No one here is turning a blind eye to the real problem, that people shouldn't have to face harassment online. However, there is not much you can do besides /ignore or /gquit or whatever, to get away from them. If you are choosing to do neither of those then there is nothing we or the game can do for you. My advice is to never allow those people to hurt you, so either ignore their words or actually /ignore their words. It is a game, don't let it not be a game.
3. if she doesnt agree, make her life a living hell
4. welcome to the internez
Honestly its not your fault, its the fault of the industry oversexualizing everything around us. Also you joined a part of a community that is probably the most sexually frustrated bunch you could find.
I still remember having a lot of guys chatting to me when I rolled a female toon back in wow vanilla. One guy I was chatting to had a little strop when it was mentioned in conversation that I was a bloke. I was slightly non-plussed- I had just picked a character I thought looked cool and put no more thought into it than that- I mean its a game not a bloody dating website. The conclusion, some people are bloody strange.
The internet's full of creeps like that, I don't recall any female friends that didn't have the problem of having some creep stalk them at some point.
The problem seems to be with that guild though. Clearly it's acceptable behavior there, or the guild leader and officers are guilty of it too. (Or they just don't care because the guys doing it are excellent players, and they care more about their raid progression than their guildies)
Find a better one, one with a guild leader that won't stand for such nonsense.
Other than that, follow the standard guidelines that you would in RL as well. Don't accept expensive gifts (high grade crafting mats, epic gear, etc...) or "free" power leveling/dungeon runs from some guy you've just met. Last thing you want his him telling everyone that you toyed with his feelings and took advantage of him.
Despite the bullshit he's feeding you, he does not "do this for all his friends".
And when all else fails, make liberal use of the ignore button.
My SWTOR referral link for those wanting to give the game a try. (Newbies get a welcome package while returning players get a few account upgrades to help with their preferred status.)
Sorry to hear that. The less we focus on them the less they will focus on us. Which is why I press anyone afraid of them to not be so we can get that unwanted attention away from the discussion.
note that I'm not a woman, although most of my characters are.
Originally posted by jykouras Hey guys, sorry this is so long. I'm having a bit of a dilemma and I wanted to ask some advice. So I am an adult female MMO player in my late twenties. I am not new to games, I've played several over the past 12 years and my current game for nearly 2 years. I think I would be considered a 'hardcore casual' player because I do everything, I'm good at a lot of stuff, I spend an obnoxious amount of time in the game, but I never really messed with staying on the cutting edge of new content as it came out, mainly because I am a full time student and didn't think I'dhave time to dedicate to a static and regular progression type work. So any way, most of my time in this game has been spent with a very small, close knit group of people who are all very nice, respectful and friendly. I would say that I was a more active player than most of this group and probably had a bit more experience with a lot of things than them because of this. Any way, so I started delving into some of the more end game content and was introduced to several serious, endgame-oriented people and made some friends and also some enemies it seems. The server we play on is not large, so it seems like most of these people know or know of each other so any news and drama with these people seems to travel very quickly. Obviously the second I started regularly going into vent with these people is when it changed. Most of these player are guys and early-mid twenties. They interact with me in different ways. I have developed a group of suck up followers, for one, who now constantly invite me to things, want to be in contact 100% of the time when I am online, want to do things one-on-one; want to use a messenger outside the game. This has proved difficult because I no longer have as much "alone time" as I am use too, I am constantly bombarded with multiple requests to do *something* all the time, and these people get upset/butthurt when I turn them down, or they get jealous if I'm doing something with someone else and not them and then get catty and weird about it. They take personal offense if I invite someone else to the group. I've made it VERY clear that I am only interested in being friends, not some weird online relationship with all of them, but they don't listen. So there's THAT drama. Then there's a fair group of people who seem irritated by me and my followers, who assume that I only have this fan club because I am a girl and that I obviously suck at everything and am not deserving of such adoration(which I did not ask for), so they seem to give me a hard time to balance out the suck ups. Then there's a third group of very competitive, elitist jerks that seem threatened by my presence or that I could be good at anything they are good at and will not be outdone by a girl. This group is particularly nasty because they go for the low blows, always giving me a hard time, making very aggressive, sexually charged attacks at me, criticizing everything I do. This group, while usually all-around dicks with everyone, seem to lie in wait for my voice in a group of maybe 10 people, to chime in and attack me for whatever I've said and try to embarrass me in front of everyone else. I have tough skin though, I've dealt with aggressive dudes. I think I can handle myself on my own. I don't let them get away with it, and I try really hard not to be affected, but sometimes they do get to me and I just need a break from all that. So I lay low for a bit, fighting off the followers as best I can, but the second I return, all this drama comes back with force. I am hoping that given time and more interaction with me the whole thing will die down some and I can just hang out and be treated relatively equally. Most of them are not bad, some I'd even call friends. But playing with this group means I can't escape the dicks because they are all so closely intertwined. Also I seem to have developed a questionable/negative rep among this group, including a fair group of people I've never met before because they are name dropping me one way or another in their circles. These games are like grown up high school and some of these dudes are much worse than any woman with their drama. Advice for me here? I'm just trying to make things a little smoother. I want to be able to play with these people without all the drama and just see how it goes.
