing things together.
The key for me is to balance my time. I spend time with her and my daughter several nights a week. Go out to eat, movies, friends over, ect. The other nights I can do whatever I want, Gaming, reading or whatever.
IMO if you honestly dont enjoy spending time with your spouse then you have another problem altogether than gaming as a hobby. I got married to her because I enjoy spending time with her, just hanging out watching a movie, going to a friends house for a few hours, ect. ect.. I did not get married so my spouse could watch the back of my head in front of a PC for 40+ hours a week.
I once put things in perspective to my wife. I told her all men have hobbies ( cars, motorcycles, hunting/fishing or what have ya) or other things like gambling, drugs, other women, ect. and that gaming kept me at home with her and was a cheap hobby compared to others. That helped alot, plus once again balancing your time between hobby and family.
Another thing that helped was buying a PS3 and putting it in our bedroom. Bought a nice LCD HD TV and a PS3 and sit and veg on my bed playing stuff on it, she comes in and sits on the bed, we talk, or she reads books and magazines, does her nails, talks on phone ect. while I play. Something about being in the same room, plus I can push pause whenever I want and interact easier than on a PC multiplayer.
Being a gamer does not mean IMO playing strictly MMO's on a PC, if you cant get off of ( insert MMO of choice) enuff to interact with your family then you might need to take a look at yourself a bit.
but then again she could be just a needy person who demands your complete attention 24/7, then that means your a dumb*&$@ for marrying someone like that.
hope that helps
you need to find lady who understand , if you already have lady who dont give ashit about computer/games its same as trying to convince to rock speaking.
ive lady who play games and understand. only having a little time off soon cause our first one is about to born in few weeks!
cheers!
Are you sure?
Define this "life" you speak of.
Chances are good she has them already in a lockbox.
Welcome to the life of being married. Games will be a luxury, you will barely have time to post on these forums, let alone play single player games. MMOs? Pray you have a computer at work!
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A lot of the guys here seem to be wanting to pin this on the wife, but if you're going through "serious withdrawl" and you really mean that, that's not a hobby. I know, because I've been in that position before myself. Perhaps it's time to take a voluntary vacation from playing in the land of make-believe and find something else constructive to do until you get some perspective.
I've gone through some periods when I played more than I should have and felt like I really, really needed to play. That wasn't blowing off steam and having some fun, though. That was pure escapism. Have you considered that you might actually be wanting to escape your wife? If that's the case, don't keep stringing her along if you don't want to be with her. There's some other guy out there who really does want to be with her, and you're only keeping everyone from being happy, if that's the case.
I am on the wife side of a marriage, and even though I also play games, we went through a phase where I said, "It's me or the game," and I was dead serious. When was I going to pack my bags? Never. We were renting a house my mother owned, at that time, so I wasn't going to be the one to leave, for sure. I was, however, going to pack his junk into his car for him, just as a parting courtesy.
BUT at the time, he was skipping work to raid, playing before work right up until the last second he could before he'd be late, and then plopping himself down in front of the game as soon as he walked in the door. He was online so much (back in dial-up days) that our ISP called twice to investigate why we were abusing our "unlimited" time so badly. He would get angry if he had to spend any tiime at all away from the game, so the kids and I generally did everything without him-- road trips, bonfires, family gatherings, everything. We had zero sex life. I was willing to accomodate ALL that, but I drew the line when two things happened-- he wouldn't take an hour to play that same game *with* me because I wasn't a "serious" player and an hour playing with me was an hour when he wasn't making progress on his main, and then when he was online for about 36 hours and asked me to play for him so he could take a nap so he wouldn't lose his place in the loot line-up. He had gained a ton of weight and his hygiene was starting to suffer... And despite some of the advice you've gotten here, having more sex wouldn't have helped, since he was getting kind of gross.
I do understand where he was coming from, though, since I've gone through my own periods of playing too much and at inappropriate times, although never to that extent. (I don't have that option-- kids have to be fed, laundry has to be washed and folded, toilets have to be scrubbed, and no one else is going to do it if I don't.) But that's when I knew it was time to take a break for a month or two and do something else.
Maybe you should pay so much attention to her that it gets annoying. I know sometimes I want my husband's attention, but after I've had it for a couple of hours, he starts to get on my nerves and I tell him it's time to go play a game or watch TV or something. (And I am pretty sure if there are any ladies out there, they know what I mean.)