You are dealing with garden variety immaturity. There is no easy solution to this. Taking everything you say at face value (I do not know you, now you me so we have no reason to lie to one another imo) This has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with what I have seen recently and that is college age young men (sometimes younger) using online games as a quasi-date service. It is bloody weird.
I am sorry to say I have no great advice except; keep being yourself, explain to those that will listen that you enjoy grouping and you equally enjoy your alone time and maintain your stance that you in no way desire any type of online relationship. As for the elitist jerks, lol they exist at end game in every game and no one gets along with them. Not even their parents, so I would not get too concerned with what those sociopaths have to say about anything. Basically, screw everyone else (nicely, you still need groups) and do what you need to do to have fun.
Good luck.
If you want a new idea, go read an old book.
In order to be insulted, I must first value your opinion.
It's a girl!!!!! Seriously though, when I was younger I used to be a perv but now I'm a bit older I only care about if the person can play the game i'm playing be it male, female or otherwise. Can get a bit tricky sometimes especially when you get to the competetive side of things. Only advice I can give is stick to in game contact and limit chatting to your guild or if it's a big guild to your current group. In vent only discuss game tactics and if you are good with the elitist and or the popular gaming life getting criticised is sadly part of that so you have to make sure that's really for you. I did Conquor Online and was good being at the top even with a shitty f2p title but I had to move on cutting 90% of the community I hung around with.
Fuck going to mmorpg.com to hash out serious social issues with randoms. You seem very perceptive and intelligent and to be completely honest, you need to stop asking the mmorpg community in general about how to deal with pack mentality and hypermasculinity. I'm sure there are some very nice people that mean well, but the level of education and just plain understanding of the way the world works is likely not going to be found on this forum. These are things that people FEEL like they understand, but really don't. Everyone's an expert. People, in general, tend to believe that their worldview is accurate and important. If you would like to actually understand how to deal with things like this, you should talk to a psychiatrist or delve deeper into the internet to find experts and other people that are also dealing with this issue.
Best advice i can give is to not keep allowing people to drag you into chat sessions etc outside of the game you are playing. If they don't like it, don't worry about it, unless you really are looking to gain dates through the games you are playing, which is a pretty strange place to begin with, then you will lose nothing, and anyone who takes umbrage at that, was trying to be your friend for the wrong reasons anyway. Gaming is fun, most people are there to play, just ignore the idiots out there who aren't.
It's bizarre how just the knowledge that a player is a girl makes some people fawn, grovel and creep like that. How desperate and pathetic can you be? Most of the time they haven't even seen the girl. She could be 250 pounds and have a head like a bulldog chewing an old boot. It's like these people were raised in a box.
Originally posted by Stuka1000 Sounds like you got in with a group of kids or very immature adults. It's true that females mature faster than males but really there is no excuse unless they are indeed 14 years old. To be honest I would advise you to just walk away and try to find a more mature group to run around with. Depending on the game trawl it's forums for a guild that appears to suit you. Sadly however this is what has happened to MMO communities, or as it has become known to some 'the WoW effect'. I'm afraid the days of the community effectively policing itself have gone.
I second this. Also I would block the bad offenders. Life is too short for drama imo. Games are meant to be fun.
I've learned to stand up for myself. I too am a female gamer ( as the handle suggest). I've had a lot of vulgar things said to me when others found out my gender.
Aikida, I just wanted to add that I do not boast any type of skill level for them to call me out on. Like I said, of the content I have been working on lately with these people, they are the end game raiders and I am learning the fights. There is a ton that I don't know, and I wouldn't claim to be awesome at stuff I've only done a few times so I'm not sure where that remark came from.
Of other stuff in the game that I am practiced that, that we do occasionally, I hold my own. How well I perform in fights is not an item they have really used against me.
They seem to hound me a lot about personal information, which I refuse to give. Because, why would I? That I won't share my name, age, marital status, location, race, stuff like that. But it's my opinion that those things are not and should not be important to me playing this game. I have made it clear that I am not looking for any type of online relationship.
If something is making you uncomfortable and leaving isn't an option.....its best to flat out ignore it and not respond at all. the problem with the fan club type people is that any kind of attention from you reinforces the negative behavior....its like toddlers throwing temper tantrums.
basically limit who you interact with to who you want to interact with and try to establish a group of friends within your raiding group based off that.
also your problem with the elitist stems from the fan club issue. most elitist groups operate in there own microcosm and tend to react negatively when something upsets the normalcy of the group.
That was a huge assumption that's drawn off of ancedotal evidence.
Elite players, top level players are the most receptive of new blood. They are always seeking great talent to compete with/against. Great players are the least toxic and most receptive player group in any video game simply because they are so drama adverse and love their game and craft dearly.
Only reading the OP....twenties are adults....wait catching breath. People in their twenties only think they are adults. They are people trying to create the basis of the futyre. Hyper competative, hormone driven, still building a moral directive, high energy, with little to lose. To expect an ideal interaction with a vast group of these people is asking a lot.
That was a huge assumption that's drawn off of ancedotal evidence.
Elite players, top level players are the most receptive of new blood. They are always seeking great talent to compete with/against. Great players are the least toxic and most receptive player group in any video game simply because they are so drama adverse and love their game and craft dearly.
+1
Generally you can tell these people because 50% of the time is spent actually raiding and then other 50% of the time is spent laughing and talking and making fun on what someone else did and laughing about it instead of telling them how much of an idiot they are.
Yeah sadly being a rl girl in a game can be a pain in the A. My wife had the same problems and actualy left a game because of it. Nowadays she tries to stay away from vent and ts in some games.
Internet and the gaming world can be a bit harder then the real world it seems.
We do try to find guilds with older/ more mature people in the games we both play, so she can play more "freely" (yes it's sad that we even have to concider these things). But this seems to be easier in some games then others.
Oh and saying she is married and has a 1,5 year old son also seems to help a lot ^^
What you describe happens on day 1 of playing MMOs with guys... if this is the first time you've experienced this then you are not really a girl or haven't been playing very much at all.
Originally posted by maji Use voicechat only within a guild. People pestering you there can be kicked by a responsible guild leader.
This post, with the addition of "/ignore everyone who doesn't interact with you in a way you're comfortable with; give them zero attention", basically solves the problem.
While we could discuss how it's sad that female gamers have to use these things a lot more than males, at least the tools are there to have complete control who you interact with on the internet.
Certainly I personally advise caution when it comes to /ignore as it easily creates echo chambers where you only hear people parroting your own opinion. (Which creates ignorant people whose wrong opinions are never challenged.) However that's not the sort of interaction in this case -- it's just people behaving immaturely.
"What is truly revealing is his implication that believing something to be true is the same as it being true. [continue]" -John Oliver
My advice would be to find a friends and family guild. One made up of families. I find playing with adults 30+ who have kids and their own lives (not just one online) tend to be more balanced. I also find playing on RP servers tends to grab an older crowd and again tend to be more balanced. Just my two cents.
Hey guys, sorry this is so long. I'm having a bit of a dilemma and I wanted to ask some advice. So I am an adult female MMO player in my late twenties. I am not new to games, I've played several over the past 12 years and my current game for nearly 2 years. I think I would be considered a 'hardcore casual' player because I do everything, I'm good at a lot of stuff, I spend an obnoxious amount of time in the game, but I never really messed with staying on the cutting edge of new content as it came out, mainly because I am a full time student and didn't think I'dhave time to dedicate to a static and regular progression type work.
So any way, most of my time in this game has been spent with a very small, close knit group of people who are all very nice, respectful and friendly. I would say that I was a more active player than most of this group and probably had a bit more experience with a lot of things than them because of this.
Any way, so I started delving into some of the more end game content and was introduced to several serious, endgame-oriented people and made some friends and also some enemies it seems. The server we play on is not large, so it seems like most of these people know or know of each other so any news and drama with these people seems to travel very quickly. Obviously the second I started regularly going into vent with these people is when it changed. Most of these player are guys and early-mid twenties. They interact with me in different ways.
I have developed a group of suck up followers, for one, who now constantly invite me to things, want to be in contact 100% of the time when I am online, want to do things one-on-one; want to use a messenger outside the game. This has proved difficult because I no longer have as much "alone time" as I am use too, I am constantly bombarded with multiple requests to do *something* all the time, and these people get upset/butthurt when I turn them down, or they get jealous if I'm doing something with someone else and not them and then get catty and weird about it. They take personal offense if I invite someone else to the group. I've made it VERY clear that I am only interested in being friends, not some weird online relationship with all of them, but they don't listen. So there's THAT drama.