...
This is where I draw the line: __________________.
You got married and your wife didn't know you play MMORPG's as a hobby? Or did you just let her talk you to quit the games (and spend more time with her)> In both cases, pretty sad IMO (no offence, just a statement)
I'm married for 11 years now, and we didn't have real trouble with me playing every day of the week (weekdays I play around 3-4 hours, weekends around 6-8 hours). Okay, my wife has some issues once in a while, but I don't give a sh*t about tv (most things broadcasted are plain crap or reruns - now during summer mostly reruns), and she gives a sh*t about MMOs.
Yes, we spend a lot of time together (also with our son, who's playing MMOs as well BTW). We don't grow apart because we have different interests here, but what's the point of watching TV when there's nothing there you like..? Better spend your time the way you like..
If your wife really has issues with you playing MMOs, talk with her about it, You could also bring up that some things she wants you to do is of no interrest to you...
People are assuming too much based on the very little details we've received. Just because he's having withdrawals doesn't mean he games from the second he wakes up until he goes to bed. He may just need 1-2 hours to himself to game to which he's not even getting that much.
We can't assume he's a hardcore gamer completely ignoring his wife.
Frankly I don't know why any of us are replying considering he hasn't responded to anything showing interest in his own topic.
If your wife doesn't approve, then she doesn't approve. People won't change because you want them to change. She may not want you to play MMO's because they do invest a lot of time. The issue could be that you are not showing her enough attention. Perhaps if you could limit your MMO time, while still enjoying them, and make sure you are not ignoring your wife and/or children. MMO's are just a game and not worth a meaningful relationship.
You might want to actually ask her -WHY- she doesn't want you to play MMO's then go from there.
Radix Malorum Est Cupiditas
Everything is fine if it's in moderation. If you have feelings of withdrawal, then the game is the least of your problems. Games are meant as avenues of escape, to relieve stress, to achieve things you cannot in RL, etc. If you are using it as an alternative to RL, then you are having a problem that the game is never going to solve.
I am on the husband side of the equation and my wife doesn't play any games at all. My 5 year old daughter likes to play games with me and we also go outside and play. I also allocate time to spend with my wife and I am responsible for cooking and cleaning around the house.
Depends on how long you two have been married. When I was first with my current GF (together 4 years now) I quit my gaming for around 6 months to just focus on our new relationship.
After about 6 months I began to play on my computer, but very casual, a little here, a little there. I tried to get her into MMOs, back then showing her WoW and EQ2 but she is not a gamer at ALL.
Well now 4 years later, I play MMOs and stuff all the time and she could care less. I mean we both have our own interests in life and need our own time ya know. She is a photographer so she likes to go take pictures (I go with her often) and come home and play with photo shop. She has her television shows she likes to watch and I do not. I have my computer in the living room, so she is very close and we talk while I game or she is on her lap top or whatever.
So while I wish she was a gamer with me, what we have now is great as we both love eachother a great deal, do things together but are also independent adults who like to enjoy their own interests.
If it is a new relationship then lay off the gaming for a while and smell the roses, that new time is the best time! If you can't give up your games, then you do have a problem and I know it can be hard but just do it. Trust me after some time the need to be together constantly will go away and having your own private time is really nice, unless of course she is super clingy or insecure and then that is a whole other can of worms!
The one thing I will say, that has become more difficult for me is grouping and raiding. When I play a MMO solo or with good friends, easy for me to just walk away from my PC and go chill with my girl for 20 minustes or whatever and then jump back into my game, being able to sorta float around is good. Grouping to run a instance or to do a raid becomes harder because I have to dedicate myself to the game 100%. Raiding in many ways was easier to be honest, because I could tell my GF "Oh hey Friday night at 8 I have a raid, should like a few hours then im done". Makes it easier.
Anyways, good luck and do not let her control you!! Everyone has hobbies and interests! Some like to play Golf, some play music, others are workaholics, some love to go fishing and many of us here are gamers.