Then there's a fair group of people who seem irritated by me and my followers, who assume that I only have this fan club because I am a girl and that I obviously suck at everything and am not deserving of such adoration(which I did not ask for), so they seem to give me a hard time to balance out the suck ups.
Then there's a third group of very competitive, elitist jerks that seem threatened by my presence or that I could be good at anything they are good at and will not be outdone by a girl. This group is particularly nasty because they go for the low blows, always giving me a hard time, making very aggressive, sexually charged attacks at me, criticizing everything I do. This group, while usually all-around dicks with everyone, seem to lie in wait for my voice in a group of maybe 10 people, to chime in and attack me for whatever I've said and try to embarrass me in front of everyone else. I have tough skin though, I've dealt with aggressive dudes. I think I can handle myself on my own. I don't let them get away with it, and I try really hard not to be affected, but sometimes they do get to me and I just need a break from all that.
So I lay low for a bit, fighting off the followers as best I can, but the second I return, all this drama comes back with force. I am hoping that given time and more interaction with me the whole thing will die down some and I can just hang out and be treated relatively equally. Most of them are not bad, some I'd even call friends. But playing with this group means I can't escape the dicks because they are all so closely intertwined. Also I seem to have developed a questionable/negative rep among this group, including a fair group of people I've never met before because they are name dropping me one way or another in their circles.
These games are like grown up high school and some of these dudes are much worse than any woman with their drama. Advice for me here? I'm just trying to make things a little smoother. I want to be able to play with these people without all the drama and just see how it goes.
you know you can always take screenies of the chat or whatever and report them for harassment? If it's sexual in nature then i am pretty sure they can get banned from any game for doing that.
I think they feel like I can handle myself with them. Which I do.
Then why the drama?
1) You kinda enjoy being in the center of attention
2) You like being in the center of attention
Reporter: What's behind Blizzard success, and how do you make your gamers happy? Blizzard Boss: Making gamers happy is not my concern, making money.. yes!
People are cowards, they will resort to pack mentality in general. The main thing I noticed in what you were saying is that there are 3 distinct groups of people, what about people that just talk to you or like you for you, rather than what you can offer them? Again people are cowards, they don't value other people and they don't value themselves. There's no getting around that situation, people are cunts, if -you- rage back at them you're giving them what they want. You need someone strong and someone who really appreciates you for you, to fight this one for you. Not that you aren't capable or anything, but there's no other solution sometimes. Like or not you are a girl playing a video game, that makes you a freak in a way. Follow abuse with abuse and they'll only see yours. Your friends should be handling this one for you.
Comments
Let's play Fallen Earth (blind, 300 episodes)
Let's play Guild Wars 2 (blind, 45 episodes)
1. detect female
2. sex her
3. if she doesnt agree, make her life a living hell
4. welcome to the internez
Honestly its not your fault, its the fault of the industry oversexualizing everything around us. Also you joined a part of a community that is probably the most sexually frustrated bunch you could find.
The internet's full of creeps like that, I don't recall any female friends that didn't have the problem of having some creep stalk them at some point.
The problem seems to be with that guild though. Clearly it's acceptable behavior there, or the guild leader and officers are guilty of it too. (Or they just don't care because the guys doing it are excellent players, and they care more about their raid progression than their guildies)
Find a better one, one with a guild leader that won't stand for such nonsense.
Other than that, follow the standard guidelines that you would in RL as well. Don't accept expensive gifts (high grade crafting mats, epic gear, etc...) or "free" power leveling/dungeon runs from some guy you've just met. Last thing you want his him telling everyone that you toyed with his feelings and took advantage of him.
Despite the bullshit he's feeding you, he does not "do this for all his friends".
And when all else fails, make liberal use of the ignore button.
My SWTOR referral link for those wanting to give the game a try. (Newbies get a welcome package while returning players get a few account upgrades to help with their preferred status.)
https://www.ashesofcreation.com/ref/Callaron/
note that I'm not a woman, although most of my characters are.
You are dealing with garden variety immaturity. There is no easy solution to this. Taking everything you say at face value (I do not know you, now you me so we have no reason to lie to one another imo) This has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with what I have seen recently and that is college age young men (sometimes younger) using online games as a quasi-date service. It is bloody weird.
I am sorry to say I have no great advice except; keep being yourself, explain to those that will listen that you enjoy grouping and you equally enjoy your alone time and maintain your stance that you in no way desire any type of online relationship. As for the elitist jerks, lol they exist at end game in every game and no one gets along with them. Not even their parents, so I would not get too concerned with what those sociopaths have to say about anything. Basically, screw everyone else (nicely, you still need groups) and do what you need to do to have fun.