Anyway look - to the OP - here's what you see:
You are in front of the computer - easily able to multi-task conversations between your gaming pals and her. Here and there you can AFK and go help with dinner/laundry/ or "will you come help/look at this" requests from your spouse. It seems perfect - that short awkward moment when you try to not make it so obvious you want dinner and vague "how was your day" discussions to end with great haste so you can clamber off to the computer...doesn't really seem all that bad. Hours go by, you are doing that multi-tasking thing I mentioned above - like if she has something to tell you or needs your help it is available - I mean what's the difference right? Sitting in front of another episode of Gray's (greys?) Anatomy wouldn't do either of you any good right? Well
Here's what she sees:
You are in front of the computer - talking a foreign geeky language or just endlessly chatting about thinigs that really don't exist and possibly discussing things outside of the game in near non stop fashion. When she engages your attention - it's the side of your head that she gets as she's "fitted" conversationally into a modge-podge of on going discussions. You nearly have to force yourself to give a brief bit of eye contact in any given conversation after the dinner bell has sounded its last gong. You really seem as if you have ADHD because you really do have difficulty juggling everything she's saying (which might seem extremely repetitive yes I told you I performed this function type stuff)...at times you are in major events in game, i.e., pvp, rvr, boss is at 45% with 8/20 remaining players etc. yet there she is - in your face seemingly at the most inopportune times. More times than not this occurs (where you run off to the computer to create a night of this) at least 3-5 nights a week. Yes you are at home - no you really don't seem to be there.
Final Thoughts:
Females tend to develop at a different emotional pace than males. On the preschool play ground you might have recalled them already forming complex drama cliques - practicing cruel betrayals - and discussing their marriage potential - yes in preschool albeit at a very very immature state.
Males at this time are practicing "karate" - have robot body parts installed for maximum combat and movement potential - and don't think it's not possible that someone might be able to fling a nose monster further than you...those girls over yonder sitting and playing with dolls - god knows what they are discussing but it must be lame. You, as a male, have wars to fight, soldiers to pick and or be associated with, and conquests to uncover. Those silly girls can sit and giggle about boys all they want...
So you see...from even an early state - the female of the species tends to need some sort of emotional connection in a conversation. They have been practicing this since early childhood - while we have in a sense been hard core gamers since day 1. The difficult part is when these two entities merge (male and female) and the male, still driven by what made him emotionally release is drawn toward epic escapes. The female - who now is diminished in her normal time spent with female to female engagement because she's now part of hearth and home with you - is looking to YOU to replace what she feels she has lost.
Sad Ending:
For some females - this is no problem. Some will find a gosh darn hobby and learn to entertain themselves. Others might go back to school or do things with their friends...or sit in an angry slump in the frontroom. The reality here is that also, in many cases, these girls we have married or moved in with - will still be searching for this emotional release. Somewhere in this mess a new guy(s) will appear who will seemingly claim to be that emotional caregiver your mate so longingly wants. Besides, she may have taken up that Byzantine Iconography class (I mean wtf>??) to meet guys - subconsciously. Remember, lonely guys might kow to pick up a class where most would think only women would show up - oh god like a woman's studies course (shivers).
So be careful there fellow gamers - most women will absolutely NOT tolerate level 80 World of Warcraft raid requirements. Even those smaller guild that do a 1-2 raid night a week thing might seem like nothing to you - but in her perception you'll be locked into mesmorization land for x hours and let's be real - can you tell a ten man + raid to pause your healadin (holy healing specialized paladin class for you 3-5 non WoW players out there) so you can help your wife with putting the dishes in the dishwasher, taking the dogs for a walk - helping her brotherinlaw with taht car thing that's been going on? I mean the list is endless.
Sadly, it just may be that we need as gamers a complex webside per state - that is based on matching gamers to gamers only - so that we can find that significant other that is just as entranced with online gaming as we are...otherwise there may be little other than losing massive faction with the ones we love in our own special way - while increasing separation and divorce rates in this already emotionally belabored country.
Just play anyway. You may have to limit when you play (like when she is sleeping or not around). You'll wear her down eventually. My wife always hated that I played, then she started doing Facebook games and now she understands why I like MMOs so much. It's probably good to take breaks periodically, though.
Luckily my wife is a gamer but we do not raid as with two kids we usually only play a couple hours after the rugrats go to bed.