Good luck.
If you want a new idea, go read an old book.
In order to be insulted, I must first value your opinion.
This isn't a signature, you just think it is.
Here is my advice:
Fuck going to mmorpg.com to hash out serious social issues with randoms. You seem very perceptive and intelligent and to be completely honest, you need to stop asking the mmorpg community in general about how to deal with pack mentality and hypermasculinity. I'm sure there are some very nice people that mean well, but the level of education and just plain understanding of the way the world works is likely not going to be found on this forum. These are things that people FEEL like they understand, but really don't. Everyone's an expert. People, in general, tend to believe that their worldview is accurate and important. If you would like to actually understand how to deal with things like this, you should talk to a psychiatrist or delve deeper into the internet to find experts and other people that are also dealing with this issue.
Know yourself and your priorities. Communicate your priorities clearly and honestly.
If you're a good player with good social skills, you won't lack for people to play with.
Ignore people (literally, if necessary) who can't accept your priorities, as you have no obligation to ignore yourself for their sake.
It's bizarre how just the knowledge that a player is a girl makes some people fawn, grovel and creep like that. How desperate and pathetic can you be? Most of the time they haven't even seen the girl. She could be 250 pounds and have a head like a bulldog chewing an old boot. It's like these people were raised in a box.
I second this. Also I would block the bad offenders. Life is too short for drama imo. Games are meant to be fun.
I've learned to stand up for myself. I too am a female gamer ( as the handle suggest). I've had a lot of vulgar things said to me when others found out my gender.
If something is making you uncomfortable and leaving isn't an option.....its best to flat out ignore it and not respond at all. the problem with the fan club type people is that any kind of attention from you reinforces the negative behavior....its like toddlers throwing temper tantrums.
basically limit who you interact with to who you want to interact with and try to establish a group of friends within your raiding group based off that.
also your problem with the elitist stems from the fan club issue. most elitist groups operate in there own microcosm and tend to react negatively when something upsets the normalcy of the group.
I highly disagree with that.
That was a huge assumption that's drawn off of ancedotal evidence.
Elite players, top level players are the most receptive of new blood. They are always seeking great talent to compete with/against. Great players are the least toxic and most receptive player group in any video game simply because they are so drama adverse and love their game and craft dearly.
+1
Generally you can tell these people because 50% of the time is spent actually raiding and then other 50% of the time is spent laughing and talking and making fun on what someone else did and laughing about it instead of telling them how much of an idiot they are.
Crazkanuk
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Azarelos - 90 Hunter - Emerald
Durnzig - 90 Paladin - Emerald
Demonicron - 90 Death Knight - Emerald Dream - US
Tankinpain - 90 Monk - Azjol-Nerub - US
Brindell - 90 Warrior - Emerald Dream - US
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Yeah sadly being a rl girl in a game can be a pain in the A. My wife had the same problems and actualy left a game because of it. Nowadays she tries to stay away from vent and ts in some games.
Internet and the gaming world can be a bit harder then the real world it seems.
We do try to find guilds with older/ more mature people in the games we both play, so she can play more "freely" (yes it's sad that we even have to concider these things). But this seems to be easier in some games then others.
Oh and saying she is married and has a 1,5 year old son also seems to help a lot ^^
Good luck!
What you describe happens on day 1 of playing MMOs with guys... if this is the first time you've experienced this then you are not really a girl or haven't been playing very much at all.
I call male poster here.
This post, with the addition of "/ignore everyone who doesn't interact with you in a way you're comfortable with; give them zero attention", basically solves the problem.
While we could discuss how it's sad that female gamers have to use these things a lot more than males, at least the tools are there to have complete control who you interact with on the internet.
Certainly I personally advise caution when it comes to /ignore as it easily creates echo chambers where you only hear people parroting your own opinion. (Which creates ignorant people whose wrong opinions are never challenged.) However that's not the sort of interaction in this case -- it's just people behaving immaturely.
"What is truly revealing is his implication that believing something to be true is the same as it being true. [continue]" -John Oliver
My advice. Go solo. All voice and general chat is pure evil.
Or just play with close family/friends.
you know you can always take screenies of the chat or whatever and report them for harassment? If it's sexual in nature then i am pretty sure they can get banned from any game for doing that.
Then why the drama?
1) You kinda enjoy being in the center of attention
2) You like being in the center of attention
Reporter: What's behind Blizzard success, and how do you make your gamers happy?
Blizzard Boss: Making gamers happy is not my concern, making money.. yes!