Great post. As a female gamer, I'd just like to add that you're very right about females in society being kind of set up for disaster. We thrive in those social environments like school, work, and malls with friends and so poorly suited to be with a man, who are, more often than not, distant and preoccupied with their own natural instincts to hunt, conquer, be ambitious/competitive - it's why almost all video games containing combat or strategy are aimed at male gamers and a very small number of games are even remotely appealing to the the 'typical' female (Sims is the only one that comes to mind).
From a young age I've always used video game-playing as an excuse to hang around boys, I guess I just found the one rare instance when being competitive can be enjoyable for girls - when we compete against the boys
It wasn't until I played my first MMORPG (star wars galaxies) with some boyfriends that I realized that they can be as much a social outlet as going to the mall or bars with friends could be. In many ways it was actually a better experience because it was one of the only opportunities I've had to socialize with guys, compete with them, work together for a goal without having to worry about all the little social cliches like courting and dating.
Hell it;s a hobby like fixing up old cars or making models.....
I don't know what to say, I guess I am lucky. My wife watched me play WOW when it first came out, after a while she created a character on my account, when she got to level 20 I said, stop, stop, get your own account! So she did, now she raids more than me lol!
Excellent Post !
Current Games: WOW, EVE Online
Aahaha. Life of a single man is a life only worth living for so long.
My advice, is talk to her about and she how she feels about you playing games. If she absolutely despises it, you absolutely love it, its gonna be rough because she'll probably always bring it up as an excuse that she isn't getting enough attention, sex, highfives, foot massages, "Can't I be your MMO?", etc etc.
But communication is the key to any relationship, so advise you communicate with her about most of your decisions, discluding heroic manlike decisions that only YOU can decide! (This isn't one of them by the way.)
Wow, this is kinda funny. I'm sorry but the boys who are saying "grow a pair", obviously need to grow up. And hmm, I don't think anyone is the "boss" in a marriage. My husband and I are both life-long gamers, we both play mmo's and both play consoles. We also have an 11 yr. old son. So, lots of raids and school functions.
I think the secret is communicating, really talking, calmly, not trying to lay down the law, or arguing. Listen to her and make sure she is listening to you. Compromise from both sides is the key. Good luck!!
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
Current Games: WOW, EVE Online
Find her a boyfriend, that will give you plenty of time to game.
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
I get a laugh out of all these female posters who have infused virtually all of their replies with the false, paradoxical premise that it's men who choose what women they marry, and not women who choose what men. The decision to marry requires two affirmative votes, not one.
This may be true in some cases, but in my experience females that dont need to have an "emotional" connection are often called B----hs by males. So in my mind men will never really be happy. If he meets the independent women who isnt a co-dependent, has her own hobbies and freinds and doesnt need him to be her ONLY emotional replacement he shuns marriage with her because she isnt making him the center of her universe. Many males then go for Ms. Co-dependent, whom he has nothing in common with other than an obession with himself, and later complains about her neediness and his inability to be able to do his own thing on occasion. I am in my 30's, most of my friends are male and I have seen this scene play out ad nuseum to the point that I refuse to listen to the whining anymore.
I once had a friend that told me she wanted a man that was senistive. But he also had to be tough and be able to protect her. I told my brother this and he responded by saying, "Tell her to marry me. I'll smack her around then tell her how sorry I am". In other words one cannot always find COMPLETELY OPPOSITE personality traits in one person. If a man finds himself being the emotional replacement for a woman he has made the wrong choice of woman. NO ONE should be the SOLE source of emotional replacement, she should have friends and a life of her own, where you are simply an addition to it. And as far as things in common, this should be paramount in a relationship. Unfortunately too many men are far more concerned with the assets a woman has in the front of her body rather than what's in her head and the minor issue of COMPATIBILITY.
The OP needs to change his mindset and only then will he will begin to attract women that share his hobbies and enthusiasm for them (after he gets the inevitable divorce).
I get a laugh out of all these female posters who have infused virtually all of their replies with the false, paradoxical premise that it's men who choose what women they marry, and not women who choose what men. The decision to marry requires two affirmative votes, not one.
Yet it's men who are on here complaining that their gal won't let them play video games all day. And for your information it's typically the men who put on a entire charade when they are courting a woman - being all sweet and charming, giving them all their attention.. until they are married and the 'man' reverts back to their normal distant, grumpy behaviors.